I am a work in progress. Undoubtedly. Whenever I think I have arrived, life shows me back to the nosebleed seats.

I am recovering from perfectionism. Had I told you that?

Y’all, this is my thorn.

Paul, the apostle of Christ, begged and pleaded with God to remove his thorn to no avail.

Jesus answered, “no, but”…my grace is enough for your issue.

Somehow I, too, constantly run to the same old alley that leads nowhere, begging God to relieve me of my reoccurring struggles.

Faith is not a formula, although I’d like to think it is. This fits into my earning mentality.

Let me give you an example.

God’s word instructs me, “as far as it depends on me, live at peace with folks.” So being the rule follower I am, I aim to be perfect at it.

I cultivate self-awareness. I practice contemplation. I see a therapist weekly. I attend CR meetings and have accountability partners. I eat healthy foods. I exercise. I read books.

I can go on, but you get the point.

Denial tells me I will avoid trouble if I do everything right.

Cause and effect. No true.

We grow up thinking we will get what we give, a cosmic delusion that accompanies us most of our lives until we know the Truth.

Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”

I wonder if those who heard him say this in real-time got it. I wonder if they knew the Way is a process. That Jesus is the process of seeing God and becoming fully alive.

Jesus is the Way to the Truth that brings us to Life.

-gf

When I think of the word process, the image that pops into my mind is that of a photograph that needs to be dipped in acid to be developed. Sometimes, I feel like that, immersed in acid inside a dark room, hung to dry, and waiting to be exposed.

A process is an ever-changing formula, so it is unequal to faith which is constant.

Faith is required to see past the pain and discomfort of a process. Faith believes there is always a plan—a purpose for everything under Heaven.

So whenever life dips me in the acid of other people’s dysfunction and mistakes, I must trust the process, not the formula.

Because no matter how hard I try to be perfect, I cannot control people’s choices and perceptions.

Although I cannot change their behavior, what I can do, is not allow it to change me.

There isn’t a day that goes by without wishing the seduction of a perfect life would disappear with a touch of a magic wand. But God doesn’t play make-believe.

He is Truth.

Sometimes God answers our deepest yearnings with a no. This isn't a no to our well-being. It's a no to what we don't even know is happening beneath the surface of our desperate requests.

This isn’t neglect; it's protection.

So to reconcile the splashes of people, I reckon this is another opportunity to be processed and exposed to the brilliance of the light, the clarity of God’s wisdom. His focus is the result –life and more life.

I wrote a poem this Winter because poems can help us hold hands with lament and process.

I hope you like it.

Buried underground, dead to the world, your metamorphosis has begun.

Don’t try to hold on to your life; you’ll destroy it.

You will fall asleep —a seed

deep in the secret place of God’s earth.

Through the dark padded soil, you will emerge to the light,

waking up to discover you are now a tree.

Soon from you

branches will begin to sprout,

birthed from your essence, broken and multiplied.

Your life in exchange for more life, you have abandoned yourself to love,

and by love,

you have become eternal.

-Georgina Fourzan

May we leave our earning ways and receive grace freely.

May we come to believe peace can only begin within.

May we trust the process God has for us.

May He break us and bless us so we can multiply.

And may we stay on the Way, in Truth, toward Life.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Amen

Until next time,

Love God, love you, love others.

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