Faith and Family

Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome to Faith and Family. We are a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian advice and promote Christian values. Today, we’re talking about fully-packed, pint-sized prayers. What are we teaching our kids when it comes to the content, opportunities, and benefits of prayer? How are we teaching them to be confident communicators with God? And why is being prayerful so important for the future of not only our kids, but the future of the Church Of Christ? With me today is Stephanie Canete from East Jacksonville, [Florida] and Robert Tapales from St. Petersburg, [Florida]. Hello! How are you guys?

Stephanie Canete: Hey, how are you, Mariel?

Robert Tapales: Oh, we’re doing great, Mar.

Mariel: Doing well! Tell us about your kids.

Robert: Okay, this is Robert. I’ll go ahead and get started. My wife and I have two children. We’ve got an older child, who’s our son. He’s 19 years old, in college. And we also have a daughter, who is 11-going-on-what-seems-to-be-30. But typical preteen angst and everything else that goes along with it in middle school.

Mariel: Mmm. 

Stephanie: We actually know Robert’s family very well. We’ve been together in our congregation and working on many projects. We’re close. And he’s actually in the same congregation where my parents are in right now—the grandparents of my children. We just love to visit them and I love his children. So, he gave you some basic information there.

Mariel: Oh!

Robert: She knows more than I do, probably. 

Mariel: Well, share with us! Share with us! I didn’t grow up with you guys so I want some of that! For me, I’ve got two kids. I have a son who is six years old and my daughter is nine. And I mean, like you said, Robert, man…she is nine-going-on, maybe like, 99. She’s super mature for her age, super-serious kid.

So anyway, just to get to it, we’re talking about prayer today, and as I was doing my research for our podcast before I came in here to talk to you guys. I found out that here in the United States, prayer isn’t something that’s, I would say, embraced nationally, right? Maybe it depends on where you are, geographically. Maybe it’s different, depending on what state you are in; what city you are in. But since the Supreme Court said no more prayers in school in 1963, a lot of Christian sects out there blame this decision for the current “anything goes” atmosphere that’s prevalent in the world, including [an] increase in teen pregnancies, divorce rates, and single-parent families. But for us, for members of the Church Of Christ, we try our best not to be part of those statistics, right? So, how are we passing down this virtue to our kids? 

Robert: Prayer is incorporated into the daily lives and daily processes of our kids, and it’s more [than] about just asking for things. It’s about gratitude, I think, more than anything else. You want to start by teaching them that, you know, you don’t only close your eyes and start praying, simply because, “I need to do well in school tomorrow,” or, “Because I really, really want that bike that I’ve been waiting for for years,” or, “I have a problem.” It’s understanding that God is the source of everything that we have.

Mariel: Yes, absolutely. 

Stephanie: Prayer is so profound, so important, so fundamental to a life of a servant of God. And once you start a family, you take on a spouse, you’re already learning how to pray together. You wake up and both those eyes flip open and it’s like, “I’m breathing. My heart is beating.” Isn’t that a beautiful thing? And it’s so fun because those are the things that you can do with little children. A child could really get a heartbeat. You could take your hand and, “Feel mommy’s heartbeat. Put it right there on my chest.” And likewise, where you take their ear and you turn it to the chest and you just listen, and they get fascinated, like, “Wow! There’s a bu-bump-bu-bump, a thump-a-thump going on there.” And then you say, “Yeah, you know who makes that beat? You know who gives us that?” You tell them, “God.” And they learn about who He is and His nature. 

And then, they learn more every time we pray and we talk—because that’s what prayer is—talking to God. So, with little kids, [tell them,] “Open your eyes, close your eyes. Open your eyes, close your eyes. And who lets us see these things? Who gave you that gift of sight? And who gives us all of these wonderful things to look at?” And so, just pointing Him out, and then pointing out that it’s just not going to be there—that we have to take the time to talk to Him and to pray, and to be grateful for all these things. 

Mariel: Okay, so I guess it starts with the attitude of gratitude, right? In which we are constantly pointing out how God is providing for us, what He’s doing for us, and the things that we shouldn’t take for granted. Like you said, basic things like opening your eyes. You know what? Some people can’t even see. Right? And we can. You guys ever have that—when you get the sniffles and you just think about all the times where you took for granted just breathing properly? 

Robert: Yeah, yes.

Stephanie: Yes!

Robert: When allergy season kicks in, absolutely.

Mariel: Exactly! Okay, so that’s awesome. Check, I’m going to put that down on my list. What’s next though? What else do our kids need to know? What about maybe the accessibility of God?

Stephanie: Oh my goodness, so your child now knows, “I can talk to God,” and “God gave me everything I have and He intends for me good things.” So, with that level of understanding, or that awareness that you have so many blessings already, they realize, “He’s good and He is good to me.” And then, they also learn that God has expectations. That’s when we’re kind of afraid to talk to God—when we didn’t meet an expectation.

Mariel: Ah, yeah.

Stephanie: Yeah, right? And so, they know, “When I did something wrong,” or a child will use the word “bad,” and if they start attending the worship service for the children, they’ll hear the Bible’s term, which is “sin.” That’s when you teach them how forgiving and kind God is and that He can and He wants to forgive you. And that’s the beauty—because it works for you as a mom and a dad—it works for us. Because otherwise, they just continue to do that wrong over and over and over and over again. And then, “Well, God wants you to be better and this is His commandment. And when you said to God, ‘Please forgive me,’ how many times is He going to forgive you if you keep doing it?” And so, they [say,] “Ohh.” And then they realize, “So, I can call on Him when I’m happy, and I can call on Him when I have feelings like shame, or feelings like sorrow or sadness. I can call on Him when I’m just grateful. And I can call on Him when I need something.” 

So, you start to help them realize that He is accessible all the time. Mommy goes to sleep, but God doesn’t. He is there for you. Mommy and daddy—we’re away. And some kids now, they’ve got cell phones, right? But it’s got to stay in a pocket or in a backpack. And your teacher is going to give you a hard time if you request to pick up the cell phone because you have a concern. But you can easily bow your head and approach God and call on Him. 

Mariel: I love that you mentioned, Annie, that you can teach your kids to go to God, even when they’re feeling ashamed, right? Because I feel like that’s what really strengthens a bond, I feel. Like, the act of forgiveness—the act of acceptance—of unconditional acceptance. That’s very much what a parent would do, right, for their child? “Yes, you’ve spilled this milk everywhere and I’m so tired and I’ll clean it up, but I forgive you.” You know, that sort of thing? And your kids actually take note of that.

Robert: I think that’s the first introduction into understanding what unconditional love really means—that no matter what you do, even though you’ve sinned, you’ve told a fib, you’ve told a lie to your mommy or daddy, you’ve done something wrong, you punched your brother in the nose, cause you’re really upset, you know? But you know that if you’re really sincere about it in your prayer, that God still loves you and He still accepts you. The evidence of that is that you’re able to still call on Him and have your prayers answered. So, learning that early, I think, is a huge step too, knowing that love isn’t limited by us just making mistakes. 

Mariel: So, you mentioned that love and having our prayers answered—and we’ve all experienced the various answers of prayers—it’s yes, no, maybe, and silence. Right? And I understand that some of these notions are probably going to be really hard to grasp, especially the “silence” one. So, how do we teach our kids about that part? 

Stephanie: How do we teach them to find God or to know that He’s there, answering when they just need stuff that is so tactile? They need concrete evidence, right? “I prayed for a bike. Where is it?”

Robert: Yeah, “It’s still sitting on the shelf at the store. Why is it not in my garage?”

Stephanie: Yes! “I wanted that video game,” “I wanted to go to the concert,” right? All these things. And again, that goes back to the gratitude piece and it goes back also to understanding our purpose. Our purpose is to serve God, right? Our purpose is we’re His sons and His daughters, and He has such good intentions and good plans for us. And so, how does what we want, what we’re requesting help us with that, right? So if I get that video game—which you really deserve—you should feel confident asking for it because you’re a great student, you’re a great helper at the home, and you know that mom and dad can’t really afford it right now—or maybe they can but you have to convince them, right. So, let’s ask God to convince them. But again, having that heart-to-heart with the child, pointing out, “Again, if you have a video game and you don’t have the self-discipline, it’s going to take away from your time. What’s the impact? What’s the consequence? Let’s play it through with cause and effect. If I get this game, now I’m glued to my TV screen an additional 3-4 hours a night. Why am I having migraines? Am I going to be able to do all the things that God wants me to experience in life? Maybe that’s why He’s holding out. Maybe we’re going to wait until the summer. What is best for us?”

Robert: It’s a constant reinforcement and reminder that God doesn’t always answer your prayers in the way that we think He is—just blatantly. Sometimes, that silence is what we have to be able to accept as being what the answer really is.

Stephanie: Completely. Our reactions to when God answers our prayer—there’s this wonderful little quick thing that I have to tell myself all the time: “More is caught than taught.” 

Robert: Yeah. That’s a great saying.

Stephanie: We could tell them, “Wait on God! Wait on God!” But when they see how we waited, they get it. They can draw from that so much more. And when I have a moment with my children, I try to connect with them. I try to give them 10 minutes—it doesn’t sound like a lot but man, it’s all I can afford and it’s so powerful—10 minutes of just you and just I, it always starts off and ends with—I sandwich it with the phrase, “Mommy prayed for you. I asked God for you and He gave me more than I wanted.” And at the end, we pray together and I just pray for them. I just let them know exactly everything I’m hoping God will do for them. It’s their dream and their life, and what God has planned for them as well.

Robert: As parents, we want our kids to be even better and more fortunate and even more successful than we are. That’s our goal for our kids. I think teaching them prayer is going to be that foundation and instilling in them that, “At some point, you’re going to be what mommy and daddy are: raising your own kids and wanting them to be able to learn the same way that you are—all of these important reasons for wanting to be able to pray properly and having God listen to you.”

Mariel: Absolutely, absolutely. Wise words to leave our listeners with. Listeners, thank you so much for hanging out with us today on this episode of Faith and Family. We hope you’ll join us again next time.

Picture it: You and your four-year-old are having a great time at the grocery store; picking out fruits and vegetables together, chatting, and counting. All of a sudden, you realize you don’t have enough time to turn the cart around as you approach the tiny, but very visible toy aisle. These are cheap toys, the kind that hurt if you accidentally step on them, the kind that breaks on day three. There are two other carts in the way, and you don’t make a U-turn in time. Your four-year-old makes eye contact with a pack of seven little cars. 

“Can I have those??”

“Sorry, not today. We’re here to buy food. Let’s go look at the cereal!”

Your efforts to distract are not successful this time. Then it begins. A tantrum: eyes filling with tears, fists balled up, the STARE. This situation sounds dramatic, because, to your little best friend wailing in the cart, it feels like the end of the world. 

No matter how many books we may read, nothing will prepare us for dealing with tantrums from our own unique child. Parenting is a game of trial and error, cause and effect. Here are how 3 different families deal with BIG FEELINGS and what to do during a tantrum.

Faith and Family team members, Denise, Macy, and Brother Jeff all have children ranging from 10 months to 8 years old. Here are their experiences with dealing with tantrums and working through big feelings: 

Gideon is 8 and Junee is 4. My children are strong-willed. They get an idea in their head, see it through, and have strong emotions if things get in their way. Unfortunately, it can lead to things getting out of control and frustration for them and their dad, and me. 

It’s been a long process for us to dial back our own emotions and tell ourselves that our kids are not responsible for how we feel. It’s our responsibility to reframe our minds and deal with the situation in a calm way. It’s our kids’ responsibility to learn how to reign in their emotions as well and use their voices to tell us what they need. What never worked was yelling. As humans, even with good intentions, sometimes our feelings get the best of us and we raise our voices. While it may have worked at the moment, because the kids were too stunned to speak, it never worked for us in the long run. Any yelling we did added distrust and fear. 

What does work is addressing their feelings and listening to what they’re trying to express. Usually, they lash out because we’re busy doing something else, and they just want a moment of our time. 

Once, while I was doing laundry, Junee had a meltdown because she wanted to play a game. I asked her to wait and she didn’t want to. I still needed to help her learn patience, so she rode her tantrum out in a safe place in our home. But when I was able to sit with her and let her cry, I told her I understood that she wanted to play, but she needed to wait. I’m still not sure if she understood fully, but she was able to calm down. It turns out that she didn’t even really want to play a game, but wanted my attention, to acknowledge her, or to just sit with her for a moment. Sometimes, there are underlying reasons like that for their big feelings.

My 8-year-old Gideon is the same way, but since he’s older now, he can express himself better when he needs some time to think. My husband and I have taught them to take some time to think and process how they feel. Usually, Gideon will go to his room to cool down and draw or read. When he’s ready to talk, he comes out and everyone is calm after having some time to think.

One thing I repeat to myself is that if my kids are afraid to come to me because they think I’ll yell at them, then what kind of parent am I to them if I can’t be their comfort?

As a working mother, it can be very difficult to allocate time to your children and maintain balance with household needs as well. I try my best to be present for my three-year-old daughter, Madden, as she was raised a “pandemic child” with 24/7 access to her parents. During quarantine, we both worked from home and temporarily moved in with her grandparents. This situation put Madden at the center of the spotlight, all day every day.  We were able to attend to her immediately, spend one-on-one time every day, and establish routines quickly. It became more difficult with the arrival of my second daughter, Maxine, who is now eight months old. 

Madden is currently having a hard time with sharing. Whether it is sharing her belongings, sharing attention, or sharing space—she was so accustomed to being the center of attention. That feeling sparks a sense of competition in her, which can turn into a meltdown,  so we as parents have to remember to watch our words. 

Instead of saying, “You have to be quiet because Maxine is sleeping”, we say, “It’s quiet time, let’s see how long we can stay whisper.” Because Madden is such a picky eater, we used to compare and say “Look how much so and so is eating…” or “So and so loves this.” Now we just relate food to growth and health, and say “Wow, you’re eating so well! Let’s measure your height and see how much you’re growing!”

This means continuous learning and correction for us as parents, to be able to use our words wisely and as a positive tool for helping our children deal with their feelings and self-image.

She just recently had a meltdown at a convenience store because she locked eyes with a Spongebob Squarepants popsicle. I told her she had to pick something else because it wasn’t healthy. She was already dressed for worship service that evening and I did not want her to make a mess on her clothes. 

Frowning, with her hand firmly grasped onto the freezer handle, she said “Spongebob,” her eyes deadlocked with mine. 

I knelt down to her level and calmly said, “Madden, you just had ice cream. Let’s look for something more healthy.” I held out my hand and she planted her feet.

My negotiation tactics failed to work this time as she immediately burst into tears. I was the bad guy to this angelic-looking child. We were in a standoff and no one was backing down. I wanted to leave everything and just bring her to the car to finish crying and to save me from embarrassment. 

 I was about to pick her up when an older worker approached us and said, “Now why is this beautiful baby girl crying? She’s too cute to be crying like this, especially being dressed so nicely. Can I give her a cookie? On me.”

I was partly embarrassed because it felt like she thought I needed help. At the same time, I was also relieved because she offered another solution. I looked at Madden and said, “If you stop crying, this nice lady said you can pick out a cookie.”

This seemed to work and we went to pick out a veggie and cracker snack box as well as the cookie she was promised. 

When we were back in the car, I asked her if she understood what happened. I told her that the worker thought she was dressed up so pretty in her worship service attire, which was the same reason Mommy did not want her to make a mess with ice cream. She said “Oh I see now!” as she happily munched on her victory cookie.

Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.

Proverbs 4:23 The Living Bible

Co-parenting two children with my wife and performing as a minister, my primary goal above all is to assist in raising our kids in the ways God intends it should be. As the verse mentioned above, as a parent, I should be a role model in guarding my affections and emotions. This is especially important when our children are experiencing emotions they’re still learning how to control.

Kassidy, my firstborn, is a 5-year-old who acts like she’s eleven years old. When things don’t go her way we’re reminded that she still needs lots of guidance. 

Expectations as parents are very normal. One minute kids are cool and collected, but sometimes that is just the calm before the storm. The worst part is that sometimes, kids throw tantrums about things that don’t make sense, and as parents, we have to try to piece together this puzzle…or just stay calm until it’s over.

One day Kassidy was playing with a toy. She got up and left the toy to play with something else. Kassidy saw a friend pick up her discarded toy and started playing with it. This was when Kassidy started to tantrum. She did not want that friend to play with that toy. We tried to ease her kicking and screaming by giving the toy back to Kassidy, but it was no use. Although her playmate was the same age and probably has tantrums of his own, he was very calm and looked shocked at what was happening and didn’t want to switch toys with KD either. Funny that our little ones can be so possessive and prideful at such a young age, or perhaps it’s just toddlers being stubborn-minded!

We forget at times that logic goes out the window when BIG FEELINGS are in the picture. During meltdowns, it’s vital parents keep their cool. As mentioned in the verse, “Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.”  Kassidy might have stopped yelling if I yelled back and became angry, but that would’ve resulted in terror and distrust. Instead, I helped her inside and consoled her, helped her calm down, and addressed her feelings, which is such an important piece to a peaceful resolution. 

Later on in the day, when everyone was calm, my wife and I addressed the episode with our daughter. I reminded her to guard her heart especially when she’s upset or angry, and that she can have big feelings that might cause damage to others. I reminded her that God blessed her with a heart and a brain to think before she acts. 

I explain to my daughter that if she listens to her strong emotions, she might say something hurtful. But if she uses her mind instead to think about what is right or wrong, she could make a better decision.

Tantrums happen. Big feelings happen. It’s unavoidable with children. They are still learning about the world around them and how they deal with situations in it. It’s normal for them to feel overwhelmed—to not know how to express what they truly need. Perhaps, their tantrum means they need closeness from you, or they’re tired, or overstimulated, or they don’t understand what’s going on. 

It’s also normal for parents to feel triggered by their child’s behavior. In the end, young children don’t mean to anger their parents when they have a tantrum. They’re growing, just as you are growing as a parent. 

And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 New Revised Standard Version 

Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction. Ephesians 6:4 Good News Bible

What is one way to find calm and stillness when a situation feels chaotic? Prayer. Your child may be in the throes of an epic meltdown but uttering a quick prayer for guidance shows God that you trust Him. 

Above everything may we remember how God our Father parents us, with true (divine, Godly) love. Therefore, as parents, we were given the responsibility to help raise our children and make the adjustments needed especially to never surrender or give up trying to be the best parents we need to be for our kids whom God blessed us with. 

For kid-friendly content on how to navigate big feelings, check out this video from INC Kids!

Bridging the Cultural Gap

[Show open]

Mariel Gutierrez: Hi, everyone. You’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Today, we have a mother and daughter on the podcast.

Leni Besa: Hi, I’m Leni Besa. And well, I immigrated from the Philippines to the United States way back; I think it was March of 1980.

Darlene Alejandro: Hi! I’m Darlene Alejandro, and I was born here in the United States.

Mariel: Leni and Darlene have an amazing bond, but with every parent-child relationship, there are ups and downs. According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, “Asian American adolescents, specifically Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Filipino youth, report higher levels of culture conflict with parents than other groups of adolescents (Phinney et al. 2000; Rumbaut 1996).” 

Darlene Alejandro: What were your hopes when you left the Philippines? Like, can you tell me about the experience and how you felt when you migrated over to the States? And who did you miss the most just help tell me about your experience moving here?

Leni Besa: As a nurse, [I] gained more experience in nursing, expand my knowledge in another country like America. I wanted more financial stability so that in the future, when I decided to get married, probably, which I did, I will be able to provide security and financial stability in my family. I wasn’t really lonely at the beginning because we were recruited as a group. When I am by myself, then, of course, yeah, I was lonely because I miss my parents, especially my sister, who I grew up with.

Mariel: Another topic discussed was education. According to an NYU psychology publication, ‘The Model Minority’ stereotype presents Asian Americans as valuing hard work and education, despite studies which report that Asian Americans vary widely in their cultural values and level of academic achievement.

Darlene Alejandro: I specifically remember the day that I was in my junior year of college. 

Leni Besa: Of college, yeah.

Darlene Alejandro: And I remember coming home, and I was like, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this. I want to; I want to do aesthetics.”

Leni Besa: Right, right. 

Darlene Alejandro: And I wanted to, it was like, and I did all my research on my own, and I came home. And I remember Kuya (“older brother” in Filipino)  was here, and dad was here. And I was like, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to do skin care. I want to go into aesthetics. And the schooling for that was in like two weeks. So that was so from that, yeah, from the day I decided to drop out of college, go to skincare school; that was like two weeks, and I just dropped it on everyone. And I remember Dad was like, “Oh, just let her do it.” And I remember you said you were. I think you’re the most concerned because I understand; it was such a quick transition. And, like, there’s no certainty in… 

Leni Besa: In aesthetics. 

Darlene Alejandro: In aesthetics. I mean, it’s not the typical, like doctors, lawyers, lawyers, stuff like that. And I remember being frustrated because I knew I wanted to do it; go to beauty school for skin care. And then I remember walking away, and I remember hearing Kuya talk to you like, “As long as she has a plan, it’s okay.”

Leni Besa: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one correct. Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, like, nurses, when we are talking about, oh, my co-nurse would say, “Oh, yeah, my son is in medicine or so, so. So forth and so forth.” And then I thought about my kids and you, specifically. But then yeah, I remember what your brother was saying, “You don’t know, mom. She can be successful on what she’s doing than you do right now. And, you know, you don’t know that, you know, let her do it.” And so yeah. 

Darlene Alejandro: I think was, yeah, it was… 

Leni Besa: I remember that situation.

Darlene Alejandro: Yes. I think what’s different with our generation is that, well, you became a nurse because, like, financial stability.

Leni Besa: Right. 

Darlene Alejandro: You knew it was going to bring in the money, and it was going to secure you a future…

Leni Besa: Right.

Darlene Alejandro: …where your family would be taken care of. 

Leni Besa: Yeah.

Darlene Alejandro: But here, like growing up American and in the States, there’s those jobs, but there’s also the creative route.

Leni Besa: Like I remember, I didn’t really like to be a nurse, I think. I wasn’t thinking of being a nurse, I think. It’s just my parents wanted [me] to be a nurse.

Darlene Alejandro: And so you became a nurse. 

Leni Besa: So I became a nurse, right.

Darlene Alejandro: And that’s, that’s where I took, and that I understand there’s more uncertainty because it is harder to earn a living going the creative route, but we’re here now.

Leni Besa: And I’m happy, I’m happy, actually. I’m happy [with] the way you have taken your path right now. Because first of all, of course, God has blessed you. I still believe that you know God will not forsake you. My first priority is really you being, you being active members of the Church and in your duties. Because I know God will provide you all the things that you need and you will also be successful in, in [the] later part of your life. And you are successful right now. I am just happy that you are.

Mariel: Leni and Darlene discussed the topic of tone and how it was often misunderstood in their family dynamic during conversations. Many immigrant parents and American-born children experienced the same disconnect. A study has shown that immigrants and refugee families face challenges to reestablish family roles and patterns in an unfamiliar society with a new language and sociocultural environment.

Leni Besa: In the Philippines, we were not raised to be like our tone cause you guys grew up here. And you’re very confrontational, I guess, or argumentative. And you will speak your own mind. In the Philippines, I was not raised like that. Because I speak loud, and I guess you guys think I’m always mad, but I’m not actually mad. It’s just the tone of voice, I think, is the problem.

Darlene Alejandro: Like you were surrounded by other Filipinos in the Philippines who are all the same way. But then I go; I grew up going to like an American school with all of these different cultures and different kids with different backgrounds. 

Leni Besa: That’s right. 

Darlene Alejandro: So we have or growing up, we had way more perspective and influence just cultural, American cultural influence.

Leni Besa: That’s right. Yeah, cause I remember also when you were a teenager when you were young, your Dad would always get mad at you because of the way you speak. 

Darlene Alejandro: Oh, I know. 

Leni Besa: If you remember that, he would threaten you, “Give me your cell phone. Give me your cell phone.”

Darlene Alejandro: I will always remember that. And I remember there were even specific times where it wouldn’t make sense to me, like where I would think, “Why are you getting mad at me?” 

Leni Besa: Yeah.

Darlene Alejandro: Like, it didn’t make sense to me because sometimes in my head, I’m just like, “I’m just trying to talk.” I mean, ok, granted…

Leni Besa: So now you understand how we are when we say that because that’s how we were raised.

Darlene Alejandro: I understand that I can come off a little bit strong. If I say some things in a certain tone, especially like talking to you and dad and Kuya growing up. But honestly, I think it’s because I got married. I think it’s opened up my eyes to a lot of our relationship. So looking back now, I think where we conflicted in tone, at least for me, is I felt like whenever I would say something, you took it as I’m mad, or I’m confrontational, or I’m disrespectful.

Leni Besa: Yeah.

Darlene Alejandro: But then in my head, whenever I would say what I want, or I would say what I mean, in my head, it would come off as I’m just trying to express exactly what I want. I’m just trying to tell you what I mean. And I think that’s still me today. Like when I do say something or when I yeah, when I’m just having a conversation or when I’m stating something, there’s no guessing. It’s like it’s exactly what I mean. 

Leni Besa: That’s your thing. 

Darlene Alejandro: You don’t have to think about when I say, like, I want to do this. That’s exactly what I mean. I want to do this.

Leni Besa: Yeah, because that’s how you were raised. I mean, you know, that’s how kids are raised here in America. But kids in the Philippines they’re raised differently. I think even now, I think they’re because they, I mean, growing up in America, is different. Like when you…going to school in America and the way you are taught here is different, I think, than the way we were taught in the Philippines.

Mariel: Darlene, now a newlywed, talks with Leni about her realizations as she grows older. In the end, their mother-daughter dynamic continues to evolve. But they’re taking more strides at bridging their cultural gap with one thing, in particular, their faith.

Darlene Alejandro: So, you know how I moved away? Well, I just said I think our relationship is way better now, even though we don’t talk every single day. I think it’s healthier now, compared to like when I was growing up here, and we both didn’t understand each other. But now that we’ve had like these few difficult conversations and honest conversations. I think it’s better now. But even so, now that I moved away, how do you feel like we keep up this relationship? Even between, like, just me and you or me and dad, me and the family since I’m away from home? How do you feel that we make sure our relationship is still strong, even though I’m in a different city and we don’t see each other for a few months?

Leni Besa: Well, I will continue to be a parent to you. Regardless of whether you are, you know, even though you are married already. I would still continue to be a parent to you, still reminding you so and forth, just like what you said, you know, how I’m still telling you to pray.

Darlene Alejandro: And now that I’m married, he gets the reminders too.

Leni Besa: Yeah, as I have said, parenting doesn’t stop. I mean, you know, it will go forever. Even though you have already your kids and you will do the same thing to your kids. And that’s how it is. Just always be there, you know, for you, and always reminding you, and understanding each other, and respecting you as being a married person now. You will have your own family, you will build your own values to your family, to your kids. But still, I will be there to guide you, to guide you, but not to impose what mine is; how I raised you. It’s up to your decision how you would raise your family, but on my part, it will be a guidance.

Darlene Alejandro: You know, that makes me, that makes me think about and then makes me look forward to when I do have my own kids. And I think that’s where we’re going to have more of these conversations because I’m not going to understand.

Leni Besa: Yeah, my prayer for you is you stay strong in your faith and bring up your, raise your family also to be strong in the faith. My prayer for you is to have a successful marriage. So communication between you and your husband is important. You may have ups and downs in your marriage but always pray. Don’t go to sleep without patching up. My prayer for you is to have beautiful children raised in a Christian way.

Darlene Alejandro: I’m the one who moved away, and I’m the one who lives the farthest. I always pray that our family is always connected, wherever we are. And we’re always united. And I always pray that our relationship as a family gets stronger. 

I actually, I don’t think I ever told you this, but at one point when I was growing up, and I started realizing that my relationship with my family is not that strong, I actually had my own devotional prayer. Like, “Dear God, please. Like, please help me to open up to my parents and please help us to have a better relationship. Like, please help me to be aware of the moments that you give us. So I can grow closer to them.” So I, especially now that I’ve moved away, I always pray that our relationship as a family always gets stronger. And I always pray that yeah, it’s mostly that, I always pray that our relationship as a family gets stronger and that we’re always content. 

Mom, I am proud of you because of your confidence. Really, of your confidence. And the way that you did move to America on your own, you did go for that future that helped me and Kuya. And I’m actually proud of you just for being here in this conversation with me. And I’m proud that you, I’m proud that you and I have reached this point where you and I can both listen to each other and understand and accept, like coming from… 

Leni Besa: Different culture.

Darlene Alejandro: Like me growing up in America and being here talking to you about all of the differences throughout my life. Throughout my life and my relationship with you, I’m proud that you, I’m proud that you have accepted, and that you’re willing to listen to everything I have felt about, like, my skin, how I feel about myself. I’m proud that you are willing to listen and strengthen our relationship as mother and daughter. Because, like you mentioned earlier, I mean, it’s better now than when I was growing up. So I’m proud of you since it was also mentioned earlier that Filipinos don’t really express themselves. I’m proud that you have gotten to that point now. It can always get better, we’re still getting better, but I’m proud that, I’m proud we’re here now.

Leni Besa: Ok, what should I say? I am proud of you; what you have become today. And I have been proud of you, actually, not only today. I have been proud of you [for] growing up to be independent. Very independent.

Darlene Alejandro: I feel like this is a thing, at least now. Like, like it’s a thing in the world to have difficult conversations and to have honest conversations. Because that’s how you grow, that’s how you like, expand. That’s how you understand. But I think, like everything we talked about now, at least for Filipinos, you don’t talk about this stuff.

Leni Besa: No, no. Just like what I said, you know, we never had this chance when you were growing up. Just like what I said, you know, I was busy with work. You have a different kind of whatever you have.

Darlene Alejandro: Or, like, we did have the chance, but it’s like, “How do I talk to my mom because she always thinks I’m mad?” And then you are like, “How do I get her to understand because she always thinks I’m mad?” That’s the last of it; that’s where it all ended.

Leni Besa: Yeah, it all ended there. And we understood each other. 

Mariel: I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Thanks for listening to the Faith and Family podcast. Don’t forget to like and subscribe and follow INCMedianews on Instagram for the latest on INCMedia.org. 

How to Talk to a Teen

[Show open]

Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone. You’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family’s life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, I actually have my own daughter with us as we explore how to communicate effectively and why open communication is important, especially as she’s growing up and developing into her own person.

Mariel: Oh, my goodness. Hi, Mattea.

Mattea Gutierrez: Hi, Mom. 

Mariel: So Miss Mattea is turning 16 this year. She’s going to be a junior in high school. Wow, I can’t believe it. And how else would you describe yourself, Mattea? Like, what are you into these days?

Mattea: I’m very into immersing myself in media that I can find on the internet. I really like to read and stuff like that. I’m always at the library of my school, which is really nice. I like to just listen to music, play on bass and guitar. Super, super chill.

Mariel: So how would you describe our relationship, Mattea?

Mattea: We’re super, super besties. Yeah, I don’t think there’s any other way to say it. Of course, we are a mother and daughter, but I think just we’re able to talk about a lot of things and I’m able to talk about the most things with you, of course, because I’ve known you since I was not born yet. And even since then, it’s like you knew I loved to dance to Donna Summer when you were pregnant with me. So and then we’ve had that awesome connection. We know each other very well.

Mariel: That is very true. And we still listen to seventies music and dance around and sing around. In the car, especially when we’re driving. Besties indeed. I think that’s how I describe us also. But I mean, I think we have balance like bestie/parent balance. Not quite…

Mattea: …like besties only, no limits. Like, we definitely have those moments where it’s like we’re going to be honest with each other. And then we’re just going to, you know, talk about life and help each other out and stuff.

Mariel: Do you, do you ever get startled when I have to turn mom on? Like, Mom mode?

Mattea: It depends on the situation. If I’m aware of the thing that I have to be kind of reminded of. Yeah. I’m like, yeah, you’re right. You’re right. And of course, I’m going to listen to you because if my mom saying it, then she’s right. She knows everything because, you know, mom senses. But for sure, it’s helped us, even though it startles me, sometimes it does help us become even more besties, getting to know that stuff.

Mariel: That’s true. And I mean it’s kind of proof that I would never lie to you, right? OK, well, we’re here to talk about effective parent and teenager communication. Is that you? Based on parenting websites, you and your child are communicating effectively when—OK, here’s the list Mattea. OK? So you and your child are communicating effectively when (let’s see if we hit these marks): you both feel able to talk freely about your feelings and you feel heard and understood. Do we want to comment on that? What do you think? Do you feel free to talk about your feelings?

Mattea: Yes. Besties.

Mariel: Oh, that’s good. And you feel heard and understood?

Mattea: I feel very heard and understood. And I hope you feel heard and understood even by an almost 16-year-old. 

Mariel: I mean, yeah, you know I’m really happy where were we that we are at? Where we are, like, you know, you’re 16 and you could be, I don’t know, I don’t know. Like you’re so much better than I was at 16. So I’m glad that you feel that way, that you feel like you can talk freely and express yourself and that you feel heard and understood. All right. 

And then the second bullet says that you talk about all the little stuff and you feel comfortable talking about the tough stuff when you need to.

Mattea: For sure, because I mean, I have a diary and I have everything in my diary. And sometimes, I tell everything to my diary, but if I write everything in my diary, I probably told more to you.

I read in it and then it’s like when we’re talking, I just pull it out and like, what am I forgetting to say to you about my day? Oh, yeah. We talk about other little stuff. We have lots of cute little inside jokes with that. And so, you know, that even makes it comfortable to talk about tough stuff because, you know, sometimes for me it’s hard to talk about tough stuff, but it’s since we already know each other, we like how we react to different little things and stuff like that really helps to just kind of is that even if that’s throwing in little jokes with the tough stuff.

Mariel: That’s true. I think it’s because like, we really, really, really, really know each other, right? And I think that we or we have a really good sense of when it’s jokey time and when it’s like, “OK Mom, you need to listen” or, you know, or vice versa. But I do enjoy that. I like the little stuff in between. Like, for example, I love the the texts in the middle of the day or just a meme or like..

Mattea: …like a random selfie. We also send or sometimes we’ll share songs. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I love that integration. Sometimes even like in a parent perspective, it’s tough to talk about the tough stuff because we’re trying to also balance and make sure you know that while we’re talking to you that we love you. Yeah. And it’s not just like we’re getting on you or there’s blame involved. Like, you’re this or that or you’re feeling at this or whatever. It’s really. Yeah, not like that at all. So just so you know, the tough talks are also tough on us. I know.

So this last bullet, it says here you have a close and easy way of sharing things and you both know you won’t be judged because you love and care about each other.

Mattea: Yeah, that’s us. Because we find ways to relate to situations just a lot that could be different intensities. Like, I don’t know, even when I’m little and I had an accident in my pants, and you’ll be like, “That’s OK. I had that, too, and it’s OK because you’re not the only person who does when you’re six years old.”

Like we’re able to be ourselves, with those inside jokes. They’re inside jokes for a reason. We wouldn’t be that to just anyone, our coworkers or or classmates or any of that.

Mariel: That’s true. 

Mattea: So, yeah, we, we know each other, we get each other, and yeah, there’s no judgments in our interactions.

Mariel: That’s very true. I feel like judgment comes when there’s blame or there’s, I don’t know, there’s some obviously there’s something negative about judgment, right? Yeah. And I like the example that you actually shared. Like when you make a mistake as a child, you know, and you’re not afraid to be like, “Oh no, are we going to get in trouble?”

And I think that, as a parent, because the response, at least for me and your dad, it’s like we try not to be reactionary. So that means if something spills, the first thing is we check on you guys. “Are you OK? We can clean it up.” It’s OK, right? Instead of being like, “What were you thinking! Roar!” No. No roaring in our house. Yeah, we are loud for sure. But. Oh, yes, no roaring. So Mattea…

Mattea: Mother?

Mariel: What would you say was a meaningful discussion that we had that stood out to you?

Mattea: You know, it’s kind of—you know when you’re baking, it’s like the inside of a cake has to be baked first before the outside is baked. So you could be a fully baked perfect cake. So, a lot of our discussions are very much like that with having our internal selves benefit, you know, the way we are externally. 

I know one good discussion. One time it was I was having a really rough time with myself, just mental health and stuff, all of that. And, you know, I was, I was much younger than now. And so it was I thought, wow, I’ve never dealt with anything like this before and how do I tell Mom and all that? Because I thought it was something I could deal with. I always tried to be independent, but sometimes that’s not the solution, because it was really bothering me. And so, you know, I finally come up to you and it was, it was really good because you let me know that, there was no judgment with that and that, you know, this is a safe place to share, all of those feelings and that I’m not the only one who’s dealing with that. So, I wouldn’t have to rely on myself to feel better, which was really, really good. 

Mariel: I know you don’t have all the answers sometimes, and that’s OK. But do you remember what that topic was, though?

Mattea: It was mental health stuff. So if it was just mostly very intrusive thoughts about not being just in the simplest terms, I being a good person, I’m hurting people and all that. Like hurting the people I love and stuff like that.

Mariel: Or by like the way you act?

Mattea: Like the way I act and all of that because I do have my moments sometimes. And then at one point it was just so it was just bothering me to the point where it’s like I couldn’t do the things that I loved just because that bothered me so much, you know?

So, it would sometimes make me cry because it was it was that upsetting to me. Yeah. And I thought, well, just assumed because I’m in a super loving household, why am I feeling all of this kind of doubt for the love that I would give back?

And so that’s why, you know, it was so meaningful to have that conversation about what I’m feeling is nothing wrong and that it’s still a safe place. Like, even though we do have our moments that doesn’t get rid of, all the good that we surround ourselves and the people we love with, you know?

Mariel: Yeah, baby. I do appreciate though. I know I will say this, and it is like a “parent flex,” you know? And it really has nothing to do with me, but I am really proud of how introspective you are. And some of the things that, you think about or you consider are so foundational and like you said, very intrinsic. Like, when you I really love the analogy you gave about, baking from the inside first because there’s a metaphor where they say, you know, when you’re pregnant, that you’re baking, you know?

Mattea: Oh yeah.

Mariel: So I guess it’s like you’re not really completely done baking even when you come out of the oven?

Mattea: Yes.

Mariel: So that was a really good analogy. But you are very insightful. And I love the way that you think about how you are and how your actions affect people. 

So for me, I actually want to answer this question, too. You know, a meaningful discussion that we had that stood out to me was I think—and I think it’s what helps our relationship and that’s why I’m sharing it—is that when I also realized I was making an intrinsic mistake like in the way that perhaps affected, you and your brother, I also apologized and I remember, just saying, hey, maybe it shouldn’t have been that way I’m really sorry, you know, and I acknowledged it, and then I said, “Oh, OK. I’m sorry, that was Mommy’s mistake.” And you know, after that, I meant it and it didn’t happen again, you know? So I know that I’ve apologized a lot over the years. Because, again, just human, right? We’re all just it’s a house full of humans.

And I mean, just because we’re parents, it doesn’t mean that we are perfect or that we have all the answers right away. And I think that what I apologized for, one of the first things I remember apologizing for was calling you “Mommy #2.” Do you remember that?

Mattea: Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, we had a, we found a book in the library one time. It was my first big move to a new school, new house and all that. And so, you know, we’d go to the library a lot, and we even went to this—was it I think it might have been the school library—where I was mommy #1, mommy #2. And then it’s the older sister had to kind of take over as a mommy #2 for the brother, you know, just like so you could have extra care and all that. And, we kind of connected it to us because whenever we saw a mother and daughter and books and all that, we’re like “That’s us!” because, you know, it’s the sweetest little stuff.

Mariel: Well I mean, I think that for me, it was almost like I didn’t want you to feel that it was your responsibility. And I think I realized that because, I mean, when you’re the first child as you are, as I am, as your dad is, actually also there’s often like a feeling of responsibility to take care of the your siblings under you.

And I think that I had put that on you. And I you know, at some point sometimes I had forgotten that you were just a kid, too, you know, even though you were called Mommy #2, or we said it in a loving way, right? For you to help out and for you to assume responsibility. But at the same time, I think that we both you actually, too, because you became very serious. Do you remember that?

Mattea: Yeah. Yeah.

Mariel: But, and I remembered I’m just like, man, she’s just a kid. And then I remember apologizing to you and then reminding you, you know what? You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t take things so seriously, because I remember that talk. Yeah, but I thought that that was, a meaningful discussion that we had it’s an opportunity for me to say hey, to be, you know, the same thing introspective, reflective, and then tell you I’m sorry.

Mattea: Yeah, yeah. And I really like that conversation. Those really I really appreciate that one. Yeah. Yeah. That helped me even joke around more not only with my brother, but also with you and dad I start to let loose. 

Mariel: You almost parented yourself, too.

Mattea: I would almost parent myself, too. I would try to be like I was just so used to being mature for my age that it made, it came to the point where it’s like I couldn’t even be friends with my brother. I couldn’t really be friends with other kids my age. But now hearing this, it really did help. And it’s like, I feel like I’m a [more fun] person now.

Mariel: Yeah. We are happy, she is happy, we’re all healthy. Happy and healthy. All right. So as your parents, Mattea, you know we’re always here to talk about anything on your mind, right? OK, so experts actually say that effective communication can help if you’re feeling disconnected with your child.

Hmm. You feel disconnected with your child, you and your child don’t speak. You want to encourage your child to talk about what’s going on, I guess, on their end right? And you want to improve your relationship with your child. So they’re saying that effective communication can help all that.

That’s true. But I also feel like there are some foundational aspects, you know, that have to happen before you can reach being that person that your child can connect to. Right? Because it’s like you can’t just be like, oh, we’re disconnected. So we have to connect now by communicating. Yeah.

Mattea: Like, you can’t just [say] let’s, let’s just talk it out, right? Because there’s so much building up to what does disconnect.

Mariel: Right, exactly. And I feel like there’s a lot of “in-between” that needs to happen in terms of creating a safe space for that discussion. You know, there are reasons why you and your child don’t speak, right? There are reasons why you don’t feel connected to your child. And there are reasons why you feel you might need to encourage your kid to talk about what’s going on with them.

So yeah, I think that those are my thoughts. I think that like there has to be a pathway towards that. And communication, while it is…or effective communication can help you connect, definitely. But it can’t just be like, “Here’s my style of talking, you’re going to listen.” Right? Yeah. “And then that’s that. And now we’re connected.” You know, it’s not automatic like that. 

Like for us, even I think it took years. There’s different phases of our communication right? I remember, there was a middle school phase. Where it was like, you know, you were a little more on the serious side. And so I think sometimes there were like quieter moments, and that was OK.

But those were the times where I was like, I felt as a parent, that I had to give you your space, but also that, you know, that I’m here, you know? Those were the times where I would have to just ask you, “How’s your day?” But also not respond, not respond with reactions just so you felt safe, you know?

So it took us a while to build up this rapport and this safe space for us to be able to be so comfortable, you know? So I think that those are my thoughts. I think that, yes, while effective communication does help bridge all of these things like disconnect, you know, not speaking with each other, et cetera. I think that there’s a method to it that involves a lot of like mutual respect. Right? It can’t be demanding, like, “No, we’re going to talk now!” Or judgment based where it’s like, “I’m the parent, so I know what’s right. And you’re going to listen.” Because it’s not really conversation.

Mattea: Yeah. Like, you can’t really go into there with complete expectations because, you know, even with disconnecting with someone, it’s like you wouldn’t have expected that. Like you you would have thought you did all the right things. But, you know, like you ended up with this disconnection. 

If I were to say to a friend or someone who would have a parent that they’re having trouble talking to, I wouldn’t exactly push them because of course, it’s their own personal reasons that they’re having trouble talking to their parents or they choose not to, which you know, we’ve got to respect that and all that. But if they really, really crave to reconnect with their parents, then definitely just like it’s definitely like you said, it’s really little things in between to get to different stages and different levels of even more stronger bonds, you know? It can’t just be like, “Hey, I asked how your day was. Why can’t we be best friends now?”

Because, you know, there are lots of steps to get to a disconnect. So you’re probably going to have to take those that same amount of steps, maybe even more to, you know, come back to where you were in the first place. So, you know, like you said, it can’t just be an immediate abrupt change like snap of the fingers. It can’t just be like that, because all good things take time. You know, that saying, like all good things take time? And, you know, even if it does take a long time and it’s really hard to reconnect at the end, you might even see something good happening. And, you know, it’ll be much more fulfilling like that than a spontaneous burst of reconnecting than after that completely dropping it.

But yeah, you know, I think that’s what should happen. But, what about a parent, Mom, who’s having a hard time approaching their teenager? What would you say to a parent? How would they do? Like, what do you know what to say to start a conversation?

Mariel: With their child? You know, like I mentioned there are a lot of steps, right? I think we both agree there are a lot of steps to get there, but creating a safe place is number one. And I think that that includes the environment, right? So it’s not just about like what you say, it’s really about you know, the environment. Is it—are you always busy or are you always looking down at your laptop and you’re just kind of shooting them like, “Hey, how’s your day?” You know, that doesn’t make them feel like they’re seen, right? But at least I think in our in our home, I know me and dad are on the laptop a lot. So are you and Bap (nickname for Massimo, Mattea’s younger brother), you know, but I mean, when it’s time to talk, like you really have all of our attention, you know, when it’s time to talk-talk. You know, we look at your face. You know, we listen to everything you say without interruption. You know, we don’t listen to respond. So that’s another thing, too. And sometimes it’s like just because you’re talking and you’re both like in a dialog, it doesn’t mean it’s your turn.

And by that, I mean it’s like sometimes with you, too. Like, sometimes you’ll share something. You’re super excited. I sometimes I don’t need to ask follow up, cause sometimes I just need to share your energy, you know? Yeah, exactly. If you’re like, “Yay!” Then I’m like, “Yay!” you know? We don’t have to force anything.

So I think it really just starts with the environment of like safety and, and listening so in order for you to be a good communicator and to start a conversation with your child, I think that first you need to, again, number one, create a safe atmosphere so to speak, you know, and then two, be a good listener. And that means like listening without judgment, listening without the expectation of like, “Oh, I better respond or I better know how to respond like a parent.” Or, you know, “I better admonish them.”

You don’t need to admonish all the time, right? Sometimes your kid’s just excited about something and you have to just like, share the energy. Yeah. How do I know what to say, though? As a start, again it’s baby steps. It’s because they’re I think that every parent, once they get through those steps of like, “OK, we’ve created this safe environment to speak and we are, you know, listening without judgment.” I think that it’ll come naturally, you know. Like for us, we sometimes communicate through music. Yeah, right. Sometimes, yeah. We’ll communicate through memes or we’ll share TikToks.

But that’s our communication style, right? And so for others, it could be, I don’t know, it could be through food. It could be through like shared interests, you know? Yeah. So it’s not necessarily what you say, but it’s how you are. So if you really want to connect, I think you just have to be open and to be ready to respect your child as a human, right, that has something to say that is meaningful to them.

Mattea: So true. 

Mariel: So true. All right. So Misha… 

Mattea: Mommy…

Mariel: …which is your nickname sometimes, along with many other nicknames. How do you feel about us praying together?

Mattea: Yeah we just definitely have a really good no-judgment relationship with God. And so it’s, it’s kind of it kind of feels like that us praying together even when we were little, when you would help me pray. It would help.

Mattea: It would also help me pray to God, you know? So yeah, I think it’s neat.

Mariel: love that you’ve carried that over, that you still continue to pray. I mean, I know that you’re going to be driving soon.

Mattea: Oh, yeah.

Mariel: On your own. So you get any extra, extra, extra, extra, extra prayer in the car by yourself this time.

Mattea: So yeah. No training wheels for this.

Mariel: No no training wheels. Just God, right? But you know, ever since I knew that I was pregnant with you, I started a journal and I started praying, obviously, for you, which is, you know, something that a lot of Christian moms will do for their babies, right? And common things that they’ll pray for are things like, “I pray that my baby is healthy.” Of course, right? They pray for things like a healthy delivery and, you know, ten toes, ten fingers, or, you know, that everything goes well. They pray to accept God’s will. That’s another thing, because pregnancy is a very delicate time. And, you know, I love you, but you belong to God. 

Mattea: Yes. 

Mariel: Right. And so that’s another thing that is a common prayer among Christian mothers. But for you specifically, I remember when you were still, I was still pregnant with you, I always already thinking deep into your future.The specific thing that I was thinking about before because it mattered a lot to me, you know? And I had thought that, you know, I pray that God gives you a really good spouse.

Because at least for me, it’s like my support system at the time, of course, was your dad and still is, you know. Your dad. And it made such a big impact in my life to have someone that was gifted to me from God that I had prayed for. And so I was thinking I’m like, that’s probably going to be something huge in your life, you know?

That was one of the more specific prayers I had for you, but otherwise on the more general, my prayer is really about like your safety you know, because I can’t have eye on you all the time, you know, and we don’t want to be like, I mean, the world’s kind of crazy, obviously, right? We don’t want to be like, I don’t know, we don’t want to fearmonger you where it’s just like, “No, you can’t go out because this might happen or that might happen!”

And the truth is, anything can happen. And that really circles back to the prayer when you’re pregnant, like the Christian mom prayer, which is to accept God’s will, but also to surrender you to God. And that means, you know, “God, keep my child safe. I trust you, whatever Your will is.” You know?

But also, yeah, just your safekeeping is like one of my tops. And of course, your faith you know, and that’s something we talk about all the time. Yeah. And I think that that’s an ongoing thing anyhow, like how to support you at different times in regards to your faith. But that’s something I pray about, too. Oh, one of the biggest prayers, actually.

Oh, my goodness. Like, I pray for so many things for you. But one of the biggest prayers I remember when I had the baby blues back when you guys were really little. Yeah. And I remember thinking that I wasn’t a great mom. I wasn’t good enough for you guys deserved better, you know? And it really made me really sad. But also, I was like, well, you know what? Maybe God can help me be the mom that you guys deserve. So that was a huge prayer, I think, when you and your brother were little. 

Mattea: Aww.

Mariel: Yeah. We love you. Do you pray for anything in specific? Do you pray for me?

Mattea: Like, you are quite the busy worker bee and the like. You have work. You have—you love writing, and, you know, that’s really awesome. Although sometimes it could carry on to really late in the night/early in the morning. My prayer for you is that your career, it’s stable and you’re just having constantly good work, because, that’s really important for work. And but other than that—having a successful career, a balanced career, like one to be happy with especially— I hope that, you also balance career with your own personal happiness, life outside of work because I know you work a lot, but definitely I pray that you can balance that out. So you could still be well-rounded human being. You know? Yeah.

Mariel: Oh, that’s very sweet. Thank you.

Mattea: You’re welcome.

Mariel: I pray for that, too. Maybe one day I will learn. All right. Well, Mattea, Mattea, thank you so much for joining this discussion. It’s our hope that, like other parents and even teenagers can relate and share their experiences So I’m Mariel Gutierrez and…

Mattea: Mattea.

Mariel: And Mattea Gutierrez. And thank you for listening to the Faith and Family podcast. Don’t forget to like and subscribe and follow INCMediaNews on Instagram for or the latest on INCMedia.org. Bye!

Mattea: Toodle-oo!

[Show close]

Present Parenting

Bernie Rosquites: Technology is all around us. The world is so fast-paced and ever-changing. We rely on the internet, our phones, tablets, [and] social media for all the latest news and to keep up with our friends and family. But how do we stay present as parents? How do we spend quality time with our children, and not allow the screen to take over our lives? I’m Bernie Rosquites.

Jewell Buenavista: And I’m Jewell Buenavista, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life.

Bernie: Well, these past two years, the pandemic has been, let’s just say just a little bit rough. We’ve been isolated in the house. We’ve been working from home, trying to homeschool our children all the while trying not to catch COVID. We’ve all become so accustomed to relying on our screens, but how do we pivot from our devices to spend quality time with our kids?

Jewell:  Oh, Bernie, that’s such a good question. A lot of us get so busy with meetings or tasks, that it’s so easy just to stick our kids on our iPads or any electronic device.

Bernie: Absolutely. Right. So, let’s have a discussion. We brought on some fellow moms to talk about their ideas of I’m doing air quotes with my fingers—present parenting.

Jewell: Oh, I love this topic. So,  let’s welcome Felicia Nofuente. She’s a school counselor and mother of three boys. We also have Tracy Nguyen she works from home with two toddlers and finds fun ways to keep them occupied. Welcome, ladies.

Bernie: Hello, ladies.

Felicia: Hi, Thanks for having us.

Bernie: So, you know,  it’s obvious. We’re all busy moms, right? And I gotta admit, I’m guilty of sometimes sticking my son—not so much in front of the TV, he’s 9-about-to-be-10—so for him, it’s not so much the TV, it’s the Nintendo Switch and the iPad because he’s into Roblox right now. You know, when I got something to do, and sometimes it’s not even something to do when I just need that—let me give an hour of peace and quiet just to collect my thoughts. I know I’m not the only one right? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Jewell: So I’m guilty. I’m guilty of everything you just said, Bernie.  So how about you ladies, what’s going on in your lives when it comes to dealing with electronics, especially right now?

Tracy: Well, for me, I work from home. So there will be times that you know, PBS or Disney is going to be babysitting my children. But you know, everything comes good in moderation, right? I like to try and justify that, you know, it helps my children develop in grammar and language and speaking and singing a whole lot of singing. But um, yes, it just having it in under, you know, a time limit is what we’re aiming for. Learning curves, every day, learning curves. But yes, we’re working on this, for sure.

Felicia: I have three kids at different ages, so they all like different things. So my oldest is 12. And then I have a seven-year-old and then a three-year-old. So each is into their own thing. For us, I kind of tried to let go of that guilt because that pandemic time was rough. And I’m an educator, I know what I’m doing, and I still struggled. So even if you are equipped or not equipped, it was still a struggle. So if Nintendo Switch was it or PS4 or whatever it is, that was where they’re gonna go. And I had to let go of that mom guilt like “Oh my gosh, I’m not there.” But, I think what the pandemic gave me was some perspective and time to see, okay, what do my kids like to do and how can I tap into that? So that’s kind of where I took it. It was kind of like the gift of time where I got to spend time with them and see what they’re searching. So I found my oldest son looking up lyrics got into music got into some 90s hip hop, and I kind of got to see what was he interested in looking at his searches, because as a parent, you have to look up what they’re searching.

Bernie: Absolutely.

Felicia:  Because they’re things that he looked up and I want him to ask me those questions. Like, if you have a question, just ask me and I can give you the best answer I can. But don’t rely on Google.

Bernie: I’m gonna be your Google first. Okay? Mom and Dad are gonna be Google first before you ask anybody else, right. And one thing I got from the pandemic was this bald spot on the back of my head, but we’ll talk about that another day.

Bernie: So, what are some things we can do instead? Tracy, I’ve been told you started a no-TV challenge with your kids. I’m curious! How was that?

Tracy: Okay. So let’s be honest, it started off as a repercussion for bad behavior. That’s how it started. So I have a four-year-old and about-to-be-three-year-old and attitudes were flying one day, and I was like, “That’s it. No more TV.” And then, after the first two days, it was nothing but fussy. Fussiness, tantrums, of course, the works, right? But once we hit day three, I tell you, it was like a flip of the switch. They were quiet, they were more independent. The pretend play started getting really elaborate. I’ll go hours without hearing a peep. It was weird. So I was like, Okay, let’s see how long we can go with this. My husband has the trophy right now where he went five days without TV. Yes. My longest has been four days. So we’re working on it.

Bernie: That’s that’s great, though, because at a young age, they are able to just be without the TV.

Tracy: I kid you not—okay, so when I started this challenge, my husband was like, “Are you sure though, because it’s getting really hard. I got things to do.” I was like, just stick it out. I’m telling you, it’ll make the difference. And once he started seeing the benefit, because I had to go away for a week of work. He saw the difference that it made in their attitudes, the way they talk to each other the way they played. He was like, oh, okay, we can do this. Okay, I’m totally on board. So it also comes down to my husband and I getting on board and then making it a whole lot easier. So once we’re not talking about it or questioning it, neither are the kids.

Bernie: Teamwork makes the dream work.

Jewell: So Tracy, can I ask, what did you do to keep the kids busy?

Tracy: In the beginning, it became apparent that I really needed to be more disciplined in routines, building a routine that kept them busy.

Jewell: So what I like about that is that you’re being intentional, instead of taking the easy route of like, okay, just do whatever, you are putting a routine and that takes conscious parenting, you know what I mean? Like being present, and making sure that they stay on top of whatever, you know the routine you’re putting.

Ever since my 13-year-old was in kindergarten, we would do dates, like intentional once-a-week lunch dates, one on ones. And now what we added to our dates is we have to learn one new thing about each other. So it’s nice, because it’s a great way that as busy as our lives get, they get our full attention. And it’s been a great way for us to stay connected with our kids.

So Felicia, I hear you have quite an artistic son and even take drawing requests from friends and family to keep him busy.

Felicia: So for their Children’s Worship Service, they went virtual. And they would do these arts and crafts projects or workouts. And he gravitated towards this like David and Goliath drawing video that they played. And he really took to it. So then he would draw pictures. And he would say, can you give this to like my sister or my brother, (like my own [siblings] so his uncle hers or his aunt] and at the time, you know, I would just take a picture of it and then text it to them. And it got to the point where I was sharing them on Instagram. And everyone’s like, Oh, that’s so cute. Can you draw me goofy? Or can he draw me—

Jewell: Aww

Felicia: —or Mickey Mouse. So I would take the request and he would draw it. And I would just show him a picture or he’d watch a video and it got to the point where he’s like, what do my fans want now?

Bernie: Who wants to commission me?

Felicia: Funny, so we would open it up. I would post it on my story and say does anyone want to help Isaac practice his drawing skills so you can follow my stories. So it kind of, like snowballed into, alright, what do my fans want now? Occasionally, he’ll take a break, like, Mommy, I just need a break from my fans. And I’m like, okay, that’s his fan. So I have to say, Okay, does anyone want a drawing, and then they would put it, they would send the request, and he would draw, and I would tag them. It’s kind of been a really fun thing. It does take time away from the screen where he can focus on his skill. So I’ve gotten like art set sent to me, and I have colored pencils everywhere. If you look at my house, it’s his craft room, really, that I’m in. So he really, he spends a lot of time. And he’s very meticulous with his colors and what he does. So those requests are very special, I frame them and I send them to those who requested it. But it’s just nice to see where his imagination goes.

So now some people are like, can you draw me in the mountains. So we’ve been going on a lot of trips, that’s my, my big thing. I want my kids to see what’s around us, because we’re in Nebraska, let’s be honest, I’m surrounded by cornfields. And I want them to see the world. So he has been drawing, he keeps a notebook, he keeps a sketchbook everywhere he goes.

Jewell:  I love how you tap into a talent that you may or may not have known that he had. So I have a question for you, Felicia. So as a school counselor how do you think it affects a child when they’re left to their devices all day?

Felicia: I kind of get to see the positives and negatives. So now I tried not to get my kids away from devices because they need to learn how to use it appropriately. And our school district here is one-to-one iPads. So they’re on screen all the time. As a counselor, when I meet with kids, or they have something going on, it typically has to do with social media. You can see how it takes a toll because they’re constantly comparing themselves to other people. They’re constantly comparing what someone else has based off the images that they see. On the other end, there are great ways for them to learn new skills. You know, they learn all these fun things. And if they’re really interested in something, they can look it up. But there are reasons why parents should be very intentional with which apps their kids have access to.

Bernie: Wow.

Jewell: I love that you said that there’s good and bad because we can’t hide our kids from technology. I mean, I think it would be silly for us to think that we can because you’re right. I mean, all our kids are on their devices for school, so that is what they’re trained on.

I love how you said, you know, for parents to be active, again, being intentional, being present in looking at what their kids are exposed to because as an adult, I get FOMO (“fear of missing out”), I get it. I’m in my 40s [I’m like], oh, “How come she’s looking cute?” Then I started looking at myself…you know, all of this. So what more of somebody at a young age [that’s] not mature enough to handle those kinds of comments and all of that. So I love how you said parents need to really

stay on top active be proactive be present, you know, but again, I want to know more because I really do want to know, and our listeners, because we have such negative connotations. Oh, electronics are evil, you know, they’re bad social media is bad. But there are positive things, you know, I mean, can you help us share? How can we make it a positive experience? Can you expand on that a little bit more, please?

Felicia: There are resources. So I refer a lot of parents to Common Sense [media] and they go over movies and games that are age-appropriate for different developmental stages. And then they also have like a “do and don’t” apps that parents should really look out for. I’m very intentional with how much access my son gets to others and strangers and people he games with. But as a parent, we’re visitors in this world, but when you take that away, it’s hard as a parent to figure out that world that they live in online. And when you take that away, abruptly, you have to be mindful of that’s the only community that they know. Like, if they can’t talk to their friends, they do have FOMO (“fear of missing out”). Like, then I’m not going to know what they talked about, and I’m gonna go to school, and everyone’s talking about something and I’m lost.

Bernie: I’m not gonna lie, I’m like, I’m gonna be fifty soon, and I’m gonna get I gotta Google FOMO Okay, so thank you for bringing that up. Like, what is FOMO? I’m learning so much from just talking and listening to what you’re saying, because my son just started Roblox, because for a long time, he didn’t have the Switch. And he didn’t have the Xbox and all that. But then I realized, you know, just like what Jewell was saying, like, electronics is not evil, because I started at first I was like, oh, my son’s not into that. And then I realized when he started going to school, you know, all his friends were talking about Minecraft, Roblox, this and that. And he didn’t have [any] idea what they were talking about. He just made it up like he knew what they were talking about. And I felt bad. So we gave him the Switch. He’s on Roblox. And I am being actually proactive and checking, like, why are twelve, fifteen, people trying to be your friend, and you just got on and he was like, I don’t know, he only plays with one person, and that’s his cousin.

I think that’s the one thing I’ve learned as far as doing this Faith and Family podcast, it’s really important to stay relevant. We definitely need to spend more time as a family and away from the screen. What else? I want to hear from Tracy, what else do you think we can do to spend more time as a family? What have you been doing Tracy?

Tracy: I love that you’re doing the no device during mealtimes. That’s actually been one of the hardest things to do. I’m still working on this. I will admit, like for long car rides, if I don’t want the kids to fall asleep, I will turn on the iPad to put on whatever their favorite movie is. But I’m staying connected to your children and finding out what piques their interest and just diving into it. Just give them A or B options. Do you want to color? Or do you want to play pretend?

Jewell: But I did want to share something because I think it’s we have to like what you were saying, Tracy that the internet is not a bad thing if we use it right, right? As a matter of fact, my 13-year-old daughter used electronics to invite her friend to a Bible-based webinar that we had not too long ago, you know, and the topic was about social media—how social media influences Christian living. And through her electronic, she was able to invite her friends. So it’s teaching them how can we use our tech? How can we use technology to be able to share our faith and do more good in the world? So just wanted to add on top of that. But Felicia, just to add to Bernie, what else do you recommend? What else can we do, in addition, to stay connected with our kids and our family?

Felicia: You know, just having conversations, intentional conversations with your kids. And I use the car ride a lot. I have three boys. So they’re not really into sitting down and like having conversations with me. I have to either throw a football or we have to go out for a walk. But the eye contact part they’re not really into, it’s not their jam. But when we go in the car, I have really insightful and thoughtful conversations, especially as I see my oldest kind of coming into his own. But it was having those conversations with my kids and like you said, you have dates, and I have dates with my boys to like, this is your time, and it’s hard to split yourself into three. So I try my best. Okay, this one really likes art, so we’ll do something for you. This one’s really into nonfiction and historical things. You know, I’m trying my best. And it takes a lot out of you trying to be intentional without devices.

When we plan trips, I have to plan it based off everybody. Like, it’s not a trip for me, it’s all for my kids, and tapping into those conversations and like, okay, how am I going to intentionally plan something that they’re going to remember for years to come? So I think listening to your kids, and planning ahead of time, and it’s like I said, I’m split into three. I try to listen more than I talk now.

Bernie: That’s a great sentence—listen more than talk. For my son, you know, I only have one son. You know, for him, when he is most out there ready to share is when we go out for like hot chocolate. Because in my neighborhood, I’ve got a coffee shop down the street, we grab a cup of hot chocolate, I do my coffee, we walk the neighborhood, or we go out and have breakfast or lunch. And that’s when he’ll spill the beans and he’ll share just kind of like what Jewel is doing with their kids that one-on-one time. And that’s so important. It can take a lot just to try to be intentional, but when you think about when they get older, they’re always going to remember that and that’s going to pass on to their kids; as far as “My mom or my dad took the time to talk to me.” Because I didn’t have that growing up. I didn’t. But now I know, having these conversations with my son—you know, when they’re still tiny, of course, there’s only so many things you can talk about. But then as you see them get older and their conversations start changing: what they care about, what they don’t care about, what scares them, what makes them happy. One time my son said to me, “Enough about me, Mom, how are you doing?”

Jewell: Did you start crying?

Bernie: I was trying not to cry over my eggs at the cafe, but that meant the world to me, because he is also present for me.You know what I’m saying? For him to say—he let it all out he told me whatever, some of it was big things and all that. But the fact that he also was like, “What about you, Mom?” I’m just glad that it’s happy. I’m happy to hear these things. The important things that I’m learning about all this conversation is intent and being present. And listening, right?

Jewell: Yes. And then that’s why I think Family Hour is so important. You know, we can catch up with our kids and our spouses and share stories and really hear our children.

You know, every night I ask my kids three questions, and they know this, they come prepared now. “Tell me three things that you’re grateful for that happened today.” So I mean, it could be small things, it could be big things, you know. [The] second question is: “How did you help somebody today?” “Well, I helped Ate (means ‘older sister’ in Filipino)”, or “I help mama.” It could be small things and or it can be big things. And my last question is, “How did God bless you today?” Because I want them to recognize, [that] no matter how big or how small, God is present in their lives. The stuff that comes out of their mouths—as parent you’re you feel good, like wow, they’re thinking about these things versus focusing on the negative things. Maybe they did see something negative online or what. But I want them to learn to focus on the blessings in their life on a daily basis.

So every night—then they pray and man, their prayers! I wish I could record every single one of their prayers, but when we teach our kids how to communicate and see the blessings in life, it shows in their prayers. Because the stuff that comes out of their mouth is like, wow, I thought you’re nine but you talk like you’re 30! I love it, I love it. Each kid, you know, they take turns leading the prayer.

I always, always say this: our children [are] a reminder of how much God loves us. The stuff that they do, like what you said, Bernie, your son took the time to ask you, “How are you, Mom?” That’s God’s way of using our children to check on you. That’s why it’s important that we take the time to be present for our kids and teach them the blessings that they receive on a daily basis.

We have a Minister of the Gospel, Brother Jeffrey DeGuia, with us to share some verses on the importance of spending time with family.

Bro Jeffrey DeGuia: Thanks, Jewell, and hello to all our friends and listeners. This topic is very much in line with God’s teaching and ultimately, his desire that every family led by the parents be properly guided in such a challenging and potentially dangerous world. In fact, God mentions how often we should guide our young ones here in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 in the New International Reader’s Version. I quote:

The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 New International Reader’s Version

And with that, sister, Jewel, I’ll bring it back to you. Thank you very much, everyone.

Bernie: Thank you, brother, Jeff, this verse is something that is so true, because the one thing I do when I do tuck my son into bed, you know, I also make sure like, you know, say your prayers, but also remind him how loved he is, and that mom and dad are always there for him to listen to him. We’re his biggest fans, we’re his biggest supporters, and that he is just loved. One thing I was teaching my son as well is before he even talks to us, there’s nothing wrong with talking to God first because God will use us as an instrument to help him. So for me, that’s the one thing every time I put my son to bed: you are loved, you are amazing, every positive affirmation I can give him, but most importantly, God loves him the most and more than anything to go to Him first when something’s going on, and that we will be the ones to be used as an instrument to help guide him.

So for me positive reinforcement before bed, you know is something that I was wanting to do for my son until he doesn’t want me to tuck him into bed no more! I don’t know when that will be but I feel like it’s coming soon. Yes, thank you all for sharing. We know that someone out there is listening, and probably needs a reminder that we will always need God in every phase of our lives and He never, ever fails.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank our wonderful guests, Felicia and Tracy, for sharing their stories. Thank you so much, ladies, for joining us today.

Tracy: Thank you for the invite, and just to save you some time, Bernie, FOMO means “fear of missing out” so you don’t have to Google it later.

Bernie: Thank you very much for reminding the oldest person in this group.

Jewell: Thanks for listening to this episode of Faith and Family.

Bernie: If you enjoy listening to us talk, laugh, cry, build each other up, you can download more on Google podcasts I Heart Radio and Apple Podcast under Faith and Family please leave us a review or just say Hi and as always take care and please stay safe.

Parenting Children with Special Needs

Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, we have two moms, each with a son born with special needs.

Maribel Aquino: Hi, my name is Maribel Aquino from Pomona, California. I have a three-year-old son named Brennan.

Acelyne Parco Sagabaen: My name is Acelyne Parco Sagabaen from Burlingame, California. My son is Jaxson, and he’s one year old.

Mariel: Acelyne’s son, Jaxson was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome during pregnancy, and Maribel’s son, Brennan was diagnosed at birth. Down’s Syndrome is characterized by intellectual and developmental delay due to a chromosomal disorder. Despite these challenges, a growing number of people with DS live independently and are able to find employment.

Maribel: Three words to describe Brennan. Number one, he is brave. He’s sociable and diligent. He is brave. Actually looking back, my husband and I were thinking, “There must be a reason why we named him Brennan because the meaning of this name is brave.” Brennan is sociable. He gives a hug to everyone he meets. He lights up the room with the sweetest smile. And Brennan is diligent. Until now has been receiving therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and then now speech therapy. And he works so hard and he doesn’t complain.

Acelyne: Three words to describe Jaxson. Jaxson is strong, and loving, and mellow. Maribel, what’s a fear that you had when you first found out about Brennan’s diagnosis? And looking back what would you tell your old self about that fear?

Maribel: More than anything else, I feared for his health, and I feared for his life. You know, those unanticipated health issues. When we learned about his congenital heart defect, we were so scared. And looking back, what will I tell myself, I will tell myself that everything will be okay. Learn to let go and let God take control of everything. And everything will be okay. I remember where during NICU (newborn intensive care unit) days hospital stays, I kept telling myself: “Nothing God gives that we cannot handle.” I kept on repeating those words in my mind. And it helped me get through all those difficult situations.

Acelyne: I had fears of—I had a lot of fears when I found out about Jaxson’s diagnosis, like, I had fears that people wouldn’t include him or love him just because he had a disability, like, I was so scared that people would leave him out. And I also had fears of having the ability to care for a child with a special with special needs, because I  had no idea how to care for someone with special needs. I’ve never been in that situation. I also had fears of having enough time and resources because before being a mom, I felt like I had no time, or I didn’t have enough time for myself. So when I found out about his diagnosis, I kept thinking like, how am I going to take him to his appointments? How am I going to take care of him? And how do we have enough financial resources to bring him to all these specialists and doctors? I was just so scared.

And I also had fears about the future like who would take care of him if something happened to myself or my husband? Like will he be able to take care of himself? I don’t—I just didn’t know.

Looking back, I would tell my old self not to worry. Don’t worry about anything. You may feel nervous and scared but we have a God that can help us through anything. He’s the greatest provider. Maribel, I feel like there’s definitely more worried that parenting challenges, right? What do you think the most rewarding thing is about being a mom of a child with special needs?

Maribel: Raising kids is not an easy task. It takes a village; more so if they have special needs. For me, the most rewarding aspect of being a parent to a kid with special needs is that we get to see, experience, and feel God’s miracles firsthand in our lives. Through Brennan, we see God’s love and power. There’s just so many, like I have a long list of answered prayers. We felt so much closer to God. And this beautiful journey, although it may be challenging, and for others, they may see it as inconvenient. It could be an [unconventional] kind of parenting, but the rewards are so much greater and it outweighs all those challenges.

Acelyne: I love that you said that Maribel! Because like Brennan is three years old now and Jaxson is still one. So I’m still really new to being a mom, how do you find the strength to keep going?

Maribel: If I may share this one experience? The very first surgery. One Monday morning, I received a call from the NICU doctor. Nine o’clock. The doctor told me that they’re going to do the surgery. It’s called exploratory laparotomy. It’s a procedure to open up the abdomen to fix or find out what’s causing the problem. Brennan was few weeks old. We didn’t know what the problem was. He kept vomiting. That Monday morning when they called us, [they said] they’re going to do that surgery on that same day. I was bawling. And I thought I’d lose my mind.

I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do. My husband was already at work. I was by myself. I ran to our living room. And then I knelt down and prayed. The doctor was even worried about me because you know, when she was telling me about the procedure and explaining my sense of hearing stops, because you know, like, she was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But all I heard was there’s a surgery, you know, they have to do the surgery.

During the preparation, I remember the nurse asked for the waiver for me to sign, right? Because I couldn’t sign it. I couldn’t take any longer. I ran to the restroom. And then I grabbed a clean toilet seat cover. I laid it flat on the floor. And then that’s where I knelt. I said—I just surrendered everything to God. It’s His will, whatever happens, you know? “Just give me the strength that I need.” But there’s hope. I mean, I’m praying that he’ll make it.

And then after that, I went back to his room and then signed the waiver form. And then yeah, that they did the surgery after two or three hours and then he’s back. That first surgery, and then here comes another one. And then the third one. He was under the knife nine times. You thought it would get easier. No. Another major surgery was the heart. But thanks be to God. I mean, because of His mercy and compassion, look at Brennan now. He has come so far and we’re so grateful to our own Almighty God. So what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a mom to a child with special needs?

Acelyne: I feel like the most rewarding part is seeing him grow and seeing him like smash all his goals, even though it may take him a little longer than typical children. Seeing him accomplish one goal and how happy he is, it just makes me so happy. Seeing him grow within a community that loves him. So I’m so happy that he gets to grow up inside the Church Of Christ because the community inside the Church is so strong and supportive, I wouldn’t know what I do without all the brothers and sisters in the Church Of Christ. They love him so much and I love seeing how much happiness he brings them, and to know that he’s not a burden.

So that’s that was also one of my fears that he would be a burden to myself or he would be a burden to me and Jones, my husband, or my family, or be a burden to other people. But it was the total opposite. He’s not a burden he’s a ball of love. He’s the total opposite of a burden he’s such a blessing to us and such a blessing to our family and He’s truly a gift from God, that’s a great source of happiness to us.

Acelyne: So, Maribel how do you overcome special needs parent burnout?

Maribel: Okay, this may sound cliche, but I strongly believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So, we have to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others, right? So how can we take care of others if we’re sick? So we have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally fit, with proper nutrition. Also, I try to squeeze in exercises.

We cannot underestimate the value of “me time” because our needs matter too! Our needs are important too. Also, communication with the spouse or family member. And it’s also an important thing is [to]  find a support group. Try to look for resources that are offered within the community. And most of all, pray. Pray that because we have God as our best friend. He is always ready to listen 24/7. Okay, how about you Sister Acelyne, how what do you do to overcome the parent burnout being a special needs parent?

Acelyne: Like you, I absolutely believe that “me time” is so important to overcome special needs parent burnout because, I mean, almost every day we go through therapies and driving there and making sure he making sure Jaxson eats and gets changed and cleaned before therapy and after therapy. [My husband and I], we make sure that we set aside some time to go for a walk just to go outside and get some vitamin D and feel the sun on our faces because we’ve been indoors taking care of Jaxson all day. I love that my husband also allows me to get a massage. I mean simple things like that or just [getting] boba after a therapy like that really helps us out, so we don’t get burnt out. Setting aside time to meditate at the house of worship, and making sure we have that moment of peace and silence, meditating and resetting our mind and our bodies and really get rid of all that built-up stress that we may have throughout the week and be renewed.

Another thing we do to overcome special needs parent and burnout is asking for help when we need it because really, taking care of a child with special needs, it’s like another a whole other job, it’s like a full-time job. So whenever someone offers us help, and we need it, we make sure to take it because we might over stress ourselves or might be mentally drained, because of all the appointments that we have to go. And we make sure to treat ourselves with anything that we like, like even just doing some, doing a hobby that we like to do. So for me, one of my hobbies is reading. So even just a few moments to curl up in a corner and, and read a book or learn a new language, something fun. Spending time to go out for a dinner every once in a while, that that really helps us.

My prayer for Jaxson is for him, to grow up strong, for him to know that he’s loved. For him to understand his purpose, and for him to know that he has a purpose and he’s not worthless. I want him I pray for him to grow up knowing God’s words, to grow up knowing that he’s a loved servant of God, and a loved child of God. I pray he will always be protected from any harm and danger and to grow up with good health and, and the ability to serve with all his heart. That’s my prayer.

Maribel: My prayer for Brennan is that God will give him the strength to overcome all these challenges, because there’s just so many unanticipated health issues with Brennan, you know, like just a simple cough and cold for a typical child to recover for a week, but with Brennan, it may take few weeks, two months, and sometimes it could even mean hospitalization. We fear that you know, like, because hospital life is difficult. Every day we do not take for granted every single day that we are home. We are thankful we are home, because that means he’s healthy. We are home, that means we are not at the hospital. And [in] our prayer, we are thankful to God because we have him. He’s alive. He’s been through a lot, but he is with us. God continues to entrust Brennan to us and that is a very big blessing to our family. This journey, it’s challenging, but it is very beautiful. It’s one thing that I would not trade anything in this world.

Mariel: Thanks to Maribel and Acelyne for sharing tiny snippets of what life with a special needs child is like. You might be surprised to find out that it sounds similar to your own parenting journey, even though you may not even have a child with special needs. Parenting a child with developmental or intellectual disabilities used to be very stigmatized, but thankfully people with disabilities are more advocated for in society today.

I’m Mariel Gutierrez, thanks for listening to the Faith and Family podcast. Don’t forget to like and subscribe and follow @incmedianews on Instagram for the latest on incmedia.org.

Irma Jackson: I asked and I prayed that God gave me some clarification why I might be going through this and I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it back again.

If I didn’t have the Church or if I didn’t have God, I would have been lost a long time ago. I wouldn’t have been able to control this on my own. 

Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are four Christian moms from the Church Of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Mariel Gutierrez and joining me on this podcast are my very good friends. 

Bernie: I’m Bernie Rosquites.

Emirick Haro: I am Emirick Haro.

Jewell:  And I’m Jewell Buenavista. 

Mariel Gutierrez: Today we’re going to talk about postpartum depression. It’s a thing. Many of us go through it, some milder than others, but it’s real. And it happens. 

Bernie: How are we going to hold hands together virtually, like this social distance holding hands as we talk about this? 

Everyone: Yeah. 

Bernie: On this podcast, you will learn about the ways to cope with it, how to support someone who’s going through it, then we’ll also hear from a mom of two who fought her way through it with professional help, prayer and her faith.

Jewell: You know, sometimes this is called baby blues, and it’s normal. About one in five women experience this. I was always happy, I was always a positive person growing up. And with my first child, I remember having these crazy, crazy thoughts that it would make me cry. And then I finally read, you know, I would keep it to myself, because they were such horrible thoughts. I didn’t even share it with my husband,  Harmony. 

Jewell: But one day I was reading that book, um, “What to Expect in Your First Year” and it said in there, if you have thoughts, something along these lines, if you have thoughts of maybe throwing your baby out the window or something, it is completely normal. When I read that I was just like, Oh my gosh! I started crying because I was having these crazy thoughts like, … why would I have these kinds of thoughts? You know, and, um, I shared it with Harmony. I was crying to him. And I didn’t realize that maybe I did have postpartum depression and not realize it. But it definitely was. I was definitely not myself.

Emirick: I wasn’t sure if I had that either. Okay, I didn’t really realize if I was depressed, but I’m looking here at the symptoms now and maybe, let me see if I could check off these symptoms. It’s been a while but you know, it is a vivid memory of when I was a first mother. So, experiencing low mood, or being restless. 

Everyone: Okay. Yes, yes.  (laughs)

Emirick: Being sad or overwhelmed. Feeling guilty or worthless. Check maybe, yep. Easy fatigue, easily fatigued, or being irritable. Check.

Jewell: Irritable!

Emirick: Ok, crying easily and too often. Withdrawing to staying away from family and friends. Wow. Okay. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like you’re not sure how this is going to get better. Yeah, Um okay. Eating too much. Or refusing to eat. (laughs)

Mariel: Sorry, go on.

Emirick: One or the other. Yeah. So yeah, I think of both Yes. Sleeping too much, or having trouble sleeping. So taking a look at that list, I could probably check off more than half of those things. So maybe I was experiencing postpartum depression and just slugging it off as like, Oh, it’s okay. You know, I’m gonna be ok.

Mariel: Yeah, I think some of that sometimes, like, especially after birth, a lot of these things on this list, you shrug off as like, well, I just had a baby. Of course I’m tired. Of course I feel weird because I just had a baby. So I remember for myself, I didn’t think beyond that. I just thought like, yeah, I’m sad because maybe because I don’t feel like myself. Or you know, or I feel tired or just Yeah, I just I kind of just tacked it on to just having had a baby. That was it.

Bernie: I think. Yeah, I’m reading some of this and it sounds like a Monday.

Everyone: Like now, right? Yeah.

Mariel: Well, you know what, thankfully for us today, and I wish I had this when I just had a baby, but for us today, we got advice from a clinical psychologist, a fellow mom, friend, Dr. Sydney Fontanares. And she shares some of the ways that we can manage postpartum depression. I seriously wish I had this list, you know, when I was giving birth and stuff. Y’all ready? 

Everyone: Yes

Mariel: So number one on her list is to develop support. It’s not uncommon, you know? Postpartum depression is not uncommon. So it helps to hear from other women that have gone through it or other moms, maybe they’re not talking about it. But if you open up, they’ll be like, Yeah, me too. You know, other moms can be your greatest source of strength. And I feel like I have that with you guys, you know?

Bernie: Yes!

Jewell: I definitely had my go-to people that really helped me. 

Emirick: And I think that maybe that helped me not realize that I was experiencing postpartum depression.

Bernie: Yeah, that’s a way to look at it, yeah.

Emirick: Because I did have support. 

Mariel: And you know, what’s interesting about that is that maybe like, when you’re together in that support group, you don’t have to label it, right? Everyone just understands, like, yeah, we know what this is. And so we know how to help you. And they just kind of band together with that goal. But that’s awesome that you guys had support. Alright, so number two, number two on her list, right? She says, to make simple lifestyle adjustments. You know, taking care of your baby includes taking care of yourself. Yes, yep. Dr. Sydney Fontanares was saying, you know, don’t pressure yourself to just do everything all at once. Do what you can and then leave the rest for another time. Which, again, you know, I know what you–

Jewell: Easier said than done.

Mariel: Exactly. Because there’s always a list, right? Yes, there’s a list. And then like, it’s not like, you can just take off anything from that list and be like, oh, we’ll feed them tomorrow or, or we’ll wash the onesies another time. You know, but you know, like the poop explosions, you’re going through, like 50 a day. So, yeah, it’s hard. But I think that it is worth exploring. Right? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And so her third, you know, advice for us was to seek professional help and discuss like the symptoms, no harm in that right. And then just know that the symptoms don’t last forever. They’re temporary, and they’re treatable. And you keep asking for help until you can find the care you need.

Bernie: Yea, that’s one hundred right there.

Emirick: That’s important, right? You have to-

Mariel: I wish– I wish I had, you know, someone tell me that when I was younger, but I do love the way that she says like, the symptoms don’t last forever, and that they’re treatable. But I think the question is what happens when the symptoms last longer than expected, right? So right now, we’re going to hear about the inspiring struggle of Irma Jackson. She’s a mama too, a nurse, who on top of the stress of being a medical professional, she’s dealt with the loss of her dad. And this is all while trying to manage her postpartum depression. Wow. So it  sounds like a lot. But let’s, let’s have a listen and see how she got through it.

Bernie: Please stick around till the end of the podcast because Brother Jeff Deguia will tell us what the Bible has to say about grief and depression. 

Irma Jackson: My name is Irma Jackson, and I am a nurse case manager. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, probably about 2014. But I had the symptoms in 2013, I expected there to be baby blues, which is a normal thing for people after they have a child because our hormones readjust. When I had the symptoms, because I didn’t get any validation from my family that I disclosed it to, not feeling right, I tried just living with it from this uneasy feeling. And then slowly, my behavior started to change. And that’s where I reached out for help from a professional.

Irma Jackson: It was probably day after day, I would find out, I would feel overwhelmed. Sometimes depression has different faces. And the way it came out for me was anxiety. And I felt debilitated. Like I couldn’t drive in the car with my child in the backseat, because her cry would trigger me. And that would create this anxiety where I felt like I couldn’t move. And I had fast breathing. So I had physical signs and symptoms of something. Like I really couldn’t put my finger on it because I’ve never experienced it before. I went to a few of those group therapies, which helped to realize I wasn’t alone.

I asked and I prayed that God give me some clarification why I might be going through this.  And I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it  back again.

Irma Jackson: And, it happened when my father died from a cardiac arrest, in February 2017, and then my grandfather dying July 2017. And then giving birth to my child, my second child, unemployed. And so those triggers became too much for me to handle

Hope is so important when you’re going through depression, because no matter how many loving people there might be surrounding you, and supportive people surrounding you, you still feel hopeless. So that hope, it gives you the motivation to wake up the next day, and live your life every moment, even if it takes every moment to have the motivation to get through it. That hope is what keeps you going.

When I heard Ka Eduardo talk about depression, I felt like I could breathe, I actually felt like he knows. And the brethren will know that this is something that’s normal and should be accepted. Because for people like me, we need help. We need the support of our community. And so again, hearing that in the lesson about depression, about hopelessness, it did give a form of validation to say, hey, it is something real, it’s not just me, it’s not just in my head, I’m not crazy. 

Irma Jackson: If I didn’t have the Church, or if I didn’t have God, I would have been lost a long time ago. I wouldn’t have been able to control this on my own. I’m reminded in the worship services that when we’re weak, God is the strongest, and that God will never give anything to us that we can’t handle. And so I have full faith in the fact that this is just going to make me stronger and ready for Judgment Day.

Mariel: Wow. Well, we’re so thankful that Irma shared that story with us. While it’s heartbreaking, I’m really happy that she’s getting better. And she’s found ways to cope. Yeah, especially like with, you know, the verses that we get in worship service. And I remember the lesson that she actually was referring to about Brother Eduardo V. Manalo referencing depression and how to cope with it. And I’m sure you all remember it as well, right? 

Bernie: Yes, yes.

Mariel: Yeah.

Emirick: I do like how she referenced that hearing that in the worship service, like, validates her feelings, right? And that’s so strong, right, to know that, okay, someone knows what I’m going through and, you know, isn’t just tossing it aside saying, No, you’re not depressed, everything’s gonna be okay. But so they recognize it, and we hear it. And then, and it’s, you know, there’s hope for it, you know. So that was uplifting to hear her talk about that. And I do remember those services and, and feeling strengthened from them. When he would mention depression and read the verses that would help us through it.

Bernie: I remember that worship service! I cried–I had two handkerchiefs.

Mariel: A towel? Did you have a towel?

Bernie: And, like, you know what everybody’s saying? It’s like, thank goodness, we, we have that spiritual side where we can kind of like, “God, what do I do with this burden? I don’t know. Can you help me with this?”

Emirick: Yeah. And then it makes it, you know, like, it makes it feel like every burden you go through has a purpose. And you’re right. You know, like, in every worship service, you feel that because, I mean, yeah, and it’s been said many times, even before the pandemic, but then like, he really emphasized it, you know, in those services, about depression, where, where you do know that every everything you go through has a purpose.

Bernie: Well, so now, like what we said, This isn’t uncommon, so if you know someone from our listeners out there, if you know someone who’s going through it, Dr. Sydney also provided us with ways we can support our friends or family members. And this is, it’s a short list, but still, it helps a lot. Number one, listen to her. Don’t ignore her feelings, you know. Instead, listen and show her that you’re there for her. And by being there for her, by being there for your friend, your sister, your homegirl, all that and trying to understand what she’s going through or without judging or invalidating your feelings, right? That’s because your job, your job, isn’t to make those emotions disappear, right? It’s because sometimes we don’t know the words to say, and all that, you know, but it’s to make her feel heard.

Mariel: ​​Right. You know what, that’s one of the things I really don’t like is when people try to solve things for me. My husband will attest to that. But it’s true though, right? Like, it goes a long way if you just someone, if you just feel like, okay, he heard me or she heard me or my friend heard me, and, and I’m safe, and I’m safe to have expressed that.

Bernie: You’re not expecting, you know, I’m not looking for advice. Sometimes you’re just not looking. Sometimes, can I just cry with you? Can you cry with me? You know. Number two, help with housework before they ask you, which I’ve done, which I’ve done. I’ve like gone to like my girlfriend’s house, you know, and I’m just like I just want to say hi to the baby. Then I kind of started looking around. Girl, there’s like a, there’s a basket full of baby clothes that need to. I got it. And while she’s talking to me, she’s like, No, you don’t need to do that. I’m like, No, no, no, no. Let’s just keep talking. I’ll fold. You talk, I fold. And without even asking I was just grabbing whatever. Just fold. Do I need to fold your husband’s underwear too? I don’t know, I’ll do it. Whatever you want me to do, girl.

Emirick: Take out the trash? 

Bernie: You know, it’s just the little things. Those little things help. Like, you know what, I’ll wipe the counter for you. Without even asking what do you want me to do. Just do it.

Emirick: Bernie, my son is 20. But you know what, you can come over. I think I’m going through some stuff.

Everyone: laughs

Bernie: Number three, encourage them to take time for self care. Yes, sir- a necessity. Because fatigue is a big major contributing factor to some worsening symptoms.

Mariel: I feel like it’s a sensitive subject, when someone will tell you, you need self care. So I would tread lightly. But also, I think to just remember like, also, to make them feel safe that um… Girl, it’s only like 10 minutes, let’s go do our nails, you know. Or like, you know, let’s just go for a walk real quick, you know. Instead of someone just telling me like you need to take care of yourself. That would have been, you know what I mean? Those are two completely different things.

Bernie: Those are two different things.

Mariel: Right. So, please don’t. I think I’m just, I’m just speaking for myself at least. Like I would have not liked someone to just say, hey, you should brush your hair. 

Bernie: Or did you take a shower? 

Mariel: Yeah. When was the last time you took a shower?

Bernie: I’m like, you know what?

Emirick: I like that you differentiated that, right? Because number three, encourage them to take self care. That doesn’t mean tell them to take self care. That means like, you know, offer to babysit or go do self care with them. I like that you said that. That’s good for us to know. Yes. I may have gone to my sister-in-law and being like, Girl, you need to brush your hair. Wrong, wrong. Wrong. Okay, I got it, thank you.

Bernie: Next one is celebrate her successes. Yeah, [unintelligible] can’t tell you, Mom, thank you for feeding me. You did great. You know, but the person who recognizes her achievements, whether it’s big or small-

Jewell: Well, I wish that I had this. Maybe I had the list. But you know, when reality hits, it’s like, the list kind of goes out the window. 

Mariel: It’s true. It’s true. Yeah. 

Emirick: It’s like, if you were on fire, they say stop, drop and roll, right? Do you really think about that when you’re in a fire?

Mariel: No, your instinct is to scream. (laughter)

Jewell: But I mean, I seriously like now I feel like, man, I can be an awesome mom. Like if I started over again. Because you know, you’ve gone through it..(inaudible)

Jewell: To all you moms, I mean, to all the moms out there, you can overcome this, moms, seriously. And really, really above all pray and have faith in God. You know, God created us this way. So to Him this is nothing new. He really just wants us to go to Him more, you know? So,

Everyone: Right.

Mariel: And He has the answers, right?

Bernie: Yeah, Absolutely. ​​So, you know, for all our listeners out there, just remember, my listeners, my friends, my girlfriends out there, you’re gonna be fine. You know, we’re tired. But we’re also inspired. Right? We’ve got each other and we’ve got our faith. Now, let’s hear some advice, coming from the Bible with minister of the gospel, Brother Jeff Deguia.

Brother Jeff: Without a doubt the mom’s struggle is definitely real! Parenthood is a challenge, and can even be susceptible to feeling pain. Pain to the extent like there’s no solution. But even God’s past servants experienced similar situations. Like what’s written in Jeremiah 8:18 the prophet Jeremiah said, “My grief is incurable; My heart is sick.” [New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures 2013]

So we must remember that grief and pain is a part of life, even as God’s chosen people. But are they really incurable? What should one do when possessing an illness?

James 5:14-15  it states “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” [New King James Version]

May we believe in God’s healing power through the instrumentality of His Church elders: the deacons and deaconesses and ministers. May we place our complete trust and faith by calling or asking the Church elders to pray and anoint us with oil.

What if the pain is too hard to bear? It’s so severe or depressing, should we lose hope? Would these terrible feelings last forever? Absolutely not! I’ll read the promise of our Lord Jesus Christ for the members of His Church, here in John 16, verses 20 and 22: 

“I can guarantee this truth: You will cry because you are sad, but the world will be happy. You will feel pain, but your pain will turn to happiness. …  Now you’re in a painful situation. But I will see you again. Then you will be happy, and no one will take that happiness away from you.” [Names Of God Bible]

Our Lord Christ guaranteed us, Yes (quote) “You will cry because you are sad… You will feel pain.” He also said, “But your pain will turn to happiness.” This is eternal happiness! When? He said, when He will see us again. In other words on His return. So, to receive this true happiness, we must learn to endure, just as He did, even moments where it seems impossible to resolve. 

But others might wonder and ask, “How am I supposed to survive during the now?” Others may say,  “I don’t know how much longer I can take it!” What does God invite His listeners to this podcast to do whenever we’re deeply saddened, feeling lost and don’t know what to do? Maybe even have thoughts such as anger or depression? Let’s read 1 Peter 5:7 and 10: 

“Tell God about all the things that make you sad or afraid or angry. Give your thoughts about those things to him and let them remain with him. Do this, because you matter to him… You will have trouble and pain for a short time. But after that, God, who is so completely kind, will make everything right. God has caused you to be united to Christ, so that you will live with him always. You will live with him in the beautiful place where he lives. And God will make you completely as you should be. He will make you strong, so that nothing can ever stop you believing him.” [EasyEnglish Bible]

What is God’s promise to us, members of the Church, those that have been united to our Lord Jesus Christ? Never forget that we matter to God. The Lord God loves us so much! So, when we are sad or in pain or afraid, remember He’s inviting us now to tell Him about all those things. If a friend or a family member who loves us with all their heart is willing to be there for us when we’re feeling low, well even more so our Lord God! That’s why it’s a command we’re constantly taught to never stop praying! What’s God’s guarantee that we can expect? I quote,… “God, who is so completely kind, will make everything right… And God will make you completely as you should be. He will make you strong, so that nothing can ever stop you believing him.” 

So, any of us feeling down will never neglect attending the worship service! Because that’s where God promised to pour His immense power which is the strength we need! And when we’re attending the worship services, pray! And keep praying! And tell Him all that we’re going through, because He promises to hear and answer our prayers we render especially during our worship services.  

Additionally, we mustn’t discount the medical resources that’re available to us. We know that God also utilizes medicinal or prescription drugs and professionals and experts in the medical field.

Well, we hope all of you  benefited from this podcast.  Praise and glory be to the Almighty God! Thank you so much for listening. I’m Brother Jeff Deguia. 

Bernie Rosquites, Host: You’re listening to Faith and Family, a Christian Family community that aims to provide Christian family values. I’m Bernie Rosquites. As members of the Church Of Christ, we uphold beliefs [that] guide both our public and our personal lives. But how do we teach that to our kids, when it means taking away seemingly fun and widely accepted holidays, and perhaps, alienating them from their peers? What do we say to our kids when it comes to explaining why members of the Church Of Christ don’t celebrate events like Halloween or Christmas? And what do we tell the grown-ups around them? With me today to talk about all of this is Emirick Haro, Jewell Buenavista, and Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome back, ladies.

Everyone: Hello!

Bernie: Hello?

Everyone: Hi!

Bernie: Okay, I was like, what happened? [Laughing] So holidays are just around the corner. Literally, one of them is literally just around the corner. Now for you, ladies: Are there holidays—is there a particular holiday that your kids ask the most questions about?

Emirick: I got to them before anybody else could. I would tell them…

Bernie: You’ve got to, yeah.

Emirick: Yeah! What the holiday was, what it was called, and I would always tell them it’s a celebration of a fake god. And God will be mad at us if we do that, so we don’t do that.

Jewell: There was a time that…it was during Halloween that [my daughter] Jasmine—I think she was like only three or four—we had to go somewhere during October 31st, so we had brought her to my in-laws, and she [came] home, she’s like, “Oh my gosh! Halloween was so much fun!”

Everyone: Oh nooo! [Laughing]

Jewell: And then we were like, “Why what happened? What did you do? We don’t celebrate Halloween!” And she’s all, “I know, I know, I know, but we had so much fun giving out candy…”and, you know. For me and [my husband] Harmony, we…it was more like okay, it’s…we explained to her, and then, of course, we had to remind our in-laws that we don’t celebrate Halloween.

Bernie: Mhmm…

Jewell: But now, it was just kind of that one time, but then, now it’s honestly not…

Bernie: … not a big deal?

Jewell: It’s not. Yeah. 

Bernie: Yeah. How about you, Mar?

Mariel: Umm… okay. Now I feel bad!

Everyone: [Laughing]

Bernie: I was going to say you dressed your son up like Woody, didn’t you?!

Everyone: [Laughing]

Mariel: When the costumes go on sale! And it’s not Halloween! 

Bernie: You know I have to say, I’ve done that. When a costume goes on sale, I…

Mariel: I know! Your son loves to dress up, right? I see those posts. Yeah, that’s not Halloween, right?

Bernie: Mhmm, no. He knows it.

Mariel: Yeah! I got my daughter…I think she had caught [on], when she was really small, she had watched, I think, Polar Express. Are you guys familiar with that movie?

Bernie: Yes! 

Mariel: Yeah! So, she saw it on TV, and… but she was really young, we’re talking like two or three, and I was like, “Aww man!” you know? Because she was so like…it was so magical for her! You know what I mean? And I, unfortunately, didn’t get to her, before it got to her, and so I had to explain to her, well, you know, I had to be kind of the bad guy. I was the parent that was like, well, I don’t know, Santa doesn’t really exist, you know? And like, this is what Christmas is, but we don’t do that as members of the Church Of Christ. And it was hard for her, you know? Now she… 

Bernie: … did she ask questions?

Mariel: She did! And for a while, she would say, like, because she was only three? You know?

Bernie: Yeah, mhm. 

Mariel: I would say, “Do you understand?” And she’ll be all like, “Yeah.” But then she’ll be all like, “Buuut…” [Laughing] You know? She’d be like, “Yes, but… can I still get presents? But I’m not celebrating,” you know?

Bernie: Yeah 

Mariel: Yeah. Or like, “But, can I…” She’ll ask like it was like a jumble of questions: Can I still have hot chocolate? Yes, you may have hot chocolate. Can we still go to places with snow? Yes, we can still go to places with snow.

Bernie: That’s too cute. 

Mariel: You know what I mean?

Bernie: That is adorable.

Mariel: And then she was like, are you sure that Santa doesn’t exist? 

[Laughing] 

Bernie: Because last I checked, he was giving out gifts right now! 

Mariel: I know, because I just saw him at the mall, you know?

Everyone: [Laughing]

Mariel: It was a little hard. I wish I had gotten to it before it did. You know, like I thought that because she was two or three, it was too soon anyway, because they weren’t at school, blah blah blah. But I was wrong! You know what I mean? It’s true, like they are… these holidays are being marketed so early, right? 

Bernie: Yeah. 

Mariel: You know? Even like…it’s in their programming, their television programming. It’s in commercials, it’s everywhere! 

Bernie: Girl, if you go to Starbucks, everything is pumpkin flavored, pretty soon it’s going to be mint flavored.

Mariel: I know! 

Bernie: Everything is based on those things, so it’s unavoidable. Now, are there special things that you do to avoid the inevitable exclusions from their peers? Because I know a few parents who when, for example, when it’s Halloween, they have their, their school has their Halloween parade. Some of these parents—I’m not saying it’s wrong or right—but some of these parents, they just don’t bring them. They exclude them from school, just so they don’t have to see any of it. Or there are some who take them out to the movies while the other kids are trick-or-treating, or give New Year presents instead of Christmas presents. I mean, do you do any of that?

Emirick: I used to! I used to when I was a stay-at-home mom. I was a stay-at-home mom for a while. During Halloween, I would volunteer at the school to take care of those kids who don’t celebrate.

Bernie: Oh! 

Mariel: Aww…that’s awesome!  

Emirick: Because you know… 

Jewell: I think it’s a great idea! I think I wanna do that!

Bernie: That’s an amazing idea. That’s a great idea.

Emirick: Because we’re not the only ones who don’t celebrate. 

Bernie: That’s true.

Emirick: Now, if we were, then I would probably be like, okay kids, we’re not going to school, or something else to say. But I would volunteer. I would talk to the principal and say, do you have other kids who don’t celebrate Halloween? And so, it would be offered to the teachers. If there were any kids who, you know, it’s against their beliefs to go out and do the parade or whatever. Mrs. Haro will take all those kids to the library, and we would make paper airplanes; we would do a little science lesson, and have a lot of fun! And so, I would do that every year with my kids.

Mariel: Oh! You made a community for those kids! I love it!

Jewell: I love that idea!

Bernie: I love that. I mean that is… 

Jewell: Yeah! I mean, when [my son]  Hayden was in TK. So TK, what is that?

Mariel: Transitional?

Jewell: Yeah, transitional kindergarten. He was five years old so during Christmas time, the teacher took us aside, and said, “Oh can I speak to you real quick?” And then she was like, “I know you guys don’t celebrate Christmas, but Hayden has to stop telling everybody that Santa is not real.”

Everyone: [Laughing]

Bernie: See! I’m afraid that’s what my son is going to do! 

[Laughing] 

Emirick: I’m about to have a special conversation with my kids about that, yeah. 

Jewell: And so, of course, we had to [tell him], “Hayden, you can’t…you still have to respect…”

Everyone: Right, yes.

Jewell: So…but in a way, I’d rather him be confident that way, and tame him down, versus like, he’s embarrassed to be the outcast. Do you know what I’m saying? And I think that’s what parents need to remember. When I was a Children’s Worship Service teacher, I would purposely ask the kids during service, because I feel like kids need to embrace being different you know?

Bernie: Correct.

Jewell: And I don’t think we should dance around the topic? You know what I mean? So we could sugarcoat their feelings? No, I feel like we need to…I feel like we need to teach them how to be confident.

Emirick: I feel like believing in those, you know, things like, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, I feel like those kinds of things kill faith, because kids grow up thinking that stuff is real. Yeah, and then they grow up thinking those things are real, God is real. They lump them all together. 

Bernie: Oh gosh no, right.

Emirick: And when they grow up they realize… wait, Santa Claus isn’t real? And the Tooth Fairy isn’t real? Oh, then God must not be real either. So, you know, I made it very clear. I feel like those things kind of are killing that faith in God, and they think that it preserves wonder in a child, and I’m like, there are so many things that you can wonder. I mean, all of God’s creations, and all the things God does? That’s wonderful! [Those are the] things you should have your wonder in! 

So, when you put your wonder in these fake things, and they think, oh, you’re not preserving wonder in a child, you’re killing a child’s imagination and creativity, I think, absolutely, that is the wrong thing. You’re not killing their imagination and creativity…you’re killing their faith. You know? And you can believe in God, and not believe in those fake fairy things, and preserve wonder, and teach creativity and imagination. 

So, from a very early age—from the minute my kids could look around, and see things and understand what I’m saying to them, I told them this is Christmas. It’s in honor of a fake god. Do we honor fake gods or do we honor the real God? And they’ll say, oh the real God! And then I go, so we don’t do that. As they got older…and so you know little kids are very bold. Like you said, Hayden would tell everybody! So, [my son] Russell was given a gift from his teacher for Christmas one time in first grade. She wrapped up books, and gave a wrapped up book to all the kids in our class. And when I came to pick up Russell one day after school, and he hadn’t come out! And I was looking for him! And so I went to his classroom, and he was very angry at his teacher. And I’m like, what’s going on? And the teachers all like, Russell is upset because I gave him a Christmas gift. And Russell is all like, I told her! I told her so many times! 

Everyone: [Laughing]

Emirick: I don’t celebrate Christmas! And then, so I was like, oh man! So I had to like, pull him aside! And I told my other kids, too, like you have to understand this is a truth that we know, but it’s not a truth that everybody knows yet. And so, we do have to share it, but we have to be sensitive with… 

Everyone: yeah, right, right

Emirick: …how they’re going to take it, because maybe they’ve lived their whole life believing this, so we have to be gentle? And so I had to explain to Russell! I’m like, so you know, I’m like…we took the book, and apologized to the teacher, and I’m like, Russell, you can’t be angry at her! She was just trying to be nice to you! And he’s like, but I told her! I don’t celebrate Christmas! 

Everyone: [Laughing]

Bernie: Well, you know, we do get a lot of that side eye from other parents for this. Other parents, other adults, and we become that super weird, and lame… you know, parent, real quick when we’re missing from the Halloween parades, and holiday parties, you know? How do we explain our beliefs to teachers, and surrounding adults that may think it’s quote, unquote “not a big deal” to include our kids in things that are against our beliefs?

Jewell: I think for me, I don’t know…for me, none of this is a big deal, to be honest. I just straight up tell the teachers, we don’t celebrate it, and that’s it! And then I think we live in a world now that… 

Bernie: …a little bit more accepting? 

Jewell: Yeah, that there [are] a lot of different beliefs, and so teachers are a lot more accommodating.

Emirick: And I tell my kids, we are not going to make any excuses not to do something, because we still want to learn, and we still want to let our teachers know that we are here for the learning. Even though it goes against our beliefs, we’re going to make accommodations, so that we’re not offending God, but we are still learning. 

So, they were making leprechaun traps in kindergarten, and they had to make a family project with your family, you were going to make a leprechaun trap, and they had to bring it to school, then they were going to trick the kids that they had a leprechaun, or something like that, right? And [my son]  David was in kindergarten, and he told his teacher, you know I don’t really believe in leprechauns, and it goes against…in my Church, I’m not allowed to celebrate Saint Patrick’s day, so is it okay if I just make a mousetrap? So he made an accommodation! He’s like, I’m not saying I don’t want to do this, I know this is a family project, but I’m not going to make a leprechaun trap, I’m going to make a mousetrap instead. And she was like okay, sounds good! So we made a mousetrap! And then he told me in kindergarten, he’s like, “I wanted to tell everybody that you didn’t really catch a leprechaun, it was just the teachers tricking you!”

Everyone: [Laughing]

Bernie: I love this kid!

Emirick: So if there’s like a Christmas worksheet or anything like that, my kids have done in the past, and said, you know, is it okay if I do this worksheet instead?

My mom found this worksheet online, and it’s like the same content, but it’s just something different. And then, they’re like okay! You know, they’re still able to participate in the learning. 

Bernie: Sure! There’s a solution! 

Jewell: Can I ask Emirick a question on that real quick? So…and maybe I don’t know if I’m doing this right or wrong, you know, because same thing with me. I believe, you know, I let my kids participate, you know, in activities. Just the same thing [as] yours, you know, during Halloween time, it’s arts and crafts, you know what I mean? They still have to do the arts and crafts. So, that’s what I mean. I don’t completely take them out, they still do the activities like in arts and crafts. Even in the holidays they have a holiday program where they sing songs, you know, for the holiday program. I mean, I actually allow my kids to participate.

Emirick: We take the seasonal approach. So, I’ll ask the teacher, because there have been programs, and they’ll say, is it okay if your child participates in the program? And I’m like what’s the song? And then she’ll tell me what the song is, and I’m like oh okay that’s just winter. Like, I believe that Jingle Bells is just a winter song, and they’re just going through the snow or whatever like that, and I’m like oh that’s okay. 

But when they start singing about Santa Claus, and all that stuff then I say, “Nah, we can’t really participate in that.” So yeah, and when they do their crafts, like, for example, when they did 12 days of Christmas craft? So, they were counting down to Christmas, and David said, can I count down to New Year’s? And they’re all like, ok. So then he made those rings where he was counting down to the New Year. So, we’re always accommodated, and they were very clear. So, the teachers knew that we don’t do this, but we’re still here. We’re not trying to excuse ourselves out of these activities, we’re still here for the learning. 

Bernie: Those are great examples!

Mariel: You know what’s funny? Is that, I know my son had an encounter with his friend, where he was doing that thing! Being really loud, and say like, “We don’t celebrate that! Why do you?” You know, and like, of course, I’m over here trying to calm him down, you know. And then, like so, his friend turns to him, and says, “Do you celebrate birthdays?” And my son turns to me, [Whispering] “Do we celebrate birthdays?”

Everyone: [Laughing]

Mariel: I was like, “Yes, we celebrate birthdays, and New Year’s.” It’s funny because they’re like, he’s still defining where the line is, as well.

Emirick: I take the academic approach to it, you know? With my kids, we’ve gone and went back to the history of all these holidays, and we’ve Googled where did this come from? Or where did this come from? And…we’ll read!  And like, we’ve read where does Thanksgiving come from? And then I’ll ask them, is that okay? Does that offend God? And they’re like I don’t think so. And I’m like yeah I think it’s okay to do that. And then, we’ll…you know, we’ll Google where does Christmas come from? Actually, we’ll use the shows on INC Media. We use a lot of That’s In the Bible. 

Bernie: Nice!

Jewell: I like that. 

Emirick: You know, they have a lot of good shows explaining the history of a holiday. And then, I’ll say, “Does that offend God?” And then they’re like, “Yeah, because, you know, it dates back to a pagan God, a pagan ritual.” I’m like, so then, we don’t do that. So they are very clear as to which holidays, and why. You know? So that they can defend themselves, too, when they go there. It’s not just something “my mom said.” It’s not just something said at Church.

Mariel: Right.

Emirick: You know? It’s actually being…I have a reason for it. And we will rehearse, you know, because I know that there are going to be people out there, although there are many people that are kind and tolerant nowadays, you know? I grew up where people were rude about it, when I was a kid. And so in case you encounter this, which you might, let’s practice what you might say, so that you’re not offending somebody, but you’re actually hopefully, enlightening them. 

We would approach it with a question, you know? So, we would rehearse that with my kid. If someone said, why don’t you celebrate Christmas? Then I would tell my kids to say, well why do you? You know? Because the burden of proof is not on us, because we don’t celebrate it. They’re the ones who celebrate it, so they should be the ones to justify why they celebrate it.

Mariel: You’re so smart!

Bernie: I’m taking notes right now. 

Jewell: Me too! I really like that approach. Really, instead of the kids just… especially when you… when your kids are a little older? Where they can really understand. I like the academic approach where they are trained to always go back to the truth. 

Emirick: So, the burden of proof is not on us, it’s on them. Because they’re the ones who celebrate it!

Mariel: I love it.

Bernie: I feel like after this, Emirick should just drop the mic.

Everyone: [Laughing] 

Bernie: Though we’ve talked about what to tell our kids, and their teachers, in regards to why we don’t celebrate certain holidays, and yes, the exclusion of our kids from any activities that are related to the events. This discussion is really about teaching our kids spiritual integrity. 

Emirick: Yeah. 

Bernie: It’s their first real battle, with real Christian hardships, like persecution, like choosing God over what’s popular, and sacrifice. We’re not only paving the way, we’re leaving bread crumbs, so that when our kids grow up, out there in the real world, as adults facing questions like: Why don’t you join us for happy hour? Why can’t you date him because he’s a cutie patootie?! Then they’ll look back at these moments, and remember what we’ve taught them. About that spiritual integrity. So, I’d like to thank the listeners for joining us this evening,  and also, thank you to our panelists: Jewell, Emirick and Mar. Thank you, ladies! 

Everyone: Thank you!

Mariel: Thank you! So informative! Bernie: I’m going to be looking over these notes later, trust me! I mean, everybody has come up with some really great information. So, I’m Bernie Rosquites. You’ve been listening to Tired Moms! A podcast brought to you by Faith and Family. We’ll talk to you all again, next time!

Tired Moms Podcast: Breast Cancer Survivor

Luida: …He said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. Reality hit. So I broke down and cried. I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it. 

Bernie Rosquites: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are Christians from the Church of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Bernie Rosquites, and joining me on this podcast is my good friend, Miss Emirick Haro.

Emirick Haro: Hey, Bernie, hello, hello, everybody. It’s October, which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We celebrate those who are battling it– the friends and family members who are in the trenches with them, and those who have survived it.

Bernie: Yes. And we were also helping to spread awareness with our guest today, Luida Florendo. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2014. The treatment was so tough on her, she cried herself to sleep, but with the support of her husband, friends, and God, she has managed through it. So she’s experienced a lot, and we are going to learn a very important lesson from her. She is with us right now. Hi, Luida. Thank you for joining us today.

Luida: Hi, Bernie. Hi, Emirick. Hello. Glad to be here in this podcast show.

Emirick: Thank you for joining us. Yes. Tell us how you found out that something was wrong.

Luida: Let’s see started back in April 2014. I had my first mammogram at the age of 42. I was turning 43 in a couple months. When the results came back from the mammogram, the doctor said that I had some calcifications or white spots in my mammogram. So they said we need to check if you have any cancer cells. So they said let’s do a biopsy. So I did a biopsy and he said it came up negative. But he said just to make sure let’s do a lumpectomy, which is a surgery to get some breast tissue sample. 

Bernie: Okay. 

Luida: And after that first lumpectomy, they found a speck of cancer cells and was like in the milligram. It was super tiny, but they caught it early. So I was thankful for that. And then they said you know what, let’s do a second lumpectomy just to make sure that it hasn’t gone to the lymph nodes. So the results came back and it was negative. So that was good. But we said the next step is we need to take it to the tumor board to see if you have the aggressive cancer cell. So when it came back he said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. So that was in August 2014 and he said you need to do chemotherapy next week

Bernie: so when you got the mammogram it came out negative right. And then they said let’s just double check.  Is that– they didn’t –Is that how it went?

Luida: Actually when they looked at the results of the mammogram they saw white spots

Bernie: okay to the tiny okay,

Luida: Right and then because I never had any mammogram before that 

Bernie: This was your first one?

Luida: very first one so they had nothing to compare it to. So they said we need to check it out.

Emirick: Wow. So it’s really important to have a mammogram, right? 

Bernie: Yes, yes, 

Luida: Early detection is key. Yes, man.

Emirick: And and when do they recommend starting it? At what age?

Luida: I was at the time I turned 43

Emirick: Okay, so um, your very first mammogram and then that was in April and in four months,  you had to start going through chemotherapy? Um, tell us what was going through your mind from the moment that you found out something was wrong, right, because it’s just a routine procedure. Everyone said, get a mammogram and you know, and and you get one thinking it’s just going to be routine, and you find out something is wrong, and in four short months you’re going through chemotherapy, so like, how did you process that in your brain?

Luida: Let’s see, for the first reaction, I was, um…reality hit. So I broke down and cried. And then at the time, I was the only one working, my husband was laid off at the time. So I was thinking how we’re going to pay the bills. How are we going to survive? Right? 

Bernie: Wow.

Luida: So that’s the initial reaction.

Emirick: Could you feel that something was wrong? Like were you tired? were you feeling sick sometimes or did it just feel like normal like every day

Luida: it’s funny you mentioned that because I had no symptoms whatsoever. So no tiredness, no sore, nothing sore in my my breasts, but it was just because mammogram, they found that there was something there was something unusual about my mammogram. And that’s when everything happened.

Emirick: So yes, because I know I mean, myself, I, I get scared of mammograms. I had one actually, finally, I’m 46 now and I had my first one, like, last year. So for those of you listening, you know, I hope this inspires you to get mammogram and get early so that you can, you know, learn about what’s going on, because like you said, You didn’t feel anything different, right?

Luida: None.

Emirick:  So just routine. Can I ask when you found out? What were your prayers? Like? How did you? How did you like turn to God and, and, and ask for his help?

Luida: Let’s see, I knew that my life was in God’s hands. 

Bernie: Yes. 

Luida: So I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it. But then I said, if it was possible, I wanted to fight this breast cancer, I want it to live longer.

Emirick: So it’s almost like that surrender, right? So

Bernie: Surrendering is, is… when you leave it, it’s easy to say like, you know, I’m just gonna leave it in God’s hands, but there are times in the middle of the night. Your mind starts talking to you. But I feel like  your conviction to just, “ I’m gonna let God take the wheel.”

Luida:  Yeah, right. 

Bernie: And, and, and you’re still with us today. And through all this, as scary, as I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions you were going through, who was supporting you through it all.

Luida: I guess my number one supporter would definitely be my husband, Cesar Lorenzo. He took me to all my doctor appointments to all my chemo, and radiation treatments. He was practically my nurse at home. So he made sure that our was well taken cared of and comfortable. But my other supporters would definitely be family. My family’s in Hawaii, the Langit family there were miles away, but very supportive. Then I had my in laws, the Florenda family who were here in San Diego, then I also had my co workers from the county of San Diego that was super supportive. And another big supporter were my INC family from the locale of South San Diego.

Emirick: you had a lot of support.

Bernie:  you had a lot of support and that I that’s.. and that really means a lot. How has your relationship with God changed through this experience? 

Luida: Let’s See, definitely when I was going through the chemo treatments and all that, it definitely made my relationship with God stronger. Because um, despite the chemo treatments, God was so good that he gave me the strength to still go to work. He still allowed me to perform in the choir. So  that I am super thankful to God that despite the treatments,

Bernie: You were still doing your thing.

Luida: I was still you’re still business as usual. Yeah.

Emirick: Through chemotherapy and everything?

Luida: Right? It’s like, and then I guess I went to work and went to church. Usually I had a black scarf on because I lost my hair. But that didn’t bother me. It’s like, I don’t care.

Emirick: I just really admire your positivity. 

Bernie: Yes.

Emirick: I actually don’t know, like, what is chemotherapy like? If you don’t mind, kind of painting that picture  for me and and our guests.

Luida: Let’s say we chemotherapy. I’d be fine. Like I would do it on Friday. But then I would be super hyper and talkative, per my husband. Saturday, Monday. And then on Monday, and Tuesday will be my down day. It’s like I can’t go to work. I can’t do anything. So and then I guess the hardest part about the chemotherapy was like when you eat food. It tastes like metal like you’re eating pennies. 

Bernie: Yeah. 

Emirick: Oh, yeah.

Luida: So it was hard to find something that your mouth and your taste buds could accept. So that was the hardest thing and then that’s the one where one day I was like super hungry, but I couldn’t eat anything and that’s when I cried myself to sleep. 

Emirick: Aww

Bernie: I can only I yeah. You’re just like that piece of chicken that looks delicious. It tastes like a bag of pennies.

Emirick: No, you take away my sense of taste and I don’t know how I’m gonna continue. Yeah. So Okay, that’s a lot to go through. Um, what would, what some advice you’d have for someone who’s going through that, like, how did you find your strength?

Luida: Let’s see pretty much um, like having God as your backbone was a big, big help. 

Bernie: Absolutely. 

Luida: Having the support of family and friends having huge circle of support was , it helped me through the chemo treatments.

Emirick: Now I heard that after your experience, you started supporting other family and friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer. Why is that important for you to help them?

Luida: Let’s see, when it comes to my experience with breast cancer, I definitely wanted to be open to anyone who was experiencing the same thing or someone who knew someone that was going through breast cancer, because I wanted to, like ease their anxiety, kind of give them an idea of what they’re gonna go through, or some of the good and bad things that they’ll experience during the chemo treatments.

Emirick: How did you begin doing that? Did you just identify– how did you learn of people also diagnosed with breast cancer? 

Luida: Actually, after I went through my own chemo treatments, it was strange because I had a co worker, I had a cousin and I had three church friends that also had breast cancer. And then I was open to answering other questions. Yeah.

Bernie: You know, God has His has His way. You know, it’s like He, you went through this, this journey that was painful. But I always I always think like, when things happen when I experience things that aren’t always the best experience, I always like, there’s a reason. There’s a reason why I’m going through this, whatever it is, I’ll try my best to be present when I realize what that reason is. And I feel like because of your positive, positive attitude and the strength that you have shown, here’s the reason. And because you have had some close friends and family go through a similar experience, you were there and you helped create a village for them.

Emirick: Right? It’s like uh, I feel the same way like maybe  you went through it because you were super strong. You had to go yes first. Yeah, you could turn around and be like Alright guys, we got this, you know. Interesting that I see. I see that too.

Bernie: Is that Yeah, so just to summarize what I’m learning is that number one, to all our listeners out there, right, get a mammogram– never too late. Right I’m actually actually penciling it in there’s like I’m like actually writing it down on my thing like big bold letters get a mammogram, schedule, tomorrow

Emirick: I will ignore the letter that came from Kaiser the other day says primary or secondary mammogram I was like no I don’t I got I got the first one already

Bernie: you’re fine. But get the mammogram. Okay, number two, find your support and your tribe which is the reason Luida wanted to help others right and and you like I said, you went through this journey and yet I felt like God was like, Okay, this is this part’s gonna be hard. But I promise you there’s a reason. And number three, pray and believe in God that’s what I’m learning from this conversation. And I have to say, again, I am just absolutely just amazed of the just the positivity, that you’re just sharing with us through this, this journey that you went through. So God is truly truly so great. So, Luida, I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story and joining Emirick and I and allowing us to go on the short journey with you with what you went through. So I appreciate that. We appreciate that

Luida: bye everyone. Thank you for having me on this podcast.

Emirick: Yes, thank you so much for sharing your story. We know that someone out there is listening who’s experiencing the same thing. And we just want to remind you that you are not alone. And God’s love never fails.

Absolutely. 

Bernie: So thank you, Luida,  for joining us Emmerich as usual. Thank you always for being my awesome co host. So thank you for listening to this episode of faith and family. And if you enjoy listening to us talk, laugh, cry, build each other up. You can Download more on Google podcast I Heart Radio and Apple podcasts under Faith and Family. And, as always, please, please, please, please, please leave us a review or just say hi. Other than that, please take care and stay safe. We’ll see you next time.