Therapy Thursday with Cecilia Mannella

Fighting fair in relationship conflict

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Conflict in a relationship doesn't need to be unhealthy, with fighting fair rules in place you can actually have healthy conflict conversations that help the relationship grow, help bring trust into the relationship, and help each person grow as individuals.

As humans, we all have different views, different opinions, values, and beliefs. This is normal. It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about hearing each other out and learning more about each other. Have these conversations about conflict, not in times of conflict but in times of peace.

Start by saying "let's set up some rules of engagement around fighting fair"...

  • What's below the belt for you? (Something you think would be unfair, a cheap shot, hurtful for your partner to do/say in conflict - share those thoughts with each other)
  • What does respect look like to you? (what does it mean, look like, sound like to you? What do you need for a conflict to feel respectful?)
  • Stick to one topic - don't fight to just fight, you want a resolution.
  • Set up rules on walking away - when is it appropriate to walk away, when things get too escalated, too many below the belts, etc.
  • The goal is to come to a resolution. Not necessarily an agreement but an agreement to compromise and feel that you have been heard and understood in the conflict/conversation.

    • *Remind yourself that feelings take time to resolve. After a conflict has been resolved those feelings may still be there or they may go away quickly - it depends on the person, everyone is different. If you need space or time to resolve on your own tell your spouse or partner this.

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    Therapy Thursday with Cecilia MannellaBy Eterna Counselling & Wellness