Footy On The Med

It’s Footy on the Med with a difference for this episode – and not just because John O’Hare was sunning himself in Italy and unable to be present. Sans The Entertainer, Alex ‘Alex Wade’ Wade and Young Trafford decided to broaden their knowledge of Mediterranean football by witnessing Nice Femmes v Lens Femmes. This was a D2 clash in French Women’s Professional Football, played not at the Allianz Riviera stadium (good job, it’s cursed) but nearby among OGC Nice’s conglomeration of pitches and buildings. A vociferous crowd of some 400 watched the home side lose to Lens, in a match full of slick passing, great technique and, in the final 15 minutes, a bit of aggression too. It was a fine Sunday afternoon out in warm October sun, with five goals to savour. Nice Femmes 2, Lens 3 was recorded at the Stade De La Plaine on Sunday 22 October 2023.

The late, great Billy Aitken was a fine footballer who could count Juventus and AS Cannes as among the teams he managed. And it was during à Cannes match that the thoughts of Billy prompted John and Alex to muse on human mortality. How long is too long?

What has the Rugby World Cup got to do with Footy on the Med? Quite a lot, as it happens. From founder of rugby William Webb Ellis’s resting place being Menton, France – the Mediterranean home of FOTM – to some of the crucial games in the current contest being placed in Marseilles’ magnificent Stade de Velodrome, connections between the oval ball and the musings of Alex, The Entertainer and Young Trafford are legion. Well, not quite but England v Fiji in Menton’s new Irish pub was too much for John and Young Trafford to resist. A voice from afar chipped in too, like a Wilkinson/Farrell drop goal with seconds to spare…

You turn up to watch a football match, and who sits next to you but none other than former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson? This was Alex’s fate at the Allianz Riviera, home of Nice and (apparently, though as yet unseen by FOTM) Mefi the eagle. Our fearless part-journalist, part-lawyer dealt with the interloper well, but where was John? Have a listen to find out.

Five Go to Cagnes-sur-Mer… Well, they had to, given prohibitive pricing (Monaco v Marseille) and an unforeseen sell-out (Nice v Stade Brestois 29) for contender fixtures. But the five – Alex, John, Young Trafford and special guests Newcastle Dale and Stan By Me – were treated to a decent game when home side Cagnes-Le Cros took on Fos sur Mer in the 4th round of the Coupe de France. Given Dale and Stan’s transatlantic base, an American theme wove its way into the game, with a discussion about the MLS and the appearance not just of the enigmatic Alameda Joe but also Shaggy from Scooby-Do. A slick goal by Fos sur Mer sealed the game, but not before John had found a way to impersonate an eagle. Cagnes-Le Cros v Fos sur Mer was recorded at the fragrant Pierre Sauvaigo Stadium on Sunday, 1 October 2023.

In a new and occasional series called FOTM Funnies, Footy on the Med’s newly appointed quality control expert, Newcastle Dale ‘Brown on the Town’ Ale, selects the funniest moments from the past two seasons of surreal endeavour. First up, it’s the time Alex admitted to failing to get a job as a carrot picker, only, at a Cannes game, to run into the very man who’d turned him down all those years ago.

Season 3 of Footy on the Med is barely underway, and already a sense of atavistic, primeval competitiveness threatens to tear asunder the gentle bonhomie shared by John, Alex and Young Trafford.

Did it all begin with beers? Of course. Did it all end in beers? Not for John, whose early departure was not connected to the result of the quiz.

But did Alex incorporate his usual essential QPR reference? And why, come the end, was Young Trafford so happy?

Listen out for the answers to this and more, with thanks to Mehdi and

It's a FOTM newbie! And a FOTM extra! Roll up for On The Med, Sun! (Featuring: Marseille)

What’s logic got to do with it? In their quest for certainty John and Alex now know one thing: all roads begin and end at the Stade Louis II. The allure of Monaco’s biggest stadium once again proved irresistible, and the same can be said of AS Monaco in their second Ligue 1 fixture of the 2023-2024 campaign. The home side romped to an easy 3-0 win against Racing Club de Strasbourg Alsace, thanks especially to Japanese midfielder Takumi Minamino. The 28-year-old, who made 30 appearances for Liverpool, was on fire, scoring two, with captain Wissam Ben Yedder netting Monaco’s third. Monaco top Ligue 1, and on this form should qualify for Europe. Perhaps the English translation on Strasbourg’s website is a bit harsh, though: It was a difficult evening for the Strasbourg team, who logically lost 3-0 to Monaco on Sunday. Logic? In football? Monaco 3, Strasbourg 0 was recorded at the Stade Louis II on Sunday 20 August, 2023.