Family Matters

Is "self-forgiveness" a scriptural idea? This isn't the place to go into details, but certain events and circumstances have left me carrying a heavy load of guilt. I believe in Christ and His death on the cross, but in this case my beliefs don't seem to have the power to change my feelings. If you knew my situation, you might understand why. People tell me that I need to "forgive myself," but I just laugh when they say that. Who am I to "forgive myself?" And where does the Bible ever tell me to do any such thing? I've searched the Scriptures over and can't find anything that supports this idea.

Why has God given teens such strong a sexual drive and no healthy, acceptable way to satisfy it? This just doesn't seem fair. In Bible times people got married at a younger age. As a result, it was normal to have sex and start raising kids before you reached the age of 20. These days, much of society still frowns upon teenagers engaging in any kind of sexual activity. Why has God given us these feelings if we can't do anything about them?

How do we establish behavioral guidelines for a grown child who suffers from mental illness? Should our boundaries be the same as those we'd set up with any other child? Or do special considerations apply in a situation like this?

What should I do if my primary school child is getting so much homework that family time hardly exists and he has little energy for anything else? He spends hours on his assignments every night. As far as I can see, he isn't slow at completing his tasks. There's just too much to do! Is all this homework really necessary for effective learning and healthy childhood development?

How do I handle conflicts over clothes and fashion with my teen daughter? This is becoming a real battleground at our house. She insists on wearing outfits that are inappropriate, immodest, and revealing. I won't even begin to tell you what we go through when it's time to shop for swimming costumes. What can I do?

How can I help my teens deal with the fallout of my divorce? It's been painful for everyone, but I'm especially concerned about my oldest son. Ever since my ex-husband left a year and a half ago, he seems to be putting himself under a lot of pressure to assume the role of the "man of the house." This is especially difficult for him since he was looking forward to going away to university next year. Now he feels obligated to stay at home and help the family. What can I do for him and the rest of the kids?

How do we help a child who seems to have no sense of humor? Except for our oldest son, who will soon be entering high school, our entire family has always enjoyed the lighter side of things. Our younger kids are full of fun, and laughter regularly fills our home. By way of contrast, their big brother never seems to be amused by anything. He's always very serious-minded. I thought it was a phase that would pass, but to this day I can count on one hand the number of times we've heard him laugh. I'm concerned about how this will affect him socially. Even more importantly, I want him to enjoy life. Am I right to be concerned? Are there things we can do to encourage and help develop a sense of humor in him?

Should my husband and I discontinue our friendship with another couple simply because the man and I became involved in an emotional affair? It's over now, and my spouse and the man's wife have taken a firm but conciliatory attitude towards the whole thing. For obvious reasons, we've also suspended our normal get-togethers for the time being. Quite frankly, this has been one of the hardest aspects of the entire situation. It's a huge loss for all of us. Now that the affair is in the past, do you think it would be okay to go back to "life as usual"? Or should this special friendship be permanently ended?

What should I do about the constant fighting that goes on between my daughters? Our house is the scene of perpetual sibling battles. My mother says I should intervene, but my husband thinks this is normal for kids their age. Should I be worried?

Is Christian sexual morality unhealthy or unnatural? I'm young woman who is trying to live a chaste life, but my boyfriend is always pressuring me. He says that my concerns about sexual morality are just an expression of an unhealthy "fear"-that in trying to live by God's standards, I'm basically rejecting the beauties of creation and avoiding the joys of life in the flesh as God intended it. I'm finding it harder and harder to answer him when talks this way. Can you help me?