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Finding God in Our Pain - Christian Women in Violent Situations, with Reverend Cheryl Kincaid
SUMMARY:
The conversation features Reverend Cheryl discussing her experiences with childhood trauma, including living in a chaotic environment with an abusive father and a depressed mother.
*She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing abuse, understanding forgiveness, and setting boundaries.
*The dialogue explores the complexities of healing, the role of faith, and the necessity of confronting abusive behavior while also finding strength in God.
*Reverend Cheryl shares insights on how to support women in violent situations, the significance of therapy, and the importance of community support.
*Ultimately, she highlights that healing is a lifelong journey involving layers of understanding and growth, and encourages women to assert their identity in Christ to reclaim their voices and establish healthy boundaries.
PODCAST INTRO:
The ministry of my guest, Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, focuses on giving voice to Christian women caught in violent situations and relationships, aiming to help them find wholeness and healing through God's instruction.
Using her personal story of abuse combining that with her education in Marriage and Family Therapy along with her Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary, Rev Cheryl talked about understanding abuse, boundaries, identity, righteous anger, and forgiveness as taught in the bible. The discussion on forgiveness alone was worth the conversation because so much about God’s love and forgiveness has been hijacked with a toxic empathy that is used against tender hearted, conscious Christians especially the abused.
We talked about the difference between forgiveness and denial. Reverend Cheryl states that forgiveness requires acknowledging the hurt caused by others and making a conscious decision to forgive, while denial involves minimizing the impact of the abuse or rationalizing it.
One of the tools that Rev Cheryl shares is for the moments when you’re having a flashback, you’ve been triggered or trying to resolve inner, emotional mental conflict in yourself. She shares this exercise, the therapeutic term known as classical conditioning and it involves using your dominate hand to represent yourself as the adult you are and your non-dominate hand as the child you were.
Using your dominant hand you write down something like, I know you’re in pain right now and Using your name, you ask yourself by writing down, what is going on? Then Using your non-dominant hand write down your emotions. There is a point to using your non-dominant hand because it looks like a child’s handwriting.
Then Looking at the emotions that surfaced you use your adult hand (that knows the truth about where you are now) to comfort your child hand (that is bringing forth the emotions that are connected to the pain).
Reframe the emotions with truth whether it be with God’s word/His promises, with facts such as Rev Cheryl said things like, You couldn’t take care of yourself then but you can take care of yourself now and then you’d list truths. If it was about money, it could be, I have a job, I have a bank account, I’m working toward financial independence. If it was about not having control then say, I have control over myself, I’m responsible for myself, I am learning to set boundaries, I have boundaries in place etc Things that speak truth over where you are today.
To me, I thought it was effective using your hands because it gets you outside your head. I think that would be beneficial because sometimes you have so much emotion and overwhelm in your head that if you can make it external, it seems to help you isolate and sort through your emotions in that moment.
It reminds me of the effectiveness of journaling as a way to purge your thoughts on paper, it gets everything you can list out of your mind and you can sort through it that way too.
So in short, us the classical condition exercise to take what yo
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By Spark NetworkSUMMARY:
The conversation features Reverend Cheryl discussing her experiences with childhood trauma, including living in a chaotic environment with an abusive father and a depressed mother.
*She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing abuse, understanding forgiveness, and setting boundaries.
*The dialogue explores the complexities of healing, the role of faith, and the necessity of confronting abusive behavior while also finding strength in God.
*Reverend Cheryl shares insights on how to support women in violent situations, the significance of therapy, and the importance of community support.
*Ultimately, she highlights that healing is a lifelong journey involving layers of understanding and growth, and encourages women to assert their identity in Christ to reclaim their voices and establish healthy boundaries.
PODCAST INTRO:
The ministry of my guest, Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, focuses on giving voice to Christian women caught in violent situations and relationships, aiming to help them find wholeness and healing through God's instruction.
Using her personal story of abuse combining that with her education in Marriage and Family Therapy along with her Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary, Rev Cheryl talked about understanding abuse, boundaries, identity, righteous anger, and forgiveness as taught in the bible. The discussion on forgiveness alone was worth the conversation because so much about God’s love and forgiveness has been hijacked with a toxic empathy that is used against tender hearted, conscious Christians especially the abused.
We talked about the difference between forgiveness and denial. Reverend Cheryl states that forgiveness requires acknowledging the hurt caused by others and making a conscious decision to forgive, while denial involves minimizing the impact of the abuse or rationalizing it.
One of the tools that Rev Cheryl shares is for the moments when you’re having a flashback, you’ve been triggered or trying to resolve inner, emotional mental conflict in yourself. She shares this exercise, the therapeutic term known as classical conditioning and it involves using your dominate hand to represent yourself as the adult you are and your non-dominate hand as the child you were.
Using your dominant hand you write down something like, I know you’re in pain right now and Using your name, you ask yourself by writing down, what is going on? Then Using your non-dominant hand write down your emotions. There is a point to using your non-dominant hand because it looks like a child’s handwriting.
Then Looking at the emotions that surfaced you use your adult hand (that knows the truth about where you are now) to comfort your child hand (that is bringing forth the emotions that are connected to the pain).
Reframe the emotions with truth whether it be with God’s word/His promises, with facts such as Rev Cheryl said things like, You couldn’t take care of yourself then but you can take care of yourself now and then you’d list truths. If it was about money, it could be, I have a job, I have a bank account, I’m working toward financial independence. If it was about not having control then say, I have control over myself, I’m responsible for myself, I am learning to set boundaries, I have boundaries in place etc Things that speak truth over where you are today.
To me, I thought it was effective using your hands because it gets you outside your head. I think that would be beneficial because sometimes you have so much emotion and overwhelm in your head that if you can make it external, it seems to help you isolate and sort through your emotions in that moment.
It reminds me of the effectiveness of journaling as a way to purge your thoughts on paper, it gets everything you can list out of your mind and you can sort through it that way too.
So in short, us the classical condition exercise to take what yo