It's more about […] surrendering and being […] open to receiving this next thing now that you've given up all these things that you may have wanted or you wished could have worked out. […] Things that, you know, just weren't good, that just weren't working that had to be let go, and maybe you let them go or they were forced out of your hands, doesn't really matter. […] And now we just kind of wait. We wait in suspense, we wait […] to see what comes next.

Celebrate where you're at right now — even in the face of the darkness, of loss […] — know that you do still have things in your corner. You have people in your corner. […]. You still have love in your corner, support in your corner.

That's going to get you to the other side, and it's okay that you've lost these really hard things, these things that you may have wanted, these things that you were really trying to make work, these things that you thought were going to be your in or your out […]. It's totally okay because this is clearing the way for what will work and what will be good for you. […] You have to trust.

What does safety and security look like in a fluctuating life? What does it look like to trust in an inconsistent and imperfect world?

My relationship with trust is a work in progress, as this excerpt from my journaling project makes clear. Even today, as I start to pen this, I’m wrestling Trust on the floor, trying to decide whether to fight back for control or surrender to defeat. Trust in my body has been an anchor, but not the whole picture. I still find myself lapsing in self-trust, let alone trusting the world.

I’m finding that play and patience can help this process ever so gently. Allowing myself not to move too quickly towards something usually helps me trust my actions and intentions because I have seen the breadth of what they are.

My current favorite parasocial mentor on this is Realizations by Pea. They had put together a Reality Creation Profile quiz a while ago (that I unfortunately cannot currently track down). It reveals how you go about bringing ideas to fruition. These affirmations have been sticking with me extra hard recently:

You're allowed to let clarity emerge slowly. There's no deadline on knowing.

Find ways to commit gently, piece by piece, instead of forcing yourself to leap. You can go all in without abandoning yourself.

Grounding into the “feeling it out” space is borderline non-existent for me. I’ve found myself playing with it more, bit by bit, but the process of trusting it has been a tricky one.

I only returned to writing this post almost three weeks after I first recorded the reading. Two extra weeks than I’ve been letting the previous readings sit for. I had to trust that the process I have for these readings will reveal when it is time for them to emerge. This one didn’t flow as quickly, but I knew falling back would allow it to flow as easily as the others.

Unfortunately, this is too easy a process for me with creation. Creating something inherently requires trust. You don’t know what you’ll make until you’ve made it. How that extends to life — jobs, relationships, day to day living — is what I’ve currently been investigating.

For now, I’ll leave you with a series of references until I come back later with my slowly emerging thesis. The following have convinced me that living the creative process in all aspects of life can take one far:

* The Creative Act by Rick Rubin — Full of stuff you already know if you are someone who makes anything ever. However, we forget ourselves, so a point-blank reminder is never a fruitless effort.

* This video by witti.indi on TikTok — There’s been a lot of new chapter talk in the astrology world this year, and it makes me feel like an onion being peeled layer by layer.

* This post by Valeria Maerz — Felt like the path that you’re walking on, lighting up like a Christmas tree. This leads me to…

* Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present (2012) — I want to revisit this in a longer essay, so all I’ll say is that Marina’s commitment to process in her work opened a door for me.

* Oblique Strategies by Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt — I need tools that will not give me direct answers and instead force me to look inside of myself. This has been a fun tool for such exercises.

All of these will soon be added to my Masterlist (which you are always encouraged to peruse). We will talk properly again soon.

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