Pastor Jeff Williams: April 17, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part VIII, "When NOT to Reconcile."

Today, we are going to talk about when it's not wise to reconcile. This is not an inspirational message. I'm not pretending that it is. This isn't one of those messages where you'll walk out of here going, "Oh! I don't get to reconcile! It's awesome!" This is a necessary message. This is a message where I think it's important for us to have permission from God's Word in certain circumstances not to reconcile. I think sometimes as Christians, we think everybody should like us. We should like everybody; we should be friends with everybody, and we can't stand it when anybody is mad at us or upset with us. We want to get along with everyone, so sometimes we do that to a fault. We do that, and we stay in relationships that are harmful. We're going to see what God's Word says about that.

From time to time, we find ourselves walking through a cemetery. We were on a vacation in New England, and we said, "There could be some pilgrims buried there. Let's check that out." One time when I was a youth pastor, I took our youth group to a cemetery. I didn't tell them where we were going, and for a half hour they had to walk around the tombstones looking at them without saying a word. Then they came back and we talked about it. In a cemetery, you realize the brevity of life. There are life lessons learned there.

I want to take you on a little tour this morning of your relational cemetery. You have one-you know that, right? You all have a relational cemetery. As you walk through that relational cemetery, there is your name; the name of that person you were in a relationship with; there is the date it was started, and there is the date it was ended. Around some of the graves, the dirt is hardened. Those graves have been there for a long time, and the names have been worn away from the stone through the season of life. You've almost forgotten the event. You've almost forgotten the name and the circumstances. Other graves are fresh; the dirt has very recently been shoveled. The memory stands out very vividly in your mind; but other graves have been there for a long time. Even though a long time has passed, when you look at that marker, you recall the events of that day like it was yesterday because that person had significance in your life. That person was a friend; that person might have been a spouse; that person might have been somebody in your family, somebody of significance, maybe somebody you worshipped with. You recall that when you took the shovel and you buried that relationship, you did so in tears and your heart was broken. They betrayed your trust; they betrayed your confidence. They totally blindsided you when you least expected it. You had no idea you'd ever bury that relationship, and yet you did. The memories of that moment, the memories of that day, stand out and are replayed in your mind.

Other times you go to a different grave, and you have a sorrow of a different kind because you're the one who ended that relationship. It was your wrongdoing; it was your fault. You were the one who broke the confidence. You're the one who betrayed the relationship. You're sorrowful, and you're thinking, "This did not have to die. It's my fault." That's added to and exacerbated when a person is gone, no longer with us and "now I can't reconcile with them." Then you deal with regret and remorse over the loss of that relationship. Some of those relational gravestones you look at, and it's interesting because there's a time it was born and a time it died; and then there is another date where it was reborn, and it's still alive. There was a resurrection through reconciliation. Reconciliation means to restore. You have friends in your lives and relationships in your lives. Where there was a rebirth through the process of confession and forgiveness, you are now in a relationship again that was once gone.

Through some of the markers through this series, there will be reconciliations where it is healthy and wise to do so. There are going to be resurrections. You're going to get the shovel out, and you're going to say, "We're going to restore what was lost." When that can happen and it's healthy and good, it's a beautiful thing. Sometimes we try to resurrect relationships that should not be resurrected. We built friendships that are better left where they were. How do we know the difference? Sometimes we have an empty hole ready for a relationship to be buried in. It's there, and we're deciding, we're contemplating, we're holding the shovel. We say, "Do I throw dirt on this? Does this relationship have hope? It's on life support. Is it going to make it?" We're contemplating what to do, so how do we know when the time is to pull the plug or when to pray, to act, and to work towards reconciliation? That's our focus today.

Since it's Passion Week, I thought we would take a look at a relationship that Jesus had that did not end well. There were many relationships that Jesus had where there was a break in the relationship, but the relationship wasn't mended. There was a time He went to His hometown, and the people became angry with Him. Some of those relationships were hurt and damaged. There was a time when Peter confessed his sin after denying Jesus three times. That relationship had been broken, and that mended. There were times when He had breakdowns in His family. Remember it says His brothers and sisters did not believe in Him, and they sort of mocked Him. They said, "Well, if You want to be famous, why don't You leave? Go away. Nobody who wants to be famous should be here. You think You're something special? You want to be well-known? Then go." Even His own family didn't believe in Him, but we know there was reconciliation with His family. Two of His half-brothers wrote Books in the Bible. His half brother, James, wrote the Book of James. Judas, His other half-brother, wrote the Book of Jude. Why didn't Jude call his Book Judas? That was his rightful name. We don't have 1 Pete and 2 Pete. We don't have 1, 2, 3 Jack. Why does Jude use the nickname of his name? We know why, don't we? We don't want a Book in the Bible that is the Book of Judas, the betrayer. That name is cursed.

I want to look at that relationship. I want to look at this one who followed Christ's miracles and heard His teachings. Yet, that relationship ended badly, as badly as it possibly could; and there was never a record of any kind of reconciliation. Why? Let's turn in our Bibles to the Book of John 12 (page 1065 of pew Bibles). Let me give you a little bit of a background on what's going on in the life of Christ at this time. The resurrection of Lazarus was a game changer. The resurrection of Lazarus was a miracle that no one could deny, not even the staunchest enemies and critics of Christ. They knew he was dead, they knew he was buried, and they knew he was very much alive; so even the most hardcore enemies and skeptics were becoming Christians. There was a wave of conversions at this time, so much so that it was a very strong threat to the powers that be, to the religious aristocracy. To those in control, Jesus was a threat. The Jews were living under the control of the Romans, but they had free reign. They could worship as they pleased. They could have their temple; they could have their sacrifices, observe the Sabbath. They could even have their own court of law. They couldn't carry out capital punishment, but pretty much anything else they could do. They were loosely-governed, and the main stipulation was to maintain the peace. Rome would let you live as you pleased as long as you maintained the peace. If you did not maintain the peace, they would come and crush you, and you would lose your freedom. What they were afraid of was that Jesus was going to lead a rebellion. So many people were following Him; so many people were on His side, and [those who opposed were saying], "He is against us. He is going to lead a rebellion, and a riot will start. When He starts a riot, Rome will crack down; and we are going to lose our position. We're going to lose our power. We're going to lose our authority."

It was not for religious reasons that they crucified Jesus. It was not because of blasphemy or any other thing. Those were all trumped up charges. The reason they crucified Christ, earthy-speaking, was they were going to lose their power and control. The high priest, Caiaphas, stood up and said, "It is better that one Man die for the nation than that the whole nation perishes." From that moment on, they began to plot for a way to remove Jesus. They sent out an all-points bulletin. Jesus was public enemy number one. His mug shot, His poster, was going up in every post office. He was on every milk carton. Everywhere you'd turn, there was Jesus. There was rumor of reward involved as well "if you'll help us find this Man."

Jesus and His Disciples, for a brief period of time, moved to a wilderness city called Ephraim to be away from the crowd, to be away from the threat of being captured and killed. The Passover was about to happen. It was the most important holiday of the year. Most people believed Jesus wouldn't come, but He did because He was carrying out the Will of the Father. Before He entered into Jerusalem for the triumphal entry on Palm Sunday, the night before, He had dinner at the home of His friends-Mary, Martha, and the resurrected Lazarus. At that party, it says in John 12:3, Mary took "a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."

Ladies, how many of you like perfume, Estee Lauder or whatever? I don't even know how I know that (congregation laughing), but I guarantee you you've never bought perfume that cost you thousands of dollars. This pint of nard cost a year's salary. It was so rare, and this plant had such an exquisite aroma that it filled the room with a smell some had never even smelled before. It was a beautiful fragrance. They would breathe it in and say, "Ahhh." She was so grateful to Jesus because He brought her Truth. He brought her brother back from the dead. She was so grateful that she didn't care about how much she used. She just was pouring the whole bottle out. Everybody was thinking, "Wow! She sure loves Jesus." It was an act of worship, and everybody was overwhelmed with the sacrifice except one person. The Bible tells us that man was Judas.

Verse 4, "But one of the Disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray Him, objected, 'Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year's wages.'" It sounds righteous, doesn't it? It sounds holy.

Then there is a little bit of commentary, a little insert from John. He tells us, "He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used it to help himself to what was put into it."

He was a thief. That's all he cared about. He thought, "Wow! If we would have had a year's salary, I could have really dipped into that." That's all he cared about. Jesus rebuked him. He said in Verse 7, "'Leave her alone,' Jesus replied. 'It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of My burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have Me.'" Jesus rebuked him, and he was offended at that. He was embarrassed by that. He was angered by that. The Bible tells us that at that moment, he left the party. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. You see, Judas knew that his cash cow was about to run dry. He knew that Jesus was a wanted man, and there was only so long that He could hide. If the most powerful men in the country wanted you dead, and they had sent out an APB for your arrest-every scoundrel and hitmen in the region knows about you and is looking for you-and you were about ready to go to Jerusalem for the biggest holiday of the year, it was only a matter of time before Jesus was caught. It was going to be sooner than later, and the money bag was going to be gone; so Judas said, "I'm going to cash in while I can. I'm going to get while the getting is good. I'm going to get the last bit of money out of this Jesus that I can." All Jesus was to Judas was a dollar sign. From that moment on, he left. Matthew 26 tells us that. Matthew 26 tells us the story, and as soon as that happened, that rebuke, it said, "Then Judas went to the chief priest," immediately.

He said, "My name is Judas. I'm a follower of Jesus. I can give you what you need if you give me what I want." The deal was arranged; the price was reached for an agreement, and they shook hands. Judas went back, and they had the Last Supper together. Jesus announced, "One of you will betray Me." Judas had the audacity to ask the question: "Is it I, Lord?" after he'd already betrayed Jesus.

Jesus said, "The one who dips his bread with me will betray Me." Judas dipped his bread, and Jesus turned to him and said, "Go and do quickly what you must do." Judas left and said, "I have the plan. Tonight in the Garden of Gethsemane, away from all the people, you will find Jesus. He will be the One I kiss. Whoever I kiss, seize Him." That night, Jesus was in the Garden. He knew His betrayer was coming, and He said, "Our betrayer is coming. Arise, let us go." He doesn't say that for them to run; He says that in order to meet the betrayer. He says that to meet the ones who are coming to take Him away. You see, they weren't tiptoeing through the tulips that night. As they were coming in the quiet of the night, there were almost 800 men. Did you know that? The Bible tells us it was a cohort of soldiers-that's 600 men-plus the chief priests, the Pharisees, and Judas, which was over 200 men. They came with clubs, torches, spears, and swords; and they didn't come quietly. They think they're going to have to hunt, comb, breakup, and look all through the Garden. They came down the Kidron Valley near Jerusalem. If you're in the Mount of Olives, there is a valley that lasts a mile between the two. You could look across from the Garden of Gethsemane, and you could watch those 600 torches coming down the mountain; so He knew they were coming, but they didn't have to find Him. He found them, and He said, "Who are you looking for?"

They said, "Jesus of Nazareth."

Jesus said, "I am."

Judas kissed Him on the cheek, and He said, "Are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" and you know the rest of the story. From there, He was taken away and beaten. He would be given a mock trial, and He would be crucified.

Judas began to realize what he had done. Rather than go to Christ and beg for His forgiveness, Judas took the money, threw it back in the palace, and said, "I've done a terrible thing!"

They said, "We don't care. We don't care how you feel about it." He gets no support there. Judas found a rope and found a tree, and he took his life. He hanged himself. It was a very unhappy ending. There was no reconciliation. There's soon to be not even a hope of it. It did not end well.

When we have relationships that don't end well; when we are betrayed; when confidence is broken, should we reconcile? When should we reconcile?

We're going to continue to look at this story, but I want to give you some questions that will serve like a grid. We don't have time to address every single scenario that you can come up with about reconciliation and forgiveness, so I want to give you a grid. I want to give you some questions to ask.

The number one question when I'm determining whether or not to reconcile is has there been closure? Has there already been closure? Have we moved on? Maybe it didn't end the way we wanted it to, but sometimes we can do more damage trying to repair a relationship where we're not enemies, we're not out to get one another, but we've kind of moved on. Sometimes we try to resurrect that and resurrect those issues when there has already been closure and forgiveness has been given. "I don't know if they've forgiven me, but really we need to move on." So I ask you the question, "Has there been closure?" Maybe it's not a relationship that really needed to continue. It could cause more harm than good by revisiting those circumstances. Use your discernment there.

Secondly, do both parties want to reconcile? If more than one person does not want to reconcile, then you are wasting your time. Sometimes you can even do more harm than good. You can push the person even further away. Wait until they are ready, if they are ready. Sometimes you just have to wait and say, "You know what? For right now, this relationship is not going to reconcile. Maybe down the road it will." Paul said in Romans 12:18, "As far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all men." Sometimes you try to be at peace with all men, but maybe sometimes you can't. Maybe sometimes it isn't possible. They don't want to reconcile. It doesn't matter what you say; there isn't going to be reconciliation because reconciliation requires at least two. Forgiveness requires just one.

Thirdly, and this point I want to linger on-this question I want to linger on-is it safe to reconcile? This is very important, and there are three criteria that we're going to use to determine if something is safe. Number one, what is the motivation? Number two, what is their method? And number three, what is their mindset? I think it's important to talk about all three of these.

Number one, what is the motivation? What is this person wanting out of reconciliation? What do they want out of the friendship? What did Judas want out of Jesus? Money. Jesus was simply something that Judas used for himself. There are still people who use Jesus today. Judas was only concerned about Judas. Judas' motivation in their relationship was how he could take care of himself. Friends, there are people out there who want a one-sided relationship. They want it to always be about them and them only. They're only concerned with what they can take, what they can have. They're really not concerned about you. You are disposable. When they have what they want, if they no longer need you, they will get rid of you. Some of you can attest to that; some of you have been in relationships and friendships where you felt used. A person used you to get information, intimacy, or whatever it was they were looking for. When they got what they wanted, they moved on. I will not ask for a raise of hands on that one because it's all of us. We've all been used; we've all been taken advantage of. What is the motivation? These all blend together because the way I know the motivation is by looking at the method. What is their pattern? How do they conduct themselves? How do they normally interact with me? Is there a pattern there? Was this harm that was done to our relationship a one-time shot, or is this something that's being repeated? Is this something that's ongoing? Is this something that just seems to happen in a cyclical manner? If I see that it's repetitive and they are repeating this behavior again and again and it's causing me harm, is it wise to reconcile with that person?

You see, Judas didn't just steal once from Jesus. For Judas, this was a lifestyle. John is clear. He said Judas did this all the time. From the time he took over the purse strings until the time he got the last amount of money out of the Romans, Judas took advantage of his position of trust. It was not an event; it was a pattern with Judas. It is very hard to reconcile with somebody who is in a harmful pattern of behavior. If you feel a strong need to reconcile with somebody who has had a pattern of abuse in your life-and I'm not saying this to be sarcastic or a smart alec-but get professional help. Something is wrong somewhere. I'm serious. Something is wrong with you. There's been some need that hasn't been met if you are seeking out of the approval of a person who only means to harm you. That is not healthy; that is not natural, and there is something wrong somewhere. You need to find out what that is. You should seek some professional counseling and find out what is going on inside of you, what it is that needs this dysfunctional relationship in your life, that needs the approval of this person that you never seem to get.

Thirdly, the mindset-the mindset is the present. How did they respond when they were confronted? When there is a discussion about the wrongful behavior, how do they deal with that? Do they say, "I'm sorry. That was wrong. I shouldn't have done that"? Are there tears of remorse and regret, or do they justify and excuse or continue the behavior? That tells me their mindset. How do you reconcile with somebody who doesn't see anything wrong with behavior that has hurt you.

I have a little scab right now on my finger. I have a little cut, and I can't get this blasted thing to heal because I keep knocking it off. I'm going to have to put a Band-Aid on it today. It's getting me really frustrated. This thing should be healed and gone, but I keep reinjuring this spot on my finger. How do you heal a wound when somebody is continuing to hurt you? You need space, and you need time away from that person. Sometimes, that is a permanent situation. If their mindset is such that there is a strong chance of the hurt reoccurring, then you need to set boundaries in that relationship.

I want you to turn in your Bibles to a rather obscure Passage in the Book of 2 Timothy 4 (page 1180 of pew Bibles). We're not only going to look at what Paul says here but at what Paul does not say. This letter was written to Timothy who was the pastor of the church in Ephesus, a church Paul started. He was a pastor Paul mentored. He wrote to warn him of a man named Alexander. Verse 14, "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm," but I want you to invite him to lunch. Use the company credit card. Tell him all is forgotten; all is well. We just want to be friends with him. Give him a warm hug from me, and tell him I love him. Is that what Paul says?

He says, "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm." Alexander the metalworker hurt me really bad. Chances are we know why this happened. Remember there was idol worship in Ephesus, and they worshipped the goddess Diana in the temple? These silver and bronze metalworkers made these necklaces and statues in various sizes for people to worship, to buy and take home as souvenirs? It was one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Well, when they converted to Christianity, they no longer wanted to worship the idols; so the metalworkers were run out of business. It was what drove the economy of the whole city. When Paul started preaching the Gospel, they said, "Well, we're going to worship the true God. We don't need Diana anymore," and the metalworkers lost their jobs. This guy was livid and wanted to know, "Who is responsible for this? Paul?" Maybe he even physically assaulted him, but he attacked Paul personally and he attacked the message of the Gospel.

"The Lord will repay him for what he has done." That is not a statement of unforgiveness. That is not a statement that is vindictive. He is simply stating it matter-of-factly. Paul is saying, "I'm not going to deal with this man anymore. I'm not having a relationship with this man anymore. God knows what he did. He knows what he did. He'll have to answer to God."

Maybe you have somebody [in your life] who got away with something. They hurt you, and they got away with it. What do you say? "They have to answer to God. They're going to have their day before the Lord. I'm not going to get my revenge. I'll let God deal with them." You said that. That's all Paul is saying. He is saying, "He has to answer to God."

"You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message." He is not telling him to reconcile. He says, "Stay away from him. Don't reach out to him. His motivation is to do harm. His pattern has been to do harm, and his mindset is to continue doing harm. He's not sorry for what he has done. Stay away from him." That grave and that dirt remains the way it is. Now should he have a change of heart, then that changes my response. Should there be a true repentance and Alexander decides, "I've become a Christian. I want to serve Jesus Christ, and I want to make amends with you," and we observe over time that he can be trusted, [then there's room for reconciliation]. Paul was a person who was an enemy of Christ and had a radical encounter and change of heart. He said, "Now I'm a Christian," and the church was like, "Ah, not so sure." They learned they could trust him, and then they reconciled with Paul who was once their enemy; but his mindset (Alexander) was such that it was not time to reconcile with this individual.

Friends, there are some Alexanders in your lives that you are wise to not reconcile with. What I want to share with you this morning is from a Biblical perspective, you have permission. You don't have permission to go on a rampage and start burying all these relationships. Your first obligation is forgiveness and reconciliation. When it is healthy and right to do so, that's what we should do-forgive one another, reconcile, and move on. That's what God prefers, but there are instances. May God give wisdom and discernment to when those instances are that we do not reconcile.

Let's pray:

Father, give us wisdom and counsel in the friendships and relationships in our lives. Lord, in the song, we talked about someone who was possibly a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. In the testimony, we heard from a woman who was estranged from her father. In the Scripture, we saw the betrayal of a friend. From every angle, every aspect of life, there can be these breakdowns in relationships. Father, when it is healthy to do so, You always want forgiveness and reconciliation, but sometimes it's not healthy. Sometimes there is closure; sometimes a party does not want to reconcile; and sometimes it is not safe. Grant us wisdom and discernment from Your Word, the Spirit, and the council of Godly friends to be able to make those decisions. Let us not be quick to bury, but let us know sometimes we need to. Sometimes it's healthy to get the shovel out. Sometimes we just have to say, "I have to draw a line. I can't be abused by this person or risk abuse or pain from this person any longer. I need to heal." Grant us that knowledge. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

World Missions

Pastor Jeff Williams: April 3, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part VII, "Love Means Having to Say You're Sorry."

We're talking about how to give an apology today. I have never given a sermon on that in my 30 years of being a pastor. I've never done that; and I don't know if you've ever heard one before, but I think it's important because it's where the rubber meets the road. We're talking about reconciliation. Oftentimes the first step in reconciliation is an apology. Well, how do we give one? Does the Scripture give us a model in how to apology? What we're going to do to get us in that vein is listen to a media which is a conglomeration of some very well known apologies, and then we'll dig in. (The media played was apologies from famous Presidents, athletes, and stars. i.e., Nixon, Clinton, Tiger Woods, Senator Larry Craig, David Letterman…)

I think what Lennon was apologizing for there was a remark he made, "The Beetles are bigger than Jesus Christ." When he said that, it put him in a lot of trouble.

Anybody out there a head banger? Well, I had a head banging experience about a week ago. My wife and I have a king-sized bed that we sleep in. Usually, it means you don't have to come in contact with the other person. You can have your own space. Occasionally, I'll go over there because we have a heated blanket, but I don't heat my side because it gets too hot. She heats her side, so when I'm a little chilled, I just roll over there, get warmed up, and then I roll back. It's nice and cool, and it's a system that works really well. Apparently, I was over there in close proximity. We've been married for 28 years this summer, and this has never happened before. We decided to change positions at the same time and in the same direction, so we actually sat up and turned [at the same time]. When we turned, we collided heads; we banged heads. It was like BAM, and it was so hard and it hurt so much that it instantly woke us both up. It was like OW! Our immediate thought was "why did you just hit me in the head?" You kinda blame the other one, and then you come to your senses and realize what happened and the humor of it all. I apologized to her, "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Apparently I'm very nice during the middle of the night. She has told me this over the years-it's true, isn't it? If I'm snoring loud, she'll simply say, "Jeff, you're snoring. You need to roll over." I'm like, "Oh, I'm ever so sorry" (in British accent). Apparently, I become British when I sleep. "I shall roll over. Please forgive me." I am always really sorry; I apologize. We didn't mean to bump heads, but it happened; and it hurt.

Head banging happens. We're going to bang heads with people in our lives. Sometimes it's intentional, and sometimes it's quite accidently; but you will find that you will have conflict [in your lives]. In this world, you're gonna find you will have people you clash with. Sometimes you will mean to clash, and other times it will be quite surprising, unplanned, and impromptu. You are going to bang heads; so if we bang heads, how do we deal with that pain? How do we make things right? That's what we're going to be talking about today. How do we apologize to someone? It sounds intensely practical, and I think it is. I think it's something we should spend some time on today. When we bang heads with people-when, not if-how are we going to handle that? What are we going to do?

The Bible doesn't use the word apologize; it uses the world apology, but it's in a different sense of the word than how we use it, so that's the closest thing we can come to in the Bible. In the Bible where the word apology appears, it's as a defense for something, an argument for something. In our language, we use the world apology really as a confession of wrong; so the best thing we can do is find a confession. Using the word confession is the closest thing we can find to what we would understand as an apology. I thought it would be good for us to see a good apology first. Let's look at an accurate Biblical apology/confession, and then we'll look at some that aren't so good. I think we'll be able to see why once we look at a good example.

I want you to turn in your Bibles to Nehemiah 1:4-8. Nehemiah is an important man in the history of Israel. He is the man who begins the rebuilding of the wall. The nation is now in exile. Because of their rebellion and sin against God, they are being punished; so they are in another land. Right now, Persia is in control, and Nehemiah loves his country. He loves his heritage. He receives a report that the wall is in ruins. It was their first line of defense, and really without a wall, you weren't a city at all. The wall was down and in shambles, and Nehemiah's heart was broken. He realized there's a direct coloration between the rebellion of his people and the current state of the city of Jerusalem. Before he would ever start putting one brick upon another; before he would ever assemble a team; before he would ever seek to get permission to leave the king's service; before he would seek to even scout out the land, he spent time fasting and in prayer. We're going to read his confession in Nehemiah 1:4 (page 472 of pew Bibles). He said, "When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of Heaven. Then I said: 'Oh Lord, God of Heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer Your servant is praying before you day and night for Your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father's house, have committed against You. We have acted very wickedly toward You. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.'" Then he talks about restoration and the fact that God will bring them together if they repent. There are some qualities-there are some ingredients-to a confession that I want to share here in this Passage.

The first thing I notice is that Nehemiah not only is representing his family and his people, but he also talks about himself. [Number one], an apology is self-focused. It is no longer focusing on the argument. It's not trying to win an argument. It simply owns what I am responsible for; so when I apologize, I'm simply talking about me, "Here's the part I've had. Here is what I have done. When you apologize, it's not an opportunity to escalate the argument. It's not an opportunity to try to win the argument. It's a time when you're focusing on your part.

Nehemiah said, "I had a part to play too. My sin has contributed to where we are at, and I am sorry for my sin, the problems that I have had."

Secondly, there is a sincerity here, isn't there? If you read Nehemiah's words, he is sincere about what he is saying. To be effective [number two], an apology must be sincere. Just mouthing the magic words doesn't really cut it in my book. You've all received apologies. Maybe, like Jesse said, [you've encountered an apology] when one parent makes a child apologize to a sibling or friend, and they simply want to hear the magic words. That's all that counts. The person says they are sorry, but you know in your heart, they're really not. I'm afraid the reliable test for sincerity is the passage of time. It really is. You and I have all known people who have come to us and apologized, and they seemed sincere at the time; but the offense repeats itself. If one is truly insincere, it's going to show up. If you really meant what you said, you are going to stand by what you said. If you have to keep coming back for the same offense over and over again and saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," then you might be saying you're sorry, but you're really not sincere. Part of being sincere is stopping the behavior. There are steps taken to change the behavior so it does not continue to rectify the wrong attitudes and wrong actions. One of the true tests of sincerity is does it happen again over time? Is the offense/behavior going to repeat? I might think a person is sincere, but I will never know until the passage of time. Sincerity involves not just meaning it, but it involves our actions, our attempts to rectify to make right.

Thirdly, we find that Nehemiah is sorrowful. He is sorrowful for what he has done. When we are sorrowful, it means we have emphasized. We have an understanding of the consequences of what we have done. We are feeling a little bit of the pain, the hurt, we have caused another. We're putting ourselves in their shoes. "If somebody had said that to me, if somebody had done that to me, how would I feel?" Some of those most heartfelt apologies, effective apologies, are when you truly have put yourself in their place and you truly are sorry. You're feeling sorrowful; you're feeling remorse; you're feeling regret for your actions and the pain you have caused. That's going to come through. Nehemiah is sorrowful. He realizes that the state they are in now, they did not have to be in. The state they are in now, they do not have to continue to be in. He's sorry that they are there. He's sorry that their city is a reproach. He's asking God to change that.

Fourthly, it is specific. Nehemiah said, "We have not obeyed Your commands, Your decrees, and Your laws." He's going into detail." "Here's what we haven't done." If an apology is to be effective, it should not be a generic apology, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for what? Specifically, what are you sorry for? What did you do?" We talked about Daniel and the terrible sin he committed when he committed adultery with Bathsheba and then covered it up by having her husband killed in war. He put him in the frontlines where he knew he'd be killed. I don't know if he ever apologized to Bathsheba or not, but if he did he owed her a whole lot more than, "Honey, I'm sorry." It would have been more like, "Listen, I have done something evil. I have done something dreadful in the eyes of God. Not only did I commit adultery with you, but I lied and covered it up. I was the one who had your husband, Uriah, put in the frontlines so he would be killed. I murdered your husband. I can never justify that. I can never rectify what I've done, but I'm asking, I'm begging, for your forgiveness, Bathsheba, for what I've done." Just generically saying I'm sorry doesn't get it done. A true confession is specific, "Here's what I am sorry for. Here's what I said. Here's what I did."

So having that as a model for us, let's take a look at a couple of people who had sorrow over their offenses but didn't quite express them correctly or did not have corresponding action with their remorse. Let's turn to Mark 6:14 (page 996). Here we find the story of King Herod, the son of Herod the Great. He was a wicked man. This is a man who abused his power and authority. One of the things he did was he took his brother Philip's wife, Herodias, to be his wife while his brother was still very much alive and while they were still very much married. Apparently with her cooperation, he stole his brother's wife.

Now a man who was having great spiritual influence at the time was a no-nonsense guy by the name of John the Baptist. He really didn't care what you thought, really didn't care what you said about him. If he had, he wouldn't have had a wardrobe of camel's hair, lived on locus and honey, and lived in the desert. He was probably not the most-groomed man you'd ever run into either. He said what was on his mind, and he spoke the truth. People knew that the hand of God was upon John, and Herod was afraid of John. Even though politically he had more power than John, Herod knew that John had divine power. It was who John represented that Herod feared, so he had John killed. Herod had this fear that John the Baptist was raised from the dead because Jesus started performing all these miracles and the hand of God was on Him. Rumors started to circulate that that spirit of John the Baptist had entered this Jesus of Nazareth. It was as if John was back, but he was back because he was living in the person of Jesus; and Herod believed it and was all paranoid.

In Verse 16, it says, "But when Herod heard this, he said, 'John, the man I beheaded, has been raised from the dead!'" He said it not as a question, but as a statement of fact. He was so paranoid, he was so fearful, that he thought John was coming back to get him. Here is what he did: Herod was having a birthday party. The food was abundant, and alcohol was flowing. His niece came out and she did a dance on behalf of her uncle's birthday. It really pleased the people that gathered before the king. Everybody thought she just did an amazing job. Herod said to her (in Pastor Jeff's imitation of an intoxicated man), "Whatever you ask, I will give you. You can have my kingdom!" You know he was feeling good because of the promise that he made. Sometimes when a person was feeling good and had a little bit too much to drink, they would make promises they couldn't keep and make promises they shouldn't make. Obviously, she was a good dancer, but I doubt that was worthy of half the kingdom. He was feeling pretty good, and he wasn't thinking quite clearly.

She was like, "Uncle, are you serious?"

"I'm serious. You can have the kingdom! Whatever you want, you can just tell me, and I'm going to give it to you."

She was like, "Wow! I'm going to strike while the iron is hot," so she started thinking, "Maybe I'll ask for the hand of the most handsome bachelor in the land. Maybe I want my own palace. Maybe I want my own territory. I'll have power. Maybe I just want him to give me some gold so I can have some wealth. The kingdom is at my disposal." She went to dialup with her mom. Her mom would have some good advice, right? "Maybe I'll get some splendid linens and some fancy dresses." She was thinking of all the wonderful things she would get.

She told her mom, and her mom said, "Anything?"

"That's what he said. He said I can have anything-up to half the kingdom! What shall I have, Mom?"

"Hmm, I know. Ask him for the head of John the Baptist."

"The what?" I don't think she was too happy with that. If you could have anything you wanted, and you were dreaming of all these wonderful things, and you're going to get…a head on a platter? She did what her mom said to do.

She went back to the king, and the king was still celebrating. He was still having a great time. Everything was wonderful. All of the friends were laughing, and he said, "What is it you want?" It was this public declaration, and everybody got quiet. They were waiting for this announcement-a palace? A husband? Beautiful gifts?

She said, "I want the head of John the Baptist."

You could hear a pin drop. Some laughed; some gasped. Herod sobered up really fast. He wasn't laughing anymore. He was on the line. Would he keep his promise, or would he lose face in the eyes of his company? Would he follow through with what he said in his drunken stupor and kill an innocent man, or would he say, "Human life is more important than my drunken promise."

The Bible tells us that he experienced regret and remorse. Verse 26, "The king was greatly distressed…" I used the New American Standard, and it said, "The king was greatly sorrowful," sorry. He felt bad about what was about to happen. He felt bad about his decision, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he did not want to refuse her; so he ordered the execution of John the Baptist by beheading him. "I'm sorry. I feel terrible. It's wrong, but I'm going to do it anyway."

The apologies I want to talk about right now are about the "I'm sorry, but…" There's a before, and there's an after. Sometimes an apology takes place before the event. "I'm about to do something that's going to hurt you. I feel bad about it. It's wrong, but I'm going to do it anyway because I'm more important than you. What I'm about to do is wrong, but my reputation is on the line," Herod was thinking, "so I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to do it because I can."

This "I'm sorry, but…" is about power. It's about control. It's a bully apology. "I'm sorry. I feel bad, but that's not stopping me. I have to do this."

It's two minutes till 5 o'clock. You're excited because at 5 o'clock, you're off work. Your daughter's in a play that she's been working on for months. She's so excited, and you're excited. At two minutes to 5, your boss comes in with a stack, and he says, "I need the Johnson report done by the time you go home today."

You say, "But, boss, it's two minutes to 5. The Johnson report is going to take hours to finish. Why didn't you bring this earlier? Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry. I feel really bad, but I need this before you go home. Sorry." It's a bully apology. Basically, it's worthless, isn't it? He really isn't sorry. If he [the king] were truly sorry, then he would have corresponding action, and he would have saved John's life.

Then there is the second kind of "I'm sorry, but…" and that comes after the fact. The second kind of "I'm sorry, but…" is an apology, and it says something like this, "I was wrong in what I said. I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have done what I did. I'm sorry…but the way you're acting just really upset me. You were really out of line with what you said and did; so I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have acted that way."

Friends, anytime you say "I'm sorry, but…" you just negated the whole apology. That is not a true apology; you're simply extending the argument, escalating the conflict. When you apologize, leave your buts out of it (congregation laughing). I promise you you're going to remember it when I say it that way. When you say I'm sorry, it's simply I'm sorry. It's not "I'm sorry, but you know what you…" If it's a true apology, if it's a true confession from a Biblical standpoint; it's not full of excuses. It's not full of justification. It's not full of retribution. It's simply saying "I-am-sorry" and owning what we have said or done, owning my part in the conflict. It's not "I'm sorry, but…" It's simply I'm sorry. When we say but, we negate everything we said before that.

Some of you have received some of those apologies that said I'm sorry, but… Maybe you've given some of those apologies. They don't count.

Let's look at another kind of I'm sorry. Let's turn to Book of Luke 19 (page 1039). Luke 19 is the story of Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus is a troubled little man. He is a tax collector; he is wealthy; and he has gotten wealthy off the backs of his own people. Tax collectors set arbitrary taxes, and they kept the common folks poor and dependent. What's more, they turned their backs on their own people and were working for the Roman government against their own people. Zacchaeus was not a very popular guy. He was short in stature, so when he wanted to see Jesus, he couldn't; and nobody would let him in line. Nobody wanted to do any favors to this tax-collecting thief; so Zacchaeus climbed a tree to get a glimpse of Jesus. He didn't know Jesus. He simply knew He was a VIP and He was passing through. He wanted to get a glimpse.

Up in the tree, he looked down, and Jesus stopped under the tree. They'd never met before. They didn't know one another. Jesus looked up in the tree, and to Zacchaeus' shock, He called him by name. He said, "'Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.'"

Zacchaeus was in shock. He looked around and probably thought, "Me?"

"I don't see any other Zacchaeus in the tree. Come on down."

The people got upset and said, "Well, you know, we have to reevaluate Jesus. If that is the kind of person He hangs out with, if that is the kind of people He wants to be friends with, we must have misjudged His character. That's for sure," but they'll be singing a different song in a while because some of them are about to get their money back. They'll be saying, "Oh, okay. I'm glad Jesus talked to Zacchaeus." We can't read the conversation, but we know what it must have been about. He must have been talking to Zacchaeus about the corruption in his life, about his deceitful practices, and about the fact that he needs God. "Take your anger and take your hurt, and don't take it out on your own people. You need to forgive, Zacchaeus. You need to make restitution. You need to reconcile with people. You should give back more than you owe, not just what you owe. Make yourself right with God, Zacchaeus. Reconcile with God and make things right with your fellow man." That's, in essence, probably what Jesus talked about.

Well, it worked. Verse 8, Zacchaeus emerges a new man kind of like Scrooge in "The Christmas Carol." He is now a generous person instead of a wealthy miser. He said, "Look, Lord, here and now. I give half of my possessions to the poor. If I've cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Now this is wonderful. I don't question Zacchaeus. I don't question his conversion to Christ. I believe he is now a follower of Christ. I don't question the sincerity of his heart, and I don't question the fact that he was going to make restitution in this story. I don't question any of those things; but on surface value, if we were to take this apology and use it in real life, that is a very weak apology. What did Zacchaeus say? What is the one word in my mind that negates the apology? He said, "I'm sorry if…" Once you say I'm sorry if, again, you negate the apology because you are not taking responsibility. Again, I think he will take responsibility. I think he will be specific, but on the surface, if I were to take Zacchaeus' apology and apply it to you, it wouldn't sit too well. If I said, "I'm sorry if I've wronged you. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I said, but I'm sorry for it."

There was a song on the radio that we would hear from time to time, and my wife and I used to make fun of it. I won't sing it for you, but the chorus went something like this, "Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it. I just want you back for good. Just tell me where I was wrong. Tell me the song, and I'll sing it. You'll be right and understood." Then the background singers sing, "I want you back. I want you back for good." That's the song, "Whatever I said-no idea, whatever I did-haven't a clue, I'm sorry." Friends, that's not a good apology because an apology is specific. Zacchaeus should have said, "Here's what I did. I wronged this person. I'm going to make it right. Here is the crime I did, and here is what I'm going to do to make restitution. If I have wronged someone… I'm not sure I did, but if I have…" An apology is specific. It's not just a generic apology. Do you know what that is? If the other one was an attempt to control, bully, and manipulate, then this apology is a shortcut. If this apology says, "I'm sorry if…" then it means "I don't want to deal with the details of an apology and reconciliation. I don't want to roll up my sleeves and get messy. I just want this to be over with. Apparently, you're upset with me. Apparently, I've done something wrong. I don't necessarily agree that I have, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If I've done something wrong, I'm sorry. I just want to move on. Can we just bypass this whole reconciliation stuff? Can we just bypass this dealing-with-the-issues stuff, and can we just move on? Can we be okay now? I've said the magic words. I'm guilty, whatever. I'm guilty."

I'm sorry if is not an apology.

God talks about this insincerity in His Word when it comes to confession. Let's turn in our Bibles to the Book of John 1. This is 1 John 1:7 (page 1207 of pew Bibles), it says, ""But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin." If we're walking as we should, there isn't going to be conflict. We're going to get along with one another. We're not going to bang heads with each other. It's going to be great, but invariably, there is going to be conflict.

Verse 8, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the Truth is not in us." What do you think John means when he says, "If we claim to be without sin…" This is the person who is always trying to justify their actions, always trying to excuse what they've done. They are never at fault. It's always somebody else's fault. Somebody set them up. Somebody else is to blame. "This person did this to me, so I'm not responsible for what I've done. This person wronged me here, so that's why I'm the way I am. It's not my fault." They totally dismiss their responsibility.

It's like Adam and Eve in the Garden passing the blame onto everyone but themselves, justifying and rectifying their behavior, rationalizing away, "It's not my fault."

John says we have to come clean. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." That's the only way to do it.

Confess comes from two words, homo-logeo, same word; so to confess is to say the same word or the same thing that God says. It's to be in agreement with what God has said. It's to own my sin so I can be cleansed.

Jesus who knew no sin took my sin upon Himself. The innocent was punished on behalf of the guilty. Then shouldn't the guilty be willing to confess their sin to the innocent and say, "Lord, here's what I have done." He says if we do that, we will be cleansed from sin and cleansed from unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar; and His Word has no place in our lives. If we fail to take responsibility, if we're always saying, "Yeah, right, but what if?" and we never say, "This is what I have done. Lord, I am sorry. Lord, please forgive me. I'm making amends with God and with our fellowman," John says, "You're only deceiving yourself." What's more is you're making God a liar because God says that you're going to fall short. God says you are guilty, so be honest with yourself and be honest with God. Come clean, and when you come clean, you'll find forgiveness. You'll find life. You'll find grace.

What an appropriate subject matter for a communion Sunday. Don't you think? What an appropriate thing to study before we receive communion together.

I just want to encourage you today that when the elements are in your hands, when you bow your heads to pray, and when you confess your sin to the Lord, don't just do it generically. Be specific. Think about the pain your sin has caused; be sorrowful, sincere, and self-focused, "Here is what I have done. Lord, I'm asking You to forgive me, to cleanse me of my sin." This is a very appropriate time for us to practice the message we've just heard from the Word of God this morning.

Pastor Jeff Williams: March 27, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part VI, "Why Is Reconciliation Important?"

If you have a plan, how many of you think it's a good idea to have a Plan B, to have a backup in case something goes wrong? We prepare in life for when things don't go the way we would hope they would go. How many of you have insurance for your house, your car, your health? We plan. Some of you even have Aflac or AAA in case something goes wrong with your car. We prepare for things to go wrong even though we hope they don't. We hope that things go well. It's good to know what we will do in the event that things do not go as we desired or as planned.

Some have mistakenly thought that when man fell, when man sinned, that God said, "Oops!" That blindsided God. God said, "I didn't see that coming. I don't know what I'm going to do now." He panicked and kinda came up with a Plan B. "Yeah, I'll do that Jesus thing that I thought about. Yeah. Things didn't go as well as I thought, so what do I do now?" He was kinda scratching His head. The Bible says that Jesus is the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world. God planned our redemption before He even created man; before He even set our world in motion, He had a plan for our redemption because

God in His sovereignty knew that man would fall.

In the Bible, it talks about the fall of man, and we see the freewill of man and the consequences of His decision. How can God be sovereign and in complete control and man have freedom? Sometimes people think there's a conflict there. They are summoning the sovereignty camp. They're like, "Oh, yeah, we don't believe in freewill. We're for God's sovereignty."

Others will say, "Yes, God is sovereign, but it's all about freewill," and there is conflict and tension between them. In the history of the church, they have been in conflict.

Tozer, a theologian, describes it this way: there is a ship sailing, and the captain is in charge of the destination. On that ship are many passengers who are completely free. They're talking with whom they want to talk; they're sleeping when they want to sleep; getting up when they want to get up; eating what they want to eat; building friendships and relationships, but the chart or the path of the boat is set. He says, "Sovereignty and the freewill of man coexist. They both are there." God is steering this great vessel. We are on this vessel; and while we're on this vessel, we're free to make choices and live with those consequences. Sometimes we choose incorrectly. We incur debt. That's what this series is about. It's about our moral debt. It's about forgiving debt and reconciling and

Living Debt Free.

We've spent a number of weeks talking about the forgiveness component. Now we've switched to talking about the reconciliation component because we can have forgiveness without reconciliation, but we cannot have reconciliation without forgiveness. We had to spend a lot of time on that, but now we're going to be talking about reconciliation.

I want you to turn in your Bibles please to Genesis 3:8 (page 3 of pew Bibles). In Genesis 3, we find the fall of man. When I say man, I mean mankind-men and women. We find the need for reconciliation. We find the first attempt at reconciliation. The word reconcile means to restore to unity or restore to order. It implies that something was once in order and aligned and is now in disorder. It needs to be repaired; it needs to be restored; it needs to be brought to the way it's intended to be, the way it should be, the way it used to be. It's brought back into harmony. That is the meaning of to reconcile.

In the Garden, man is created, and there is harmony between God and His creation. They are submitted to His will. He has made His Will clear. Then there is going to come a time of disruption to that unity. Into the Garden, there is going to come an evil presence. The Bible identifies this as Satan, the devil, or Lucifer. He comes into the Garden, and he begins speaking through a reptile. People who are critical of the Bible will use that to discredit and call it a fable. They'll say, "Well, reptiles don't talk," and they're missing the entire point. We'd agree with reptiles not talking, but what the Bible says is happening is that this evil, wicked being is speaking through the mouth of the serpent. A lot of Third World Countries are familiar with satanic activity and possession, and they deal with voodoo and things like that, and they wouldn't question this story. I myself have seen some pretty amazing things. I know that when a powerful being like Satan is trying to get his voice across and is using this reptile, it is he who is speaking-not the snake. We shouldn't say, "Oh, yeah right, talking snakes." Satan is talking, and he needs a body to communicate. Adam and Eve are out of the question, so this innocent reptile is targeted; and he begins speaking to Adam and Eve and gets them to question and doubt what God has said, His authority, to doubt His Sovereignty. "Did God really say that or did He say you shall not surely die?" They begin to listen to him. They come into agreement with him. They should be in agreement with their Creator, but now they are in disagreement with their Creator and need to be reconciled. They should be in disagreement with this evil presence in the Garden, but they are in agreement with him.

God is going to come on the scene much like a detective who knows all the facts. You're watching a TV show, and the detective is questioning the suspect. He knows more than the suspect knows he does. The suspect is trying to cover up what he's done and hide what he's done; but the suspect knows the truth. He's able to trip them up with their own words. We've all seen that plot happen on TV and in the movies many times over. It happens in real life. We see it happening for the first time in this account in the Garden.

God is interrogating Adam and Eve, the suspects, as to the crime that they perpetrated. We pick up the story in Verse 8. They have already partaken of the forbidden fruit. "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking the Garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the Garden." That's our natural response, right? When we've done something wrong, we hide or cover it up. We hope we're not found out. "But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'

"He answered, 'I heard you in the Garden and I was not afraid because I was naked; so I hid.'" He's still trying to keep everything concealed. "And He answered, 'Who told you that you were naked?'"

You can kinda see Adam and Eve going, "Uh-oh, busted. We let a clue go there." It's like going back to that detective in the TV show where the detective is saying, "You're the one that killed Joe!"

He said, "I didn't kill Joe! I don't even own a gun!"

The detective said, "Who said it was a gun?"

Joe's like, "Ah! Busted!" He's busted. He's like, "How am I going to get out of this? I've already told too much."

"'Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?'"

It's like a little kid that's busted. He's like, "What am I going to do?"

"'The woman you put here with me…'"

That's how he starts it off. "I was doing pretty well. I was minding my own business. I was doing everything I was supposed to do until the helpmate You put in here for me… So really it's kinda her fault and Your fault because if You remember, if You recall, before you pass judgment on me, prior to her arrival, everything was great." That's what the sin nature does. It covers up; it passes blame; [it does] everything else but accept responsibility.

"'…she gave me the fruit from the tree, and I ate it.'

"Then the Lord said to the woman, 'What is this you have done?'

"The woman said, 'The serpent deceived me, and I ate.'

"So the Lord God said to the serpent, 'Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life."'"

The serpent will eat dust while it's navigating. It will take dust in, but the fact that it's on its belly is to serve as a reminder of the fall of Satan. It is a reminder of the curse of Satan.

He says, "'"I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers. He will crush your head, and you will crush his heal."'" That verse is significant, and we're going to spend some time there in just a moment.

"'To the woman He said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."'

"'To Adam He said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."'"

God introduces to them, to their vocabulary, the word pain. This word pain is used over and over again. It's describing many different things. It's describing the anguish of the field now as they encounter thorns and thistles; the pain of childbirth; it's describing death-"…to dust you'll return." Pain is the Hebrew word itstsbown. It sounds Italian, but it's not. It's Hebrew. Itstsbown means the consequences of the fall that is pain. You and I encounter pain in our existence. Things go wrong. We know in this world that things are not the way they are supposed to be. Things are not the way they should be. Death is not part of God's perfect plan. Death is not our friend. Death is an enemy. Sin is an enemy.

The world itself is under this curse. In Romans 8:22 (page 1119 of pew Bibles), Paul says the whole creation groans and desires to be reconciled to God; so as part of this curse you and I encounter itstsbown. We should make some new bumper stickers for our cars that say, "Itstsbown happens." It will be a good conversation starter. "What do you mean, itstsbown?"

"Well, it's just this whole Biblical concept of bad things happening-emotional, physical-pain that we have to endure because we live in a fallen world," so they're learning about this pain. They're learning about death, the consequences of their actions.

We said 15 is an important verse; 15 is very important. Here's what Verse 15 is and here's why it's important: somebody gives you trivia and says, "What is the first prophesy in the Bible?"

You can tell them, "Genesis 3:15."

If somebody asks, "Where is the first promise in the Bible?"

You can tell them, "Genesis 3:15."

If somebody says, "Where is the first mention of spiritual warfare in the Bible, the conflict between good and evil, God and Satan, light and darkness?"

"Genesis 3:15."

If somebody says, "Where is the first mention of the Gospel, of redemption, of God redeeming man and reconciling man to himself?"

The answer, the first mention of the Gospel in the entire Bible, is not Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. It is Genesis 3:15. This verse is really important. Let's take a look. God is speaking here directly to Satan. Understand that. He's not speaking to a snake. He's speaking to the adversary. He says, "I will put enmity…" or hatred or hostility "…between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers…" Right now she is in agreement with you. Mankind is in agreement with you, and they are in disorder with Me; but I'm going to change that. I'm going to bring a hostility there. I'm going to take away that harmony, and I'm going to take away that agreement. God is going to restore the harmony between His creation and Himself and at the same time destroy the harmony that is existing between the serpent and mankind. God says, "I am going to reconcile. I'm going to make this right. I'm going to put hostility between you and the woman, between Satan and mankind and between her offspring and your offspring."

Those who would follow the directives of Satan and those who will follow the directives of God-there will be hostility between those two groups. He's letting Satan know he's not going to win. He says, "He will crush your head. You will strike his heal." That's the first prophesy in the entire Bible. There is going to come an offspring from Eve, a male offspring, a he, who will destroy you. It's talking about redemption. It is prophetic.

Who is this He? Satan himself must wonder who this He is. Martin Luther said that Satan spent many a century looking at every male offspring of Eve and wondering, "Is this the He? Is this the One who is to come? Is this the One who is going to destroy me?" Notice the conflict. One is striking at the other one's heal; and One is crushing the other one's head. There is going to be warfare. There's going to be a conflict between this offspring that is to come and Satan. It's hinting here at the cross, isn't it? It's a foreshadowing of the cross. What do you do when you wound someone? When you strike their heal, you wound them, don't you? If I hit you in the heal, do I destroy you? No, but it sure hurts. Somebody gets hit in the Achilles', that hurts, but it doesn't kill them; but if I crush your head, I've destroyed you.

At the cross, Jesus is wounded, but through His resurrection, Satan is crushed. He is destroyed. The Bible tells us that. It says, "Through His resurrection, He destroyed the works of the devil. He conquered sin and death and the grave." He restored that which was lost in the garden. He made a way for man to be reconciled with God. There was a restoration. Satan's plan and purposes were utterly destroyed and conquered; so it foreshadows this conflict between the Savior and the enemies of our souls. God tells the outcome, "You will wound Him, but He will crush you."

So in this story when there was a breakdown in relationship, who is the first one to seek reconciliation? Was it man or God? It was God. God is the reconciler, so through the cross, God reconciled Himself to us. He says it's up to us to take the next step.

What we're going to do is take a look at some of the stages or steps of reconciliation. We'll linger on some of them, and some of them we'll pass on through. The first step is an acknowledgement of wrong. When there has been a break in the relationship, there has to be an acknowledgement of wrong. When you have a relationship that is broken down and maybe one party does or the other party doesn't acknowledge the wrong, that relationship will be dysfunctional. Maybe both parties pretend like the wrong never happened. You and I know of people we had conflict with. Maybe it's within your family or maybe a friendship. There's been no reconciliation-nothing, and we just allow time to pass by. We allow tempers to calm down, the dust to settle, and then we just simply go back and live as if nothing has ever happened. As a result, that relationship is not what it should be. It's not what it's supposed to be. It's not what it was. It either stagnates or it digresses, but it does not grow. It cannot grow because it is broken down. It needs reconciliation. When one party or both parties fail to acknowledge the pain and the damage to that relationship, that relationship is in jeopardy of dying. It happens all the time. People have conflict, and they say, "Well, I don't want to deal with that. It sounds too painful to deal with. It sounds too difficult to deal with." Other things are consuming their time and energies, and they just pretend it never happened. "I don't like conflict, so we're just going to go on as if it never happened," and that relationship deteriorates, doesn't it? Those people grow apart because there has been a breach. There has been a break, and nobody has taken the time to acknowledge that break. If you break a bone, and you don't acknowledge it, it isn't going to heal correctly; but it's going to heal wrong. It's not going to be stronger than it was before the break, so there has to be an acknowledgement of wrong. That's what God is attempting to have Adam and Eve do-acknowledge what they did, acknowledge it was wrong. Stop passing the blame; stop justifying your actions; take responsibility for what you have done. Be honest with God. Be honest with yourself; that's number one.

Number two, there has to be an initiator. There always has to be an initiator. Someone has to take that first step. This is a big one too because of anger, because of pride. Maybe you were the person who was wrong or offended. "Why should I be the one to go to them? They should come to me." Jesus says that His followers are to be peacemakers. He said His followers are to be initiators. What did He say? He said, "If you're bringing your gift to the altar and your brother has something against you, you go. If your brother has wronged you, go to your brother. Then come and present your gift at the altar." He says, "Even if it wasn't your fault, you initiate."

I want you to think of reconciliation as a bridge. Right now we are divided. There is chasm. That chasm is the offense, and the bridge is what is going to bring us together. We're going to cross over the offense, and we're going to unite together on top. There are a series of steps back and forth that must take place. There is that first step of the initiator to move toward the person that they need to reconcile with. Sometimes it's the person who was wronged, as in the Garden. It's God who is the initiator. Other times, it might be the person who caused the offense. Maybe we're feeling guilty about what we've done, so we want to be restored; and we take the initiative. It can be either party, but that first step is crucial because unless that first step happens, there is no hope for reconciliation. If both parties stand their ground and stubbornly refuse to move, no reconciliation is possible. Forgiveness is possible, but reconciliation is not. Reconciliation takes more than just you.

After I've initiated, the next step (step 3) is the response; and that's really important. If the person you're seeking to reconcile with does not want to reconcile with you or does not see it to be healthy-or maybe it's dangerous to reconcile with you-he or she may choose not to reconcile with you; then there's nothing you can do other than wait for time to pass and try again.

In three weeks, we're going to be talking about the subject of when we should not reconcile. Is Satan going to reconcile with God anytime soon? No. Are there times when it is not healthy or wise to reconcile? There really are, and we're going to talk about those issues in a few weeks. For the sake of this topic, we're going to assume that it is right and good to reconcile; so that next step is important. How will they respond? How will Adam and Eve respond to God's initiation to reconcile with them? That's important. If the person holds his or her own ground and says, "I don't want to reconcile with you," reconciliation breaks down at that point, and we get stuck at the bridge. Nobody can proceed any further. However, if that person acknowledges, "Yes, I want to reconcile," and there is a mutual decision to reconcile, what has to happen next (step 4) is confession. We've talked about confession. Confession means to be in agreement. It means to say the same word-homologeo. It's to say the same word or be in agreement. In this case, confession would be Adam and Eve being in agreement with God-that He is right and they are wrong.

Next week, we're going to spend our time together on apologies. That's important. Remember the movie, "Love Story," from the 70s? Any old-timers out here? What was the big line from the movie? Love means…"never having to say you're sorry." The kids are all going, "What? That's ridiculous." It is. It is; it's dumb. We're going to be talking about love meaning you have to say you're sorry. Next week, we're going to talk about Biblical apologies. What does it look like? I don't mean you're going to be saying, "I have confessed to thee that…" I don't mean that. I mean we're going to talk about principles of apologies and how to give a true apology. When we do that, you're going to see the false ones. They come out of Hollywood all the time. They come out of the sports world; they come out of entertainment; they come out of the political realm all the time-apologies that really aren't apologies. You'll recognize them after that. You'll be able to read in the paper [and know], "Well, that's not an apology!" That's what is coming up. And there'll be no missing next Sunday and apologizing to me for that (congregation laughing).

So before you interrupted me, where were we (congregation laughing)? We were talking about Adam and Eve. So you confess; you say the same thing. You're in agreement. The next step (step 5) that follows is forgiveness. We're not going to spend a lot of time on this because that's what we've been on for the last month. We talked about the story of Philemon and Onesimus, the runaway slave and how Paul encouraged Philemon to forgive him. He released the debt. Forgiveness means to release the debt, to make the decision to release. We talked about David and Shimei. Remember the unforgiveness that David was holding onto toward the man who called him names, threw rocks and stones at him, and cursed him? In his last dying words, David said to his son, Solomon, about Shimei, "Bring his grey head down to the grave in blood." He was still holding onto resentment all the way to the end.

So what are the barriers to forgiveness? We talked about David and the Prophet Nathan. David was this great king, and he was a man after God's own heart. Because of his lust for Bathsheba, he became an adulterer, a murderer, a liar, and a conspirator. He had to say to himself, "Here's who I want to be, and here's who I am-this cognitive dissidence. Here are the rules I have established for myself, and yet I broke all those rules." How did he live with the guilt? How did he forgive himself? If you've not been here for any of those, maybe you'd like to go back and order the CD, listen online, or read the transcripts so you can get caught up. I'm just going to say we've talked about that forgiveness, and I would encourage you to read those Scriptures and study them.

We're almost to the top of the bridge; we're almost reconciled, so the next step (step 6) is commit. Commitment says, "Here's what is going to be different. Here is how I will change. Here is how I am going to stop doing this. I'm going to start doing this." There are changes that need to be made so we don't keep repeating the same mistake. "I'm going to walk this bridge and reconcile with you, but I don't want to have to do this over and over and over and over again." That's a problem, isn't it? To have to forgive someone for the same offense over and over and over and over, it becomes a problem. Pretty soon people say, "I'm tired of walking up this bridge and meeting you at the top for the same issues. There has to be changes." It's a mutual commitment to the relationship that says, "Here is what we will do differently. Here are the changes we will make." If those steps are followed, if there is acknowledgement, if there is initiation, if there is a positive response, if there is confession, if there is forgiveness, and if there is a commitment-a mutual commitment-to change in that relationship, then reconciliation is almost impossible to stop. You are then on the course to reconciling. There are very few relationships that will break down at that point. We're probably going to have a successful restoration of fellowship in that scenario.

Let's take that paradigm and let's plug it into the Scripture and see if it fits. Let's see if it works. Turn in your Bibles please to Luke 15 (page 1035 of pew Bibles). This is the familiar story of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Luke 15:11, "Jesus continued: 'There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, "Father, give me my share of the estate." So he divided his property between them.' He doesn't ask his father; he commands his father. He demands of his father. This would not go well if you had an inheritance and your child came to you, while you were still very much alive and healthy, and said, "Give me what's mine. Give me what you're going to give me after you croak. I want it now. I'm not happy here. I want to go." That would not go well, I guarantee you.

The father realizes he has lost his son, so he decides he would let his son learn a lesson, "I'm going to let my son experience the consequences of his decision," so the father gave his son exactly what he wanted. Be careful what you wish for, right? He took the money, and the Bible says he squanders it. He went to a far-off country, and he squandered it in wild living. He soon ran out of cash, and then he looked for a job. He found a job as a farmhand. He was slopping the pigs, and he found himself desiring what the pigs were eating. He was hungry, and he was destitute. He decided he would go back to his father. In Verse 17, it said, "'When he came to his senses, he said, "How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against Heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men." So he got up and went to his father.'"

Who in this story is the initiator of reconciliation? The son. So it can be either party. It could be either the person who has wronged or the person who perpetrated the wrong. In this story, it's the person who did the wrong. He feels bad. He knows he made a mistake, and he is going to be the initiator. He is going to go back and approach his father. Now the father is the responder. Remember in this story, in this Parable, the responder is God. God is the Father, and Jesus is trying to tell this to people to say to them, "It's okay to repent." How does God feel about a person who has been wayward, lost, who returns in sincerity, authenticity, and honesty and confesses their sin? How does God feel towards them? God would welcome them with open arms. God will embrace them, and kiss them. God will celebrate their decision. He won't punish you; He won't put his wrath on you. He is going to offer you forgiveness and mercy. That's one of the reasons why He tells this story.

Verse 20, "'But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.'"

That's what I'd do too. If my boy did that, I'd be looking down the road every day. That's what he was doing. He was looking down the road, "Is today the day? Is today the day?" When he saw his son, he ran to meet him. He didn't berate him. He didn't scold him; he didn't rebuke him. He simply offered him forgiveness and grace. He responded positively, and so far we're climbing that bridge toward reconciliation.

What is next? Confession. What does the son do? He says, "'"Father, I have sinned against Heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."'"

He apologies the right way. He doesn't pass off any blame. There are no buts or ifs. He simply said, "I blew it. What I did was rude. What I did was disrespectful. What I did was harmful. What I did was prideful and arrogant, and I am asking for your mercy today. I am asking you to forgive me."

The next step in the process is what? Once confession has been made, action must be taken. Either we give the gift of forgiveness or we withhold the gift of forgiveness.

The father extends forgiveness. He said, "'"Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." So they began to celebrate.'"

We're not going to talk about Old Grumpy Pants afterwards who said, "Hey, you never had a party for me." That's another lesson. We'll leave him out of it for a moment.

The father forgave. He said, "We're going to have a new start, you and me. We're going to begin again. You are my son. Even when you were in rebellion and sin, you remained my son. Now we are restoring our relationship. The past is done. We are beginning anew. I am releasing your debt. I am reconciling with you. You and I are once again father and son." This story has a happy ending. Not all of life's stories have happy endings, do they? This one does. I chose this one because it is a model for us to look at.

Then what about commitment? What is the commitment of the son? Do you remember the change in the son when he was rehearsing his confession over and over again? The last step in this paradigm is commit, right? We're at the top of the bridge. We make a commitment to change. "Here is what I will do differently to make sure that there is no longer a breach in our relationship."

What is this change? Did you see it? He goes back, and he says, "Make me like one of your hired men." What is he saying here? He's saying, "I'm a new guy. I recognize now that you don't owe me anything, and the world doesn't owe me anything. I'm going to earn my keep from now on. You are receiving back a different son. If you don't restore our relationship, I understand because I deserve it. Just let me be a servant there. I'll be like one of the servants. I'm going to work for what I get. I've learned to work now since I was gone, and I am going to work. I am not going to take you for granted. I'm not going to take our relationship for granted. You're receiving back a new man, Dad. I have a changed heart. I don't think I am entitled anymore. I've seen the light." That's a commitment to change, isn't it? He was saying, "I'm not going to be the same spoiled brat son who thought you owed me everything and then went out and squandered what you had earned. That's not me anymore. I've learned the hard way from life that I have to earn my way," so he made a commitment to change.

Those are the steps that we need to follow if we are going to have reconciliation. The most important reconciliation that we can take part in is to be reconciled with our Heavenly Father. Paul talks about that in the Book of 2 Corinthians 5 (page 1145). In talking about the Gospel, he says in Verse 18, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ…" Notice he uses the past tense. "…he reconciled himself to us through Christ…" The ball is in our court. Now we must take the next step. God has initiated; we must respond. Will we accept His offer to restore a rightful relationship, or will we reject it?

"…that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us…" the church "…the message of reconciliation." That's what I'm doing today. "We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." That is what I'm doing today. That is one of my charges as a pastor-to implore you to be reconciled to God. What does that look like? In the Garden, man fell because he wanted to be like God. He wanted to take the reins. We talked about that earlier today. He wants to be in charge. "I want to be like God," and he fell. When we become Christians, what we're saying is, "God, You are God and I am not. I don't want to be in charge. I want You to have the reins. I don't want to be God. I want You to be God. I'm going to be Your creation. You're going to be the captain of the vessel. I'm just going to walk around on deck, but You're in charge. You're setting the course. I receive Your Lordship."

In Genesis 3, man rejects God's sovereignty and Lordship. In 2 Corinthians 5, man accepts God's Lordship. What happens is what was lost in the Garden is restored. What was lost in the Garden when we fell is now brought back, and we are reconciled and put in right standing with God. That is the Gospel. That is what He foreshadowed in Genesis 3:15 when He said He. Satan didn't know who the He was. Adam and Eve didn't know who the He was who was going to come and crush the serpent's head; but God knew who the He was. Before the foundation of the world, it was established that He would come and restore what was lost in the Garden.

Our second response is to reconcile with our fellow man. Is the Holy Spirit prompting you? Is there a relationship that is dead right now that needs reconciling? Has it been damaged or hurt? You need to take the initiative. You need to confess what your part is in that relationship if any of you need to forgive those who have harmed you. You need to commit to that relationship. My prayer is the fruit of this series is going to be that we're going to hear stories of reconciliation all over this congregation. People within the church, in your families, in your marriages; people that you are in a relationship with in other parts of the world, other parts of the country, that you are going to reconcile with them because we're following God's directives. That is my prayer.

There is a song I want us to listen to right now by a group called D.C. Talk. D.C. Talk wrote a song called "Between You and Me." One thing I like about this song is it's just chalked full of content. There are some songs that are just kinda fluff. This song has substance; this song has Biblical content and action to it. This song is a response to what we have just heard from God's Word and what plan of action that we might take. As you listen to the words of this song, see if you can see the steps we've talked about for reconciliation as well. [Lyrics for song can be found here: ] Let's listen and then we'll talk about it and pray.

Let's pray together:

Father, the first step is the most important step, and that is we need to be reconciled with You. We need to bring into alignment our relationship with our Creator, and that comes through acknowledgment of wrong. As You have initiated that reconciliation, we respond and confess our sins. You will be faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and we commit our lives to You. There is then reconciliation that takes place. I pray that if there are any listening who have not made that choice, Father, today would be the day when they commit themselves fully to You. I also pray, Lord, for relationships in our church and relationships outside of our church where there has been a break. I pray, Father, that there can be Biblical reconciliation and restoration. That would be the fruit of Your Spirit working in us and through us. I pray, Lord, we would not just be content to leave things broken. I pray, Father, we would say, "I need to take that first step," that we would act upon the truths that we've heard today and be reconciled with our brothers and sisters, with our children, and with our spouses. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Pastor Gary Shields: March 13, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part V, "Forgiveness 2.0."

My name is Pastor Gary Shields. As many of you I know, I live here in Janesville. Today Pastor Jeff is going to be preaching down at my church, and I'm going to be preaching here. First of all, I want to welcome all you 9:30 worshippers and all of you 8 o'clock worshippers that may have forgotten to reset your clock for daylight savings time.

Today we're going to continue talking in this sermon series of "Living Debt-Free," this study of forgiveness and reconciliation. We're going to move today to what I call "Forgiveness 2.0," the idea of reconciliation. As we'll see, forgiveness is an act of one person; for reconciliation, there are at least two people necessary-confession and repentance to each other and forgiveness to each other.

Let's begin with a word of prayer:

Father, as we study Your Word today, open our hearts to this call for reconciliation that You have given to us and most importantly, the reconciliation with You, the gift freely given. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

There are several types of reconciliation. The first one I want to look at is reconciliation with yourself. I understand last week, Pastor Jeff preached to you about forgiving yourself. I know as a Christian, sometimes it's hard for us to forgive our past deeds. It's important that we forgive ourselves, but with "Forgiveness 2.0," it's where you learn to reconcile with yourself. Let me try to explain that to you. Let's look at 2 Corinthians 5:17. If you're using a pew Bible, it's page 1145. Pastor Jeff made a good start by helping you to understand that you need to forgive yourself, but I would say with "Forgiveness 2.0," it's more than forgiving yourself; it's reconciling the fact that through Jesus Christ, you are a new creation. Let me read the Passage. This is written by Paul, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" What a wonderful word that is to us. Let's understand what it means to accept this word as reconciliation to yourself. What Paul is saying here is as a Christian you're not turning over a new leaf. You now have a new life. You are not being reformed; you're not being rehabilitated; you're being recreated.

A lot of people think that Jesus wants better people. I would tell you that's not true. Jesus wants different people. He doesn't want us to merely be more kind, more compassionate, more loving. He wants us to be kind, to be compassionate, to be loving, so we're not reformed, rehabilitated; we are recreated. What a greater example of this new creation in reconciling one's self to a new creation than Paul himself who wrote these words. If you remember, Paul was not a nice guy before he knew Jesus, was he?

Usually when we think of stoning, we think of somebody taking a rock, bringing it back like a pitcher, and throwing it at a person. Well, that's not what a real stoning was. A real stoning involved the first witness either standing on a platform or a cliff about ten feet above the accused, taking a boulder, and slamming it down onto the body of that person. While guys were getting ready to do that to Stephen, Paul was kind enough to say, "Hey, let me hold your coats for you while you stone this man to death." It went beyond that. He persecuted and persecuted and persecuted the Christians, driving them out of Jerusalem, and that still wasn't enough. He figured, "I need to go after them. I cannot stop until they're destroyed." Of course, on the way to Damascus, he made a wrong turn, and who came into his life? Jesus Christ. I would say he made the right turn. He understood something. He was now a new creation. He wasn't re-educated. He was a new creation, and he reconciled himself to that and did marvelous things in the name of Jesus Christ. He was not perfect.

Does anybody remember how Mark was thought to be a real wimp? No one really wanted to have anything to do with him. Barnabas helped Mark to understand the need for courage. Paul even admitted in his writings, "Yeah, I made a little mistake there. Now he's my brother," but he knew as a new creation that God had something in store for him. Just like as a new creation, God has something in store for you. If you not only forgive yourself of your past but reconcile and understand that God can make you anew, you can do great things for God because of His strength now in you.

Another way to look at this is through "Bunyan's Pilgrim Progress." Has anybody read this? I sure wish they'd translate it out of Old English because I have to keep re-reading it to understand what's going on. In "Bunyan's Pilgrim Progress," we're talking about an ancient book; the hero, Christian, in the story comes up to a mirror. What he sees in the mirror is what we see of ourselves, that distorted image that shows us we're not whom we should be-sinners saved by grace. The amazing thing was on the other side of that mirror, the side that God sees, was not this distorted image of Christian, but the image of Jesus Christ. You see, when you become a believer, God now sees you as Jesus. You are filled with the Holy Spirit. When God looks at you, He looks at you as being righteous. He sees Jesus in you. This sounds so simple, but it's so hard. The act of reconciling with yourself is to go and be what God already sees in you. I warn you: that is a lifetime pursuit, and it's not going to happen overnight because we do have the flesh in us, and we struggle; but it is that simple. Go and be what God already sees in you. Reconciling with yourself and understanding you're a new creation is to break free from that past and go be what God already sees in you.

Now that sounds pretty difficult, but we're going to now move on to something that seems in churches to be even more difficult. That's reconciling with each other. I honestly believe that one of the biggest problems in the church in the United States today is that too many people are interested in their own desires, interested in getting their own way so that there is no such thing as forgiveness anymore in the church. There is no such thing as reconciliation in the church. There is no such thing as "what does Jesus want to do with the church?" It comes down to learning how to have relationships.

Let's turn to Matthew 5:21-24, page 959. What we're seeing here is the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus helps us to understand He didn't come to eliminate the law, to do away with the law, but to fulfill it. Here He helps us to understand how the law has expanded-in this case, for murder. He says, "'You have heard that it was said to the people long ago…'" which I'm guessing was during the time of Moses. "'"Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment."'" Basically, don't kill people or you're going to end up in court. But that's not enough. He says, "'But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother'" or sister "'will be subject to judgment.'" Now this judgment is not judgment in court. That's divine judgment, and I'm not so sure I want to know what that would be. Then he says, "'Again, anyone who says to his brother, "Raca," is answerable to the Sanhedrin.'"

Now, there are no real English translations for Raca. It's an Aramaic word for contempt. The way I would describe it is Raca is what you as a Packers fan would feel toward a Bears fan. I can say that because Pastor Jeff isn't here.

Then he goes even further. He says, "'But anyone who says, "You fool!" will be in danger of the fire of hell.'" Now the word used for hell here is Gahanna, which is where the Valley of Hinnom, south of Jerusalem, was a place where children were sacrificed by fire to the Pagan god Molech-not a pretty place. Now, in the reign of Josiah, one of the few kings of Judah who got it, he realized they needed to draw closer to God and refocus on serving God. He turned that Valley into a city dump where fire burned constantly. It was a smelly, worm-infested dump. I'm not going to call anybody a fool ever again-what about you?

You see, what Jesus is talking about here is anger. Is anger really worth it? Is holding a grudge really worth it? Or, is it more important to restore relationships?

He continues on and says, "'"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother"'" or sister "'"has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be…"'" what? "'"…reconciled to your brother"'" or sister "'"then come and offer your gift."'"

The men would go to the court of Israel during Biblical times at the high festivals, like Pentecost and Passover (ladies, you got stuck at the court of women). They represented the family and gave a sacrifice, an animal, to the altar. It was their form of worship. What Jesus is saying in essence is "how can you worship if anger and bitterness are in your hearts?" If you haven't reconciled with a person, how can you worship?

I'm working at a church right now that has had its problems and was not really growing. The last pastor-who had problems and made mistakes-was pushed out; but we discovered something as we were trying to move towards revitalization at this church. For decades now, there has been an environment of mistrust; of rebellion; of allowing some sins because "well, that person is a high giver;" or "that person always does Sunday School, so we'll ignore that"; or getting legalistic to the point where they're going to beat somebody over the head with their sin, and there's nothing they can do to receive grace. If you look back to 1967, [you'd see] this church split from another church in that town over nothing but personality issues. One person desired this; one person desired that, and nobody really tried to decide what God wanted. As elders and the Board, we decided to go back to that church. In fact, at the same time, that church was feeling the same as we were. The elders came together and prayed with each other. Even though not one of the persons in that room was involved in that split, we as representatives of each church asked for forgiveness and wanted to reconciliation. What we discovered was that both of those churches had a cracked foundation because of sin that never really was exposed and confessed. I don't think it's any coincidence that not too long after that, six new faces appeared in the pew. Then a few weeks ago, as we had a seminar on restoring relationships, we spent a Sunday talking about confessing to one another. Twenty five to 35 people came up to the altar with me at the end of the service to confess their sins to their brothers and sisters in the congregation. Later that Sunday, the elders went to the previous pastor. This is a God thing-how typical of God; this pastor lives in the state of Washington and happened to be in the area because his father was sick. God is a hoot. They went to this pastor, and it wasn't to focus on what he did incorrectly because he did a lot of things incorrectly; it was to focus on how they treated him. They asked for his forgiveness. Not only that, but they thanked him because a lot of what he did paved the path to get us to the point where we are now. You could imagine there being one very surprised pastor. I hope he has gone back to his ministry feeling restored. Guess what happened within the next couple of weeks? Six more people showed up-new faces. I firmly believe in what it says in Acts 2:47 (page 1079), "And the Lord added to their daily number those who were being saved." You see, there's something we learned: I could sit here and preach on reconciliation until the cows come home, but the sure way to teach it is to model it.

I hate when God does this because it's been bothering me all week. There is a couple, and I drive by their house, and God keeps saying, "Hey, when are you going to go over there and reconcile? Stop worrying about being right and [start worrying about] having a relationship." To model to you, after worship this Sunday, I'm going to go knock on their door-they live here in Janesville-and make that relationship right. I could preach to you until the cows come home, but the best way I can show you how true this is and what God can do in a powerful way when you reconcile with each other is to do it [myself]. That's what we've learned at the church we're at now. There are still some people who don't quite understand that yet, and we pray for them. We pray that they too will see what God is doing.

That's reconciliation. Now I want to clarify that that reconciliation is a two-person action. Reconciliation sometimes means having boundaries. If a person says, "I'm so sorry. I want to reconcile," and turns around and sins again. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I want to reconcile," and then they turn around and sin again, I would say that's not a person who is truly repentant. Reconciliation takes two who confess their sins and are truly repentant, so where does that leave you as far as your obligations to that person and to reconciliation?

Let's turn to Matthew 18:21-35 (page 975). This is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is the act of one; reconciliation is the act of two or more. So what is your obligation? Well, I can forgive and confess, but what if that person rejects me? Well, we have an audience of one. All we can do is what is right in the eyes of God. Let's look at Matthew 18:21-35. I tease Pastor Jeff because he preached on forgiveness, and he said, "I'm not going to preach on this Passage because that's what everybody is expecting," so surprise! We're going to talk about it right now. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?'" That sounds like a good number. Seven, eleven and twelve: those are good numbers-especially in the Bible, right? Seven has to be a good number.

"Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but…'" 70x7. So, 490? Is that what Jesus is saying?

"Okay, I'm at 489. You have one more, and I'm done forgiving you." No, I don't think that's what He's talking about. What He is talking about is we have to keep on forgiving.

Then He starts with this Parable that puts it in perspective. "'"Therefore, the kingdom of Heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him."'" Ten thousand talents-what does that mean? I did some research, and a talent is the equivalent of 60-70 pounds of a precious medal. It could be silver; it could be gold. I really think what we're talking about here is gold because what we are looking at is a debt that cannot be repaid. I got the old calculator out-one that can do a lot of numbers-and figured it out. The equivalent of 10,000 talents of gold today would be over $13 billion dollars.

If you're a guy like me who loves cars or anything on wheels [here's a story for you]. My family and I go to Chicago, and there is a Lamborghini dealership that my son and I have to go to every time we go to Chicago-like I can afford a Lamborghini. I notice the salesmen never come up to me; I wonder why that is. The Lamborghini Murcielago-we're talking about [this car] going 200 MPH while you're standing still. It has a V10, 7-speed; you could just fly down the road at 25 MPH and just look like you're going fast. It cost $400,000. Yeah, it's one of those economy cars (congregation laughing). With 10,000 of gold, you could purchase over 33,000 Murcielagos. I don't think I could drive each one in a lifetime, but that will give you some perspective.

What happens? It continues, "'Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.'"

In Biblical times, if you owed a debt, they took it out of your hide. You would be put in jail; your children, your grandchildren, and your spouse would be sold into slavery, and you would be in jail until the debt was repaid. Let's face it: this dude was not going to see the light of day.

What happens? "'The servant fell on his knees before him. "Be patient with me," he begged, "and I will pay back everything." The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.'"

Whew!! Man, what a lucky guy. I would imagine after a lesson like that, he would probably be a pretty merciful guy.

Let's see what happens, "'But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii,'" which is about a paycheck. "'He grabbed him and began to choke him. "Pay back what you owe me!" he demanded'

"'His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, "Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'"

"'But he refused. Instead he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.'"

Did I miss something here? Does this sound familiar in any way? Think of the debt we owe to God for His Son dying on the cross for us. Is there really anything anybody could do to you compared to that forgiveness? Think about it: what could they do to you that would make you feel you had the right not to forgive that person? You see, in reconciliation that is your obligation. To forgive, you're obligated to confess and then pray God will change the heart of the person you're reconciling with and they will do the same. Sometimes you'll have your hand bitten off. Other times, you'll see a movement of God beyond anything you could ever expect. You see, we have to do this. There is no option here. Why is that? It's because as I said: we've been reconciled with God. That is the third type of reconciliation. We've been reconciled with God-not through anything we did, but through His free gift. Let's look at Romans 5:6-11 (page 1116). "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless…" That's powerless to avoid sin. "…Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

He didn't wait for us to do the right thing. He just did it. The same goes with our reconciliation. Don't wait for the other person to do the right thing. You go and you reconcile or at least try to reconcile.

"Since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through Him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!"

My friends, you see before we were believers, we were enemies of God. Didn't we always turn our backs on Him and walk the other way? But while we were still sinners, He sent Christ down to die for us; so if you're a seeker or you're not a believer, I need to tell you that today is the day you can accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Then through His Word, you'll discover how to reconcile with yourself and become that new creation that is in you and how to reconcile, forgive, and to love one another.

Here's what God does. If you're still seeking and you're not a believer, Satan does a good job of writing your list of sins-adultery, cheating, lying, anger, drugs, alcohol… I don't have enough time to write that list. When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, now God is your Father; and He takes this list, crumples it up, and throws it away. He asks us to try to do the same with each other.

Let's pray:

Father, it is only through You that we can be reconciled and know what it means to be a new creation. If there is anyone here who is seeking You for the first time, Lord, I pray that You will turn their hearts toward You, that they will stay after with someone here to pray with them and show them what it means to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. For those of us who have already made that decision, help us to understand our call to forgive, our call to seek reconciliation, our call to restore relationships. I pray this all in the beautiful, wonderful, merciful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.

Pastor Jeff Williams: March 6, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part IV, "How Do I Forgive Myself?"

We are talking about forgiveness right now. One of the most difficult things to do in forgiveness is to forgive yourself. Sometimes it's easier for me to forgive the person who wronged me than it is for me to forgive myself for the things I've committed. We're going to watch a testimony right now of a young lady who went through an awful tragedy and crime and then had to deal with the guilt and shame when she came to realize that what happened to her was partly her fault. How did she come to the point where she resolved that guilt and shame? This testimony is a little longer than what we normally have, but you'll see that it's worth it. It's a powerful story of transformation and freedom. As soon as that's done, I'll come up and share the Word with you today. (Here is the link mentioned: http://sermonspice.com/search?q=forgive+yourself).

That was pretty powerful. That's what we're going to talk about today-forgiving ourselves, Living Debt-Free.

There's a song that Frank Sinatra sings that most of us have heard called, "My Way." He sings, "I did it my way." He was rather proud of the fact that he lived life on his own terms. There's a line in the song where he says, "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention." I've lived my life. There aren't a whole lot of things that I'd take back. There aren't a whole lot of things I'd do differently, he said. I don't relate to that. There is a long list of regrets that I have from my childhood to teenage years to young adulthood and into adulthood. I'm sure if I live long enough to see the senior years that are just around the corner, I'll have some regrets there too. I have a lot of regrets. There are a lot of things that I've done, said, or shouldn't have done or said. I have regrets, and there have been times I've had to deal with guilt or shame. I'm sure you're the same way.

Let's take a look at a man who lived life his way. This guy just lived life on his terms. He was just as comfortable with a harp in his hand as a spear in battle. While other soldiers were going out with armor, swords, and knives, he went out with a slingshot. He did it his way. Do you know who I'm talking about? David.

David seemed to live a charmed life, didn't he? All through his life, people were choosing him and saying, "You're the one we want." God said, "You're the one I have My hands on." When he was a young man, Samuel the Prophet came to his house. They didn't know why Samuel was there. Samuel said, "I am here to anoint the next king."

God said, "It's one of Jesse's sons."

Jesse's sons are paraded in front of Samuel. Samuel said, "It's not him. It's not him. Do you have any other sons?"

"Well, we just have David, but it couldn't be David. He's a little shepherd boy. He's in the field."

He said, "Bring him to me." When David came in the room, Samuel said, "You are the one. You are the one that God has chosen to be king."

How do handle that when you're a teenager? He anoints his head with oil, and he says, "You will lead the people of Israel."

David can't believe it. "Me, chosen?" He said, "I'm the man? I'm the one?"

"You are the man that God has chosen." Wow!

He lives with that, and he goes back to a normal life; but it's really hard. He thinks about that, "How could that be? It seems so far away, so surreal that I don't even know if it will ever happen."

Not long after that, Israel was in battle with its dreaded enemy, the Philistines. There's a giant named Goliath, and he is taunting the army of Israel. He said, "Choose a man who will fight. If I defeat him, you will serve us. If he defeats me, we will serve you." Nobody would take him up on the challenge. Goliath's right thigh was bigger than any man in Israel's army.

Nobody wanted to face this guy, and David heard the taunting. He said, "Who is this guy to think he can defy the living God? Let me fight him!"

Everybody said, "Oh, you're too young! You're too small! You're a boy!"

He gets an audience with Saul, and he says, "God was with me when I slew the lion. God was with me when I slew the bear when it tried to attack the sheep, and God will be with me when I slay this uncircumcised Philistine."

It's like Saul's eyes were lifted, and he could see that David was the chosen one. He said to David, "You're the man. You're the one God's going to use, and may God be with you," and He was. The rock was slung, it hit the giant, and the giant fell; and David was triumphant, and Israel was triumphant. Then he led him on many military campaigns, victory after victory. There was a parade through the city, and Israel gathered to celebrate their victories. Their territory is enlarging. Their influence is growing. People start singing a spontaneous chant, "King Saul has killed thousands, David has ten thousands."

It was like the whole city was rising up and saying, "You are the man!" All the girls wanted to marry him, and all the boys wanted to be him one day, be a warrior like that. When he matured into full-fledged manhood, King Saul died. The people of Judah where he was born said, "We would like you to be our King. We see in you the leadership, the anointing, and the devotion to God that we need in our King. You are the man, David. David, would you be our King?" David humbly accepted. David at age 30 became the King of Judah. The northern kingdom was ruled by Saul's son, Ishbosheth, but he was executed. When he died, the people of Israel said, "David, we see how you reign in righteousness in the South. We remember all of your exploits and all the good things you've done. David, will you be our King too? You are the man! You are the one we have chosen to lead us," and David agrees.

Israel is united. It's no longer the North and the South; it's just one country with one King."

Then through the Prophet Nathan, God said to David, "You all have homes to live in, and David has a palace to live in, but my Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, lives in a tent. Make a house for me. Make a house for my dwelling, and, David, out of all the people in the world, I choose you to be the one to start building that temple. You will start the plans to build a house for me." God was saying, "You are the man. You are the one I have chosen," so David envisions building a magnificent temple for God.

There is a summary verse in 2 Samuel 8:15 (page 303) that talks about this pinnacle of David's life. Let's read it together, "David reigned over all Israel, doing what was just and right for all his people." This is the pinnacle. David is living up to hype. He is a man after God's own heart, and he is governing in righteousness. He is conducting himself with justice, and he is doing his God and his people proud. This is the height of his popularity, the height of his influence, and then things begin to go wrong. David is going to make a series of choices that we're going to look at that cause him to fall from his lofty height that are going to bring his spiritual adviser and friend, Nathan, to his door to tell him a story. David is going to be outraged at that story, and he's going to say, "The man who did this deserves to die," and Nathan will look him in the eyes and say, "You are the man! You're the one I'm talking about." This time you are the man is not a good thing to be. This time you are the man means you are going to bear the guilt and shame of the things that you have done. How will David live with himself?

You see, what happened was David sent off his army to battle. Normally, he went with them, but this time he didn't go. For whatever the reason, he didn't go. He stayed home, and he was up on the roof of his palace looking down. He saw a beautiful woman taking a bath on her rooftop. He spied on her and said, "Who is that?"

His officials understand where he's coming from, and they say, "Isn't that Bathsheba, Uriah the Hittite's wife?" In other words, "David, isn't she married?" [He's asking because] David has all these wives, all these concubines. All the eligible maidens in the kingdom want to be his wife. That's their culture, but he's interested in Bathsheba.

"Bathsheba, ha? Bring her to me." So they bring her to the King. Like the woman we saw in our video, she doesn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter. He's King. He's all powerful. He has his way with her, and he sends her home. He wanted her because he wanted her; he had her because he could. She went home crying; she went home in shame and guilt, wondering what she would say to her husband Uriah when he came back from battle. How could she look him in the eye?

David goes back to life as normal. Weeks later, news come from Bathsheba-two words in a note, "I'm pregnant."

It's not going to just be swept under a rug. David thinks, "What am I going to do?" [He knows] when Uriah comes back from battle and his wife is expecting along with Uriah's knowledge that he's not the father, he's going to start asking questions.

If she says, "'David did it,' what are people going to think of me when I'm sleeping with the wives of my own soldiers and impregnating them? What's going to happen to my pole numbers? What will happen to my ratings? I mean I'm the all-Israeli's guy! I'm the one everybody loves and that everybody has this great opinion of. If they find out I did that, they're going to think so poorly of me. I have to do something to protect myself."

He sends for a messenger to get Uriah from the field of battle. Uriah doesn't normally report to the King, so he's kinda surprised. He comes to the palace, and he doesn't know if he's done something wrong or what's going on. He said, "How are things going out there in battle anyway, Uriah?"

"It's going good, King. Everybody is working hard and sacrificing, and I think we're doing well."

"I just wanted to talk to a guy on the field. Normally I talk to Joab, but, you know, it's his job to tell me good things. I wanted to get an objective point of view from somebody on the ground, so it's going really good, ha?"

"Yeah, it's going good."

"You're a good soldier, Uriah. You're one of my mighty men. You're a good guy. Come, have a meal with me."

"Well, okay." He's surprised, and he eats at the King's table.

Then the King says, "Go home. Be with your wife. Go home and spend some time with your lovely wife, Bathsheba. She would love to be with you," and the plan is foolproof. He would go be with his wife and nature would take its course. When the baby was born, everybody would remember, "Well, you know, Uriah had that leave of absence. That's how that happened," and David would be off the hook. It would be Uriah's child, and the only ones that would know would be Bathsheba and David. Uriah would never know. They would raise King David's child-foolproof!

Uriah said, "No way! No, no, no. While my men are out there in a field fighting and dying, you want me to go home, sleep with my wife, and sleep in my own bed? I won't do it! There's no way I'll do that." Uriah is a man of uprightness and character, and he ends up sleeping outside.

David was like, "Ugh! Why do I have to have such good men in my army? I have to come up with another plan," so he invited him back for dinner again.

This time, he decides to get him drunk. How do you say no to the King when the King is offering you a drink? "We're getting to know each other as friends-not just King and subject, but as men. Have another one, Uriah." The next thing you know, Uriah is drunk, and he and the King are having a good old time.

Uriah said (in a drunken voice), "You're the best King in the world! You are the best King, David. Can I call you David? You are a good King! You lead us into battle, and we win. It's a great country! I'm telling you it's a great country! It's an awesome country!"

"Yes, it is a great country, Uriah. You're right."

"We have the best country. We have the best God!"

"And you have a wonderful wife! Bathsheba's a wonderful wife!"

"Oh, Bath! I love Bath! She's the greatest wife you could ever have! She's been with me since I was a kid. I love Bath! I love my wife. I love her, Dave! She's the best!"

"You have a great life!"

"I have a great life!"

"Go home and be with your wife! Tell her you love her. Spend the night with her."

Even in a drunken stupor, he has his integrity. He said, "Aww! I can't do that! No, no, no way. I'm not going to do that!"

David is like, "I don't know what to do with this guy!" Uriah sleeps outside again. Then David does something very dark. He takes out a piece of paper and writes to Joab on there, "Put Uriah on the frontlines where the battle is the fiercest, and then pull back from him." In other words, "Make sure he dies in battle."

He follows the orders of the king, and he gets closer to the wall than he normally would. They kill him. An arrow hits its target, and Uriah dies on the field of battle. A lot of men died as well.

Joab sends a messenger back to the King and says, "If David gets upset, if David gets mad because we lost so many men, and if he says, 'Why did Joab get so close to the wall,' then you tell him Uriah the Hittite is dead also," and so he did.

David heard the report, and rather than getting mad, he said, "Oh, I understand. These kinds of things happen. Tell Joab he's doing a good job, and tell him I understand. Encourage him to keep up the fight. He's doing great! Encourage him with those words." Problem solved. Uriah is gone.

Bathsheba gets the news, and she grieves for her husband. After the period of mourning is done, he takes her home to be his wife. It's a perfect plan. When she has the baby months from now, everybody will know that's David's baby. "That brave man, that hero, has taken the wife of Uriah-he's taken Uriah's widow to be his wife. What a guy! I'm still a popular King. Everybody still loves me. Nobody knows about it. I have a baby; I have a wife." David is in a good mood. All of us right now like David a little bit less than we did when we came here this morning.

That's all about to change because a spiritual advisor shows up at the door, and he has a troubled look on his face. "Nathan, what brings you here today?"

He says, "I have a story to tell you, King."

David said, "Please, tell me. What kind of a story?"

Nathan's telling this not as a Parable, but he's telling this as if it really happened. He's telling him news of something that happened. Based on the response [Nathan gets, he realizes] you don't get this mad when you're hearing a make-believe story. David thinks this is real. When he hears the outcome of the story, he wants justice.

Let's look at 2 Samuel 12:1 (page 305 of pew Bibles), Nathan tells this to David: "'There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.'

"'Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.'

"David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, 'As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this deserves to die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.'

"Then Nathan said to David, 'You are the man!'" You are the one in the story. You are the rich man.

At first there's a look of shock, "What are you talking about?" Then he begins to share things that only God would know, things that Nathan didn't know, things that nobody else knew-details of the story. David then knows that Nathan is talking to him as the voice of God. How would you feel if somebody confronted you and started telling you all of your sins that they would have no way of knowing, that nobody else knew? They said, "God said to tell you this…"

David starts to feel this sense of guilt and shame. He probably put his head down as he listened to what he said. Nathan said, "This time 'you are the man' is not a good thing."

Verse 7, "'I anointed you King over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms…'" after Saul died. "'I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the Word of the Lord by doing what is evil in His eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'"

What does the sword mean? The sword cuts and divides, and the sword kills. There will be divisions and death in the house of David. That is a consequence of his sin. "'This is what the Lord says: "Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you."'" He would have one son sleep with his half-sister, and when the other son found out about it, he killed his brother. One son killed another son. Another son would try to be king, and David would advocate his throne. He would go into the throne, and he would sleep with his concubines in broad daylight. His name was Absalom. Another son later on will ascend to the throne only to be killed by another son, Solomon. David's family is going to be in disarray in his life in a downward spiral. There are going to be heavy consequences to pay for his actions.

"'"Before your very eyes, I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight."'

"Then David said to Nathan, 'I have sinned against the Lord.'

"Nathan replied, 'The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.'" Then Nathan went home.

For a moment, David just took it all in. He took in the consequences. Have you ever had the consequences of your actions hit you square between the eyes? All of the sudden you're confronted with what your choices have done, the bed you now have to lie in, and it just seems overwhelming to you. "What am I going to do? Every time I walk by my wife, Bathsheba, and she is crying because her soul mate is dead, I know it's my fault." How do you live with that kind of guilt? How do you live with yourself when the soldiers come back and they mourn their fallen soldiers? There's a funeral for those who died in that battle that day, and you know you, the King, were supposed to look after them, and you killed them? How do you live with yourself?

Sometimes song writers write their best songs when they go through heartache and tragedy. Poem writers will write their best poems when they've gone through some sort of a loss. David is no exception. David gets out a piece of paper and a pen, and he starts to write. He starts to write a song of repentance to God. As he's writing this song, his tears are falling down and it's staining the ink. This is a song many of us have read, and many of us have read and said to God while praying when we went through a time of repentance. Let's open our Bibles up to Psalm 51 (page 562 of pew Bibles). Let's see how David dealt with this sin. How would he break free? We're going to find that David deals with the past, the present, and the future. The first thing that David does is he writes this Psalm. In Verse 1, he takes responsibility for his past. I want you to notice how many times he says my sin, the word my. "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are proved right when You speak and justified when You judge." He takes ownership for his sins. Number one is you take ownership for your actions, the consequences of your actions, and what you have done. You say, "I did this. Here's what I've done." You don't own false guilt. Sometimes we will do things, people will blame us, and they're not our fault. That's called false guilty. Or they'll put shame on you that isn't your shame; that's called toxic shame. They make you think it's your fault; they make you think it's your guilt; they make you think it's your shame, but it's not. We'll talk a lot about that when we get to reconciliation.

You have to ask God for discernment and say, "When this is something I've done and take responsibility for" or "is this something somebody's tried to put on me that's not my fault at all? This belongs to somebody else." So that is number one: I own, I confess, I say this is mine, and I deal with the consequences of that sin. David was going to reap many consequences for what he did. He said, "It's nobody's fault but mine. I failed you, God, and here's what I did."

The second step in that process of forgiving yourself is to come to terms with the reality of the present. The first step looks at what I did. This question says, "What now? Now that I've done this, what do I do next? How do I get rid of this shame and guilt?" The answer is forgiveness. Those same steps we did when we talked about forgiving others, we have to apply to ourselves. You see, here's the dilemma that David faced. In psychology it's called cognitive dissidence. Have you heard that term before? Cognitive dissidence is when you say, "Here is my ideal self. Here are the rules I have set for myself. Here is the kind of person I want to be." Then we say, "Over here is the person I am. Here's my ideal self. Here's my real self." If those are close together, there isn't as much dissidence or distance. If I set a high standard for myself, high rules for myself, and I pretty much live by those as David did at one time, there isn't a lot of dissidence there. There's healthy self-esteem. I'm less likely to deal with depression, less likely to feel anxiety; but the greater the dissidence, the greater the distance between my ideal and my real, is going to cause some psychological problems for me. When I'm not living up to my own standards of the kind of person I should be, that causes stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem in a person's life.

Here he wants to be this great King, and so far all he has done is become this great King. Everybody has told him what a great King he is, and now he's confronted with the reality when he looks in the mirror of "I'm a murderer, a conspirator, a liar, and an adulterer." Here is who I expect myself to be in ideal life, and here is who I am right here. Now all of the sudden, there is this huge gap in his life.

Maybe you've had that gap. Here is the kind of husband I want to be. Here's the kind of son or daughter, the wife, the mother or father, the friend I want to be-the Christian; and here is what I've become. How do you bridge that gap? How do you bridge that dissidence? It's through forgiveness.

There is a saying I want to share with you about forgiveness. It says, "Forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a better past."

David had to let go of this image, "I'm going to be this king. I'm going to be a man after God's own heart. I'm always going to live for God. I'm always going to do what's right." Now he has to come to the realization that there's going to be a blot on his record. God can forgive him, but no matter what happens, "I killed innocent people-my own men. I killed one of my own soldiers to have his wife. I slept with his wife. I've committed adultery and murder. No matter what happens from here on out, I'm not the King that I thought I was, not the person I thought I was." To give up the hope of a better past is to come to terms with what happened and "now what am I going to do?"

I think it's important for us to extract from last week one of those five points. Remember we identified five obstacles for unforgiveness. We said, "If you're struggling, you're probably struggling with at least one or more of these obstacles. Identify the obstacle that's giving you the most problems and work on that." Remember that message? The last obstacle was a failure to see the whole person. We said we sometimes have a difficulty forgiving when we fail to see the whole person. We said unforgiveness is like taking a snapshot of a person at their worst. We said it's like if you woke up in the morning and before combing your hair-ladies, before you could put on your makeup; guys, before you could shave-you just woke up and still have bed face, you still have eye boogers; you don't look very good, [someone snaps your picture]. You may have that baggy eye look that you see I have most of the time; you have it in the morning. You wake up, and somebody says, "Good morning!" snap, and takes a picture. You say, "Ahh!!" They put it on Facebook, and they say, "This is you!" Everybody looks at that and says, "Oh, my!"

You say, "That'd be terrible!" Some of you have yearbook pictures like that. You showed up at school, and you didn't know it was picture day. "Oh, no!" Snap, and there you are.

Your kids see your old yearbook, "Mom, Dad, can I look?"

"Oh, no, don't look at that!" Forever you're in the yearbook with this awful picture that people would look at and say, "That's you? Oh, man. Sorry!"

You have this snapshot of you at your worst and say, "Well, this is me." We say that's what unforgiveness is. Unforgiveness takes a snapshot of you at your worst and says, "This is you."

The Bible says that Satan is the accuser of the brother. Have you ever had him take a snapshot of you when you were at your worst and had it put in front of your eyes to say, "This is you. How can you be a Christian when you did this? How can you claim to love God when you said that? How can you be a Christian with the way you treated those people?" You're forced to confront that image.

Maybe you have a person in your life who likes to continually bring up the past. They're always saying, "You ruined my life! You did this! You did that!" Year after year, they're always bringing up that photograph of you at your worst and saying, "This is you," to the point where that comes to define who you are.

We talked about Jared Loughner, the man who shot Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in the head. The bullet went through her brain, and she survived. She's recovering, but a little girl died, a judge died, and a staffer died; others were injured. His mug shot appeared for the country to see, and we looked into his face and saw a monster. Look at those eyes; they look crazy. He has that creepy smile like Charles Manson. We say, "That guy is evil. That guy's a monster." There is only so long we can look at that. It's just creepy. That picture defines him for us. We see this man who is a monster. He killed a child. He did awful things, but when his mom and dad or his best friends look at that picture, do they see a monster? They think of him as a baby. His mom and dad think of him riding his bike, growing up, laughing and being a normal kid because they knew him before he was a mass murderer. They knew him before the country hated him. He is someone they love. That photograph does not define that man for his parents and his friends. Friends, that event that you are so ashamed of and so embarrassed about that you don't want to tell a soul about-that does not define you either. By unforgiveness, you keep that in your forefront, and you look at that from time to time and say, "That is me."

I would say, "Yes, that was you for that moment, but that does not define you in your totality." God said to David through Nathan, "I forgive you. You will not die" because God knew that that was not all David was. Yes, he was an adulterer; yes he did commit murder, but he had been a good son, a good brother, a good soldier, a good King, a good follower, and he will be again. So David focuses on the present. You notice that in these verses?

He said in Verse 5, "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely You desire truth in my inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Right now, I need truth more than anything else. Right now, I need God to teach me. "Cleanse me with hyssop…" That was a plant in which you used for medicinal purposes or to sprinkle blood during religious ceremonies. I need the blood applied to my soul "and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." I need forgiveness. "Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice." I need some good news right now. "Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast Spirit within me." I need renewal; I need forgiveness; I need grace. "Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me." I need your presence in my life right now, God.

As he came to the reality of his sin and he looked at the snapshot of who he was, he said, "God, I need Your forgiveness and Your grace right now. I need Your pardon right now." This step looks at that in all of its ugliness. God has called you to release yourself just like you release those who hate you.

I was very close with my mom, and I still love my mom very much. I think about her often. She was a great support to me, and I tried to be a good son to her. When she was just diagnosed with her Alzheimer's, I made a decision that hurt her. I caused her pain, and I felt terrible for that. As her mind digressed and she began to lose her memory and eventually pass away, I was like, "What do I do with this anger at myself, with this grief, this guilt? What do I do with this?"

I was driving down the interstate this week, driving home after dropping off my daughter. We have a big group of our people and our girls at a dance competition in Chicago. They did excellent, by the way. I was driving home, and I was thinking about the woman's testimony that we're going to show and I was thinking about what I did. I was thinking about some of the guilt and shame I carry with me, and I started to pray. I said, "God, You know how much I love my mom. You know how much I thought of providing for her and protecting her. You know what a good son I was to her. You know this bad decision I made, and You know how badly I feel about it. I've asked You to forgive me, and right now, in Jesus' name, I forgive myself. I release myself." I let go of the hope of a better past. This is what I did. I hurt somebody I loved, but I said, "Lord, that does not define me as a son. I was a good son before that event, and I was a good son to her after that event. I watched over her, and I made decisions. I cared for her, and I loved her until she died. That event is not going to define my relationship with my mom anymore. Lord, I forgive myself. I release myself." I was crying. I know if she were here, she would release her son today. I know that's made a difference in me, and I'm not saying I won't deal with some of that stuff again; but I know that was a healthy and right thing to do. That was good for me. Some of you need to take some steps like that, but here's the good news: when I've taken responsibility for my past, that which is truly my fault; I've confessed my sin; I've dealt with the consequences; I've asked for God's forgiveness; and I've forgiven myself, then the good stuff happens. Then I have the hope for redemption in the future. I still have the hope for a better future that I can turn my life around, that I can be a different person, that I can have a new start because of the grace of God. That will not define me anymore.

That's the third point: it's the redemption of the future, trusting for the redemption of the future. I want you to notice the turn now it takes as he closes out this Psalm in Verse 12 (again, page 562). Everything is future-minded. "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation…" in the future. Restore that joy. "…grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." I want to keep moving forward. I want to keep growing as a person. Right now, I feel like giving up. Sustain me. "Then I will teach…" in the future. "…I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You." I will prevent people from doing what I have done, and the people that have done what I've done, I will help bring them back to God. I'm going to be a changed man in the future because of Your help. "Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me..." What does that mean? That's the people who he killed. That's Uriah and the fellow soldiers that he had killed on that wall. That's bloodguilt. Their blood is on his hands. Save me from bloodguilt. "…my tongue then will sing of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare Your praise."

In the future when I'm forgiven, when I'm healed, and when I'm cleansed, words of truth and life will come from my mouth, and I will praise Your name. He looks forward to the day of redemption. Friends, that can be your future too. It doesn't matter what your past has been. If you'll follow those steps of forgiveness and forgive yourself, your future will be better than your past. You can know what it's like to know that freedom-not only having God's forgiveness or the forgiveness of others, but to forgive yourself.

Let's pray together:

Father, we're thankful for the woman who had the courage to share her story in front of the camera. She went through the same steps that we saw David go through. When David wrote the Psalm we just read, he was at the lowest point of his life. In years to come, he would experience the consequences in his family-the pain of death. The one thing he would know is he'd remember the words of Nathan where You said he was forgiven. Lord, You restored him, and that would no longer define him, but it would be about redemption. You would change his story.

I want you to pray this prayer with me this morning if you have guilt and shame and need to forgive yourself. "Father, I come to You in Jesus' name. Lord, I've confessed my sin to You, and I've asked for Your forgiveness. I know You've forgiven me, but I've not forgiven myself. Today, Lord, I pray that in Jesus' name, I can forgive myself. I release myself of that debt. It does not define me as a person. It does not define that relationship. Lord, I look forward to a future of restoration that You will give me. You'll cause my heart to rejoice and my mouth to praise. I take this action today in Your name."

Lord, all around this church; everybody is living through their story, their drama, and working through their past. They're coming to the terms of their reality. Lord, You're helping us all. When we emerge through this process, we will be a stronger church because we will be healthier individuals. You're going to repair our relationship with You, with others, and with ourselves. Thank You for the things that You are teaching us and showing us and for how Your Word is changing us from the inside out. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Pastor Jeff Williams: February 27, 2011

Living Deb-Free, Part III, "Barriers to Forgiveness."

[A clip from Forrest Gump was played here where they were throwing rocks at a house, and Forrest said, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." Forrest has a way with words, doesn't he?] Good morning to you. We are on a series called "Debt-Free Living," and we are studying forgiveness together. We're taking our time doing so. We're going to spend a couple of months together on this subject. It's not a one-and-done kind of thing, but we're really trying to get deep into it.

This morning we want to talk about some of the barriers to forgiveness. Why is it that some of us make it through and others of us get stuck? We're going to identify some of those barriers. If you're taking notes, I'd like you to write those things down, write those barriers down, and then identify which it is that's sticking you. Where are you getting stuck in your forgiveness journey? Circle that one and say, "That's the one by the grace of God that I'm going to break through." That's going to be our job today-to identify that barrier.

Before we get into that, I want to have a little quiz. I want to test you on your Bible knowledge and your history. We're going to give you some quotes of last words from famous people. These are quotes many of you have heard before. Maybe you can identify who said them. The first one is from American history, "I regret I only have one life to lose for my country." If you think you know who said that, you don't have to say it; but how many of you think you have an idea? Yeah, it was Nathan Hale. A few of you? Yeah, some of you guys were real confident but you weren't quite right. Our first spy-that's what he said when he was killed by the British in the Revolutionary War right before he died.

Here's one that you'll recognize, "Et tu, Brute?" That was Julius Caesar's on the Ides of March before he was stabbed to death, betrayed.

Here's one from the Bible. Let's see if you recognize these famous last powerful words. "Lord, Jesus, receive my spirit." That was the first martyr of the church, Steven, as he was being stoned to death. The Apostle Paul was leading the charge. Steven said, "Lord, Jesus, receive my spirit," and then he died. What a dramatic way to go and what powerful last words those are.

These next last words are also from the Bible. They're spoken by somebody that will surprise you. "Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood," (in 1 Kings 2:9, page 327 of pew Bible). This is somebody that you know, a Bible character that you know-these were the last words [he spoke] before he took his dying breath. The last words were words of vengeance, of bitterness, of unforgiveness. He was telling somebody to kill another person. Do you know who said this? David-the one who wrote Psalms 23 about "the Lord is my Shepherd" and those gentle words, the last words before he died, were to tell his son, Solomon, to kill a person. "Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood."

What caused David to be so angry and so bitter? We're starting at the end, and then we're going to go back to the beginning. Let's first turn to 1 Kings 2 (page 327). David is on his death bed, and he is giving his son Solomon directives. He's blessing him; he's giving him a charge. It starts off really well, "Live for God. Serve Him. Do what's right," but then he starts listing people he is happy with and people he's upset with. When we get to Verse 8, he says, "'And remember, you have with you Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord: "I will not put you to death by the sword." But now, do not consider him innocent. You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him. Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood.'

"Then David rested with his fathers and was buried in the City" that bears his name.

He said, "This person insulted me." Wow, that seems like an overreaction, doesn't it? Somebody insulted me, so I want him dead. He said, "I told him I would not kill him, but I never said my son wouldn't. I have a loophole here, and I'm going to use it."

Let's see what happened. I want you to turn in your Bibles to the Book of 2 Samuel 16 (page 311 of pew Bibles). David was at a low point in his life and in his reign as King. He had a son whose name was Absalom, and Absalom rebelled against David. He decided that he too wanted to be King. He was rising in popularity with men and women. Men loved him because he was brave, and the women loved him because he was handsome. He had this winning smile and charm, and he was charming the people. The people started saying, "We wish you were King. We like you better than your father."

Power started going to his head, and pretty soon he decided, "I think I want to be King." He staged a rebellion against his father. Now David loved his son and did not want to fight against his son; so he decided that for the time being, he would step down from his throne and leave the palace. Now David was wandering through the countryside. He didn't know what he was going to do; he didn't know what he was going to do. All he knew was that his son was trying to kick him out of power, and he didn't want to battle his son; so he voluntarily left his throne. Now his popularity was at a low at this point. There was a lot of dissention in the southern region of the Kingdom, the Kingdom of Judah. By the time his son took the throne, David was already out the back door. He had a group of faithful followers with him; his general and others were with him. They came through town and found a man who absolutely hated him named Shimei. Shimei couldn't stand the ground that David walked on. Shimei saw this as an opportunity to tell King David exactly what he thought. He was vulnerable; he was in a defeated posture, and Shimei said, "This is my chance. He's not going to be King anymore. He can't hurt me anymore. I'm going to tell him exactly what I think!" He was going to get so mad and so worked up that he would pick up stones and start throwing them at David. He was going to pick up dirt and start throwing it at David, along with insults and cursing toward him.

Imagine what it would be like for Governor Walker if he were to take a stroll through the protestors today. With all the hatred that there is right now, he'd be in danger, wouldn't he? Imagine if Gaddafi were to take a walk through Libya right now in the midst of the protestors. Imagine if Mubarak were to walk through the Egyptian protestors. Wow! They would be taking their lives into their own hands.

David was actually walking with his bodyguards, and that didn't even stop Shimei. This guy was so mad that not even the presence of bodyguards would stop him. Let's take a look in Verse 5, "As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul's family…" Remember Saul was the one who was King first and then David. "…came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. He pelted David and all the King's officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David's right and left. As he cursed, Shimei said, 'Get out, get out, you man of blood, you scoundrel!'" He doesn't think to highly of David. "'The Lord has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The Lord has handed the kingdom over to your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a man of blood!'" Tell us how you really feel, Shimei. Don't hold back. Wow, he just puts it all on the line. "Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the King, 'Why should this dead dog curse me Lord the King? Let me go over and cut off his head.'"

Some of those stones were hitting him, and he didn't like it. Some of that dirt was landing on him. He said, "Let me just go ahead and take care of this little peon for you. It'll be my pleasure." You know how it is when you're having a bad time? Maybe you're feeling like a failure, you're feeling like the world is against you, and it doesn't matter anymore. Have you been there? "Go ahead, throw the stones. I deserve it. I'm a bad King. My people hate me! I'm a bad father. My son is going against me. Go ahead-I deserve it. Kick me while I'm down. Save what you need to say. I don't care!" Have you ever been there? You're just so discouraged and so upset that you just don't care anymore. "Go ahead and insult me. Go ahead and try to hurt my reputation and say things. I don't care anymore. Everybody else is, so go ahead!" That's his attitude; that's his posture, so he tells them, "No, don't stop him." Maybe God is just telling him to do that. "Just go ahead."

Verse 13, "So David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt." When they arrived at their destination, all the people with him were exhausted, "And there he refreshed himself." He took a bath and cleaned up his wounds.

I've never been walking down a road while being sprayed by rocks, dirt, and insults continually; but I'm sure that was very stressful for David. David seems to take the high road. David doesn't order him to be killed or anything like that.

What happened was Absalom was killed in a battle. David said to his men, "When you go to battle, don't harm my boy. Whatever you do, be gentle with my son." Well, it didn't work out that way. David's general killed Absalom in the field of battle. David was broken-hearted; but as a consequence of that, the southern kingdom regrouped and decided to make David King once again and unite the North and the South. It was the end of Civil War. It was the end of brother against brother. The nation was restored. Israel was one, and David was the one King. There were no more threats to his throne; so nationally, even though it was a time of grieving for David, it was a time of rejoicing.

We think of our Civil War, and we think of the joy in our country when we were united as one country under one President again. It was a time of healing and rebuilding. That was how David looked at it. So this was good news; the country was one, but there was one citizen that was not happy about David becoming King again. There was one citizen who, when he picked up Israeli Newspaper, read an article that said, "David is now King again." He read that headline and went, "Uh-oh. I'm in big trouble."

Do you know who that might be? Shimei. "I am in so much hot water. That king is going to come after me, and this time he's not going to be so nice; so he decides what he is going to do is find the King first. "I'm going to find David first, and I'm just going to beg for my life. I am going to say, 'I am so sorry. What was I thinking? You're awesome. I'm a scumbag, and maybe I can live?" In Chapter 19:18 (page 316), he's coming his way. Shimei went to meet him, and it says, "…he fell prostrate before the king and said to him, 'May my Lord not hold me guilty. Do not remember how your servant did wrong on the day my lord the King left Jerusalem. May the King put it out of his mind. For I your servant know that I have sinned, but today I have come here as the first of the whole house of Joseph to come down and meet my lord the King.'" You're awesome! You're the greatest King ever!

Abishai does not buy it. He doesn't like this guy. He still might have scars from the stones that he threw, so he says, "Let's put this guy to death. I mean he cursed the King's anointed. He cursed you. Can I take care of him now?"

Remember in history how we read about Abraham Lincoln when the South was defeated, there were many in the North who said, "Yeah, let's stick it to them. Let's make them pay." Abraham Lincoln gave his famous speech at his second Inauguration and said, "With malice toward none and charity to all." He talked about uniting the country and gently helping up the brothers that had fallen and healing the country. His focus was on healing. This wasn't a time to gloat. This was a time to heal; this was a time to unite, and that's what David said.

David said, "No one's going to be put to death in Israel today. Do I know that today I am King over Israel?"

Verse 23, "So the King said to Shimei, You shall not die." And the King promised him on oath." I won't kill you. You will live.

Shimei lucks out because he catches him on a low and a high. The first time he insults him, David doesn't care because his kingdom is in chaos, and his son is trying to kill him. He is so low that he doesn't care.

The second time he encounters Shimei, the country is united. He's not feeling good, so you know when you're in a good mood, sometimes things like insults don't bother you as much. If you were to go out today and win the lottery and your enemy then called you and said, "You're just lucky, and you're still a no-good so-and-so even if you won the lottery. Even if you're rich, you're still a no-good blankety-blank."

You'd laugh and say, "What do I care? I'm rich. Okay, have a good day, bye."

It's a great day for you. It's a good day, so David says, "I'm going to let him off." But over the years, something changes. From that time as a middle-aged man until the time when he is an old man at age 70, years later, he thinks about that. He mulls it over in his mind; and the more he thinks about it, the angrier he gets. He says, "He embarrassed me. He showed total disrespect for me. He caused me emotional and physical pain. He made me look ridiculous when he threw dirt on me. I said I wouldn't kill Shimei, but I never said my son wouldn't kill Shimei," so by the time he reaches his grave, the last words out of his mouth are "bring his gray hair down to the grave in blood."

Somewhere along the line, the forgiveness process broke for David. He became so consumed with anger and bitterness that his last dying words were words of revenge, so let's talk about those barriers. Let's try to identify those barriers. Number one, a failure to empathize with the person who heard us is a burden for forgiveness. A failure to empathize will keep us in unforgiveness. Empathy is one of the most important steps in unforgiveness. Empathy is where I put myself in the place of another and try to figure out why they did what they did. It doesn't make what they did right. It doesn't justify it. It doesn't take my pain away, but it helps me in the forgiving process. Not one time does David say to Shimei, "Why are you so angry with me?" Not one time. "I don't know you. You don't know me. Why are you throwing stones at me? What have I done to you?" If he would have asked that one question, maybe he would have learned something about Shimei that could have saved Shimei's life and saved himself the embarrassment that happened. If he would have said, "Stop throwing stones. Stop cursing me. Tell me why you're angry," maybe he would have won over a loyal subject that day. Maybe Shimei would have gone from hate to love. Remember the Bible gives us a clue. It says he is from the household of Saul. When Saul died, David became King; but when he became King, it was a divided kingdom. There was the North and the South. When Solomon's son died-when he was killed-David eventually became King over the whole country, but Saul's family and loyal followers continued to fight David's followers. Over time, David's power increased and Saul's power diminished to the point where David was in complete control; but there was a lot of bad blood between Saul's side and David's side. Because he was related to Saul, possibly somebody in David's army or maybe even David himself in battle, killed a relative. Maybe he was mad because he lost his father to David's father or his brother to David's army. Maybe he even lost a son. That changes everything, doesn't it? "If I understand the reason for your anger with me is because somebody in my army killed a close relative of yours, then that anger is justified, is it not?" David didn't take the time to find that out. David didn't take the time to empathize with the man who was throwing the stones.

Sometimes when somebody is throwing stones at us, we don't take the time to figure out why they're doing what they're doing, why they're saying what they're saying. Remember the story we told about the gunman coming into that schoolhouse and shooting those little girls? Do you know one of the reasons why the Amish could forgive? Then the Amish said to his widow, "We forgive your husband." They empathized with her. They said, "She does not have a husband. She does not have a father or her children. We want you to know we're here to support you. We want you to know we love you."

Then she shared with them a story. She said, "My husband was very angry with God because he had a child who died. The child became sick, and he prayed to God to heal the child; but God did not heal the child. God let the child die. He was so angry over the years, he became increasingly bitter; so he decided he would take revenge on God and go out and kill these innocent children because he was so angry with God." Of course that doesn't make it right. It is still just as awful and horrendous as it ever was, but it allowed the Amish to empathize and understand what was going on-twisted thinking though it was-they began to understand that this man had pain in his life, excruciating pain. He was acting in anger. The Amish forgave the gunman. Empathy is very important. It's part of that receiving process. It's part of that listening process. Why did the person hurt me? What happened in their past? Who hurt them? It doesn't make it right. It doesn't take away my pain, but it's a very important beginning in the process of forgiveness.

I want to talk on this briefly, but number two is sometimes unforgiveness is a failure to trust God, a failure to trust the justice of God. What does God's Word say about those who've harmed people-those who've committed unjust acts against people?

Romans 12:17 (page 1123), "Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

Now I'm not talking about somebody who deserves to be prosecuted by the law. If somebody has committed a crime against you, yes, the state should punish them. They deserve to be punished or even go to jail if it's an egregious enough act. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your right as an individual, not the state, but as an individual. You do not have the right to enact revenge. The Bible says revenge belongs to God. God will carry out justice. Do you trust that? Do you trust that God's keeping records? Do you trust that God's keeping an account? If you trust in the justice of God, then you don't have to take revenge into your own hands. The Amish said this many times, "We trust in the justice of God. We understand why he did what he did. It's not right, but we are not seeking revenge. It is God's place to judge and merit out justice."

So maybe you're having a barrier and you're holding onto that grudge because you want revenge. Forgiveness is giving up the right to revenge. It's putting that into the hands of God.

Thirdly, it is a failure to recognize the danger of unforgiveness. We fail to recognize the danger of unforgiveness or the power of unforgiveness.

Did you know science is confirming what the Bible has taught-that unforgiveness is unhealthy for you? Did you know that if you're retelling a story-sometimes you're retelling a story, and there's unforgiveness-that your blood pressure can reach dangerous levels by just telling the story? Your physical body will begin to recreate and manifest the signs that happened when you were hurt. That anger will resurface. Did you know there's a part of your brain that is stimulated by the thought of revenge, literally? Physiologically there is a chemical change. There are pleasure centers in your brain, and guess where those pleasure centers are located? The same area where we have sexual cravings and cravings for things like food. There is a pleasure center of your brain that is aroused when you go into your restaurant, you think about your favorite dessert or your favorite food, and then you smell it. There is a pleasure center in your brain. If we were to take an MRI of your brain, we would see that there's an arousal in your brain for what you're about to eat. In that same pleasure center where there is a chemical reaction to sexual intimacy and desire for that-in that same center of the brain, we are stimulated by revenge. When somebody you hate is getting what's due, you love it a little bit too much. That's what that study says to us. It says it's a little dangerous because something chemical is happening there that you can get hooked on, that you can get pleasure from, and you're going to likely repeat that behavior because it is giving you pleasure. When your favorite football team is winning, you're happy; but when your favorite football team is defeating the football team you hate the most, you're really happy.

When David was walking through the crowd and was leaving his throne, Shimei was in his glory. Shimei was like, "Yeah, you dirty dog! You scoundrel! You are getting what you deserve," and he was loving it! I'm not going to ask you for a raise of hands, but I guarantee [some of you would say yes]. How did you feel when you were a kid and there was a bully at school that was picked on. How did you feel when your bully got what was due? Yeah, you got pleasure from that. Somebody wronged you or robbed you-maybe somebody robbed you financially, and the day they went to jail, you were like, "Oh, I'm loving this article a little bit too much." Why I'm telling you that is to say this: forgiveness is not for the light-hearted. Forgiveness is not for the week of heart. Forgiveness is tough because you're battling not just emotions and memories but something physiological that is going on in your brain. There's a war going on.

We're saying, "By forgiveness, I'm going to change my response to that person and that event." To take on that process is not for the faint of heart. It's a struggle, so we need to be aware of that. Fourthly, a breakdown is when we fail to finish the process. We don't complete it all the way.

Years ago, I had strep throat, and I had to speak on a Sunday. We only had one service back then, but I remember something really cool. When I would preach, my throat didn't hurt anymore. My glands were swollen to the point where I couldn't talk properly, but when I preached, I had my normal goofy voice. As soon as I was done, everything started to hurt again, and I could hardly talk. It was really weird. The doctor gave me a bottle of meds, and he said, "Take this all the way through until it's gone."

I said, "Okay." I'm halfway through the bottle, and I'm feeling good. In fact, I'm feeling normal. My throat is normal; my headache is gone; no fever. I'm feeling 100 percent normal. I don't need to finish this prescription. I know the doctor said to finish the bottle, but I'm cured; so I put it aside, and about two days later, like really fast this time, I was like, "Oh no. Oh, gee. I should have finished the bottle." So the next time when I got strep throat, the same thing happened. My glands were so swollen, and it really hurt. When I preached it was fine. As soon as I was done preaching, it hurt again. I finished my bottle [this time]. Friends, sometimes you will think you have the battle licked. You'll just not pay attention to it. Maybe you'll start nursing some of those bitter thoughts, and there's just this little bit of bitterness left, a little neglected there. You feel like "I'm fine. I'm normal. I'm over it. I can move on." There's this little bit of bitterness, and you neglect it. You don't finish the process, and all of the sudden, those feelings start coming back. Those emotions start coming back. Everything all of the sudden is where it was before. The past has become the present. Is this making sense to anybody? Finish the process. Stick to it. Some offenses are so wrong that you're committing to the process of forgiveness for an entire lifetime. It's not just this one event and then it's done. It is a process I enter into, but there might be times years from now where I'm reminding myself of the grace of God. I'm reminding myself of the decision I've made. I'm taking control of my thoughts and feelings and saying, "I have forgiven. I have released the past. That no longer defines me."

Remember what victim identity is. We said victim identity is this: You are a victim. You've been hurt. You've been damaged. You're a victim. What happened to you is you were victimized. That's the verb, so the noun is you are a victim. The verb is you are victimized, but when victim identity takes place, the verb and the noun become one. The verb and the noun become the same. You become that offense, so that starts to define who you are. You're no longer just you. You are this person who had this terrible thing happen to you, and that becomes your identity; so you live in a state of perpetual victimness. Forgiveness we said was the key to breaking free and becoming a victor instead of a victim. You say, "This does not define me anymore. Grace and forgiveness define me. I am an even better person because this happened to me. God is making me a better person. I'm helping others. I'm a victor, not a victim. I'm letting go of the past."

Now this last barrier is that in the opposite. This last barrier is a failure to see the whole person. How many of you woke up this morning looking exactly like you do right now? Nobody, right? Except Justin Bieber. He wakes up and his hair is just like that. Ladies, that's true. I don't want to pop any teenage bubbles here today. What if we were to come in your room this morning as soon as you'd woke up, the moment you sat up for the first time, and take your picture? I know that's creepy, but this is an illustration. What would we see if we were to put that picture of you on the wall today? How would your hair look? What if we got in really close where we could see the drool there? We see you, ladies, without your makeup. We see you guys without your hairpiece. Some of those 8 o'clockers, we'd see them without their teeth. You don't say a word (congregation breaks into laughter)! I will not forgive you. I will show up, take your picture, and put it up on the wall. We wouldn't look very good, so what if we took that picture and put it on the wall and said, "This is you! This is what you look like. That's who you are."

You'd say, "Well, yeah, that was me at that moment, but give me 20 minutes. Let me take a shower, wash my hair, and put on my makeup. Let me comb my hair, brush my teeth, and shave. I can look better than that. I have looked better than that! That's not an accurate representation of who I am. That was me in a moment, but that's not what I look like all the time. That's not fair!" Friends, unforgiveness is taking a snapshot of a person at their worst and saying, "That's who you are! That's all you are-that terrible thing I see, that ugly person I see in this snapshot. That is you!" That is not them. That was them at that moment; that was them at that time, but this did not define who they are either. When there's unforgiveness, we define, and we say, "That is you! That is all you are! That is all you'll ever be!"

Remember Jared Loughner, the man who shot Congressman Giffords in the face because he hated her and killed a little girl? He killed a staff person, and he injured others. She is now rehabilitating. We've all heard that story; we've all seen his picture, right? The bald head, the creepy smile, the eyes that kind of look through to your soul-he has that maniac Charles Manson kind of face.

We all look at that face, and we go, "That guy's a monster! Anybody who'd do that to people is a monster!"

Friends, it is easy to have unforgiveness to a monster, isn't it? When we look at that picture, that defines who he is. To all of us who do not know him, that guy is a monster; and that picture, that event, defines him in our minds. When his mom and dad see that picture, what do they see? Do they see a monster? When his brother, sister, or his best friends look at that picture of Jared, do they see a monster? They see what he did as monstrous, but when they see him, they see their son, their brother, their friend; and their heart breaks because they see the whole person.

When David looked at Shimei, all he saw was the stone thrower. All he saw was the guy who insulted him and threw rocks and dirt. He didn't know him. He didn't know what kind of dad he was. He didn't know what kind of father he was, whether he was a Godly man or not, took care of his family or not. He didn't know whether he was a hard worker or whether he was a good friend or not. He just took a snapshot of Shimei and said, "That is Shimei-this crazy, cursing, dirt-throwing, stone-throwing jerk, and I want him dead! It gives me pleasure as I go into eternity to know that my son is going to kill this dirty jerk." Wow!

"David, how about if we defined you like that? How about if we defined you and took a snapshot of you in bed with Bathsheba and said, "That's who you are, David. That's all you are. What if we took a snapshot of you signing the death warrant for her husband Uriah to be killed in battle? How about if we put that up and said, 'Here, David, that's you'?"

David would say, "Yeah, that was me, but that's not all I am. I wrote the Psalms. I led our nation into battle and victory more than any other soldier in history. I united our kingdom. I established our capital. I brought the Ark to the capital. I started building the Temple of God. I've been a great king!" Well, David wouldn't want that standard applied to him, would he? Nobody does. When we say, "I'm not going to forgive," we are saying we are going to take a snapshot at their worst and say, "That is all they are to me."

One of the barriers of forgiveness is that. It's easy to not forgive a monster, but when we see the whole person, that enables us to forgive.

We watched a clip from the movie "Forrest Gump" as you were coming in. Jenny, the character, had gone through nightmare experiences in her home. We could only imagine what she went through as she was throwing the rocks at the house in anger and saying, "How could you do that?" We can only imagine the abuse her character must have went through in the story. Then she collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. Forrest Gump says, "Sometimes there's just not enough rocks."

Now we're going to look at an artist who wrote a song called 70x7 about the house he grew up in and the memories of neglect and abuse that he endured; but through the power of forgiveness, he's no longer throwing stones. He's experiencing healing. Let's listen to this song together: (here's a link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5-Q1zAhqpA).

Would you join me in prayer this morning please?

Father, we can identify with that young man. We have had events in our past that have shaped who we are-things that are good but also things that are painful, people who helped us but also people that hurt us. Some hurt us deeply, and we have a choice to make. We can either live with anger and bitterness and throw stones till we are exhausted, or we can choose to forgive by Your grace and through Your strength. We can begin to heal. That will not define who we are. We can have a new start. Father, I pray for those of us who identified our barrier today. This is the area we struggle in; this is the area where we keep losing the battle. I pray that that area of weakness could become a strength. I pray, Lord, that we would put down the stones and pick up the cross. There we would find grace not only to be forgiven but to forgive. I pray that we'd exchange death for life and hope for despair. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Pastor Jeff Williams: February 20, 2011 Living Debt-Free, Part III, Why Do I Forgive?

Pastor Jeff Williams: February 13, 2011

Living Debt-Free, Part II, "What Is Forgiveness?"

We're starting a new series, as you can see from the image behind me and on the wall over here. It's called, "Living Debt Free." We're not talking financially. It's not a financial seminar. We are talking about debt in the sense of the words of Christ when He said in His prayer, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." This is the moral debt that you and I incur in our lifetime. When we transgress, when we sin, there is moral debt that we owe. We wrong one another in life. People have wronged you, so what do we do with this debt? Do we allow it to accumulate, or do we remove it? If we remove it, how do we go about that? The way we remove it is through forgiveness. Before we actually get into the Scripture and start talking about forgiveness and what it is, I thought it would be good to try to see it first. I think if you can see it, then it enables you to receive the teaching better because there is a clear visual that you can focus in on.

One of my favorite actors is Liam Neeson. I don't know if you like him or not, but he's probably my favorite actor. He played the part of Oskar Schindler in "Schindler's List." He plays the voice of Aslan in "The Chronicles of Narnia." He was in "Star Wars." He did a film called "Les Misérables." You may have read the book "Less Miserables," (Pastor pronouncing it phonically). In "Les Misérables," he is an ex-convict who is on the path to redemption. In this particular scene, he seeks shelter and food at the home of a bishop. He is appreciative; but at the same time, he has no money. He knows he can't stay there forever, so it looks like he's going to enter back into a life of crime. That's all he knows. It's what he wants to do. He wants to be a good person. He wants to be a new man, but because he has no job, because he's alone, all he knows how to do is steal. It looks like he's about to return to a life of crime. Let's go ahead and watch this clip from the movie, "Les Misérables," and then we'll talk about forgiveness: (link can be found here: http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/les-miserables/back-to-god).

That is pretty powerful stuff: "I've ransomed you from fear and hatred, and now I give you back to God. With this silver, I have bought your soul." This is an act of forgiveness, an act of grace.

Biblically, you've heard a lot of definitions for forgiveness over the years. I want to give you a very simple, easy-to-remember definition of forgiveness. The word forgive in the Scripture literally means to let go, to release. In releasing Jean Valjean, he was forgiving him. He was giving him a new start. He was sending him on the path to redemption. He was saying, "You're past is gone. You have a fresh start. You're going to be a different person."

Have you been following the news about Egypt? It's been riveting television. I happened to catch a couple key moments. You're watching revolution right before your eyes. I saw the clashes of the demonstrators with the police and how horrific that was. I saw the loss of life there. It was just gut-wrenching to watch. The people basically said, "We're not going to leave. We are going to topple this dictator, so we're going to clog up the streets of the biggest city in our country. We're going to leave our jobs and basically bring the economy to a halt. This number is going to keep growing and growing until you step down." Then when he refused to step down, rather than retaliating in violence and looting, they began to shout chants of peace. They also began saying to him, "Get out! Get out! We're not leaving! You leave!" Then he finally stepped down, and the military took over. The first thing they say-I don't know if you caught that story or not-is "you need to forgive the police. You need to respect the police and forgive the police. We are one country. We are one people, and we want a new start. We can't have a new start if we're fighting each other." The police were doing their jobs. They were taking orders, but now there will be a new government in place, and "you need to respect the police." I checked the news today, this morning before I came, and it showed the police and the protestors hand in hand, hugging each other, and shouting, "We are one! We are one people!" That's amazing! That's forgiveness in action. They said, "We're going to let go!" It's not saying they aren't going to go after Mubarak for justice, but they were saying, "We're going to forgive these events of the past because we want a new start!" Therefore, to forgive means to let go.

I want to read a couple of Scriptures. I'm not going to talk about them per se, but I just want to read them at this point. I'd like us to turn in our Bibles to Ephesians 4:31-32 (page 1159 of pew Bibles). Paul writes and says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…" Let it go. "…brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." Release those things. How do you do that? "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you."

In Matthew 6:14-15 (page 960), we read the Lord's Prayer, but seldom do we read the Verses that came immediately after Jesus' teaching on prayer. Verse 14 says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

So, having read those two Passages, let's talk about some of the attributes of forgiveness. We define forgiveness as letting go, releasing. What does that look like? What are the attributes and characteristics involved? What are we doing when we engage in forgiveness? What I'm going to do is take the word forgive and assign a word to each letter as a memory device to help us remember these facets of forgiveness. Of course, we're going to start with F which stands for Freedom. Notice the image (put up on screen), the exuberance of this individual. This individual acts as if he/she is being set free, like he or she is liberated or a load has been lifted-quite the opposite of the image we were using in the last series that we went through. This is a person who feels a new sense of life. Notice the green color there. It stands for a newness of life, for a new start that forgiveness can bring to an individual or to a relationship.

As I contemplate this series, my mind keeps going back to an event that happened about five years ago when a lone gunman walked into an Amish schoolhouse. He made the little boys leave. Then because he was angry that God had taken his young child from him years ago, he took that anger against God out on those innocent little children and began shooting them. He killed many of them in cold blood. The nation was shocked with that story. Who would do such a thing? What kind of a demon could do something like that? The news began spreading quickly, but the response from the Amish also shocked the world as well. Do you recall what they did? They showed up at the home of the widow and offered her forgiveness. They said, "We forgive your husband, and we're here for you. We can't imagine how difficult it was for you to lose your husband, to lose the father of your children. We're praying for you, we love you, and we want to support you." The world could not believe what they were seeing.

When the funeral (for the murderer) came a few days later, not many people showed up-the wife, the children, and just a handful of people. Then, literally while the funeral was getting set to begin, on foot, over the hill in mass came the Amish community. Like the cavalry coming over the hill, they came hand-in-hand to support that widow and her family and to show forgiveness. One of the things you couldn't see that was behind the scenes was a family [that had lost a daughter, a sister] that was really struggling. The wife was struggling; the daughter was struggling, and she was angry with her dad because she saw his forgiveness as a betrayal to her little sister. She said, "How could you forgive him, Daddy? He took my sister! He killed my sister! How can we forgive him? I hate him! I hate him, Daddy!"

The father put his arm around the little girl and said, "Honey, how does that hate inside of you feel? How does it feel?"

She said, "It doesn't feel good! I don't like it, Daddy! It doesn't feel good!"

He was trying to describe what hate and unforgiveness do to a person, and he gave this little girl a word picture, which is as profound for us adults as I think it would be for a little child. He said, "Hate is like a monster that lives inside of you with sharp teeth. It will eat away at your heart until there is no room left for love." How is that for a vivid word picture of hate? It's like a monster living inside of you with sharp teeth that will eat away at your heart until there is no room left for love. What this father was trying to do was liberate his family from bitterness and hate. He wanted her to experience the freedom that we see portrayed in this image on the wall.

Paul is saying, "I don't want you to be burdened by bitterness and malice hatred, slander and rage." He said, "That's going to destroy you. That's going to kill you." Paul is saying, "Let it go. Get rid of it. I want you to be free. If you have had a heart that has been dark and cold because of hatred, bitterness, and unresolved anger, and you are able to release that, there is a freedom that is there."

I am not debt-free. I hope to be debt-free someday. I hope to say, "Someday I will own my house free and clear. I don't have a loan in the world." I'm not there yet. If you're there now, we don't want to see your hands because we will all hate you, and then we'll have to practice forgiveness against you; so don't raise your hand if you're a show-off. "I have no debts!" We don't want to hear about it.

But…how about the joy of the soul who is debt-free in the spiritual sense-who knows, number one, his or her sins are forgiven and covered by the grace of God? And, number two, they have forgiven those who have wronged them. What kind of a joy and a freedom is there to say you are living a debt-free life? "I am forgiven, and I have forgiven." Just like being financially debt-free, being morally debt-free is a place we would all like to be, right? So I think we're in the right place.

The O in forgiveness stands for Obedience. When Paul gives us the command to forgive in Ephesians 4, it's in what is called the imperative mood. It's always in the imperative mood. In the Greek, the imperative mood means this is a command. It's not a suggestion. God doesn't say, "It'd be a nice idea if you could forgive. If you get around to it-if you have some time-would you consider taking this step? We don't want to tell you what to do. I don't want to be pushy, but I think it would be kinda nice if you could maybe forgive somebody." That's not what God is saying. God is issuing a command that we either obey or disobey. We have to make a choice.

Oftentimes, that choice is inconsistent with our feelings. Is it not? You might say, "Well, I feel like if I make a choice that's against my feelings, I'm going to be a hypocrite." Well, maybe you didn't feel like coming to church this morning, but you're here. Maybe you felt like sleeping in. Maybe when the alarm rings tomorrow and it's time to go to work, you won't feel like going; but you're going to go, right? When you get to work, there probably won't be anyone who is going to call you a hypocrite for having done so because you have a job to do. You have responsibilities, and the consequence for missing work is that you could lose your job. If you lose your job, you'll lose your income. If you lose your income, bad things will happen to you. Pretty soon, you won't have a roof over your head or food to eat. You, therefore, make a choice contrary to your feelings. That is what forgiveness is-it's an act of obedience. It is an act of our will. It doesn't mean our feelings aren't important or that we shouldn't address our feelings. We'll talk about that in a while, but understand that forgiveness is commanded of God. It is not optional for us. It is His expectation of us, so we are to be kind and forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.

That reminds me of the R. The R stands for Reciprocal. Do you notice when it talks about forgiveness in the Scripture, it's always reciprocal? You can forgive because God has forgiven you. "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." It's reciprocal.

In Matthew's Parable 18, "The Unforgiving Servant," he chooses not to forgive. The King, who stands for God in the Parable, says to him, "I forgave you of so much. Shouldn't you have forgiven this man here?

Ephesians 4:31-32, that we just read, "Forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you." Our ability to forgive is because God has forgiven us. It is reciprocal. It's a mutual thing. Understand because you have received grace, God expects you to extend grace as well; so forgiveness is reciprocal.

Fourthly, G-it's a Gift. Forgiveness is a Gift. When Jean Valjean received the candlesticks and the silverware from the bishop, that act was more than a monetary, material gift. It was a spiritual gift. It was the opportunity for a new start.

When the Amish extended forgiveness to this woman and her family, it was a gift. She remarked to them, "Your forgiveness is not only changing my family. Your forgiveness is going to change the world. It is a gift."

When God forgives you, it is a gift. It is not something you've deserved or earned. It is because of His grace. You and I have the opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness to those who have wronged us. In fact, we are obligated to do so-the gift of forgiveness. We have the opportunity in return to receive that gift and complete that gift for others.

Let's talk about the I in Forgiveness for a moment. The I stands for Imitate. You are never more like your Father in Heaven than when you forgive. Paul says, "As God in Christ has forgiven you…" When you forgive, you are imitating the Lord. You are imitating His nature, His character. Sometimes you and I get angry if a stranger bumps into us in the grocery store. He may say, "Excuse me," but you get a little miffed and think, "Well, you're clumsy. Watch where you're going!" Well, how about Jesus? He looked down from the cross at the people who deliberately pulled out His beard, put a crown of thorns on His head, spit on Him and beat Him. They'd stretched out His arms, nailed His hands, and nailed His feet to a cross. They lifted it to the ground and continued to mock, jeer, ridicule, and scorn; and what was His response? "Father, I hate them! Father, destroy them for what they've done!" Is that what Jesus says? The heart of the Savior, even on the cross, was one of forgiveness. He said, "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do."

So when you and I forgive, we are imitating our Father. That's what we're called to do as Christians. We're called to walk as He walked; so as believers in Christ, we're called to be imitators of our Heavenly Father. We do that when we forgive.

The V stands for Vital. This is Vital. Let's look at Matthew 6:14 (page 960) again for a moment. Let's read that Scripture one more time, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you…" Notice he says when. It's not a matter of if they will sin against us. "…your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." That's a pretty ominous Scripture, isn't it? Isn't that a rather scary Scripture if you are in the process of digging in your heals and saying, "I choose not to forgive. I choose to hold on to my anger and my bitterness and hatred. I like it. I'm going to keep it." At the same token, you expect God to impart His grace to you? Jesus says it doesn't work that way.

He's saying, "Listen, the most important relationship you have is your relationship with your Heavenly Father whether you realize it or not." It determines where you spend eternity. It determines your moral state, your spiritual condition. Jesus says if you want to have a healthy relationship with the Lord, if you want to be morally debt-free, then you need to forgive others as He's forgiven you. This is absolutely vital, it's absolutely essential to your spiritual well-being.

That's why we're not having a one-time shot in this series. We're not saying, "Okay, I'm going to preach on it one Sunday, and then we'll be done." Actually, this series is going to bring us into spring. Doesn't that sound good? It will bring us into spring. We're going to spend a lot of time talking about this subject and trying to look at it from various angles. We're going to go deep into the subject. The goal is not to accumulate head knowledge. The goal is that it will rejuvenate our relationships, but most importantly, it will bring us closer to the Lord. That's what we all want. He says, "It is vital that you understand this. Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want God's grace?" It's not "I want grace for me and I want justice for you." It doesn't work that way. This is vital for us to understand.

I want to spend some time on this last point, on the E, because I think sometimes this is an area of teaching on forgiveness that is overlooked. The E stands for Emotional. To forgive is emotional. Look at what Paul is telling us to release. He says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice." What do each of those words conjure up? Strong emotions. When you talk about rage, have you ever been filled with rage before? I'm sure those parents, as they began to deal with what happened to their children, were filled with rage. When the police were beating the people in Egypt for simply wanting freedom, when Mubarak refused to step down, there was rage. Some of them shouted, "We hate you! We hate you!" in unison and rage, anger, and bitterness. Bitterness is anger that's been seething, brewing, and boiling for a while. We are talking deep-seeded emotions here. We are talking emotions and feelings that don't easily go away, do they? They don't easily go away. Sometimes I think because in the church we teach, and rightly so, that forgiveness is a decision, an act of the will, that we oftentimes bypass emotions that need to be addressed. I believe forgiveness is a process we go through. I think when the Amish said to the widow, "We forgive you," that what they were saying was, "We are beginning the process of forgiveness." It's like when you set a bone in place. You broke a bone. Does that heal it when you set it? No, but it aligns the bone so that healing can take place. I believe when there has been an egregious act that has been committed against us, and we say the words, "I forgive you," we are saying, "I'm entering into the process." Friends, forgiveness can be messy, and it can be hard. If you suppress the emotions that you have, then you are doing so to your own determent.

What I'm suggesting to you is not that we allow emotions to dictate our actions and dictate our decisions. What I'm saying to you is those emotions need to be acknowledged, they need to be expressed, and they need to be worked through. That is part of the forgiving process. Sometimes I think Christians aren't allowed to be angry. We're not allowed to grieve. The offense happens, and some think instantaneously we should say, "Okay, I forgive you. I'm going to forget about it and put it out of my mind." In the meantime, all of these emotions are underneath the surface just churning away.

I would like to recite for you the example of our Lord and how He dealt with emotions concerning the Passion Week. We're not going to be looking at the Scripture right now. I'm just going to be telling you the story. It's a story you're familiar with. He takes Peter, James, and John into the Garden. He goes deep into the Garden, and He says, "Pray with Me. My soul is deeply distressed and troubled to the point of death." He says, "I am just heavy of soul right now. I am heavy of Spirit right now." He understands that in a few short moments, He is going to bear sin. Evil is going to be placed upon Him. He understands He is going to go through immense physical, mental, spiritual torment and anguish. He tells the Disciples, "Pray with Me." When the Disciples fail to pray with Him, He is disappointed. He really feels rejected by them, and what does He say? Does He play mind games with them? Does He give them the silent treatment so they then have to ask Him, "What's wrong, Jesus?" or "You know…" No, He tells them straightforward, "You've really let Me down. Couldn't you pray with Me for one hour?" Then He goes and speaks to His Father. He says, "Father, if there be another way, let this cup pass from Me." What is He feeling? He's feeling some anxiety, some apprehension. There is fear of this cross that He has to bear. "I've known My whole life that I have to bear this cross, but now I'm at that moment. Father, is there another way?" And He was so anxious that He questioned the Father three times with the same prayer. He expresses that to the Lord.

On the cross, He feels abandonment. He says, "My God! My God! Why hast Thou forsaken Me?" He feels alone in His time of greatest need. He cries out to the Father, "Why hast thou forsaken Me?" I'm quoting the Scripture of Psalm 22, the prophetic Messianic Psalm.

How do we know the emotions that Jesus experienced during that Passion Week? How do we know them? They are recorded for us. Why are they recorded for us? Because He expressed them. He expressed His anger; He expressed His disappointment; He expressed His fear; He expressed His anxiety; He expressed His distress. Did He allow those emotions to keep Him from going to the cross? No. Did He allow those emotions to come down from the cross? No. He stayed the course; He finished the work that God had given Him to do. He went to the cross, He endured the suffering, and He died. He accomplished the mission.

At the same token, there were emotions that He had to acknowledge, express, and deal with. He did not allow those emotions to detour Him from His mission. He made the correct choices in spite of His emotions and feelings; yet, He acknowledged those and dealt with those. His decision to offer forgiveness to those who were destroying His life-was that an emotion or was that a decision? Friends, what I'm saying to you is I think one of the most unhealthy things we could do when somebody has really hurt us, would be for us to just robotically say, "I forgive you. Forget about it. Move on." That is doing a disservice to you, and it is doing a disservice to the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness is work; forgiveness is hard. It's hard because there are a lot of emotions and memories that surface that we have to deal with in this process. It's messy.

If you're sitting out there and saying, "Boy, they have an easy time forgiving. Why is it so hard for me?" Sometimes it's such a struggle. Some of those feelings of anger come back, and some of those memories come back, "I'm starting to feel some of the same emotions. What's wrong with me?"

I'd say, "What's right with you? You're doing it correctly. If it's hard, you're doing it correctly because you're fighting that." If you give into those feelings and emotions and allow the bitterness and rage to take you, I'm not saying you're doing it correctly; but if you find those thoughts, feelings, and emotions begin to resurface and you have to again start to work through this forgiveness process, I'd say to you, "You're doing things right." We acknowledge those. Forgiveness is emotional. Is it an act of the will? Yes. Is it obedience? Yes. But because we are human beings, there is a lot we have to sort through and work through. That's part of the process, and that's what we're going to be doing in the weeks ahead-talking about what it is and next week, we're going to start talking about, I believe, how you do it-the nuts and bolts of it and how we can get to that point of being able to release those who have wronged us. Eventually, we're going to get to the point where we talk about reconciliation which is quite different. It's related to the topic, but it's quite different in how it is expressed; so if that sounds like a plan, we'll plan on meeting here again next week. Deal? Same time, same place.

Let's pray:

Father, we thank You for what Your Word says about forgiveness. I am not making up what I've said. It is not my opinion. I am conveying to this congregation what You have said about forgiveness, why it is important, and what it is. I pray that we, as a body, would commit to learning all we can about this subject, but that, Lord, there will be some changes in our lives. There are going to be some people who we forgive. There are going to be some people who we confess to. There is going to be some reconciliation when it is healthy and right to do so. I pray that would be the fruit of our time together, but most importantly, we can enter into "Debt-Free Living." We will know our sins are forgiven, we have forgiven those who have sinned against us, and that, Lord, our relationship with You is unhindered. We can have that freedom of soul and spirit. We commit ourselves to that end. In Jesus' name, Amen.

F-Freedom

O-Obedience

R-Reciprocal

G-Gift

I-Imitate

V-Vital

E-Emotional

If youre wondering what Im doing here, Pastor Jeff sends his regards. He was very sad not to be able to be here today. Hes not feeling so well. He spent a lot of time helping a couple of people during the snow storm get out of the ditch. By the weekend, he wasnt feeling too well. I planned on being in Iowa this weekend with my daughter. We were there on Friday looking for apartments. She got a call on her cell phone, and I hear this voice say (in a gruff voice), Jerry. Can you help me? Pastor Jeff was hoarse, couldnt speak very well, and was not feeling too great; so you get me instead today. Im glad to be here with you.

Well put the Scriptures up there. As we think about this series Coming Before Winter and winter things-dealing with denial, depression, despair, and then this Sunday with death-death is a very difficult subject. Its the ultimate subject in terms of our lives, and if you dont deal with that, you really deal with nothing at all. Youre not being honest. All of us here today have probably suffered loss of people we care about. I know for myself, death is the very first memory I have in life. When I was two and a half years old, my aunt in Texas, who my parents said was my favorite, was electrocuted and died in her early 30s. I can tell you everything about it. I remember the trip and driving from Illinois to Texas. I can remember pulling up in the parking lot at the funeral home, the service, the color of the room, the color of the casket, and all of those things because it was an incredibly traumatic event. Yet, Im incredibly thankful for that. I saw death in my family. My dad had a large family, eight sisters, and they were all older than he was. I saw a lot of death with grandparents, aunts, and uncles. What that did was something that Solomon says in Ecclesiastes all of us should do. Ecclesiastes 7:1 (page 662 of pew Bibles) is a verse Ive shared hundreds of times at funerals. It says (paraphrasing) its better to go to a funeral than it is to a party because death is what happens to everyone, and wise people think about that.

We live in such a party culture-such a here-and-now culture, such a grab-the-moment culture-that we dont like to think about way down the road. We dont like to think about the end. We dont like to think about death and dying, but God says wise people do. They think ahead. They plan ahead.

This morning, I want to leave six pictures with you from Gods point of view about what death is and six different skills that you can use to develop your capacity to face that with courage, with hope, and with peace. Were going to look at two different passages of Scripture this morning-one in John 11 and later on the Passage that this series sprang from in 2 Timothy.

If you turn to John 11 (page 1063 of pew Bibles), the first thing I want to say is this: From Gods point of view, death is sleep. Listen to what Jesus says. One of His dear friends, Lazarus, had passed away. Friends, Jesus allowed him to die. He heard about Lazarus being sick, and He allowed him to die. All of him of us have probably faced that-friends or loved ones that we pray and ask God to heal them, and God doesnt seem to hear. We say, God, why? Where are You? Why did You let this happen to me? What we need to know and remember is that God has a plan, and God views death differently than we do. We see Jesus perspective in this verse when He said this things in Verse 11, After He had said this, He went on to tell them, Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.

The Disciples, of course, say, Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.

Jesus very plainly then says, No, Lazarus has died, and Im going to raise him from the dead. Thats pretty remarkable, but the first thing I want you to notice from Gods perspective is that death is sleep. I always like bringing props along (Pastor Jerry brought in a pillow with him today). Somebody asked me when I brought this in, Are you going to sleep in church?

I said, Yes, its going to be incredibly boring. What does the pillow remind us of? From Gods point of view, how does He view death? He says its simply sleep. Its naptime. We lie down for a minute, but that isnt the end. One day we will rise.

Remember as a little kid how you used to hate to take naps? I dont know-is anybody in that ball park along with me? Its like, An afternoon nap? You have to be kidding me! We face death the same way. We dont want to take that nap. We dont want to lie down. But from Gods point of view, Hes a little wiser than we are. He says, You need this. This is part of the plan. But what do we look forward to? We look forward to that day, interestingly, its the stuff of fairy tales when out of a deep sleep the handsome prince comes and with a kiss does what? Awakens the sleeping princess. Its the stuff of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Its the stuff of Sleeping Beauty. Tragedy is befallen. That's true in our world. Sin has entered; death comes. We lie down and sleep, but we look forward to the day when the prince is coming to awaken His bride with a kiss. The people who are not followers of Jesus Christ, the people who dont believe in God, they dont believe in His power of resurrection, they say, Like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, its myth. Its fantasy. Thats not reality. That's not fact. That's fiction. Thats not hope. Thats just hype. Friends, I ask you this question: why does that story resonate with us? Why do the Snow White and Sleeping Beauty stories get passed down from generations? Why are there legends like that in so many different cultures? The reason for that, and the reason that resonates in the heart of little girls so much, is because were made in the image of God. Thats really the story of eternity. Its the story of the prince who leaves his home, leaves his castle, and leaves the safety to go and rescue his bride Thats what Jesus does for us. Interestingly, in terms of sleeping and waking, God challenges us in this regard to wake up. How are you going to handle that moment when you lie down and sleep the sleep of death? Youre only going to handle that if youve practiced waking up in this life.

In the Bible, in both the Old and the New Testaments, God says, Wake up often. What does He mean when He says that? He means, Think. Hes saying, Wake up. Study. Change your mind. Isaiah says, Come now and let us reason together says the Lord. God wants you to wake up. There are people when facing death who would rather not think about it and put it off. Dont entertain the idea that I might someday die.

You see that with young people all the time, right? They think theyre invincible. Nobody can hurt me. Im young. Its going to last forever. No, its not. Wise people think about that. Friends, as you come to this question about death and eternity, that is the ultimate question. We get asked all the time, and as I challenge you to think, reason, study, and find out for yourselves, how does your religion or your philosophy with the world deal with that question of death? I tell you this morning your religion may raise you to higher levels of morality. That all may be well and good. Many of the great religions in the world say the same thing, Dont kill people. Dont commit adultery. Dont rob. But if they dont handle the ultimate question of death, they are absolutely, completely, and unequivocally worthless because were all going to die.

One of my favorite movies that makes me laugh and laugh is a movie with Bill Murray in it called, What About Bob? Have any of you ever watched that? I love the fact that Bob can drive his psychiatrist, Dr. Leo Marvin, nuts! Dr. Leo Marvin has a son, Siggy, who dresses all in black. Why? Because as Siggy says, Were all going to die. No matter how much money you accumulate or how famous you are, Were all going to die, and theres nothing you can do about it. We kind of poo poo and pat that off, but you know what? Siggy is right. We are all going to die. Have you planned for that? Any religion that doesnt plan for that or doesnt deal with it is absolutely worthless.

People say, Oh, there are many ways to God. Really? I want a way that deals with death. I want a way that shows me that there is hope in the face of the worst enemy that we will ever face. Thats where Jesus and Christianity stand out from every other religion that exists.

The founder of Confucianism, the founder of Buddhism, Joseph Smith, Charles Taze Russell, Judge Rutherford, and Muhammad-you name them-they are all dead, buried, and in their graves. One religion has the audacity, the courage, the backbone to say, No, our founder rose from the dead. Are you kidding me? That alone makes it worth testing out, doesnt it? That alone makes it intriguing because Christianity alone has the audacity to say, Our Founder rose from the dead. When I face death, I want to walk through that porthole with somebody who has been there, done that. Amen? Thats why Im a Christian. Friends, God challenges us in the same way to think, to examine the facts.

One of the biggest reasons Im a Christian is I just love to think. As a little kid, I asked questions of every single pastor I had. I remember being about nine years old and asking one of my pastors a whole bunch of questions. He looked at me and said, Jerry, you think too much.

I was like, Really? You have to be kidding me. I thought that was what we were supposed to do! I love the fact that so many people, if they are honest with the facts throughout history-scientists, doctors, lawyers, generals, national heroes, and authors-if they examine the facts, they come down on the side of…its inescapable; the evidence is overwhelming: Jesus rose from the dead.

If you look up Lee Strobel, who is the editor of the Chicago Tribunes law section, you will find out his wife became a Christian. He saw such dramatic changes in her that he spent two years examining the facts. Finally he gave in from his atheism and embraced Jesus Christ and is a preacher of the Gospel today.

One of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis, is one of the most celebrated authors of the twentieth century. I love what it says about him: he said, God dragged me kicking and screaming into the Kingdom of God. Isnt that hilarious? He didnt want to become a Christian. He didnt want to believe there was a God, but he couldnt help it. The evidence was way too overwhelming.

Frank Morrison, a British lawyer, set out to prove that Jesus never rose from the dead; but after examining the facts, he gave in. He gave his life to Christ and ended up writing a famous book called, Who Moved the Stone?

One of my personal favorites, Lew Wallace, a Civil War general, was a hero who saved Washington from confederate attack. He later became the governor of New Mexico when Billy the Kid was running around out there. He was challenged on a train ride by Robert Ingersoll, the leading atheist in America at the time, to examine his faith and to reject Christianity. Wallace set out to find the facts. He ended up writing a book that became the biggest seller at the time outside of the Bible. In that culture, it was the only other book besides the Bible that many people had ever read in their lives. It went on to win numerous Broadway awards and was made into a Broadway play at least six different times. It was a runaway hit and then became a worldwide movie that won an Oscar. He wrote a story of the Christ entitled Ben Hur. Why? Because he was overwhelmed by the evidence.

I could go on and on. Just a few years ago, one of the leading scientific atheists in the world in the twentieth century just became a Christian, Dr. Anthony Flew. He was a professor at Cambridge. He came out in November of 2007 with his book. He embraced Christianity and wrote these words: There is a God. How the Worlds Most Notorious Atheist Changed His Mind. Dont you love that title? Why? Because people are honest with the facts. The evidence is overwhelming.

Jesus challenges us today as we approach the subject of death to think, reason, study, and examine the facts. Did Jesus or did He not rise from the dead? Like Paul said long ago, If Jesus didnt rise from the dead, then our faith is in vain and we ought to be pitied.

Friends, He did rise from the dead. The amazing thing is how do you get ready for death?

David wrote in the Psalms [2:12] several thousand years ago these interesting words: Kiss the Son lest He be angry and you perish from the way, when His wrath is kindled but a little.

Thats an interesting phrase-kiss the Son. How do you prepare for the coming kiss of your Prince? Begin to get up every day, awaken every day, ready to kiss the Son. Get ready to embrace Him, spend time alone with Him every morning. Get used to His touch; get used to His voice; get used to hearing Him; get alone with Him, and you will long for that day when the Prince of glory comes and plants His kiss on you, awakens you out of sleep, and takes you home to live with Him forever. Amen?

The second picture Id like to leave with you as you look at death is also found in John 11:33 (page 1064 of pew Bibles). Jesus is at Lazarus funeral, and He sees Mary weeping and the people around her weeping. It says these words: When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people whaling with her, a deep anger welled up within Him, and He was deeply troubled. The New Living Translation says it very well. That really is the interpretation of that Greek word. Other translations say He groaned, but the idea of anger captures it very well. Friends, death is a time for anger.

One of my favorite comic book symbols is The Incredible Hulk. You know the old story: Please dont make me angry. You wouldnt like me when Im angry. Its interesting to know that there is an appropriate response, and death is not out of question or anger is not out of question when facing death. If were honest, we go through those things, dont we? People who chart that, psychiatrists or psychologists who chart that, know that oftentimes anger is one of the steps of grief. You hear that news that maybe the disease you have is terminal. Youre not going to make it. You hear the C word, the cancer word for the first time, or youre facing bypass surgery. Maybe theres a lump, theres a tumor, and your mortality comes into question. You come face to face with the end of your life. Yes, theres fear and maybe despair. You go through those things and theres also oftentimes anger. Maybe youre angry at yourself, I should have taken better care of myself. If its a loved one, Why didnt they take care of themselves better?

Maybe youre angry at the doctors, They got it wrong. Im going to get a second opinion, then a third opinion, and then a fourth opinion. Nobodys ever done that, right?

Interestingly, one of the people that were most angry at is God. God, if You loved me, if You cared, how could You let this happen? Even as Christians, were tempted to go there. Thats a natural response. Its a very human response. Jesus, in the face of death, is angry.

Friends, I want to encourage you. Im glad we have a God that gets angry at that. That says something about Him.

Its interesting: Moms, if you spend all day cleaning your house, have you ever become a little irked or annoyed when the kids or the grandkids come home and trashed it all in two minutes? None of you have ever done that, have you (sarcastically asking)?

Guys, youre fixing something or youre working on a project, and you just get this thing done when somebody comes along and wrecks it! Were tempted to become angry. Thats an emotion that God carries.

Back in Genesis 1, Jesus, who created the world, looked at everything He made and said, Its good. Now He stands at the gravesite of His friend, and hes ticked. Why? Because this isnt the world He made. It wasnt how He imagined it. It wasnt what He had envisioned. His creation had been trashed. He made it wonderful, and somebody messed it up royally. Friends, in a way, that can be an incredibly comforting thing.

My wife and I have a very dear friend, a really Godly woman, who was molested as a young girl by someone in her family, someone who was a member of the police department. When she told people about it-what the person had done to her-guess what? Nobody believed her. It separated her from her mother. It separated her from family and friends. She felt ostracized; she felt cast out; she felt like nobody cared. It destroyed her. She went over the edge and delved into all kinds of things-drinking, drugs, and an immoral lifestyle. God, in His mercy and grace, rescued her from that. We dont know what people go through. We dont know how things comfort them. She said after she had started walking with God, one of the things that meant the most and touched her heart most deeply-one of the things that assured her that God loved her more than anything else-was the verse that said God is angry with the wicked every day.

You might be sitting here thinking, Why in the world would that assure somebody that God loved him or her? but this dear lady said, My whole life, I tried to tell people who I thought cared about what happened to me, and nobody cared. Nobody was angry. Nobody was mad, but then I realized the God of the universe looked at what happened to me, and He was ticked off; and I felt loved. Somebody cared. Somebody was moved by my pain.

Jesus stands at the gravesite of Lazarus, and Hes angry because it wasnt the world He had made. Friends, I would challenge you: what do you put into place at those moments of despair or anger, when your world is caving in? I would challenge you to do what Jesus did at the gravesite of His friend. What did Jesus do? He prayed. He said (John 11:42, page 1064), Father, I thank You that Youve heard Me, and I thank You that You always hear Me; but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that You sent Me. Then He prayed.

Friends, let me ask you: How do you get ready for that moment when youre going to face death? Those words that will make your blood boil or make you angry that life is mortal, how do you get ready for that? Begin a life of prayer now. Pray over the little things that annoy you now. Pray over the things that irk you now. Pray about evil in the world.

You know today is Super Bowl Sunday. One of the other biggest sports that will occur today at the Super Bowl in Dallas, Texas, and theyre gearing up for it already, is one of the things that absolutely makes my blood boil with having two daughters that I just love and am crazy about: human trafficking. There are hundreds of young ladies and some young men who are going to be sold today so that men can have their way with them. That ticks me off, and it ticks off the God of Heaven! If you have five seconds or ten seconds when youre watching the Super Bowl today, say a prayer for some of those children. Say a prayer for some of those young people who are being sold. Remember that those things make God angry.

If you pray over the things that make you angry now, you will be ready for that day when you come face to face with death. Thats what Jesus did, and thats how He handled it.

The third picture I want to leave with you is from our original Passage in 2 Timothy 4:6 (page 1180). Paul says these words: …Im being poured out like a drink offering and the time of my departure is at hand. Notice that phrase, Im already being poured out as a drink offering. A drink offering-its a gift. We dont so much present offerings today except in monetary terms, but we view our offerings as gifts to God. Drink offerings are gifts. Thats really what God has in mind.

Its interesting that Jesus died well and left a legacy and a gift for all of us about how to die, didnt He? Two thousand years later, we still celebrate the Lords Supper. What do we remember? He passed on an incredible inheritance to all of us about how to die. How does He die? He died forgiving people who hurt Him. He died blessing people and offering encouragement to people who were dying with Him, the thief on the cross next to Him. What a way to go! He died trusting God, Father, into Your hands, I commend My Spirit. Friends, I would challenge you in this third picture here, to leave the way you die as a legacy to the people who will come after you. Prepare for it now.

Steven Covey even says in The 7 Habits of the Highly Effective People, If you want to have a successful life, begin with the end in mind. Think about what you want on your Tombstone.

Id go beyond that and say, Think about how you want to go. Friends, Im here to tell you why Im a Christian. Ive seen the death of hundreds and hundreds of people, and there is incredible difference. There is a gulf; there is a chasm difference between the death of people who have died having hope and faith in Jesus Christ and those who do not.

One of the greatest blessings my grandmother ever left with me was not just the ability to play the piano, which I dearly love her for, but I will never forget this big German woman who was 510 and weighed 175 or 180 pounds when she was alive. She got ovarian cancer, went downhill very quickly, and died at about 90 pounds with family gathered around her. This woman who loved music, how did she go out? We were all singing; we were all praying; we were reading Scripture, and she died in peace. She died with a smile; she died with hope; and she died with joy. I remember sitting there thinking, Now, thats the way to go. Thats how you do it.

My wife and I had a very dear friend who was the former pastors wife of the church where I first went. At one time, this church was the largest church in the city of Janesville. This woman was a rather large woman, and her husband had had multiple affairs while he was a pastor and eventually left her for the church secretary. She could have been broken by that, but she wasnt. She learned how to pray and have hope. I walked with her through all of those difficulties and one of the greatest trials in her life as she faced heartache, loss, desertion, and loneliness. She prayed, and her light continued to shine. Her personality and warmth sprang out. Then a few short years later, she contracted ovarian cancer as well; but what an unbelievable attitude. I remember standing beside her bed. This dear lady who had spent her lifetime trying to lose weight looked at me and with a smile on her face said, Guess what, Jerry? Im losing weight. Isnt that cool? Can you believe it? What an attitude! Thats the attitude of Christ. Thats the attitude of Romans 8:37, In all these things, you are more than conquerors…

I will never forget the warm sunny spring day when we laid her to rest in Oakhill Cemetery. There were about 200 people standing around her gravesite. There was such joy, such happiness, and such warmth that nobody wanted to go. We stood beside the grave and spontaneously sang song after song after song after song. What a contrast to the funerals Ive had of unsaved people who have no hope. I always think of Oakhill Cemetery because theres a bar right at the end of the driveway. Time and time again as soon as the last Amen is spoken, the last word is said, Ive watched people who have no faith, no hope in Christ, boom, go right down the driveway, right across the road, and right into the bar. Why? Because they dont want to face it. They want to forget about it, and they dont want to deal with it. Ive seen time after time the gift and the power of faith and hope in Jesus Christ. It allows you to be a champion and an overcomer in the worst times of life. Leave that gift to the people who come after you. Begin to ask God to use you to enrich the lives of others where you are now. Dont wait until youre on your deathbed to try to touch somebodys life for good. You have a chance to share blessings, to share joy, with everybody around you starting today. What are you really preparing for? Youre really preparing for that moment when youre going to leave your greatest blessing and inheritance behind. Do it today. Start now.

The next picture I want to show you of death is that it is the ultimate journey for those who love adventure. I love this phrase, this little short, obscure phase in 2 Timothy 4. Paul says these words, The time of my departure is at hand. What does that sound like? It sounds like somebody is standing in the lobby in the airport waiting for his or her flight time. No, Im not going to say, My flights coming at 3:15. Then Im going to go. Im going to be gone for a while, but Ill see you again. Well, my departure is here.

Of if youre standing on the train platform, Well, the 8:15 is coming. Im ready to go. My time is up. What an attitude, right? Friends, thats how God views death. He views it as the ultimate adventure, the ultimate trip. The unbelievable thing is…who is the ultimate tour guide? Jesus Christ. You see, if you go visit someplace really cool, you want to go with a tour guide who knows it inside and out, upside and down, every which way under the sun.

I get to let you in on my home pictures. These are vacation pictures. My wife had always wanted visit Savannah, Georgia, so last fall we went. On the way back passing through the Carolinas, we stopped at what was and is the largest private home in America, the Biltmore Mansion. You sit there looking at that, and we paid a really steep price to get in there. Its expensive to go in there, but you know what? We kept saying, Man, this is awesome. The grounds, the gardens, it was incredible. Every corner we turned, wed say, Isnt this cool? Oh, man, look at that! Thats unbelievable. Wed stop with the guides. We hit it off with one dear sweet lady. The guides kept moving, and we kept running into her in different places in the house. It was just a blast talking with her and hearing the stories. Friends, Jesus Christ is the ultimate tour guide. He has faced death; He has been through death and hell, and Hes come out the other side. He knows every nuance, every nook and cranny. He was in all points tempted like we are yet without sin. He says, When you come to that point, take My hand. Walk with Me. Ill lead you through. Ill guide you through. The places I can take you, you would never guess-rivers that flow like crystal, streets that are gold but look like glass, gates made out of pearl.

For all you Packer fans, guess what the color of the rainbow around Gods throne is? Its green. Im here to tell you. Green is my favorite color. Even though Im not a Packer fan, green is my favorite color. How about that? Guess what? I cant wait to see that! Angels, Cherubim and Seraphim, with four different heads [we will see]. There will be a head with a lion on this side, and ox on this side, an eagle [on one side and a man on this side]. Im like, Thats going to be bazaar! I cant wait to see that. Creatures flying around with six wings-everywhere you go in Heaven, it will be like, Look at that! Look at that! Thats incredible! Thats awesome! Jesus says, Your eye hasnt seen. Your ear hasnt heard. You cannot comprehend the things He has prepared for those who love Him.

I think of our dear friend, Judy. Dennis is here this morning and got up and shared her journey and the things she went through. Judy faced her fears, she faced her difficulties, and faced her pain. Dennis and Judy liked to travel, and I know one of her favorite pictures as she talked about death, facing that, and going through that portal was this one right here, Im going on a trip. Im going on a vacation. Im going to be gone for awhile, but Ill be back. I have the greatest guide in the world. Judy died with peace; she died with hope; she died with joy. I will tell you being in that home and with that family, you could see it. You could feel it. The joy, the peace, and the hope were so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Thats not normal. Well, it is among people who know Christ; but among people in the world, its not.

God says there is hope even in the face of death. Why? Because its a journey; its an adventure. God says, You cant imagine the things that I have prepared for you. Take My hand. Ill guide you through it with hope and with joy.

The fifth picture I would like to leave with you is found in the next phrase when Paul says in Verse 7 (still page 1180), I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. He says, Death is the biggest fight, the most terrifying opponent, the greatest difficulty that you must face. God calls every one of us-guys in particular, you can resonate this stuff. We talked about princesses and handsome princes for the ladies. Guys, this is the stuff that resonates in our hearts. God calls every single guy to be a warrior. I dont care whether youre a guy who has never been athletic in your life, never been in a fight in your life, or never done anything particular physical. God doesnt care. He calls every single guy to face at one point in his life the greatest opponent you will ever face, and that's death. You will stare it in the face, and you will feel fear.

I can tell you outside of baseball, boxing was my favorite sport. Before mixed martial arts, I just loved boxing. I loved everything about it. I started fighting in fifth grade and boxed all the way through college. I played football all the way from fifth grade through college as well. Friends, Ill tell you that Im not ashamed to admit that there was not a single fight I ever fought, there was not a single football game I was ever involved in, that I was not afraid before it happened. Whats the battle? The battle is overcoming your fear.

If you read the inside stories-today is the Super Bowl-probably somewhere between 30 and 35 percent of the guys playing in the Super Bowl today will throw up before the game. Do you know why? Because theyre afraid. Heres the amazing thing: you do all that training and practice; you do all those repetitions; you go through all the struggles; and you get into the game, you face your fears, and you begin to fight. You take that first hit, and guess what? All the fear goes away, and friends, Im here to tell you: the training takes over.

Ill never forget my first fight in college. I fought a guy who was the state runner up in Michigan. By all accounts, he was the biggest, baddest, and toughest guy in the entire school. He was a junior; I was a freshman. I walked out of my corner, and I walked into a straight right [fist]. Everything went black; I saw sparks; and if he would have followed up with a combination, I would have been toast. When the lights came back on and the fog cleared, guess what? All that training kicked in. I still enjoy that so much that to this day, down in my basement gym, I still hit the heavy bag on a regular basis. Im going to need some new bag gloves after a while. Its interesting that after the lights went out and then came back on, guess what happened? I never thought about being afraid; all that training kicked in. Its really fun to say I spent the next three rounds just chasing him all over the ring. That was a blast. Why? The training kicked in.

Friends, heres the wonderful thing about your walk with God. Jesus has been there. He has faced the ultimate opponent. He faced not just death, but He faced hell. He went through hell for you. He faced the wrath and the curse of God in a way that you and I will never will, and He came out the other side.

Theres an obscure Passage in the Book of Hebrews that says in the days of His flesh, He offered up strong crying and tears. Do you think Jesus was afraid? Let me ask you that question: do you think Jesus was afraid? The answer is yes. Hebrews says He was in all points tempted as we are. Friends, He was afraid. He didnt want to go through that, but then it says something amazing. All that training kicked in. All that time alone with God, all the prayers, all the walks with Him, all the hours spent with God in secret and the training kicked in. In the face of His deepest, darkest moments, the author of Hebrews says something incredible. He says that Jesus offered up those prayers, and He was heard. He offered the prayers up to the One who was able to save him from death. Dont overlook that phrase. It says from death. Thats the Greek word ek from which we get our word exit or out of (as in Jesus wasn't just praying that God would "prevent" Him from dying. He was praying that God would raise Him up "out of" death and the grave once He was in it.) What was Jesus praying for in the face of death? He literally prayed for His own resurrection. Thats literally what that Passage was saying. Can you believe that? Jesus is saying, God, Father, I know Im going to die, so raise Me up again.

You say, But He had Gods promise. He prayed for it anyway.

Father, save Me. Raise Me up again. Friends, when you spend that time alone with God in your deepest, darkest, scariest moments, what begins to happen? The power of God resonates in your lives. As you become so acquainted with the God of the universe who rolls up His sleeves and bares His arm in the face of all adversity, you begin to know courage. So, like Solomon in Proverbs, you begin to say, The good man may fall or the good woman may fall seven times, but whats going to happen? They rise again.

I love the Passage in Micah, Rejoice not over me, O my enemy. When I fall, I will arise. Friends, sin, evil, destruction, and the wrath of God put Jesus down on the canvas, didnt it? He died; He was buried, but you couldnt keep a good Man down, could you? Three days later, the Champion comes up. He gets off the canvas; He comes off the floor; He comes out fighting, and He wins. Friends, the God of the universe says, When you trust in Him, He put that same Spirit in your heart.

If youre here this morning, I dont care how weak you are. I dont care if youve ever played a sport, lifted a weight, fought a fight-God doesnt care. Inside of you beats the heart of a champion; inside of you beats the heart of the living God. God says to you, We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and you have the mind of Christ. Believe it. Start practicing those truths today. Start your training today. Get alone with God on a regular basis. Open up His Word; talk to Him about it; sing His praises when youre afraid. The training will pay off in your deepest, darkest moments. Youll make one of the greatest comebacks of all time. Amen?

The last picture I want to leave with you is this: Paul says, Because of that, there is laid up for Me a crown of rejoicing, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to Me on that day. Notice what He says, …theres laid up for me a crown of righteousness…

One of my favorite things about sports is I like trophies. I like awards banquets; I like medals; I like all of that stuff. Ive been very blessed. Ive coached some great teams and played on a lot of cool things. One of the coolest trophies Ive ever received came about two years ago. I won nationals in power lifting, and they gave out really cool trophies. The sculptor that made it was unbelievable. I got really excited when I first saw it. I thought it was Jesus because if you look really close, he has a beard. I thought, Well, thats cool. Jesus is holding up the world. I was truly disappointed when I found out it wasnt Jesus; it was Atlas, but oh well. You cant have everything, right? It was still really cool. I say that to say there is something wonderful about getting awards. As you think about that, is Paul really confident? Is he? He knows its going to happen. He knows hes going to stand before his Lord and hear the words, Well done, good and faithful servant. God had seen him through. He was at the end, and the awards banquet was waiting. The thank yous were coming. The trophies were going to be there. In fact, thats the last thing Jesus promises in the Book of Revelation, Behold, I come quickly, and Im bringing what with Me? …My reward. Its trophy day, boys and girls. Gods going to be handing out medals.

So how should you approach that? Well, when does Paul start thanking and blessing God? Before he has received the medals or afterwards? Before. Its interesting with Jesus as well, if we look back at the chapter in John, He is standing at Lazarus gravesite. He hasnt yet raised Lazarus from the dead, but what does He do? He says, Father, I thank You that You hear Me. Theyd be lying to tell you otherwise, but all the actors and actresses that are going to win awards here in the shows coming up, if theyre even nominated and in the running, what do they practice before they ever receive the awards? They practice their acceptance speech, right? Some of them go on and on and on and on because they have all these people they want to say what to? Thank you. Oh, and I want to thank this person. I want to thank that person. I want to thank this person.

Friends, how do you get ready for death? You begin thanking people a long way off. Thats what Jesus did. He hadnt raised Lazarus from the dead yet, but He was already saying, Father, thank You that Youre listening to Me. Even in the face of death, I know Youre listening. I know Youre going to hear My prayer. I know Youre going to raise him from the dead.

Friends, start practicing your acceptance speech now. Get up every day telling God thank you for as many possible things as you can thank Him for. Get up every day and start telling everybody around you in your life thank you for as many possible things as you can thank them for because when you stand before God and hear Him say, Well done, good and faithful servant, trust me, there will be many more people that you wished you would have thanked in this life. Man, I should have told them thank you. I should have told them thank you. Friends, be looking for-be living for-that moment. Be thinking about that moment. Think about it now. Picture yourself standing before God, and He hands out trophies and says, Well done, good and faithful servant. Its so cool. What do Gods children who receive those trophies and awards do? They take those crowns, and they throw them back at His feet and say, Thank You. No, it was all You. It was all You. It was all You. Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You. I wouldnt be here if it werent for You.

Friends, we can face death with hope, with joy, with peace. Why? Because Jesus lives, and there is hope. If you need prayer, feel free to come up.

Shall we stand and close in prayer. If you need someone to pray with, feel free to come forward, and our prayer team will meet with you. I pray that youll be encouraged and blessed.

Father, I thank You so much for Your love. I thank You for Your kindness. I ask Your richest blessing on Your people, especially those who may be hurting with bad news or the loss of a loved one or friend. I pray that Youd give us Your hope and courage. Thank You for the example of Jesus Christ and that we can pray in His name. Amen.

God bless you all. Thank you so much.