Jessica Wallace is a Marriage and Family Therapist based in San Francisco, California. 

PRACTICES: 

• Simply say no. For instance, you could say, “No, not today,” or “That won’t work for me,” or “I didn’t like that.”
•  Find a way to let anger move somatically through your body. For example, shake, jump, run, pound a pillow, sigh, or push energy through your feet.
• You don’t always need to process your anger relationally; you can work with it on your own.
• Train your anger response in advance by preparing specific sentences. Identify which phrases you’re missing and create them for easy use.
• When you notice anger in someone else, you can mirror it back to them. Then, observe if any defenses arise and work with the person to address them.
• Reflect on how anger was or wasn’t expressed in your family. As a primary emotion, it likely played a significant role in your childhood.
• If you write an angry message, leave it for a while, then revisit it later.
• When you are angry, tell the other person, “I’m not going to hurt you.” Be explicit about creating a sense of safety.
• Integrate play into situations of anger in creative ways. For example, you could say, “You’re making that angry face! Go take a look in the mirror.” We can approach our emotions lightly, bringing humour to the experience.
• When faced with anger, respond with love. This can feel very supportive. You might say, “I love you, I am here.”
• If you need to take space, tell the other person, “I need to take space. And I love you, and I’ll be back.”
• Start by building awareness of how anger energy shifts in your body. You might begin by recalling a moment when you were angry and noticing what is happening in your body.
• Use journaling to explore and notice all the nuanced feelings that accompany your anger.

IDEAS: 

• Here’s the corrected version of your text:
• Anger is one of the core emotions. It is healthy and normal.
• To become more true, authentic, free, and integrated, we need to be in touch with our anger.
• Anger arises naturally as a response to protect ourselves when a boundary—internal or external—is crossed.
• Setting a limit doesn’t have to involve rage.
• A world without anger would feel deflated and collapsed.
• A distorted form of anger can manifest as violence or self-violence.
• Often, sadness or grief is hidden beneath anger.
• Culturally, there is significant judgment around anger and angry people. Many feel guilty, bad, or wrong when they experience anger.
• When anger is not expressed, it can build up and eventually explode.
• Friendships can deepen when anger is allowed to be expressed.
• Anger is a legitimate emotion. Just as we don’t typically question positive emotions by asking, “Why are you feeling that way?” there’s no need to ask “why” when someone feels angry.
• Our early relationships shape how we relate to the world, creating object relationships where people or things represent those early connections. This can result in misdirected anger.
• By addressing the internal relationship and the associated grief, we can liberate ourselves—focusing on the root cause of the pain.
• Our memories are always accessible, as they reside within our bodies.

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