Family Matters

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Speaker: Nouman Ali Khan

Muslims must meet two sets of responsibilities, says Nouman Ali Khan: responsibilities towards Allah and towards people. While our obligations to Allah are clear and simple, with the only possibility of wrong-doing falling on us, human relationships are much more complicated. But the two are not separate from each other; if you fail in your responsibilities towards people, then you have also failed before Allah. Marital relationships are a case in point. Allah perfectly sums up the husband-wife connection in the first part of Aya 34 of Surat An-Nisaa: "Arrijaal qawwamuna 'ala an-nisaa." Despite popular misconception, the word "qawwamuna" has nothing to do with authority, says Khan. Its core meaning combines the notions of activity, commitment, consistency, reliability and conferring value. Physical, emotional and spiritual abuse in the form of "religious blackmail" are not tolerated in Islam. On the contrary, husbands have a responsibility to actively maintain relationships, protect their spouses (even against their own parents, with respect) and to be the mentors and advisers who will help them fulfill their goals.

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Credit: Nouman Ali Khan

In the Quran, Allah uses two words to refer to anger: ghaydh and ghadab. While ghaydh describes rage that is brewing inside the heart, ghadab means anger that lashes out, unrestrained. Allah teaches us that in some cases anger can be overwhelming and justified. In Surah Al-Fath, revealed after Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) signed the Treaty of Hudaybiyah, his companions refused to obey him at first. However, they did so calmly at a moment of extreme frustration. Yet Allah does not reprimand them; on the contrary He praises them for their restraint. In one hadith, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) compares anger to a lump of burning coal that scorches all the goodness we have in our hearts. It is a disease that, if uncontained, will take away our peace of mind. We must never let anger overtake us because it is the work of shaytan.

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Credit: Ismail Mufti Menk

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Credit: Sheikh Muiz Bukhary

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Credit: Dr. Suzy Ismail

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