In this episode, Matt & Jenn challenge you to "embrace conflict" and offer some ground rules on "fighting fair" in your marriage.Learn to embrace conflict recognizing that conflict is an opportunity to learn more about your spouse. Your job is not to “win” or even eliminate every conflict. Rather your goal is to use conflict to learn to face problems together.Treat your spouse with love and respect, always. Recognize and avoid the manipulative techniques that you might be using like explosion, silence, withholding, or tears.You may be right about a certain issue, but if your tone is hurtful you are dead wrong. Value your spouse’s heart over being “right.”Announcing Covenant Club! -- launching January 2022. Sign up during prelaunch and get the first three months for FREE!  www.intimatecovenant.com/members Join us in Louisville, KY on March 4-5, 2022 for a Marriage Seminar -- "DESIRING an Intimate Covenant." For more details and to register, click the link:  www.iclou.fun

 To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Connect with the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
 
 Thanks for sharing, rating and subscribing!
 
 Cherishing,
 Matt & Jenn

 * If you are interested in bringing Matt & Jenn to your church or small group to speak about the beauty of God’s plan for marriage and sexuality, please contact us: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
 
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

71: Fighting Fair

Biblical Perspective for a Fuller Marriage and Extraordinary Sex! Most married couples want more for their marriage, especially when it comes to sex. Intimate Covenant offers biblical teaching and resources to help achieve oneness with your spouse, resulting in a fuller relationship and an extraordinary sex life. Warning: We cover necessary and important topics about the marriage relationship and sex. We use frank language without being crude or crass. Our approach is biblical and wholesome, but not intended for singles — especially not for children.

Society & Culture

Personal Journals

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

Religion & Spirituality

Other

Spirituality

Christianity

Buddhism

Hinduism

Judaism

Islam

Sexuality

Health

Relationships

Health & Fitness

In this episode, Matt and Jenn discuss the resurging popularity of sleeping in separate bedrooms. We'll consider the  reasons why a couple might choose this option and whether it might be wise for your marriage. In addition, we'll discuss some of the consequences of spouses who have separate bedtimes.Every step we take away from our spouses, especially physically, has inevitable negative long-term consequences for the relationship. The decision to sleep apart should be weighed carefully and be constantly reevaluated. As much as is within your power, eliminate the barriers to sleeping together so that you can get be in bed with each other as often as possible.Likewise, separate bedtimes also promote emotional and physical drift away from each other, allowing opportunity for selfishness and betrayal.
 As promised, here are the sources for the data that we referenced in this episode: Elsey, Taylor et al. “The role of couple sleep concordance in sleep quality: Attachment as a moderator of associations.” Journal of sleep research vol. 28,5 (2019): e12825. Drews HJ, Drews A. Couple Relationships Are Associated With Increased REM Sleep-A Proof-of-Concept Analysis of a Large Dataset Using Ambulatory Polysomnography. Front Psychiatry. 2021 May 10;12:641102.Richter, K., Adam, S., Geiss, L., Peter, L., & Niklewski, G. (2016). Two in a bed: The influence of couple sleeping and chronotypes on relationship and sleep. An overview. Chronobiology International, 33(10), 1464–1472. Troxel WM; Buysse DJ; Matthews KA; Kravitz HM; Bromberger JT; Sowers M; Hall MH. Marital/cohabitation status and history in relation to sleep in midlife women. SLEEP 2010;33(7):973-981.Chiao, Chi et al. “Loneliness in older parents: marital transitions, family and social connections, and separate bedrooms for sleep.” BMC geriatrics vol. 21,1 590. 22 Oct. 2021Larson JH, Crane DR, Smith CW. (1991). Morning and night couples: The effect of wake and sleep patterns on marital adjustment. J Marital Fam Ther. 17:53–65.Ulfberg J, Carter N, Talback M, Edling C. (2000). Adverse health effects among women living with heavy snorers. Health Care Women Int. 21:81–90.Gordon, A. M., & Chen, S. (2014). The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 168-175.Cartwright, R D, and S Knight. “Silent partners: the wives of sleep apneic patients.” Sleep vol. 10,3 (1987): 244-8. Cascais Costa C, Afreixo V, Cravo J. Impact of Obstructive Sleep Apnea Treatment on Marital Relationships: Sleeping Together Again? Cureus. 2023 Oct 5;15(10):e46513.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 
 Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com 
 Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
  
 Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!  
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Separate Bedrooms & Separate Bedtimes [163]

In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some experiences from their recent trip to China and some life-changing lessons they are bringing back. We think these lessons will impact your marriage too!It’s easy to lose focus on eternal priorities and purpose. Revisit this conversation with your spouse frequently.Changing your circumstances will not change your marriage. To improve your marriage, you have to lean into the conflict and learn to better serve your spouse.We are deeply grateful for all of the amazing and beautiful people whom we have encountered in our Intimate Covenant journey — even those on the other side of the world. Thanks for sharing yourselves with us!

Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 
 Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com 
 Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
 
 To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
  
 Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! 
  
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

 PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate 
 
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Lessons from China [162]

In this episode, Matt & Jenn share excerpts from several different live Q&A; sessions recorded at previous live events.

- How do you differentiate between responsive sexual desire and a medical problem resulting in a lack of sex drive?
- How can I keep striving for spiritual and emotional intimacy when my spouse is reluctant to do so?
- How can I overcome shame in my physical appearance that hinders me from giving myself to and fully enjoying physical intimacy with my spouse?
- Is it primarily a man’s responsibility to redeem a marriage?
- Do you have suggestions to make the bedroom a special place for us?

Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 
 Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com 
 Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
  To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
  
 Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! 
  
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

 PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate 
 
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Q&A (low sexual desire; body shame; reluctant spouse…) [161]

In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some important news and updates, including a fun blooper reel.

There are multiple ways to help support Xander Moody and his family. GiveSendGo (https://www.givesendgo.com/supportxander) - This is a crowdfunding site launched by Xander's baseball team organization.  Blessings Overflow:Mail checks (avoid transaction fees) with “Xander Moody” in the memo line to:Blessings Overflow  9114 Hermitage Ln Alvaton, KY 42122Venmo (https://account.venmo.com/u/BG-BlessingsOverflow): "Xander Moody" in the message.@BG-BlessingsOverflowFaceBook: Xander Moody Updates  https://www.facebook.com/people/Xander-Moody-Updates/61557283076688/ We would love to see you blow up their social media and their donation site. Thank you for supporting the Moodys and for remembering them before our Father’s throne in your prayers. 
 Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 
 Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com 
 Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
  To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
  
 Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! 
  
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

 PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate 
 
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Laughter & Tears [160]

In this episode, Matt & Jenn share segments from the live Q&A; session at the Tampa Marriage Day on March 2nd, including:How to connect sexually, even during periods of conflictHow to learn contentment when I desire a certain sex act, but my spouse doesn’tHow to avoid complacency when things seem “good”How to navigate different preferences for sexual frequencyHow to encourage spiritual growth and accountability
 Don’t miss early-bird pricing for the Annual Marriage Retreat. Save your spot and save some money with just a $200 deposit by March 15th. Space is limited.
https://www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat 
 Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 
 Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com 
 Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
 
 To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
  
 Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! 
  
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

 PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate 
 
 www.intimatecovenant.com
 Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

71: Fighting Fair

Download our free app to listen on your phone