Have you ever caught yourself assuming you knew what your spouse was thinking or feeling—only to find out you were completely wrong? That's what we call "The Usual Error"—and it's one of the most common causes of conflict, hurt, and disconnection in marriage.

In this episode, we'll unpack what the Bible says about making assumptions, why they're biblically unwise, and how to replace them with curiosity, humility, and God's wisdom to strengthen your marriage.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

1. What the Usual Error Is and Why It Hurts Marriage

• How assumptions create false narratives and unspoken expectations
• Why acting on unproven beliefs leads to miscommunication

2. Why Making Assumptions Can Be Spiritually Dangerous

• It's based on what's unproven → Leads to wrong conclusions
• It shows a lack of wisdom → Proverbs 18:2: "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."
• It causes division → Misunderstandings breed resentment and distance
• It reflects pride → Assuming we know our spouse's motives takes God's place as the only One who sees hearts

3. What the Bible Encourages Instead

• Practice humility and patience (Ephesians 4:2-3): Bear with one another in love
• Seek truth and discernment (Philippians 4:8; 1 Thessalonians 5:21): Think on what is true and test everything

4. How to Break the Usual Error in Marriage

Practical tools to shift from assumption to understanding:

• Pause before reacting: "Do I have proof, or am I assuming?"
• Ask clarifying questions instead of assigning motives
• Practice reflective listening to ensure you've heard your spouse correctly
• Invite God into the conversation through prayer and patience

5. Encouragement and Hope

Marriage is strengthened when you replace assumptions with curiosity and humility. Unity grows when you trust God more than your perceptions, opening the door for deeper connection, grace, and peace.

Marriages

Marriage is challenging enough, but when your spouse doesn't share your faith, it can feel like you're walking this journey alone. In this episode, we're diving deep into what it means to be in a spiritually mismatched marriage and how to find hope, peace, and purpose along the way.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

1. The Reality of Spiritually Unequal Marriages

• What it means to be "spiritually mismatched"
• Common emotions: loneliness, frustration, confusion, and hope

2. Common Struggles These Couples Face

• Spiritual Loneliness: Feeling unsupported in your walk with Christ
• Parenting Challenges: Different values and beliefs causing tension
• Church Involvement: One spouse engaged, the other resistant
• Communication Gaps: Conflicts over priorities and purpose
• Stat: 67% of couples say faith differences increase relationship stress (Lifeway Research)

3. How to Love Well Without Compromising Your Faith

• Influence Through Love, Not Pressure
• Stay Rooted in Christ
• Find Support
• Create Connection Outside Faith

4. Encouragement and Hope

• God sees your marriage, your prayers, and your heart
• Romans 12:12 — "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
• Isaiah 40:31 — God renews your strength while you wait

Resources & Next Steps

• ✉️ Prayer Support: Email us at [email protected] if you'd like us to pray alongside you—we keep a dedicated list and would love to lift your marriage before God.
• 🙏 Join Our 30-Day Praying for Your Husband Challenge to deepen your intercessory prayer life. (https://expeditionmarriage.org/30-day-praying-for-your-wife-challenge)

• • 📩 Share This Episode: Know someone walking this path? Send them this episode and begin praying together for your husbands.

https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-157-when-your-husband-doesnt-share-your-faith-hope-for-spiritually-unequal-marriages

Have you ever noticed how quickly small misunderstandings can spiral into full-blown conflicts? One simple comment can turn into a wall between you and your spouse if you let offense take over. But spiritual maturity calls us to a different path—one that chooses curiosity, compassion, and connection over pride and defensiveness.

In this episode, we're unpacking a powerful truth that can change the way you navigate disagreements in your marriage:

"You can't be curious and offended at the same time."

Spiritually mature couples learn to pause, seek understanding, and invite God into their marriage instead of letting emotions rule the moment. When offense leads, division grows—but when curiosity leads, your marriage becomes a place of safety, grace, and deeper intimacy.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

1. How Spiritual Immaturity Shows Up in Marriage

• Getting defensive when criticized
• Withdrawing instead of leaning in
• Avoiding confession and repentance
• Making self-centered decisions over Christ-centered ones

2. Signs of Spiritual Maturity

• Being quick to listen and slow to anger (James 1:19)
• Seeking understanding before responding
• Choosing forgiveness over grudges
• Inviting God into conflict and relying on His wisdom

3. "I've Just Touched a Wound, But I Did Not Cause It"

We'll discuss why your spouse's strong reactions may be tied to old wounds—and why you don't need to deflect, defend, people-please, or withdraw. Instead, you can stay present and curious to create emotional safety.

4. How Curiosity Builds Connection

• Asking thoughtful questions instead of assuming
• Creating emotional safety and trust
• Discovering what's really happening beneath the surface

Resources & Next Steps

• 📄 Download the free Spiritual Maturity in Marriage Assessment to practice curiosity in your marriage. Includes curiosity question prompts. https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-156-curiosity-over-offense-how-staying-spiritually-mature-can-transform-your-marriage
• Episode 140 When the Past Shows up Uninvited in Your Marriage  https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-140-when-the-past-shows-up-uninvited-understanding-implicit-memory-in-marriage/
• 💬 If you need help navigating conflict and rebuilding connection, visit ExpeditionMarriage.org/marriage to learn about our Christ-centered counseling and coaching.

When chronic illness enters a marriage, it doesn't just affect one person—it touches everything. Routines shift, intimacy changes, energy drops, and even the way you see each other can be altered. In this honest and hope-filled episode, we talk about the silent grief couples carry, the changes they face, and how to begin healing and reconnecting in a new, grace-filled way. We even share our own personal story.

Whether you're the one facing health challenges or the one walking alongside, there is hope for restoration—not necessarily of the "before" life, but of connection, intimacy, and partnership in the "now."

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• The unspoken losses chronic illness brings into marriage—and why it's okay to grieve them
• How to rebuild connection and intimacy in new and meaningful ways
• Practical steps for healing together and making space for honest conversations
• Encouragement and Scripture to remind you that you're not alone in this journey

Key Takeaways & Scriptures: 💬 "When chronic illness enters a marriage, it doesn't just affect one person—it touches everything. But it doesn't have to define everything." 📖 Romans 12:15 – "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." 📖 1 Corinthians 13:7 – "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 📖 Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 – "Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."

Links & Resources:

• Download the Couples Conversation Worksheet  (Ihttps://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-155-healing-your-marriage-after-chronic-illness)– Use this free guide to start meaningful conversations about healing and connection in your marriage after chronic illness.

• Check out Jackie Hill Perry's teaching on In Defence of Hope. We know it will be an ecnouragement for you. https://youtu.be/pdXu23RLCE8?si=ymhPjOd2V8XKr107

• Need more support? Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for coaching, resources, and tools.

• Share this episode with a friend or couple who's navigating chronic illness—they need encouragement too!

Let's Connect: If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it. Together, we can spread hope and equip more marriages to thrive—no matter the season they're in.

Does your relationship ever feel like it swings from intense connection to deep frustration—and then back again? If so, you may be married to a Vacillator. In today's episode, we're diving into what it's like to live and love with this emotional love style, and how you can find more stability and connection together.

💬 "Being married to a Vacillator can feel like navigating emotional whiplash—passionate connection one moment, frustration and distance the next."

This episode is all about understanding the why behind the ups and downs—and learning how to build trust and steadiness in a sensitive, emotionally-charged marriage.

🧭 What You'll Learn:

• What defines the Vacillator Love Style and where it originates
• Why Vacillators often feel disappointed or emotionally overwhelmed
• The impact this love style has on a marriage
• What a Vacillator truly needs from their spouse
• How Vacillators themselves can grow emotionally and spiritually

💡 Key Traits of a Vacillator:

• Craves deep connection, but fears rejection
• Easily feels hurt or let down by perceived distance
• Struggles with waiting, emotional regulation, and trust
• Idealizes, then devalues their spouse when expectations aren't met

📖 Scriptures Mentioned:

• Isaiah 30:18 – "The Lord longs to be gracious to you…"
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 – "Love is patient, love is kind… it is not easily angered…"
• Psalm 62:5–6 – "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence… He only is my rock…"

❤️ 3 Practical Things Vacillators Need:

1. Consistent and Predictable Connection → Small follow-throughs build trust and soothe abandonment fears.
2. Attuned Listening Without Defensiveness → Validation and reflection are more healing than explanation.
3. Grace When They Emotionally Escalate → Compassion in their emotional moments creates safety, not shame.

💬 "Vacillators heal when love stops being unpredictable and starts becoming trustworthy."

🎯 Take Action:

• 📤 Share this episode with someone navigating emotional cycles in their marriage
• 🌐 Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for biblical tools and counseling

• • ⭐️ Leave a review to help others find truth and encouragement

Does your spouse always say "yes," avoid conflict, or seem overly focused on making everyone else happy—even at their own expense? You may be married to a Pleaser. In this episode, we're unpacking what it really means to be married to a Pleaser—how this love style forms, how it impacts your relationship, and what both of you can do to create deeper emotional intimacy.

💬 "Pleasers aren't trying to be fake—they're trying to stay safe."

This episode is all about moving from performance to authenticity—and learning to build a marriage where honesty, vulnerability, and mutual care are welcome.

🧭 What You'll Learn:

• What drives the Pleaser Love Style
• Why pleasers often avoid conflict and overextend themselves
• What it's like being married to a Pleaser—and the hidden costs of chronic "yes"
• How to respond with love, not pressure
• Practical steps for Pleasers to grow in confidence and connection

💡 Key Highlights:

• Pleasers often come from critical or high-pressure homes and learned to keep the peace by minimizing their needs.
• Being married to a Pleaser may feel emotionally confusing—because it's hard to connect with someone who won't show you their full self.
• Change is possible when Pleasers feel safe to express, say no, and trust that love isn't based on performance.

📖 Scriptures Mentioned:

• Galatians 1:10 – "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?"
• Ephesians 4:15 – "Speak the truth in love…"

🎯 Take Action:

• 💬 Talk with your spouse using these connecting questions:

1. What is one thing I can do for you to help make tomorrow easier?
2. What reactions of mine tend to be stressful to you?
3. Is there an area of your life, even with me, where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells? Why is that?

• 📤 Share this episode with a friend or couple who may need it.
• ⭐️ Leave a review on your favorite podcast platform to help other couples find biblical encouragement.
• 🔗 Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for more marriage tools and support.

💭 You don't have to earn love through peacekeeping. Real connection happens when you let yourself be known—and loved—in truth.

Do you ever feel like you're talking to a wall? Or maybe like you're carrying all the emotional weight in your marriage? If so, you might be married to an Avoider—someone who disconnects emotionally, struggles with vulnerability, and often insists they're "fine" when they're anything but.

In today's episode, we're taking a deeper look into what emotional avoidance really is, where it comes from, and—most importantly—how to build emotional safety and connection in a marriage where one spouse tends to shut down.

💬 "Being married to an avoider doesn't mean your spouse doesn't care—it often means they were never taught how to engage emotionally in healthy ways."

🧭 What You'll Learn:

• The traits and mindset of the Avoider Love Style
• Why emotional shutdown isn't personal—it's protective
• What it's really like being married to an avoider
• How their childhood may have shaped their emotional patterns
• Practical and biblical tools to invite connection and build trust
• Encouragement for avoiders to grow emotionally and spiritually

📖 Scriptures Mentioned:

• Psalm 34:18 – "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted…"
• Ezekiel 36:26 – "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you."

🎯 Take Action:

• Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for biblically based marriage resources and counseling.
• Share this episode with a friend who may be married to an avoider.
• Don't forget to leave a rating or review to help more couples discover hope and healing.

💡 You're not stuck in a cycle of disconnection—there is hope, growth, and emotional intimacy waiting on the other side of avoidance. Let's start the journey together.

Do you find yourself trying to "fix" your spouse, control the outcome of your marriage, or manage every detail so nothing goes wrong? You're not alone—and you're not broken for feeling that way. But there is a better, more freeing path forward.

In this episode, Chris & Jamie unpack why we try to control our marriages, what's really behind that urge, and how learning to surrender our grip can bring peace. You'll gain insight, scriptural truth, and practical steps to help you trust God more deeply with your marriage and your spouse.

🔑 Key Topics Covered:

What Control Looks Like in Marriage

• Constant correction, micromanaging, withholding support
• How control often disguises itself as "help" or "concern"
• Scripture Highlight: Galatians 5:1, James 4:1–2

 What's Behind the Need for Control?

• Fear 
• Control as self-protection when trust in God wavers
• Scripture Highlight: 2 Timothy 1:7, Psalm 56:3

 The Problem with Control

• Damages emotional safety and connection
• Stifles the Holy Spirit's work
• Leaves you exhausted and discouraged
• Quote: "Letting go of control doesn't mean giving up—it means giving God His rightful place."

 How to Surrender Control and Trust God

• Identify your fears and release them to God
• Shift from pressure to prayer
• Scripture Highlight:Matthew 11:28–30

💬 Powerful Takeaway Quote:

"Control often feels like protection—but it's actually a heavy burden God never asked us to carry."

🎯 Call to Action:

• Share this episode with a friend who may be carrying too much
• Want more support? Learn about Christian marriage counseling at ExpeditionMarriage.org/marriage

Don't forget: A great marriage isn't found—it's built, one intentional step at a time. Keep showing up. Keep trusting God. We're cheering you on.

Emotions in marriage aren't the enemy—they're God-given tools meant to stir your heart toward action, deeper intimacy, and meaningful connection. In this episode of Expedition Marriage, Chris & Jamie dive into some common powerful emotions that, when understood and embraced biblically, can strengthen your relationship and reignite passion. You'll discover how emotions like frustration, fear, sadness, and even boredom can become catalysts for growth, healing, and renewed love.

🧭 What You'll Learn:

• How to use frustration as a signal for healing instead of division
• Why fear in your relationship can be a sign you're growing
• How sadness and regret can lead to deeper restoration and closeness
• Why longing for beauty and connection in your marriage is godly
• How to recognize and respond to righteous anger and protect your marriage
• How emotions are designed by God to draw you closer, not pull you apart

📖 Scripture References:

• Ephesians 4:26 – "In your anger do not sin."
• Isaiah 41:10 – "Do not fear, for I am with you."
• Ecclesiastes 3:4 – "A time to weep and a time to laugh."
• Nehemiah 4:14 – "Fight for your families…"
• Philippians 4:8 – "Whatever is lovely… think about such things."
• Ecclesiastes 9:9 – "Enjoy life with your wife…"
• 2 Corinthians 7:10 – "Godly sorrow brings repentance…"

💬 Reflection Questions:

• Which emotion is currently showing up in your marriage?
• Have you been avoiding it, or using it in a way that draws you closer?
• How might God want to use that emotion to transform your relationship?

📣 Don't Miss:

If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend or leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! Every share helps more couples find hope and healing through Christ.

🧭 Follow-Up:

Explore more ways to build your marriage at ExpeditionMarriage.org and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode!

Closing Reminder: A great marriage isn't found—it's built. One intentional step at a time.

Marriage is a lifelong journey that evolves with each decade—and every season comes with both its own challenges and its unique purpose. In this episode, Chris & Jamie walk through the different decades of marriage—from the idealistic 20s to the legacy-filled 70s—and share biblical wisdom and practical encouragement for every stage. Whether you're dreaming big, building hard, questioning what's next, or leaving a legacy, this episode will help you embrace your season with grace, faith, and intentionality.

🧭 What You'll Learn:

• What characterizes each decade of marriage and the purpose within it
• How to strengthen your relationship through every season—from early dreams to late wisdom
• Why your current season matters and how to fully show up for it
• Biblical encouragement and reflection questions for each stage

💡 Episode Highlights:

🧡 The Idealistic Years (20s) • Time of big dreams, passion, and possibilities • Don't let others stifle your optimism—dream and plan together

🔨 The Industrious Years (30s) • The building decade: careers, parenting, responsibilities • High-stress years—easy to feel like co-workers instead of lovers

🔥 The Intense Years (40s) • Questions of success, identity, and "Have we done enough?" • Increased financial and physical stress; watch for resentment

🕊️ The Influential Years (50s & 60s) • A time of wisdom, mentoring, and dreaming new dreams—together • Warning: high divorce rate in this age group; stay connected

🌳 The Indelible Years (70s & beyond) • Storytelling season—your words and life hold deep meaning • Grandchildren watch how you finish the race

💬 Reflection & Encouragement:

• No season is wasted—each one has a God-given purpose • Ecclesiastes 3:1 – "To everything there is a season…" • Talk with your spouse: What season are you in? What do you need most from one another right now?

🎯 Call to Action:

• 📥 Download your free resource: Marriage Through the Decades Reflection Guide at https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-149-the-different-decades-of-marriage-every-season-has-a-purpose
• 👥 Share this episode with another couple—especially one in a different season than you
• ⭐ Leave a review if this episode encouraged you—it helps more couples find hope
• 🌐 Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for more free tools, blog posts, and resources

Closing Reminder: A great marriage isn't found—it's built. One intentional season at a time. Until next time—keep showing up, keep leaning in, and keep trusting God with your journey.