First Gen, Second Thoughts — Episode 4

Choosing to walk away from family members isn’t a trend, a phase, or an easy way out. It is a profound, often heart-wrenching boundary-setting tool used for self-preservation and emotional survival.

In this heavy but deeply necessary episode, hosts Arishma and Raja pull back the curtain on the realities of going no contact or low contact within immigrant family dynamics. Together, they unpack the agonizing friction between the biological urge to connect with our parents and the adult realization that some relationships cost too much of our mental peace. From navigating generational trauma and the illusion of the "perfect family" to the perspective shifts that happen during major life milestones like childbirth, this conversation dives into what it actually takes to break cycles of dysfunction.

Whether you are currently navigating family enmeshment, sitting in the painful quiet of no contact, or trying to humanize your parents through therapy without compromising your own safety, this episode is a reminder: You were never hard to love. You were just a kid.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit firstgensecondthoughts.substack.com

In this episode, we define addiction as a chronic brain disorder and discuss its far-reaching impact on families. Arishma provides clinical context for how addiction alters brain circuits related to reward and self-control, highlighting the emotional toll on the family unit. She also shares her perspective on the complex biological and neurological bonds children have with addicted parents, which can lead to “humanizing” them for the sake of survival. Raja shares his personal journey navigating his father’s struggles with alcohol and gambling, exploring themes of hyper-vigilance, parentification, and financial manipulation.

Connect with the Podcast:

Instagram: @firstgensecondthoughts

Email: [email protected]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit firstgensecondthoughts.substack.com

In this episode, we dive into the complex emotions of pride and shame within the immigrant family dynamic. We explore how the pressure to succeed—from that first “Student of the Month” assembly to the weight of being a “cash cow” after graduation—can shape our identities and our relationships. This is a candid conversation about finding the courage to disappoint those we love in order to finally find ourselves, and learning that holding family accountable isn’t “mean”—it’s necessary.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit firstgensecondthoughts.substack.com

First Gen, Second Thoughts

Two humans tryna heal… who also happen to be married.

Breaking cycles isn’t just a buzzword; for us, it’s a daily practice. First Gen, Second Thoughts is a raw, relatable look at the intersection of cultural expectations, mental health, and the modern marriage.

Hosted by Raja and Arishma, this podcast serves as a gateway for those who feel like therapy “isn’t for people like us.” We’re peeling back the curtain on our own journeys—from the awkward first sessions to the “aha” moments—to show that healing doesn’t have to be clinical or intimidating.

Whether you’re navigating the weight of immigrant parents’ expectations or just trying to be a better partner, we’re here to prove that you don’t have to have it all figured out to start, but rather you have to start to figure it out . We’re just two people having second thoughts about the old ways of doing things, and finding better ways to move forward. Let’s grab some chai and challenge ourselves!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit firstgensecondthoughts.substack.com