July 25, 2019

Fix Your People-Fixing Problem

34 minutes

When you start growing, changing, thriving, finding success, and having breakthroughs of your own, it’s only natural to want the same for others in your life, especially those who are close to you, those whom you love.

It would be easy to fall into nagging, pressuring friends and family to change -- “Read this book; take this class, join this group, listen to this podcast…” But problems arise when we try to push others into change before they’re ready. Motivation to change has to come from within the individual. They are the ones who have to do the work. No one else can do it for them.

A core tenet of NLP is that every person is doing the best they can with the resources they have. Once we accept this, we’ll relieve ourselves of the felt duty of trying to fix other people. After all, the only person we can “fix” is ourselves.

This next point might hurt a bit, so take a deep breath… If we’re honest with ourselves, the real reason we want friends and family to change is because their growth will benefit us in some way. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just something to be aware of and honest with ourselves about.

Another thing to keep in mind is if we feel compelled to rescue friends or family who aren’t making good decisions, what motivation will they have to change? Coddling those engaged in unresourceful behavior is a huge barrier to their growth. Don’t do it! Consequences, setting boundaries, and saying no will be much more impactful.

The best way you can help others is to help yourself by setting boundaries and taking responsibility for your own life experiences, looking inward, and seeing how you, yourself, can grow and develop. You are the only person you can fix.

Thanks for listening!

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