Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt.

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Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt.

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Won’t you take me too? Welcome to Texas. This is Bob. freestyling and profiling Miles Title, Static Radio. styling and profiling. Is that what you said? Yeah. Okay. Because I’m dope. You’re dope. That’s for sure. Dope. Dopey. Dopey. No, come on, man. Oh, man. You all be tripping, man. My name’s Humpty. Like a dumpty. Yeah. It doesn’t even faze me. It doesn’t even faze me. Please don’t tase me. I’m stepping tall, y’all. I love the digital underground. I know. You introduced me to the digital underground. I know. I’m sorry that guy’s dead, man. I know. It’s horrible. And NWA. And NWA. I don’t know them as well, but yes. No, I mean, you introduced me to them as well. I didn’t know them before. Public Enemy. Public Enemy. Public Enemy.
I called 911 a long time ago. 911 a long time ago. All of that stuff. All that good stuff. Yep. Oh, my goodness. That’s fantastic. Yeah, isn’t it? God, we’re so old. Goodness, you know how old Cool Breeze is now? He’s like older than us. Cool Breeze. Cool Breeze. Yep. Or Fred? Yeah. Fred, yeah. Who says… Who says Weekend at Bernie’s is a good movie? Do you remember that? He was so angry. There was a gentleman… There was a gentleman at the college radio station who was in the next office over, and I said I enjoyed Weekend at Bernie’s, and he apparently did not. He went off? Who? Wow. I’ve never saw anyone get that angry over Weekend at Bernie’s before. Yeah. I was like, wow, you set Fred off. Holy shit. I didn’t know that would trigger him, man. I didn’t.
Of all the movies I could have said, I would never have guessed that one would have possibly led to violence. I really like that weekend. Who? Who the fuck? Who the fuck? I thought that was hilarious. So, Fred, I’m sorry. Yeah, Fred, I never got a chance to say I’m sorry because I’m glad you really didn’t hurt me. Yeah, Fred was nice. He was a tall guy. He was a big guy. Yeah, he just wasn’t having it, man. Like, weak in it. i just talking about that just reminded me of that situation, so. There was no agree to disagree, man. It was just like oh no it was just disagreeing with you. Yeah, like there’s gonna be some problems. You say that again hey hey hey it’s just a movie, man.
you take your damn damn hands i know that’s how i felt like oh fuck this this guy oh my goodness gracious me oh what a fun time yeah one time to be alive you know essentially the i’ve only been punched in the face once, actually. Really? I was surprised about that. I think it should have been at least a half a dozen or You would think that, listening to me? Yeah. I am a jerk. The kind of things you say to people? Yeah. Do you mean like this to anyone? That did not lead to… He’s gone. He dumped on me now. You’re going to have to do something there, Miles. You are not on. We can’t hear you now. Oh, what a night. Late December. There he is. Now he’s back. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened there. I never got hit in the face for saying Cunning Lingus to a nice young lady. No, I didn’t say that. Yeah. I didn’t say it at all.
I have people who have witnessed that told me that you said that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I am surprised you’ve never been hit in the face more often. Just once. I did get sucker punched once, yes. Yeah. I mean, as a young man. As an old man, you know, people just don’t hit old people, so. Like a violent attack. I’ve only been violently attacked once my whole life, so. Mm-hmm. Let me think here. I mean, this was not accidental. This was someone actually that enraged. Yeah, no, they like attacked you, right? Yeah. But I was sucker punched, you know. Whatever. Call it what you will. You got punched in the face. I got punched in the face. So what? I see. I’ve been punched in the face several times. Yeah. I’m sure you’re not surprised by that. I, you know, you look like a guy that could handle himself, though, you know.
Although I think at least a couple of them were women. No, not for that reason. I’m not sure where this is going. I had an ex-girlfriend who punched me in the face. Laura? No, Laura didn’t punch me in the face. Why would she punch you in the face? Every once in a while, I see you smile. No, another girlfriend punched me in the face. Why? I wasn’t the most likable person at that moment. Was that the girl that was like holding your stuff when you’re having to pee or something? Yeah. Correct. Although it was a very, we had a very stormy stormy relationship. Yes. Really? You seem like such a nice guy. I can’t believe that that would happen. Yeah. And I’m pretty sure… I mean, it wasn’t a girlfriend. I think another woman punched me in the face. Wow. Okay. I don’t remember exactly. Was it Meg? No, I think I was drinking. Oh. That’s why I try not to drink too much. Yeah, although… That’s not really why, but anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten hit more in the face.
Uh, I got punched to the nuts once. Cause I got a friend told a girl to do it. And so she did it. And she’s like, I can’t hit that small target. No, she was right on. He goes, he goes, why don’t you punch miles in the penis? And literally, literally within a nanosecond, she had done it. Oh, wow. She’s very, uh, compliant there. He was like very susceptible to, Yeah, very, yeah. Like MKUltra or something. MKUltra girl. Punch him in the nuts. Okay, boom. Yeah, it was kind of like that Star Trek movie where that little thing’s in your check-off seat and he has to obey. It was like that. I was like, why don’t you just hit him in the nuts? You ever watch that show Dollhouse that was all about sleepers? She’s like a sleeper agent.
They say a word, and they just start tearing shit up. Wasn’t that a Charles Bronson movie, Telephone? That was. I’m talking about Dollhouse. I don’t know where you got Telephone in it. Well, no. Isn’t that like a thing? Like some secret word triggered these people to kill people? Oh, yeah. It’s a similar story. Yeah. Gotcha. It’s the same idea, isn’t it? Yeah. The same thing. Yeah. Yeah. There’s a… There’s a word that triggers you. It’s called work, and then you don’t do any. So, so far, that’s been working out for you. Oh, I have done work in the past. You’re like Maynard G. Krebs from Dobegill. It’s work, work. That’s even before my time, for Christ’s sake. I got praised once on the job at a factory job.
Only to find out my brother told me later, he’s like, well, they usually have like the, uh, challenged people do that, what you were doing. And I’m like, oh, thank, well, thank you. I’m, I’m glad to hear that, that I great. Thank you. Yes. So they beat a bunch of challenged people, you know? Well, better that, you know, better beaten them than nobody. I was like the king, you know, like, wow. Huh? I’m the king of wishful thinking. Yeah, pretty much. That was me. I’m like, oh, to heck. I’m trying. Do you have a story? I’m trying to think if I’ve got a story. I do. I had to decide. Let me have it. I don’t know. I said I was going to go with one, but then something happened this morning. I had to change it. Something good happened. All right. Yeah. So I had to. Long story short. Yeah.
Get punched in the face by a woman? No, that has never happened as far as I know. Okay. But I had to share a car with my wife this morning. Is this some kind of euphemism or something? No, that was pretty much straight on. We’re going to share a car this morning, honey. Okay. Yeah, it’s a long story. I had to Anyway, I wish we had a bench seat. He’s like, we got to get going. We, I can really not be late. I’ve got some meetings today. Oh God. That’s all she needs to say to you. She does not obviously have the same job as you, but she kind of has to travel from time to time. Like you, not excessively like you, but you know, right. And she had to be at the certain workplace and,
you know, before eight o’clock I said, okay, well I go, do you want to drive? Cause you actually drive faster than me. She goes, no, no, no, no, don’t. I thought, okay. And, uh, yeah, don’t let, if you let her drive, it’s like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You ever see the movie to live and die in LA? Yeah. It’s like that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Chance. Chance, we’re going the wrong way the freeway. Yeah, that’s like, yeah, this is my wife driving. I feel very nervous like okay yeah i rode with her. Holy shmoly Yeah, I mean, I don’t think my driving, but i know hers is worse than mine so and um right we got it going, and, uh,
There’s a, I can see that this semi is going to turn in front of us and then like be in front of us down this road that we are traveling on, which I know is going to delay our trip because, you know, we’re a little bit of a time thing. You know, she’s, she wasn’t, you know, being too crazy, but she’s like, I really have to be there. I cannot really be late. And, uh, so, uh, i hear her phone ring. She’s, you know, attached to her phone like 24 7 right? Right. Oh yeah. I, I, uh, did not know she had her earpiece in. So I hear the phone ringing, excuse me. And then, um, she hadn’t picked up yet. So anyway, at this point i’ve caught, I’ve caught up to the semi. I go, man, you goddamn cocksucker right in the way. Oh my gosh. It’s all in the cocksucker.
Next thing you know, Oh, hi, uh, Jennifer. She’s shooting me a look because. You said cocksucker when Jennifer was on the phone? Yeah. I have my. Oh, nice. She’s shooting me a look like, I’m on the phone. I’m on the phone, you stupid ass. I thought it was her coworker. And I’m like, oh, it’s her coworker. Oh, yeah. No, it’s like lower management calling my wife to see if she’s going to be late. Uh-oh. Yeah, I’m like… Well, considering there’s cocksuckers on the road, I probably will be. There’s literally cocksucking going on in the elevator. I think the guy had like a lot lizard with him. I don’t know what. He was going very slow. I know it sounds terrible, but there’s a lot of cock sucking going on around here.
Oh, my God. Well… Did you apologize or did you just go… Well, after she hung up, I said, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you answered that call. Yeah. I had no idea she had answered that call because she didn’t say anything. Had I knew it was a lesbian co-worker, I would have said cunning lingish. Yeah, I definitely would have. Yeah. Because I… I’m just like, well, you’re lucky you weren’t with my late brother-in-law because he would say some things in traffic that I can’t repeat. Cocksucker is not that high on his list? It got more into a PC kind of thing that he would say, which I won’t go into. All right. Which I will not repeat, nor have I ever said. Let’s not go into any of that, please. Thank you. But it was his favorite phrase that he would like to say when he got caught up in traffic. Cunning lingus. I only wish it was cunning. Why don’t people say cunning lingus instead of cocksucker? Cocksucker just rolls off the tongue, I guess. I know. I mean, wouldn’t you be more original if you yelled out cunning lingus? Yeah, I think you should start doing this. You just made this up, and now you need to do it. What am I, Larry David now? I mean, what the hell?
I’m making a new curse word. You know, one curse word you don’t hear often enough. Cunning Lingus. Yes, thank you. What? What? Larry, you’re right. Cunning Lingus. Why do I say it? Good job. I don’t know. Do you want to hear my bathroom story? Oh, sure. After that, why not? I just have a quick bathroom story here. I just thought you would enjoy this. This is my original story. This is the one that got usurped by the cocksuckers. Yes. This happened before the cocksucking. I was at work about a week ago. There’s this kind of big Polish kid, you know, it started working there. That’s you. Uh, no, no, no. It’s like a younger me, the younger me about, you know, 10, 15 years younger than me and not to make a big deal of it. Huh? So he’s 45. So I’m like that. Yeah. I mean, that’d make a big deal of it, but he kept saying, oh, you know, my stomach, my Tom Tom hurts. Yeah.
I was driving here and someone yelled Cunningly at me. Yeah. Right. And, um, so, you know, this goes on for like all week. I have to hear this. I’m like, tell me like, okay, whatever. I’m just, you know, blowing it off. Like, I’m not care. I don’t care. And I see him head back towards the back room, like towards the bathroom. Right. Oh, is he going to pee in the sink? Uh, no worse. So, uh, There’s some offices back there. There’s a break room and stuff. Oh, you got a break room? Well, it’s nothing to get excited about. There’s no table or chairs. Oh, okay. So literally, it’s… Yeah. I’m like, well, I was in this office. I was doing some paperwork. I go, I’ll go in the break room. And all of a sudden, I’m like, oh, God. It stinks. That could smell like
Okay, I don’t know how to explain this, but like diarrhea has its own smell to it, I guess. You would know. I know this. I can’t even tell you. What diarrhea smells like. I can’t even tell you how I know this, but I just know it. Because you have a lot of diarrhea, I think, yes. Well, I live with someone with a lot of diarrhea. Yeah, you smell. Yeah, me, yeah. I’m almost like knocked out with this. Oh, yeah. It’s in your mouth. i mean, it’s just stunk up like half of the shop. You know, I’m like, oh my God, this is horrible you know you’re like hair of the dog in your mouth, uh, because of diarrhea. Oh my God. And like, I’m like, oh, it’s got to be the new guy. Jesus. What died? You know, here’s a new kid. So about a minute away he comes out he comes out you know, I felt much better.
I’m like, hey, wow, hey, Sam, man, you really blew it up in there, huh? He’s like, yeah, I guess I did, yeah. You actually said that to him? You didn’t just ignore it? No, I said it to him. I go, hey, did you, you know, because there’s spray back there, you know. And with you working there, I’m sure they have like airway. Oh, no, this is nothing I could beat. This is beyond me. So I’m like, okay. So I go, hey, you didn’t happen to spray, did you? He goes, oh, no amount of spray would cover this up, so I didn’t even bother. Unless you want to smell shitty spray. Yeah, well, I don’t know. Pine droppings. Someone shit a Christmas tree. Holy cow. Yeah. No, this guy’s made no attempt whatsoever to. And you’re mad because this sounds exactly like you.
Oh, my. No, this, like, permeated half the building. And he had made no attempt whatsoever to, like, turn on a fan or close the door or… Is there a fan in there? Well, it’s an old fan, like, from 1950, you know. Oh, okay. And I’m like, kid, you’re killing me. You’re killing me with this diarrhea. Jesus. And this dude just was not even caring. I’d be on your door. Yeah, this kid was not even phased. Like, yeah, whatever. Hey, man. Everybody poops. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. That was that like yeah whatever dude yeah i’m like oh smelling your shits for three weeks here. Oh, man, your feces does not smell good dude oh does his tummy his stomach better then he felt better yeah well i guess he was doing better after that. Did you guys have a conversation about what he ate and everything?
Not really. I don’t like talking to him. Oh, sure. You’ll call him out because his shit really smells, but then you won’t go, hey, what caused this? Did you have curry? At that point, I didn’t want to even talk to anybody anymore. I wanted to enumerate my eyes at that point. I just didn’t really want to. My son was telling me about he likes Indian food. Apparently, I think it was Indian food. Anyway, they drink this yogurt drink. Okay. It’s like some kind of yogurt. They drink it like, I don’t know if it’s a treat or something. Anyway, if you’re not attuned to drinking this, it’ll make you shit your pants. Okay. Oh my God. That’s terrible. Cultured yogurt kind of thing, you know, like activity or something that makes your poop. Right. Yeah. And so then he tells me the other day he comes home. He went to, uh, well, I guess maybe it wasn’t Indian. Maybe it’s Chinese. Anyway, he went to the Chinese festival down in St. Louis at the botanical gardens and they had a bunch of food trucks. One of them had this yogurt drink and he goes, he goes,
I tempted fate. I go, what do you mean? He goes, I went and got the yogurt drink. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. But he said, oh, they watered it down so much it didn’t do anything. I didn’t shit my pants or nothing. It’s like you really got to find a bathroom immediately. How can you drink this stuff? That’s nasty, man. I’m like, why would you do that? He goes, I don’t know. I was feeling risky. I felt a little randy. Yeah. And he’s like, and I want to try it. He’s like, of course. I’ve been scared to try it. And I thought, well, I know where I’m at, and I’ll try it. He’s a man. He watered it down, and it wasn’t that bad at all. He’s a man. I wish I knew the name of that. Jeez. I’m never going to drink it. I can tell you that right now. I don’t even eat yogurt, for Christ’s sake. I’m not going to drink no goddamn yogurt. Yeah, I rarely drink.
rarely yogurt. Rarely. Yeah. When would be a time that you would eat yogurt? Uh, maybe if i had fruit in it and, uh, no, I don’t know. My wife will cook with, uh, like greek yogurt or something like that. i’m sure you know, He throws it in stuff, I guess. I mean, I would not go out of my way to eat it. I got a gyro here with some Greek yogurt in it. Gyros. I have eaten a gyro a couple times, yes. That was good. Well, I will never eat yogurt willfully. No. I’m sure I’ve eaten some unwillfully, but not willfully, yeah. What’s your feeling on cottage cheese? I used to eat cottage cheese all the time, but I don’t eat it anymore. Yeah, I can’t tell you the last time I had that. A long time ago, I said, no, I don’t want it anymore. I used to eat it as a kid. Wasn’t there a dessert or something that mixed pineapple with cottage cheese or some shit? That sounds like something your mom just made up. A happy accident. Your dad somehow landed like a whole…
five cases of pineapples, and your mom was just trying to figure out what the hell to do to get rid of them. It was at Reese’s commercial. Hey, your pineapples are mine. You won’t believe it. You will not believe it. I got such a deal on these pineapples. What are we going to do with five fucking cases of pineapples? I don’t know. Feed it to the kids. Yeah. That was your household right there. That was the whole scenario. My mom and dad definitely were not poor, but my mom would like to go to this bar day-old bread bakery and Yeah. But she would get, like, the weirdest, like, you know, double jewish rye or something. I’m like, what the What? It was such a bargain. It’s only a dime. I’m like, I’m eating all this kosher bread all the time. I go, wow, you know maybe i don’t know. I go, I might convert after this. I don’t know about it. The, uh Now, see, the funny thing, I’m on the other end. We went to the day-old bread store because we were
we didn’t, that was what we had to get. Yeah. And I don’t think they had anything like that. They had just, you know, it was uh wonder bread. Uh, yeah, no, this is like all weird. What I would call weird, I guess. I think, I don’t know if it’s really weird, but just stuff a lot of odds and ends kind of thing yeah just like oh like like a bread with like a bunch of like nuts on it and stuff like Why is there nuts on top of my bread? It’s called cocksucker bread. Cocksucking bread? My parents were very frugal. I heard Anthony Newley stuck his wiener in it. Who even knows who Anthony Newley is? I don’t know. Your dad ever take you to the barber college when you were a little kid? No, but that’s because my hair looked the same whether it got cut or didn’t get cut. So. Yeah. I, yeah. My hair was untameable. Yeah. So there was no point in taking me to the barber college. You were like Eddie Grant or something. I might, yeah. Yeah.
So, yeah, there was no, yeah. We never went to barber college. I’m trying to think. It was like five dollar haircuts i just never got a cut, so there you go. Yeah, no, my dad would take us there, you know five dollar haircut come on kids hop up here he was very frugal yes get on the horse yeah yeah yeah he was very frugal that’s true yeah Well, all I got is a Krugerrand. I can’t pay you the five. Can I owe you? I’m not scared, Mr. Title. Mr. Title, you never have anything but Krugerrands. I know. He’s no fool. Eventually, you’ll get to the Krugerrand level, and I’ll give you one. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no. A lot of fresco, huh? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, uh, no, we went to the it was the dolly madison need to eat treats. That was with the the doll the bread store. Zingers. Zingers. That’s right. We had zingers. I had zingers in my lunch all through school was i had zingers. Oh, really? And there are old ones too. They were out of date. Well, yeah. All of them were out of date. Oh, well, you know, it is what it is.
Because my mom got them so cheap. She’d be like, oh, a box of Zingers is only 50 cents? She knew a bargain. She knew a bargain. Yeah, so I’ve subsisted on Zingers, old, old Zingers that were kind of crunchy. Yeah. Yeah. My dad had cracked up my wife’s friends that were visiting because he’d buy some weird soda. All it said was Red Pop. I didn’t say it was strawberry or cherry soda. It just said it was Red Pop, and they were laughing like, what the hell is Red Pop? I’m like, I don’t know. It’s good for you. It’s like 89 cents a liter or two liters or something. Red Pop. No, that’s what it was called, Red Pop. Was that from Osco or, I mean, from Jewel? The Jewels. The Jewel? No, I don’t know. I don’t remember where he bought that at. It sounds like a Jewel thing. I don’t know.
He would look for coupons and stuff, though. Oh, my God. Yes, the coupons. He liked coupons. He loved coupons and expired coupons, especially. It’s still worth .00003 cents. Because he would love to go and argue. I swear, I gave that to you before it expired. Yeah, it’s the fast food restaurant. That was his goal in life, is to successfully use these coupons, you know. The Burger Chef has got a big chef for 53 cents. Yep. You always had expired coupons. Oh, my God. He would argue, too. That’s the name of this episode, expired coupons. Thank you. You’re welcome.

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