Relationships are often imagined as places of calm, safety and connection.

But what about tension?

In this episode of Shadow Playground, Ez Bridgman sits down with relationship scientist, marriage and family therapist, and sex therapist Marisa Cohen to explore the role tension plays in our relationships from the butterflies and obsession of new attraction to the differences, conflicts and desires that emerge over time.

Marisa explains what happens during limerence, when we can become intensely focused on another person and begin viewing both them and the relationship through rose-tinted glasses. They explore why this initial spark can sometimes cause us to explain away red flags, and why long-term couples may find themselves chasing the intensity they experienced at the beginning.

Together, Ez and Marisa explore what happens when someone seems perfect “on paper” but there is no spark, why compatibility can’t be reduced to a checklist, and how relationships can become spaces for learning, growth and discovering more about ourselves.

They also look at the tension between the “I” and the “us”: why maintaining individual interests and experiences can actually bring new energy into a relationship, and how differences between partners can become strengths rather than problems.

The conversation moves into the more difficult forms of tension too conflict, anger, transgressions, unhealthy patterns and the point at which tension stops serving a relationship. Marisa shares how she helps couples slow down, hear one another and distinguish productive discomfort from dynamics that require firmer boundaries or attention to safety.

And, naturally, they explore play from trying something new together to conversations about sexuality, desire and what play actually means for each couple.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What limerence and “new relationship energy” can do to our perception
• Why an initial spark doesn't necessarily predict a successful relationship
• How attraction can sometimes lead us to explain away red flags
• What to do when someone seems perfect on paper but there’s no chemistry
• Why there is no magic number of dates for deciding whether something could grow
• How differences between partners can strengthen a relationship
• Why maintaining an individual life can bring energy back into the “us”
• How play, novelty and discovery can help couples reconnect
• What happens when healthy tension turns into destructive conflict
• The emotions that may exist underneath anger
• How couples can navigate different needs, boundaries and desires
• Why enthusiastic and ongoing consent matters when exploring play
• How to know whether tension is serving your relationship or breaking it down

What feels like playful bickering to one couple may feel like disrespect to another. Rather than comparing our relationships to other couples or to the relationships we see online, Marisa invites us to get curious about what is actually happening between us.

Is this tension bringing us closer, helping us grow and keeping something alive?

Or is it pulling us apart?

ABOUT MARISA COHEN

Marisa Cohen is a relationship scientist, marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and attachment-based researcher. Her work explores relationships, compatibility and the dynamics that help couples strengthen their connection, navigate change and better understand one another.

You can learn more about Marisa and her work through Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy and her personal research website.

V10 LIFE DESIGN

Interested in designing an enlivening life, with space for both joy and shadow? Visit V10 Life Design to learn more.

Technology is everywhere. It entertains us, connects us, helps us create and gives us access to communities that may once have been impossible to find.

But what is it actually doing to our brains?

In this episode of Shadow Playground, Ez Bridgman sits down with neuroscientist and author Dr. Dean Burnett to explore our increasingly complicated relationship with screens, social media, smartphones and AI.

Rather than treating technology as entirely good or bad, Dean brings a more nuanced perspective to the conversation. He explores why our brains find screens so compelling, how social media can provide genuine connection and creativity, and why the same technology can also pull us into doomscrolling, comparison and endless feeds.

Ez and Dean unpack what happens when you open an app for a few minutes and emerge 45 minutes later, why the brain prefers immediate rewards and dislikes unfinished experiences, and how social media can make it unusually easy to enter a state of cognitive flow.

They also explore one of the most emotionally charged questions surrounding technology: children and screens. Dean discusses the differences between digital natives and digital immigrants, why parents and teenagers may perceive technology so differently, and why the quality of the parent-child relationship may matter more than imposing simplistic rules around screen time.

The conversation then turns toward AI, online echo chambers and the ways our brains can become vulnerable to information that confirms what we already want to believe.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why our brains find screens and digital experiences so compelling
• The benefits technology can provide for connection, creativity and community
• What happens in the brain when we lose ourselves in an endless social media feed
• Why doomscrolling can be so difficult to stop
• The difference between having an online community and having an audience
• How social comparison can affect our experience of social media
• What parents may misunderstand about children and smartphones
• Why teenagers and parents often perceive digital risks differently
• Practical ways to create more intentional boundaries around technology
• How confirmation bias can pull us deeper into online rabbit holes
• Why AI chatbots can feel surprisingly human to our brains
• What a healthier future relationship with technology might look like

Rather than asking whether technology is simply good or bad, this conversation invites us to consider a more useful question:

How do we want technology to fit into the lives we are designing?

ABOUT DR. DEAN BURNETT

Dr. Dean Burnett is a neuroscientist, author and science communicator whose work explores the human brain and the ways it shapes our everyday experiences. His work includes examining how modern technology interacts with our brains and why debates around screens, smartphones and young people require more nuance than they often receive.

V10 LIFE DESIGN

Interested in designing an enlivening life, with space for both joy and shadow? Visit V10 Life Design to learn more.

Gossip has a bad reputation. We associate it with judgment, rumors, betrayal and talking behind someone’s back.

But what if gossip is actually a fundamental part of being human?

In this episode of Shadow Playground, Ez Bridgman sits down with social psychologist and gossip researcher Frank McAndrew to explore why humans are so fascinated by other people’s lives, and why our instinct to gossip may have played an important role in our survival.

Frank shares an evolutionary perspective on gossip, explaining how our ancestors relied on social information to understand who could be trusted, who might pose a threat and how to navigate the unwritten rules of their communities.

Together, Ez and Frank explore the difference between good gossip and bad gossip, why sharing information can create intimacy and trust, how gossip helps groups enforce social norms, and why knowing that others may talk about us can actually influence us to behave differently.

They also discuss our fascination with celebrity gossip, schadenfreude, social competition, gossip in the age of social media, and the point at which talking about someone should become talking to them.

• Why gossip may be an evolutionary social skill
• The difference between good gossip and harmful gossip
• Why gossip can create connection and trust
• How gossip helps groups establish and enforce social norms
• Why we sometimes enjoy hearing about another person’s downfall
• Why celebrity gossip is so compelling
• How social media has amplified ancient gossip instincts
• The difference between a “gossipphile” and a “gossiphobe”
• When gossip should turn into a direct conversation
• How becoming more conscious of gossip can change the way we share information

Rather than asking whether we should gossip at all, this conversation invites a different question:

How can we become more conscious of why, when and how we gossip?

Frank McAndrew is a social psychologist whose research explores gossip, evolutionary psychology and human social behavior. He has spent decades studying why we care so deeply about what other people are doing and the role social information plays in relationships, communities and group life.

Interested in designing an enlivening life, with space for both joy and shadow? Visit V10 Life Design to learn more.

Visit V10 Life Design

Gossip has a bad reputation. We associate it with judgment, rumors, betrayal and talking behind someone’s back.

But what if gossip is actually a fundamental part of being human?

In this episode of Shadow Playground, Ez Bridgman sits down with social psychologist and gossip researcher Frank McAndrew to explore why humans are so fascinated by other people’s lives, and why our instinct to gossip may have played an important role in our survival.

Frank shares an evolutionary perspective on gossip, explaining how our ancestors relied on social information to understand who could be trusted, who might pose a threat and how to navigate the unwritten rules of their communities.

Together, Ez and Frank explore the difference between good gossip and bad gossip, why sharing information can create intimacy and trust, how gossip helps groups enforce social norms, and why knowing that others may talk about us can actually influence us to behave differently.

They also discuss our fascination with celebrity gossip, schadenfreude, social competition, gossip in the age of social media, and the point at which talking about someone should become talking to them.

• Why gossip may be an evolutionary social skill
• The difference between good gossip and harmful gossip
• Why gossip can create connection and trust
• How gossip helps groups establish and enforce social norms
• Why we sometimes enjoy hearing about another person’s downfall
• Why celebrity gossip is so compelling
• How social media has amplified ancient gossip instincts
• The difference between a “gossipphile” and a “gossiphobe”
• When gossip should turn into a direct conversation
• How becoming more conscious of gossip can change the way we share information

Rather than asking whether we should gossip at all, this conversation invites a different question:

How can we become more conscious of why, when and how we gossip?

Frank McAndrew is a social psychologist whose research explores gossip, evolutionary psychology and human social behavior. He has spent decades studying why we care so deeply about what other people are doing and the role social information plays in relationships, communities and group life.

Interested in designing an enlivening life, with space for both joy and shadow? Visit V10 Life Design to learn more.

Visit V10 Life Design

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when success, visibility, and leadership bring up fear, self-doubt, and the pressure to make yourself smaller? In this episode, Ez speaks with Emily Hinks about building Mischief Makers into a global facilitation agency, redefining success, and navigating the shadows that can emerge as we step into our brilliance. They explore female leadership, neurodivergence, resilience, community, and why the fear of being disliked cannot guide our biggest decisions.

Emily Hinks is the founder of Mischief Makers, a global facilitation agency helping teams collaborate in more creative, human, and effective ways. She is also the co-founder of Routes In, a nonprofit helping young people from underrepresented backgrounds enter the creative industries.

• Redefining success beyond growth and revenue
• The “mirror ceiling” faced by women in leadership
• Moving through imposter syndrome and fear of visibility
• Building resilience as a founder
• Starting ambitious ideas through small experiments
• Working with ADHD and dyslexia as strengths
• Creating systems and communities that support your brilliance

• Turn up the confidence dial: Name your accomplishments without minimizing them.
• Create secret KPIs: Define success using the experiences and impact that truly matter to you.
• Notice the hesitation: Catch the moment when you make yourself smaller before speaking clearly.
• Start lightly: Explore an idea through one conversation, gathering, or experiment.
• Design for your brain: Build structures that make it easier to use your natural strengths.
• Borrow a better mirror: Stay close to people who can reflect your brilliance back to you.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Métis / mixed-settler multidisciplinary artist, educator, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP™) and vocalist, Moe Clark (she/they) is a 2Spirit singing thunderbird. Moe was born and raised in Treaty 7 (Calgary) and is a proud member of the Métis Nation of Alberta who currently resides in Tio'tiá:ke/ Mooniyang/ Montréal (QC). A dedicated nêhiyawêwin (Plains Cree language) and Michif (Métis language) learner, Moe collaborates intimately with Indigenous Elders and knowledge keepers to advance language resurgence through song-based practices. She works across disciplines of vocal improvisation, land-based oskapêwis facilitation (ceremonial Elder apprenticeship), drum circle healing work, and performance creation, to co-create contexts that centre collective liberation, embodied knowledge, 2Spirit Indigenous resurgence, and healing through creative kinship.  

Moe’s last solo album “Within” toured across North America and their collaborative video poem “nitahkôtân” won best Indigenous language music video at the ImagiNative film festival. Moe’s poem “committing a dream / pawâkan Palestine” won the 2024 Ian Ferrier Spoken Word Prize through the Quebec Writers’ Federation. Moe has performed the world over, including the Lincoln Centre (US), Sydney Opera House (AU) and Origins Festival in London (UK).

PRACTICES:

• Open a space with warmth and intention so participants feel welcomed, grounded, and aware that something meaningful is beginning.
• Acknowledge the land, territory, and peoples connected to the place to situate the gathering within a larger web of history and relationship.
• Call in helpers such as ancestors, spirits, community members, or guiding energies to support the intention of the ceremony.
• Turn ordinary actions into rituals by bringing attention and intention to them.
• Stand facing the wind and ask it to clear your mind or move stagnant thoughts and energy.
• Relate consciously to the elements such as earth, water, wind, and fire as living forces that support life and transformation.
• Adapt rituals to modern circumstances so their spirit continues even when traditional conditions are not available.
• Use music as a ceremonial tool by listening deeply, singing together, or letting rhythm guide reflection.
• Let community witness moments of change, growth, or vulnerability so transformation is supported rather than isolated.
• Spend time with natural places such as rivers, trees, or open landscapes and observe what they teach.
• Hold natural elements like water, stones, or ice with attention to deepen awareness of change and interconnection.
• Incorporate moments of celebration into everyday life rather than saving them only for special occasions.
• Encourage people to ask for support and reach toward community when they need help.
• Practise collective care by creating spaces where people can support one another emotionally and spiritually.

IDEAS: 

• Ritual practices help people remember that they are part of a larger web of life and creation.
• Belonging is not a fixed state but an ongoing process of seeking and strengthening relationships.
• Healing often happens through remembering connections that have been forgotten or neglected.
• Kinship can extend beyond humans to include animals, landscapes, plants, and everyday encounters.
• Ceremony does not require perfection; mistakes, humour, and discomfort can all be part of the sacred process.
• Hyper-individualistic culture can weaken the sense of belonging that rituals normally strengthen.
• Reciprocity and relationship matter more than appearance or performance.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Priestess Francesca is an internationally renowned relationship coach, sexy educator, dominatrix, and sassy writer on all things hard (cocks and emotions).  She’s walked the path most are too scared to even peek at and is here to turn your repressed fantasies into powerful tools for healing, growth, and straight-up self-acceptance.

Her insights have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Business Insider, Health Magazine, and on top 1% podcasts worldwide.  

In addition, Francesca’s groundbreaking ideas have been shared at universities like Salve Regina and Sarah Lawrence, and at prominent festivals such as Envision, Dom Con, and Toronto Tantra Festival.  

Her mission is simple: Help you own your desires, embrace your full self, and see sex as a powerful tool for transformation. Because pleasure isn’t just play: it’s your power move.

LINKS: 

Trauma, Kink & Somatic Healing: Watch Now For Free

Threshold Ritual: Download the Free Guide

Freak School 1:1 Intensive: Claim Your Permission

PRACTICES:

• Ask yourself: why do you heal?
• Make it safe to not be safe.
• Do a height check before engaging in these practices. Do you know what a yes or a no feels like in your body? When you do, how liberated is your throat around your truth? Can you speak it? How do you respond when someone has a tornado in the face of your truth? How anchored can you remain?
• Let your fantasy inform your reality by allowing your imagination to be present in it.
• Fill out feedback sheets after scenes.
• Negotiate aftercare and integration before a scene.

IDEAS: 

• Pearls of beauty are often found in the depths of darkness. There is grace and beauty in places that feel scary.
• If we wholeheartedly believe something doesn’t exist, we won’t look for it.
• Night vision is needed when looking into dark depths; you have to see beneath the surface.
• When you meet in a place of darkness where society’s rules can’t hold, you drop deeper and the heart can crack open.
• Healing is becoming more okay with who you naturally are.
• Everyone carries desires related to BDSM; we often don’t give ourselves permission to find something hot.
• A strong goal orientation can become oppressive.
• You don’t need to figure out exactly what you’re healing—don’t turn healing into recess homework.
• You have to trust that your desire will reveal its fruit to you.
• We live in a society full of ideas about what sex should look like.
• Therapy often tries to move you away from recreating traumatic experiences, away from what hurt you. But what if part of healing is going into it differently?
• We will hurt each other without meaning to; restorative repair is essential.
• There are often gendered stereotypes within “conscious sexuality” communities.
• This is healing work. If we can deepen intimacy when we’re naked, we can deepen intimacy when we’re clothed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Kara Latta is a Play & Mindset Coach and the founder of The Playful Warrior, a platform focused on helping high-achieving individuals overcome perfectionism and reconnect with their authentic selves through play. Using techniques like NLP, hypnotherapy, and EFT, Kara’s coaching programs encourage creativity, joy, and personal growth.

LINKS: 

www.theplayfulwarrior.com 

PRACTICES: 

• Soothe your body with gentle touch or self-talk to shift out of fear and return to a calm, logical state.
• Reassure your mind by gathering real-world examples that show taking risks, like being visible online, is survivable.
• Treat action as a playful experiment where trying, failing, and learning are all part of the process.
• Understand that being seen online is an important step toward growing your business.
• Mute people who discourage your self-expression and show up for the version of you that once needed permission to be free.
• Each month, choose one or two activities that generate income and genuinely light you up to stay aligned and energized.
• Start each day by tackling one important task that moves your work forward.

IDEAS: 

• Perfectionism is not about thinking you're perfect, but about never feeling good enough and using that to avoid judgment.
• As children, we often learn to value getting things right over expressing ourselves, which leads us to adapt in order to belong.
• Play helps us reconnect with our true selves and heal perfectionism by making the process more important than the outcome.
• Doing things that are aligned doesn't always feel easy, and challenge can still mean you're on the right path.
• When someone judges you, it usually reflects their own limitations or fears, not your value, and you can choose to respond with compassion.
• If you're being fully authentic, some rejection is inevitable, and if you're not being rejected at all, you may be hiding parts of yourself.
• Achievement that comes from play builds trust and self-love, while perfectionist achievement is driven by fear.
• Letting go of where you think you should be allows you to honour your own timeline and path.
• Perfectionism can also show up in healing, so it's important to offer yourself compassion instead of expecting to do personal growth perfectly.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Ashley T. Booth is a psychotherapist and pioneering figure in psychedelic-assisted therapy, specializing in modalities such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic psychotherapy, and ketamine-assisted therapy. She is the founder of the Southern California Psychedelic Society and co-founder of InnerSpace Integration. With over 750 ketamine-assisted psychotherapy sessions under her belt, Ashley is a leading advocate for integrating psychedelics into therapeutic practices and is recognized as a top thought leader in the field. She is also the author of Quieting the Storm Within, an introduction to IFS therapy, and actively contributes to psychedelic education and harm reduction efforts.

LINKS: 

ashleybooth.net 

IFSandbeyond.com

PRACTICES: 

• Get comfortable not knowing the answer. Let mysteries stay mysteries longer than feels comfortable.
• Use systems to make sense of the work.
• Explore different frequencies so you can tune in with others.
• Model joy to give others permission to do the same.
• Do this work in community and with wisdom keepers who have gone before.
• Let people go through phases of grasping and longing.
• Use challenges as learning opportunities and ways to grow.

IDEAS: 

• The drug war shaped harmful ideas about medicine and drugs. We can break free from those paradigms.
• Drugs can be used to escape, and sometimes that is necessary.
• Instead of saying "recreational use," say "celebratory use" to emphasize life and connection.
• Try to be in right relationship with these substances.
• Drugs often lead to deep experiences of love.
• We are souls beyond what can be named with words.
• Recognize and honor Indigenous cultures that use plant medicines and carry important knowledge.
• Drugs are not cures. They help us face limiting beliefs and allow us to feel more deeply, both pain and joy.
• These medicines often make you feel worse before you feel better. You have to break things down before rebuilding.
• These medicines are spreading during a critical time in human evolution. Help is coming from many places: plants, animals, fungi, even labs.
• Things once considered shameful deserve to be accepted as they are. Shame can also be a way we try to feel safe and belong.
• Internal Family Systems (IFS) views us as made up of many inner parts, each with its own voice, needs, and memories. These parts often form to protect us and reflect our deeper human needs. When these protective parts are gently acknowledged and allowed to step back, we can access a deeper essence within us known as the Self. Through this process, IFS helps us understand what blocks our vitality and guides us back to our true nature.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Emily is a mixed-race settler (Chinese/white) based out of Montreal, the traditional and unceded territories of the Kanien’kehá:ka, They are passionate about their work as a consultant and facilitator and have close to 10 years of experience in anti-oppressive change management, human resources, conflict mediation & curriculum design.

PRACTICES: 

• Tap into image, sensation, or metaphor to get a more somatic, accurate read on what’s happening in the group.
• Normalize playful banter—it softens the space and invites levity.
• Physically explore inner tensions or polarities (e.g. “I want chicken / I want tofu”) by stepping into each perspective. Then return to center to hold both truths and reflect on what’s needed to integrate them.
• When interpersonal tension arises, pause and ask: What’s creating this dynamic? Often, it’s unspoken needs or unclear boundaries.
• Let small facilitator “flaws” (e.g. messy handwriting, imperfect flipcharts) model that it’s okay not to be on top of everything.
• Use art, metaphor, storytelling, roleplay, or fidget tools to engage imagination and ease.
• Track and share your inner state (e.g. “I feel a little tense”), and name group dynamics (e.g. people fidgeting or looking away). It builds shared awareness.
• Notice how resistance shows up in yourself or the group. There’s wisdom in it—it can be a diagnostic tool.

IDEAS: 

• Honouring every voice—rational or emotional—helps surface the real conversations a group needs to have.
• When a group repeats a dynamic, they’re “cycling.” Awareness of this helps break the loop.
• Group shifts can happen at the individual, one-on-one, or group level—each one impacts the others.
• We all hold multiple roles (e.g. joker, carer). Creating comfort in shifting between them fosters relational wisdom and shared responsibility.
• If there’s tension or a marginalized voice, lean in—there’s often opportunity and insight there.
• Don’t exile your needs—learning to notice and name them helps deepen group connection.
• We’re allowed to show up grumpy, tired, or joyful. Creating space for the full range of being human is essential.
• Joy, happiness, and lightness also need a safe space to be expressed—not just struggle.
• Every group carries a pressure to perform—even without suits and ties. Loosening this helps people show up more authentically.
• Conflict is often more tolerable than the fear of it. It doesn’t have to be intense—it can be held with curiosity and care.
• To create safety in a group, we must first feel safe within ourselves.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.