Facilitation in organizations is a field full of opportunities for play as well as obstacles to connection. To navigate an organizational field, a deep curiosity and nuanced approach are needed. In this episode Rehana Tejpar, founder of Bloom Consulting, lifts the curtain on the practices and philosophies underlying her work helping organizations become more human and free. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Rehana Tejpar is a facilitator, mediator and coach working with leaders and organizational ecosystems to support culture change towards equity, collaboration, organizational health and creativity. Since 2005, she has been playing with play-based learning and transformation through Theatre of the Oppressed, InterPlay, and more recently sacred clowning. She is deeply serious and deeply playful at once, believing in the need for strategies that include creativity & play as ways to open up the fields of possible transformations, and reconnecting our mind, body, heart and spirit. She is based in Tio:tia’ke/Montreal, on the shores of the Iroquois River and works with Bloom Consulting.

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Host a retreat to create a theory of change.
• Build an internal team to steward and champion a change initiative. 
• Be a wise fool and practice not knowing. 
• Share stories to naturally overcome any illusionary divide.
• Create a circle where everyone has an opportunity to speak from the heart and hear from one another is a safe structure. It is not a space for interruption or rebuttal. Often there is a question at the center. 
• In a moment of feeling stuck, ask, ‘What is the next most graceful step?’

IDEAS: 

• We can't lead people somewhere where we haven't gone.
• Nothing is supposed to be perfect - this is a legacy of white supremacist culture. 
• Your way of being can also help an organization grow. 
• It’s possible to have a shared purpose and to play at work. 
• People trust solutions they are part of building. 
• We can create participation for different parts of ourselves. 
• A small group is a fractal of change and a place to practice our wisdom about change. 
• Sacred clowning helps people not fall into dogma or a singular truth that would confine the unknown mysteries of the world. These clowns also spoke truth to power.  
• The clown lets go of perfectionism, accepts offers, is deeply alive and in awe of the miracle of life.
• Connecting with one’s inner clown can be liberating because we are letting out our unknown desires. 
• Playing games with groups helps the magic of life pour out of ourselves. 
• There is a strong bridge between mindfulness and playfulness. Play stills our mind, pushes away distractions, and brings us to the present. 
• When we see each other in our vulnerability and our imperfection there is an outpouring of love. There are obstacles and barriers to giving and receiving that love. 
• Playing and risk taking can help shed some of the barriers to connection. 
• We can work in partnership towards a dream of us being human and free.

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Instead of getting stuck in existing relational molds, we can become the architects of our relationships. The potential rewards are exciting, but there are many traps and unhealthy dynamics to overcome to get there. In this episode, Jessica Fern offers invaluable wisdom and guidelines to help us shine bright in our relationships, no matter how we choose to design them. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Jessica is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Nonmonogamy and The Polysecure Workbook: Healing Your Attachment and Creating Security in Loving Relationships. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com. 

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Allow yourself to be the designer of the relationships of your life. Use trial and error and conversations to get there. 
• Be creative when choosing empowering language to describe a relationship or celebrating a commitment. 
• Identify your shared interests and pleasures in a relationship. 
• Close your eyes and bring all the channels of purpose that go outside of yourself back in. Then, sit, feel and breathe. 

IDEAS:

• A safe haven is when a caretaker responds to our physical and emotional needs. 
• A secure base is what allows us to venture into the world and take risks. 
• Free yourself from a rigid definition of what play and fun are. 
• Another way of exploring play is looking at what makes you feel alive. 
• Sexploration: feeling safe to explore new areas in sex (ex. wrestling, pillow fighting, playing tricks).
• Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that describes having multiple partners while everyone knows. 
• Instead of calling someone an ex, use the term that best describes your current relationship. 
• If a relationship ends, instead of thinking it should have been longer, celebrate and accept what it was. 
• An attachment relationship is one where people mutually rely on each other (ex. partner, friend, family). 
• A rigid binary doesn’t encapsulate the experience of being human. 
• It takes a village to raise a child and people are getting creative about what that village might look like. 
• Expressed delight: delight for the beingness of someone. 
• Compersion: the happiness we feel when our partners are with other people. 
• It’s easy to push our emotions onto others like a hot potato instead of sitting with them.
• Polyamory requires respect, agreements, consent and consideration. 
• Prepare a care strategy before having a primal attachment panic (before, during, after, and healing modalities).
• Codependent = I’m not ok without you.
• Interdependent = I'm ok when I'm not with you, and I love it when I'm with you.
• You are the source of your happiness and purpose. 

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It can be easy to get stuck in a narrative loop about how we never have enough time to do everything and that our value stems from our productivity. Becca Rich is a holistic time coach that helps people step off of this endless hamster wheel and create an abundant and expansive relationship to time. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Becca Rich (she/her) is an engineer turned certified holistic time coach and educator. Her work is to coach and teach people how to approach time management as a whole, human being so that they can make the most of their time. She believes that collaborating with time is essential for self-care, experiencing presence and joy, and living an impactful and fulfilling life.

More about Becca: 

https://www.theholistictimecoach.com/ 

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Connect to the present moment in a way that makes sense to you. For instance, guided meditation, visualization, dancing, stretching, shaking, oracle or tarot cards. 
• Meander through a city instead of planning out a trip.
• Connect to the voice that is telling you that there isn’t enough time with curiosity and compassion. What is it telling you ? Why is it here ? What part of you is it ? What is it trying to do for you ? Then hold that part of you, although it may be uncomfortable. It will get easier. 
• Practice sitting or lying while not doing anything. This is not meditation, but rather allowing your body to do whatever it wants with self-acceptance and self-compassion. Allow time to be expansive in this moment. 
• Lean into the addictive behaviour. What is this really about ? What feelings are present ? What are you running from or not wanting to be with ? 
• Try not making to-do lists and simply let things naturally flow. 
• Take a minute, put your hand on your chest and breathe for a minute. 

IDEAS: 

• Time impacts our physical, emotional and spiritual lives. 
• We are inherently worthy without doing anything, yet we often develop an addiction to doing. 
• Sometimes this addiction can take on other forms: to self-harm, to self-hate, to not being still, to being on, to working, to productivity, to an inability to be with self. 
• An addiction is something you are repeatedly doing that you don’t want to be doing. 
• Often, an internal critic is trying to protect us in some way, for instance from failure, or from a message that you are receiving from the world. 
• We’ve been taught to sell our time and turn our life into a resource. 
• We are taught that time hacks will make us more productive but deeper work is required to have a healthy relationship to time. 
• We can move from a sense of time scarcity to time abundance. 
• When we heal our relationship to time, we free up our energy to do the things that are the most important to us.
• People with a healthy relationship to time don’t say scarcity scripts or phrases, and are present and intentional. They collaborate with time in an expansive relationship and don’t try to control it. 

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-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Kai Cheng Thom is a cultural worker, mediator, facilitator, pleasure activist & writer. She has incorporated skills grown from crisis intervention, trauma-informed activism, community mental health practice, and somatics in order to develop a facilitation style that is gentle, boundaried, accessible, and fiercely compassionate. She is the author of the novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir, the essay collection I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl's Notes at the End of the World, and the poetry collection a place called No Homeland. 

More about Kai Cheng:

• https://kaichengthom.com/
• https://ariseembodiment.org/  
• www.instagram.com/kaichengthom 

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Repeat what someone has said without any additions or reservations. Disconnect the 'I'm listening' & 'here's why you're wrong' parts of your speech. 
• Ask someone, 'is there anything else that you want me to know ?' Or, 'is there anything else that you'd like me to understand?'
• When listening, notice how your perspective might actually change from the beginning of the conversation. 
• After you’ve listened, ask, 'are you feeling able to hear my perspective?’

IDEAS: 

Conflict

• Each human being is sovereign (right to body, thoughts, feelings, fantasies, my sexuality, i.e. 'my domain'). Often our sovereign spaces have overlap and conflict is born. 
• When someone reaches past the threshold of the overlap and tries to force or coerce, that goes into the realm of harm.
• When working with conflict with a group, we try to lift people’s resistance into the conscious space and look at it with love. 
• Every relationship is unique and there is no one size fits all conflict process.
• Conflict resolution needs to be a consent based process for it to work. 
• Running away is a great survival mechanism. People don’t need to remain in a relationship.
• Jungian shadow is an unintegrated or unwanted part of the self. We often project our shadow onto other people. 
• Having a value compass helps us to guide our behaviour in conflict. 
• Accountability can be divided into account (telling the story) and ability (the capacity to do so). We should focus on building capacity instead of punishing. 

Victimhood

• We often want to keep conversation focused on our own injury, which is a convenient excuse to not reflect on our own errors. 
• It can be easy to conflate harm and abuse and interpersonal conflict. 
• Narratives of victimhood often co-exist in overlapping layers. 
• By remaining connected to our own sacredness, we are better able to listen and hear others’ perceptions of us.

Humour

• Humor can be an ally in challenging situations. This said, we need to focus on rehumanizing the other person, not dehumanizing them. 
• There is room for play in the ritual around conflict. E.g. the prompt ‘share something you would rather be doing today’.

Book recommendations 

• The hero with a thousand faces by Joseph Campbell
• Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair, by Sarah Schulman

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Jovana Milović aka Soror Mystica soared high in the academy before crashing beautifully and painfully into the fullness of existence. She has since traveled the world, studying modalities of life and helping people reconnect to their full existence. Her words ring with wisdom and intellect, and she offers invitations for a bold and enlivened future for all of us. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

I am a mystic, mentor & ritualist. My practice weaves together Sexual Shamanism, Neo-Tantra, Animism, Shadow Alchemy, Somatics, Womb Wisdom, and Temple Arts. My work is my prayer and my prayer is this: Let us reclaim the wisdom of our bodies, harness the raw life-force of our sexuality and show up with true agency in the world. Let us decolonize our minds, bodies and spirits and activate the wild genius of our primordial nature. And let us find the way forward oriented by love, not fear.

More about Jovana: 

• www.sorormystica.ca 

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Get really curious about the body and the sensations that arise from the body. This taps us into a full spectrum existence. 
• While connecting to sensation, also surrender to movement and flow. Liberate your body, use sound and let your body take the lead. We need to get out of grooves of habit. 
• Use this same curiosity about sexuality and stop being finish line oriented. How does this energy want to move through you?  One thing you might discover is that you are alive!  
• Instead of forcing an activity, invite an energy and a state of being and allow participants to find their own path. 
• Use dance as a way to make major life decisions. 

IDEAS: 

• Connecting to death and sickness brings us deeper into life. 
• The idea of sin is woven into our society. Implicit in this idea is the notion of lifting out of this existence to achieve something in another realm. This ascension path is insidious: it vilified the body, our experiences, our sexuality and our pleasure. 
• As part of this notion of ascension, we seek states of happiness and fulfillment that don’t take into account the natural cycles of our bodies and the world we are a part of. 
• We reject going down into the darkness and the void, and instead impossibly try to focus on the eternal bloom.
• There is a portal available if we truly open to the full spectrum of life, including the wretchedness, the pain, the wisdom and the joy of it.
• Emotional polarities are on a continuum. 
• We are part of a much larger organism that includes the land, the insects and the animals, and perhaps much more. We are a part of it all.
• Sexual energy is a pathway to the divine and to your power. 
• A life of love is a practice, not an idea. 
• Play is about going to the edges, the perimeters of the playground. 
• Connecting to the truth and the depth of our experience is a very natural process: this is already a part of ourselves. 
• Tantra is a non-dual path. There is a charge in a duality like doing & being. When you hold both those polarities, there is a spark that allows a holy third that emerges. We realize those polarities don’t exist. 
• Shadow is our blind spot - it is an unconscious expression of something related to a wounding. It is subverted energy that manifests itself in ways we might not be conscious of. 
• Our work is to shine a gentle light on our shadows. Ask them, what do you need ? How can I advocate for you ? Speak for you ? Hold you ? Integrate you ? 

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Do we dare take up space in public, creating beautiful moments of social connection even at the risk of annoying people or being rejected by doing so ? Jacques W. Martiquet does exactly this, doing the social reps to bring joy to the planet while navigating the complexity of disruption, party science, consent, and the latent potential in every group. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Jacques W. Martiquet is on a mission to end the rise of loneliness and depression. Known as the International Party Scientist, he has been interviewed by VICE, CTV, Global News and Elle. After completing his degree in Pharmacology, he traveled to 13 countries igniting hundreds of sober parties in public spaces. He's on Earth to equip innovative leaders with science-based human connection tools for their company events, so that their wellness & culture budget translates into lasting results.

More about Jacques: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thepartyscientist/

https://thepartyscientist.com/

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Take social risks to enable other people to feel safe to take them as well.
• Do social reps to detach from other peoples’ reactions & judgement (ex. laugh like a maniac, wave at people, etc.) 
• To develop a stronger capacity to take risks, start journaling and practice introspection; the barriers are personal.
• With a group, start with mindfulness, gratitude, and stretching to bring people into the moment. Then, raise the threshold of acceptable expression. 
• If you are in public and facilitating without a container, create a new context to support the interactions. 
• Look at the thought patterns and people in your social circle that aren't supporting you and replace them. 
• To prepare yourself for joy facilitation, put your feet up against the wall, take deep breaths, put music on, and do visualizations that connect you to moments of joy. Then dance, and bring yourself energy by connecting to the people in your session. 

IDEAS: 

• We can all be facilitators of shared experiences in our gathering spaces.
• Social risk taking has more rewards than potential harm. 
• When you take a risk as a facilitator and are rejected, remind yourself that you are developing your capacity to serve groups. When you fail, it means you are becoming better. 
• Many facilitators don't want to make people uncomfortable. What if we viewed safety through the lens of expanding our boundaries? 
• So much of our ability to have fun is a reflection of our physiology.
• In conflict, embrace a fail forward mentality. 
• It is a red flag if there is no conflict in a relationship - the no is what allows you to trust someone’s yes. 
• In every group, the pro-social energy is latent. When we synchronize the group, we unlock energy that wasn't possible if everyone was doing their own thing.

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Nadia Chaney is a master arts facilitator, a talented artist, and a beautiful friend. In this conversation, she offers pathways to break free from a search for constant productivity and to gently orient ourselves in the direction of play and uselessness. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

Nadia is a multi-disciplinary artist, community arts facilitator and facilitation trainer. She is known for her ability to clarify and simplify complex concepts, to work joyfully with participant resistance and challenging dynamics, to engage powerful diversity and inclusion practices, and for her creative and bold arts-based group process design. She is the founder of The Time Zone Research Lab (community arts-based research into the nature of Time) and Toolsi (on demand facilitation training).

More about Nadia Chaney:

www.nadiachaney.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/nadia-chaney-59637021/

https://www.instagram.com/eternalflux_/

 Link to Toolsi: https://facilitate.toolsi.ca/

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES: 

• Oracular Poetry - a process to answer unanswerable questions.
• Play with acausal stories, maps & drawings with children. 
• To tune into the group, expand to the underlying mind in the room. Where does it want to go ? 
• Use psychodrama to explore other forms and ways of knowing that are transpersonal.
• Use the metaphor of moving from the small room to the big room to get a wider perspective through regulation of the nervous system.
• Visualization practices where you travel to a safe space as well as anchoring gestures can help us regulate our nervous systems by slightly adjusting the dial. 
• Shaking is a baby step towards dance and the disinhibition of dance.
• Build up embodied experience with the tools before you need them. 
• Go for a walk without a destination. 

IDEAS: 

Play

• If they can fail at it, it's not play, even if it's a game. You can lose but you can't fail. 
• In play, we open our senses to the swirl of possibility and where the playful can take fire. 
• Place requires preparation (what made the container possible) and has repercussions after having been disinhibited.
• An ensemble mentality requires having your senses open so wide that you move, see and breathe together.
• Play has no usefulness in that way. It is useful but it doesn't have a use function. There is an emancipatory side to it: can I take time to do what I want, without getting better ? Can I simply be in pleasure ? 

A culture of extraction 

• In a capitalist structure, so many things are considered useless until they are sucked up. Yet, those things that are useless and abject are also beautiful and valuable. This also goes for relationships. We can strive to this inner state of non-succumbing to effectiveness and usefulness. 
• Study can also be play when you take away the burden of being efficient. 
• What is on the other side of the current of productivity is where innovation lives. 

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What does it take to be true, to be anchored in our hearts and to let our light shine out, even as the going gets tough ? Juanita Giraldo Bueno does all these things with strength and vulnerability as part of her life centering practices, both as an individual and in intentional community. 

-GUEST BIOGRAPHY-

It is with her radiant joy and contagious enthusiasm that Juanita accompanies beings to connect with their own powerful inner confidence, to realize their true nature and manifest their dearest aspirations. With her unconditional love for life, passages and transformation, she guides those that seek through the process of liberation.

Her work is supported by deep workshops and rituals based on the traditional and timeless teachings she received from Tibetan Buddhism, Yogic traditions and Indigenous and Shamanic lineages. Her unique, effective and authentic approach offers everyone a unique chance to transcend the futile towards a life of expansion and sublime ecstasy.

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICES 

• Create an event using principles of theater, ceremony and storytelling. 
• Connect to a part of yourself or an emotion and express it through your body. Allow the energy to just pass through and stay in movement. 
• Surround yourself with people and allies to hold the space for your changing, growing and expanding love. 
• Explore tools to be in dialogue together: non-violent communication, social permaculture, conscious communication, forum Zegg.

IDEAS

Aligning with the voice of the heart 

• When we are born, we are all glowing and that glow and vital energy continues to always be there.
• There are many ways to find the voice of the heart. It's about shedding layers until we find what is true for us. This process is fun, and can also involve going through a lot of darkness.
• This voice refers to whatever is actually there. For instance, if you have to make a choice but you are unsure, you can simply own that you are unsure.  
• In your transformation process, allow yourself to remain curious as the alignment becomes more and more subtle. Furthermore, it's not an end point - you can simply embrace the journey, keeping a commitment to keep moving towards the emergent truth. 
• Focusing on walking our path and being in our alignment creates a natural joy that ripples out. The more love you have for yourself and your community, the easier it is to spread the love. 
• All places are divine, and we connect with magic when we are all in our own divine place. Ordinary moments just glow. 
• We also need to be able to allow for the death of beliefs & constructs. By shedding, we die and are reborn each day. Each day there is more space and we are more luminous. 

Conflict  

• Conflict is a mirror for ourselves, and it always allows us to grow. 
• We need to learn to take responsibility (what can you own), name how we are feeling, forgive, see ourselves, and listen with our hearts. If you have owned everything and something else isn't owning their side, you can respectfully just move away. Connect to your 'no' - it is power. 
• Try to see the person as they are versus how you think they should be. 
• Balance your love with boundaries, and remember that to give love we need to love ourselves.  
• We can keep walking with love, truth, discovery and curiosity, accepting the rough conflict mirrors that help us polish and grow. This is the divine and sacred play.

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Navigating a world that shuts down our authentic selves means that navigating spaces of play and creativity can be terrifying. In this enlightening conversation, Parneet breaks down why shame is so toxic, and pathways to bring our shadows to the light.

Parneet is a human being inspired by the resilience and healing abilities of the human heart, mind and body. Her life is oriented towards the liberation and wholeness of all beings including herself. Parneet works as a counsellor and somatic experiencing practitioner in private practice, as well as a mindfulness and authentic relating facilitator. 

PRACTICE 

• Dancing to house music - a channel for love, freedom, connection & community. 
• Question why a creative practice keeps being postponed - what is getting in the way of spontaneously erupting into play ? 
• Use a sock puppet to externalize shame, or allow the shame itself to be the artistic director of a project. 
• To work with shadow, bring it to the light and see what it has to say. We just need to be big enough, brave enough, and compassionate enough.
• We need to biologically prepare for conflict - sleep, eating, the day of the week, etc. 

IDEAS 

Shadow

• Shadow is the unconscious hidden, repressed and denied parts of ourselves that the ego has rejected. Those shadow parts are secretly behind the wheel. 
• People are terrified of being themselves for a reason. It often connects to childhood moments when someone’s authentic version was judged or shamed. 
• When shadow is just reacting to being repressed, we are actually just seeing the reaction of shadow, not the shadow itself. 
• So much healing can happen when we observe, notice, welcome, love and embrace shadow. It dissolves naturally as it doesn’t want to be there. 
• We are always in relationship with shadow. Often, its impulse is to protect. 

Shame 

• It is so vulnerable to be seen when there is the possibility of being evaluated for something that is heart centered. 
• Sometimes being seen can take you out of your creative vibe. 
• Shame has a biological function as an inhibitor in service of social belonging and good social connections. It becomes generalized however; instead of being connected to something we are doing, it becomes attached to an essence. This is why identity related traumas are so confusing - the shame is about 'me'. This needs to end. 
• To let shame go, we need to trust we will remain connected to our essence. For some of us, our entire lives have been shaped by shame. 

Intersectionality & play 

• The discernment - am I safe or am I in danger - is a constant assessment as a queer racialized person. 
• Intersectionality affects everything when it comes to playfulness.
• People who are silly & playful have the privilege of feeling safe to do so. We can have compassion for the microaggressions that have gotten in the way of other people not being able to show up playfully. 
• Safety is a prerequisite to play & creativity. 

Conflict 

• Conflict requires a strong container, otherwise the nervous system will seek to protect you. 
• I've seen conflict resolve beautifully, with deeper and more loving & trusting relationships when there is intentionality, consent and a container. 

Group Facilitation 

Move away from predict and control to sense and respond when working with groups. 

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How can we create spaces where we balance compassion with uplifting boundaries and a touch of chaos ? An honest exploration with Monica Paraghamian.

Monica Paraghamian (she/her/elle) is an educator, artist and entrepreneur. When she isn’t singing gospel or working on the second edition of her children’s book on mindfulness, she’s designing and facilitating learning experiences for youth and adults. Monica believes that every person is chalk-full of talents, and that much of life is about the unfolding and exploration of these. 

-EPISODE SUMMARY-

PRACTICE 

• Sing an operatic version of la vie en rose. 
• Enact characters through musical improvisation. 
• Put on an accent and do a prank call.
• Junk playgrounds. Children go in, and figure it out ! 
• Spoil yourself for the day. 
• Explore abandoned buildings.
• Simply hold the space when someone shares a long winded story. The goal isn’t to fix problems - people figure it out & everything will be ok. 
• Experiment with different plot structures for experience design. Ex. the conclusion at the beginning. 

IDEAS

Play 

• Play is having fun and not worrying about outcomes while not harming anyone. 

Creative sharing

• Putting someone on the spot is not conducive to some sharing.  
• The key to expressing yourself is your relation to the craft. Ex. instead of thinking about insecurities, if I share other people will also want to share ! 
• Consider the blockages - why aren't I able to share on the spot ? 

Boundaries 

• Pema Chodron - idiot compassion. Allowing boundaries to co-exist with our compassion.
• By having boundaries, you are showing someone that they can also have boundaries. 
• By having strong boundaries you elevate the relationship with yourself & the other person. 

Experience Design 

• The container & space needs to feel safe. You have to properly nurture it. 
• You're hosting people before the event.
• Provide structure but also allow space to open the gates to chaos.  

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