We’re adult men (or at least we are most of the time…)

And we’ve got enough life experience to know what the right things to do are,

And we know when we’re doing stuff that isn’t helping us.

But we still often fail to do the right things and continue to do the wrong things…

WHY?!

In this episode I want to talk to you about becoming a leader.

Not a leader for those around you necessarily, but a leader for yourself.

I want to help you learn how to motivate yourself to take action on the things you know you need to do,

And to quit doing the things that you know aren’t helping you.

I’m not a violent guy by nature, I don’t enjoy inflicting pain, and I certainly don’t enjoy receiving it.

But one thing that becomes abundantly clear to all men as we grow up is that violence is an unfortunate fact of life.

To ignore that truth is not only dangerous, but in my opinion any man who chooses not to learn how to fight is placing a limit on how good of a man he can be.

And if you’re a father doing that, and you don’t encourage your children to learn this skill (especially your sons) you are also having a negative impact on their ability to reach their full potential.

In this episode I’ll explain why, by telling you what my sensei told me.

It’s a term that has gotten a bad rap in recent times because it’s been used to dismiss the real pain of many men.

Ignoring past trauma or trying to sweep it under the rug DOES NOT WORK.

You may think that the horrible things that have happened in your past that you haven’t put to bed aren’t effecting you,

But I guarantee that the effects of these memories (even if you don’t think about them) are there,

And they show up in our negative, self-destructive habits, and limiting beliefs.

Solving these problems requires a lot of courage and persistence,

but it is the only way for you to move forwards, and to make sure you don’t pass them on.

Whilst often times it isn’t your fault that you have to deal with these demons

It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

And that’s what it means to Man Up.

To confront the demons in your life with courage, and to remove them at all costs.

Life is hard no matter what, and at the end of the day only we can make it the way we want it.

That’s why we still need to Man Up.

Do you have the odd day where your head feels like it's going to pop, and you keep replaying the same crappy thoughts?  

Or maybe there’s been particularly challenging periods of your life where you’ve felt depressed or anxious on a recurring basis?  

Maybe you’re experiencing that now?  

I’m willing to bet every guy reading this has had the above experiences.  

There can be multiple factors at play when it comes to mental health struggles but one thing is true across the board…  

Getting yourself right mentally changes EVERYTHING.  

That’s why whenever I have a bad day or go through a period of mental struggle,  

I like to explore the potential causes of these feelings.   

The answer my brain gives me always relates to me either:  

1. Not doing something I know I should be doing. 

2. Or doing something I know I shouldn’t be doing.  

In other words I find that when I start living my life in a way that doesn’t align with my own expectations of myself it’s almost as if my subconscious creates these negative feelings to try to signal to me to get back on track.  

The longer I ignore these feelings, or fail to recognise these signs, the longer they persist.  

In this episode I’m going to help you find out what might be causing these feelings for you.  

So you can break down whatever challenge you’re struggling with and boldly move forwards in your life!

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a difficult circumstance in your life this is going to resonate with you.

I can look back on multiple occasions where I knew what I wanted, and I knew what had to be done to get there,

But the thought of taking those actions scared the crap out of me…

I knew that having those tough conversations would bring pain.

And I knew that stepping into new and uncomfortable situations would bring pain.

So consequently I just stayed put.

I relaxed into this shit spot that I had found myself in, unable to go back, and too afraid to move forwards.

Fortunately I’d had enough experience at this point to know I couldn’t condemn myself to being unhappy with a key area of my life.

But that doesn’t mean it was easy to move forwards.

I had just made the decision that moving forwards would bring me less pain in the long term than staying in place would.

Unfortunately so many men are stuck in cycles that they’re not happy with

Whether it’s their health/fitness, self confidence, poor relationships, drug & alcohol use, or working a job they can’t stand.

Whilst changing these things is hard and painful in the short term, especially if you have all of the responsibilities of a father,

It is possible.

And no man who’s ever done the work required to change any of these things about his life has ever regretted his decision to do so.

So why do so many men struggle to change the things they’re unhappy with, and how can we improve this situation?

After working with 100’s of fathers and getting to know many of their families and hear about their situations at home

I’ve noticed a pattern of a lot of men feeling unhappy with their marriage or intimate relationship.

Now granted there is no such thing as the perfect relationship where both partners are totally content with each other all the time.

There will be ups and downs no matter what,

But if there’s a consistent theme of you not feeling the intimacy, passion, desire, and admiration that you want to feel from your partner

Then there’s probably something that you’re missing.

You work hard, and do your best to give your mrs and your family the life they want and yet it still doesn’t get you the feeling you want from your relationship

Or perhaps you’ve just accepted this as the norm at this point and that feeling of love and intimacy has been absent for a while.

Well in today’s episode I want to share with you my take on how you can create the kind of relationship you want, and earn the respect, love, and admiration you want from your partner.

I’ve had so much first hand experience with this it’s not funny.

It’s the first question I ask every man before taking him on as a coaching client.

“What do you want?”

This usually involves 2 or 3 follow up questions before I’m able to get the father in question to a specific and realistic goal.

It’s not just dads that avoid setting goals.

I think you could ask the vast majority of people “What’s your goal? What are you working towards?”

And most would either have no clue or give you a standard cliche answer that shows that they haven’t taken any time to consider where they’re going.

For the dads I work with I think this is the result of 2 things:

Firstly It’s not something they’ve been brought up to do, so it doesn’t feel natural for them.

The second is fear.

And that’s what we’ll be discussing in today’s episode.

One thing all good dads can definitely agree on is that they want to be the best role model possible for their kids.

To me being the best role model we can be just means being the best WE can be.

And I’m not talking about having heaps of money, and being super talented or anything like that.

I’m talking about working on the parts of ourselves that we know we need to change.

Our weaknesses, anxieties, and insecurities.

We all want our kids to grow up to be the most confident, successful, and thoughtful human beings they can be.

But are we doing that ourselves?

Do we confront our own demons and short comings…

Or do we use being too busy with life and family as an excuse?

What effect might this have on our kids if we don’t address these areas?

What difference would it make in our kid’s upbringing if we made a consistent effort to incrementally address each of our insecurities?

Despite not having kids I often ask myself the question:

“What would I want my kid to do if they were in this situation?”

And whatever my answer is is what I must do.

As we've reached a bit of milestone of 30 episodes I think it's time to share something more personal.

Although it's a time in my life I'm not proud of, the experience that I talk about in this episode I would not change for the world.

It taught me one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt in my life so far,

And has given me a great insight into a challenge that so many people face, and how best to put it in the past.

If you’re a man who suffers with any form of addiction whether it’s alcohol, smoking, drugs, women, or something else,

And you know that it’s having a seriously negative effect on the important areas of your life then this episode will be the best use of 20 minutes you’re likely to come across today.

I don’t think most people think of happiness when they hear the word resilience.

Usually “resilience” comes with visions of hard times, and suffering.

But as a man who wants to feel as good as possible as often as possible, I believe the two can’t be separated.

Because no matter who you are, how talented, smart, or capable you are, you’re going to experience hard times and suffering.

Not just from things that are physically happening around you, but we all have a lot of mental battles we need to learn how to win too.

That’s why I see training ourselves to be more resilient as a great move towards becoming a happier person.

Those who are able to withstand life’s set backs and tragedies are those who are able to look at their troubles in a way that makes them appreciate what they have instead of focussing on what they’re missing out on.

If you find yourself struggling to create a general sense of happiness and wellbeing then this episode is for you.