Fear and Anxiety Wrap-Up

This week we're tying everything we've talked about in this series together, including a personal story about a fear I had, how I dealt with it (or didn't at first!), and the impact that has had on my life.

Show Notes:

Welcome back to More than Milk. I'm Hannah Rebekah. Today we're wrapping up our series on fear by doing a little bit of review and tying together everything we've talked about so far.

Fear is made possible when we move from mentally trusting God with everything to trusting in ourselves, our school, our car, or anything else. This happens all the time because we are forgetful people who are more likely to trust what we can see and touch rather than what we know is there but don't experience physically so much.

Fear actually happens when our trust in whatever it is we were trusting that's not God is shaken. This could be anything from our car not starting, to political upheaval, to someone we love ending up in the hospital. In the moments when we hear the news, we feel the fear of what could happen now. Though you may or may not be able to recognize it, the thought process goes like this: I didn't think this was possible (or I knew it was POSSIBLE, but I never thought it would happen to ME); now that this has happened, there are so many other terrible possibilities that could happen, too! And then we spiral in fear and doubt and "what if" scenarios.

Fear is wrong because God is all powerful, sovereign, and in control of all things. He has promised that He will work all things together for our good. To be afraid of what could happen is to say God is either incompetent to take care of us or ignorant of our real needs.

In order to fight fear, we have to first realize that we're afraid, agree with God that it's wrong, and be willing to fight back against it. Next, we have to dig down to understand our fear, to know what it is we're really afraid of and admit that to God, ourselves, and another person. Finally, we have to identify the truth about God and His care and promises toward us and then tell it to ourselves over and over again, every time that fear starts to creep back into our minds.

The reason that we battle fear is three-fold. First, God commands it. Second, conquering fear allows us to do the work of God's Kingdom with a lot more freedom. Third, when we are successful at ridding fear from our lives—even a little bit—we are happier and more content with our lives. These three reasons are all connected. God created us to be happy in Him, to do His work, and to obey Him. When we fight back against fear by trusting God and His promises, we make all three of these purposes happen.

Back in the Fall of 2016, I started working as an apprentice in the Guest Services department at Grace Adventures. This meant that I was responsible for contacting groups that were planning to come and make sure we had what we needed from them and they had what they needed from us. My primary mode of doing this was email because I had a long-standing fear of talking on the phone, specifically of calling people I don't know.

This avoidance technique worked pretty well until late Winter, early Spring, when we had to make camper calls. This is where all of the staff get a list of former camper families who have not yet registered for the summer and we spend a night or two a week calling them to see if they are interested in registering. It was like a nightmare come true. Somehow I powered through and survived, in large part because the fear of disappointing those I'm responsible to was stronger than that of talking to strangers on the phone. It was at that point that I realized I had a problem, though. I didn't want to admit it to anyone, but I also didn't want to struggle with it the rest of my life.

That Summer, my role expanded a bit, and I was responsible for a lot more groups, many of whom did not communicate well over email and needed to be called. I finally admitted my fear to someone I trusted, which broke its power a little bit and helped cement that it was wrong and needed to be dealt with. I had recently finished writing the section in my book on fear about how to combat it. I knew what steps to take.

I figured out that I'm afraid of misspeaking, giving the wrong information, or making some similar mistake that makes me look incompetent and reflects poorly on the organization I'm working for. This stems from two facets of my biggest identity issue. I falsely believe that my worth is based on my personal competence, and those who's opinions matter the most about whether or not I am competent are those in positions over me. So if I make a mistake on the phone that makes that person think I'm incompetent, I think that diminishes by value, but if word of that somehow got back to my supervisor or the president of the organization, that would be crushing. This was an identity lie that I had been actively fighting for years, but it still had little footholds in places like fear of talking on the phone.

What's the truth that combats this? My value is defined and fixed by Christ. I will make mistakes—everyone does. When I do, it is not a reflection of what I am worth but of my humanity, and it makes me more relatable and approachable. If I really fail, it gives me the opportunity to display the grace and power of God in handling that situation. Those in positions of authority over me are just human, too. I can't live by their measurement because it is at once too high and also too low. In some areas they will never be really pleasable, and that's okay. In other areas, their standards aren't as high as God's, and that's who I should be aiming to please.

The summer became much easier as I started fighting this fear. There were still times when I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and tell myself those truths over and over before I could go back to my desk and make a particular phone call.

A year later, I was asked to be the Welcome Center Manager at the campground. One of my biggest hesitations at first was that would require me to make a heck of a lot of phone calls to people I didn't know. If I hadn't been dealing with it the summer before, I doubt I would have accepted. The first month there, I had to fight the urge to have my staff make most of the phone calls. By the end of my time there, I didn't even hesitate picking up the phone.

Here's why I tell you that story. Making phone calls to strangers is not the biggest fear I've ever had. It seemed fairly unobtrusive at first, something I could get around for the most part and just suffer through when I absolutely had to make a call. In general, it wasn't changing my life much—or so I thought. What I didn't realize was that this fear was like a leaf off a big identity lie tree. I had worked hard to chop big branches of that tree down, but there was more left to it than I realized. By fighting this fear, I am more confident in my identity in general, and that has impacted how much of myself I am willing to "put out there" in all areas of my life. I can point to multiple different opportunities I never would have taken a couple years ago that I jumped into now—some of which would seem to have nothing to do with talking on the phone.

It can be very easy to look at a fear and say something like, "It doesn't matter that much." "I can suffer through that one." Why would you want to? I know the reason, of course. In order to fight back, you're probably going to have to tell someone about it. You'll have to confront head-on whatever lie you're believing about yourself, some version of, "You're not good enough." It's easier to just sweep that under the rug and pretend like it doesn't exist, but it doesn't disappear when you try not to think about it. It spits out more lies, fears, and causes underlying anxiety, doing its very best to make you miserable. To confront that lie is frightening because you believe it, and if you don't have enough ammo, it will eat you alive. That's why you need the truth of who you are in Christ and someone else who knows scripture who can help you.

In and of yourself, no, you are not good enough. But you are not alone. You'll never be alone. Jesus Christ gave up His eternal glory, became a human, and lived a sinless life so He could die in your place and break the chains of darkness that held you. You are worth more than you know. If you have accepted Jesus' offer of forgiveness, He has given you everything you need for life and godliness. In Him, you are enough. You will always be enough because He will never leave you. Nothing you do can make Him love you less, abandon you, or punish you. He will put you through hard things to refine you and make you a better person, to bring you into closer relationship with Him, but He promises to be with you through it. I AM THAT I AM is the most powerful being in the universe, and He loves you more deeply and intimately than anyone else could, even more than you can imagine. In Him, you are enough, and because that is true, you don't have to be afraid of anything. I hope you're willing to fight until you really, wholly believe that truth.

Thanks for joining me on the podcast today. This concludes our series on fear and anxiety. Next week we're going to start a new series on listening to the Holy Spirit and knowing and following God's will for your life. I hope you'll join me then.