We’re taught that endurance is everything—push harder, suffer through, never quit. But what if endurance isn’t always the answer? What if knowing when to stop is the real strength?

In this episode, I reflect on a race I never expected to DNF, the ghost of my past self on the trail, and the fine line between resilience and self-destruction. Whether on the course, in careers, or in relationships, when does perseverance serve us—and when does it trap us?

What race are you still running, not because you love it, but because you don’t know how to stop?

Progression of my Bandera 100k Finishing times

• 2020: 18:59. My first 100k. I wanted a Western States lottery ticket.
• 2021: 15:40. Redemption for the 2020 19:00hr finish. 
• 2022: 15:30. Proof—because I had improved, and I needed to prove I could do it again, faster.
• 2023: 15:22. Strength—because I was finally strong enough to push even harder.
• 2024: 16:44. Doing it, because.
• 2025: DNF. stuck—afraid to stop

Music in this episode

Mysterious Music Box Atmosphere by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/773658/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Emotional Dramatic Theme by tyops -- https://freesound.org/s/436060/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Monday Lookin Back Again by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/577518/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

epic intro 0U_32m by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/165765/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

viramiller__soft-piano-and-acoustic-guitar (freesound.org)

erh__swell-pad (freesound.org)

Ghost Music Box BGM (Rev. 1) by ChristmasKrumble666 -- https://freesound.org/s/753583/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

DSGNDron_Eerie Exasperating Horrible Drone 15_EM by newlocknew -- https://freesound.org/s/733217/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

logicmoon__only-the-winds-guitar (freesound.org)

Melancholic Atmosphere with Piano and Strings by Nancy_Sinclair -- https://freesound.org/s/750738/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Heartbeats 61.wav by patobottos -- https://freesound.org/s/369017/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Dramatic Acoustic Guitar Music for Cinematic Scenes by LolaMoore -- https://freesound.org/s/755888/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

tomhannen__howling-wind-through-window-in-tower (freesound.org)

almightypsyche__melancholy-melody-11-9-21.1 (freesound.org)

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Six months after quitting a virtual 50-miler, I set out to run a 50K training run—no race, no medal, no finish line celebration. Just me, the trail, and the question: Can I show up and push myself when no one’s watching? What started as a test of physical endurance became something more—a shift in how I viewed running, purpose, and accountability. This is the story of how a failed race, a not-so-quiet 31 mile run redefined what truly matters.

piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Short Classical Guitar Improvisation by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/688462/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Reverse acoustic guitar 0.flac by lewk -- https://freesound.org/s/114702/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

aimless 1C87 by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/200431/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

acoustic picking guitar 100bpm key of C.mp3 by ajubamusic -- https://freesound.org/s/320800/ -- License: Attribution 3.0

Acoustic guitar harmonics by itinerantmonk108 -- https://freesound.org/s/763182/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Acoustic Guitar G-D-C by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/765330/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

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In ‘The Mountain Will Have Its Way’, I share the raw, unfiltered story of how Leadville and I found each other—a journey that began with a race but grew into so much more. This episode isn’t just about chasing a buckle; it’s about conquering a different kind of mountain: addiction, identity, and the struggle to find a way forward when the trail feels impossible. Adapted from my journals, this is a story of resilience, failure, and relentless progress, both on and off the trail.

Addiction, mental health, and crisis support

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
  1-800-662-HELP (4357)
  Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.
  
  
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
  Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/
  
  
• SMART Recovery
  Provides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/

Mental Health and Depression Support

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
  Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
  Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
  Website: https://www.nami.org/

Eating Disorder Support

• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
  Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
  Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
• Overeaters Anonymous
  Find support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/

General Crisis Support

• Crisis Text Line
  Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.
• Veterans Crisis Line
  Dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.

Music used in this episode
acoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Emotional Motivational Cinematic (short) by AudioCoffee -- https://freesound.org/s/728747/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Celestial Hues by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/719267/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Elevated Mood with Acoustic Guitar by ViraMiller -- https://freesound.org/s/746694/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

ambient piano loop | song.wav by betabeats. -- https://freesound.org/s/684318/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Loring and Erdrick - Epic by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/667471/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Thoughtful Piano | tictac9 by tictac9 -- https://freesound.org/s/516884/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0

Disturbing Call by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/700299/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

acoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

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I wrote this entry July 19, 2021, revisiting it multiple times over the years, feeling it wasn’t clearly communicating what happened out there that night, and how I felt about it. Five years later, I finally feel I can articulate what happened. I’ve never had another experience like it. 

Running is my daily ritual, and the trail is my church—a place I control. When race day comes, I strive to leave all my worries at the start line, running with a clear, undistracted mind. But that night, during the Colorado Bend 60k, 2021 something slipped through the gates. A ghost of an unwanted thought I didn’t invite, crept in. As the beam of my headlamp flickered over the trail, I caught glimpses of it lurking in the darkness, waiting to pull me away from the present. And with each step, I let it. I fell many times through the night not from exhaustion, but from something far more dangerous: distraction on a rocky, technical trail. 

 We all have a strained relationship with our egos. Sometimes we can manage the voice in our head and other times it takes control. If we’re not careful it can cause serious damage internally and externally. This is a story about how one ghostly thought nearly destroyed my sacred space.

Music used in this episode:

Enigmatic and Alluring by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/750943/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Tension Music Box by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/735313/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
 
piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

ambient piano loop | song.wav by betabeats. -- https://freesound.org/s/684318/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

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In 2009 my brother called and asked me if I wanted to run a half marathon with him. What started as an impulsive commitment to my brother quickly became a test of endurance, pain, and willpower. From the exhilarating start fueled by salty ocean air to the agonizing finish, I share the highs and lows of this unforgettable journey. Despite cramps, burning lungs, and a fleeting desire to quit, my brother's unwavering support pushed me to the finish line. Join me as I reflect on the adventure, challenges, and lessons learned from this half marathon experience.
 
 Music used in this episode:
 
 Lost Dream Loop by SergeQuadrado -- https://freesound.org/s/663479/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
 
 https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Soularflair/jingles-commercials-2023/30-sec-commercial-jingle-63-solo-piano-anticipation-dark-once-more-into-the-fray-piano/
 License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International
 
 https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Soularflair/CUES_for_film_TV_games_etc_DARK/Cue_1b_-_Spooky-Dark-Guitar-with_beat_Something_Broken_Somewhere/
 License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International
 
 Beautiful Piano Melodies by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/749931/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
 
 Celestial Hues by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/719267/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
 
 Disturbing Call by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/700299/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
 
 Enigmatic and Alluring by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/750943/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
 
 SimSon_Marathon2014_005.wav by simonlgr -- https://freesound.org/s/517484/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

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In 2019, recently sober, I signed up for my first 100k distance trail run. I had a history of running a few shorter trail distances and many years of road half marathons. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into until the wheels began to fall off later in the race.

Through this audio blog I revisit my journal entries exploring running, sobriety, recovery, failure, success, and self-discovery as a slightly behind the middle of the pack runner.

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Music used in this episode:

Travel Potential by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/700377/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Little Understanding by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/682728/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Foggy window view by Jim-Bretherick -- https://freesound.org/s/730265/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
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