Speaker: Trevor Dreher

The sun is high in the sky - it’s bright - it’s summer. Ah summer, a perfect time to talk about our shadows. Those parts of our lives that we’d like to hide and deny because the behavior our shadows trigger is not good. And so, like a shadow, we might point and say, it’s separate, it’s not me.

But it’s us that cast the shadow. And there is likely never going to be a perfect time to address our shadow self.

So how do we love our Shadow Self? That part of us we want to deny and hide. How do we love that part of ourselves?

Join us this Sunday at the Spiritual Gym where we are going to become aware of the shadows in our lives and then how to compensate for the darkness they cast in the world around us.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Jeff Jarvis

I've always been somewhat entertained if not, intrigued by famous mind-readers. People who seem to have this uncanny ability to tell us what people are thinking. I know, obviously, that it's mostly smoke and mirrors. Yet, for some reason, I can act sometimes as if I have some of these abilities. Perhaps you've done this too.

With only a few verbal and especially nonverbal cues, I can look at someone around me and form a very definitive conclusion in my mind about what that person is thinking or feeling or why they did what they did. I will do this to people I know, even people I don’t know. You too?

The truth is, we all tend to do this without even realizing we're doing it. It's how we are wired. The question is: how accurate are we? Can you become an expert at reading people? Malcolm Gladwell shed some light on this topic in one of the chapters of his book, Talking with Strangers. His findings, well backed by other research, were not what I was hoping to hear. In fact, they're making me question whether my super-power is real at all. Thankfully there's an alternative. Let's chat about it at the "gym" this weekend. You can join us either live or on our YouTube LiveStream.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Vince Klassen

I was at a dinner party a while ago. Had a lovely time. But ended up in a bit of a heated conversation with a woman there, around a word. At the time, I thought we were talking about the same thing, we were using the same word after all.

But when I looked back, I realized that what that word pointed to for me, was fundamentally different than what that word pointed to for her. As a result, we ended up having a discussion without ever truly understanding each other. Without ever truly hearing each other.

How much of the conversations in our lives, in society, are ones where we don't truly understand each other?

How much pain has that lack of understanding caused?

As we keep working our way through this Stranger Danger series, I think there is a profound shift we can make that will lead to a deeper level of feeling understood, of understanding, and even of loving.

Join us in person, on the live feed or on podcast as we all strive to Find Love by Overcoming Fear.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Jeff Jarvis

I was newly married and taking my turn doing our laundry in a coin-operated laundromat while I worked nearby. When I arrived to pull all the clothes and linens out of the dryer, I found everything folded neatly on the counter. Quickly, I figured out which of the three ladies in there had done it and thanked her profusely. I even gave her a $10 bill to show my appreciation. That evening Cathy looked over all the laundry and asked where all the towels went? We had gotten a bunch of beautiful bath towels for our wedding and they were missing.

Then it dawned on me... that lady who I paid $10 for folding everything had stolen our towels!!! Grrrrrr!!!

Have you ever wanted to kick yourself for trusting someone who took advantage of you? Maybe they lied, or they cheated, or abused your trust in some way. Why is it that we so often, give people the benefit of the doubt and set ourselves up for potential heartbreak or personal harm? Is it possible to eliminate these kinds of hurtful events from happening?

This Sunday we're exploring the complexity around something Malcom Gladwell refers to as our “Default to Truth”.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Vince Klassen

My dad was attacked by a dog early in his life. He was a small kid and the dog was huge (or at least that’s how he tells the story). To this very day, my dad is on guard around dogs, even if the dog is 1/10th his size. His brain associates 'dogs' with 'things to be scared of'.

How is it that a little moment from his childhood still impacts his actions today?

There is this strange circuit in our brains that is designed to keep us safe. In fact, this circuit has kept our species alive for millions of years, by making sure we are scared of things that can hurt us.

But,

Is that circuit protecting us from things that can hurt us?

Or keeping us afraid?

Afraid of things that can hurt us? Things that we are unsure of? Things that we are not familiar with? Things that are strange?

Like that dog attack when my dad was little got encoded into his brain, so strangers are encoded into our brains as 'things to be wary off'. 

Do you see how a circuit in our brain that evolved to protect us can go amiss in our day and age? Strangers are coded as threatening when they are just strange.

In a word:

Stranger Danger

Do you want to let that Stranger Danger feeling influence how you treat:

People from a different racial group?

People from a different part of Calgary?

People from a different gender or gender identity?

People who are different in whatever way?

The highly evolved part of our brain, the spiritual part, says love. In our tradition we talk about

Loving our neighbor and

Loving our enemy

Loving the person we don’t even know, the Stranger

So how do we love those people who the Stranger Danger circuit in our brain says we should be scared of - should not trust?

Because the idea of Stranger Danger is a real feeling, but it might also be killing our ability to love anyone who isn’t like us, or from our group - that might not fit with the spiritual idea to love.

So join us for an informed, brain based, spiritual journey towards loving our neighbour by understanding and transcending the core feeling of Stranger Danger.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080414145705.htm

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Jeff Jarvis

If you've ever helped someone who was in desperate need of some kind, chances are, you experienced the incredible feelings that can follow. The thrill of knowing that you just alleviated a little suffering or made someone's life better in some way. Those feelings are not made up. They're actually a real thing that happens when we act out of compassion.

Some say living compassionately comes with a price. It can be risky. It can backfire. This week we're exploring the risks and rewards of, arguably, one of the most prominent behaviors that Jesus, Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama and so many other spiritual leaders have promoted. When you look carefully at what they knew and experienced, I think you'll agree that living more compassionately is worth considering.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Jeff Jarvis

Lately, it seems, we've had to wrestle with a lot of difficult stuff. Stuff happening perhaps on the home front, at work, the weather, our political landscape, the economy. You don't have to think hard to come up with things that may be gnawing away in the back of your mind. Is it getting to you? Is it weighing on you? I’m observing that “What’s going wrong” is easily becoming the most common topic of our conversations. 

This week we’re exploring the toxic nature of negative fixation and the correlation between it and our joy levels. More importantly, I want to talk about an age-old practice that has proven to be an antidote, causing joy levels to rise in the midst of dark times. I think you might need this.

Warning: not for lightweights.

See you Sunday @10:30am in the gym.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Vince Klassen

This Sunday... Joy - this deep sense of wellbeing that comes from deep inside of ourselves - seems like a pretty amazing thing! Not dependent on oil prices, or Covid or schools opening back up or people around us. Just something inside of us that springs up regardless of what the world around us is doing and feels amazing. Joy, pure unspeakable Joy as some lyrics put it. That sound pretty good IMHO.

But his Holiness the Dalai Lama and Bishop Desmond Tutu warn us, there are things we can do that will kill that kind of joy. Things that undermine it and make it impossible to access.

So this week we are going to explore the questions: What Kills Joy?

In an effort to find the Joy that they say we can all have. Who wants more joy?! Join us this week as we explore this foundational question.

http://www.aclrc.com/racism-and-power

https://www.aspenideas.org/sessions/how-to-be-an-antiracist

http://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/examples-racial-discrimination-fact-sheet

https://europepmc.org/article/pmc/pmc5844784

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Speaker: Vince Klassen

There's a video of Aleksander Gamme having an insane moment of happiness. He's a polar explorer who, after 84 days of being alone at the South Pole, dragging a sled from the coast to the South Pole and back, finds a bag of Cheez Doodles, Cheez Doodles, after eating nothing but freeze dried food and butter for 84 days, he finds something with actual taste - and he loses his mind with happiness. He's screaming like a crazy person because he's so happy.

And while we probably don't get it because we are not polar explorers, we have all had times when something amazing happened around us and our happiness soared: promotion, graduation, wedding, holiday. You name it! It sparked happiness. I love those moments. I'm calling them Cheez Doodle moments.

But what happens when those moments don't come? What happens when you don't get the promotion, or you don't have enough credits to graduate, you get a divorce, a pandemic locks you in your house for months. What happens then?

His holiness the Dalai Lama and Bishop Desmond Tutu felt that understanding happiness was important enough that they spent the last time they were able to be together to explore that topic and share their years of wisdom with us. Because, regardless if you don't find the Cheez Doodle moments, they say you can still find Joy. And they do have joy even though life has been super tough for them. And that insight can be revolutionary for many of us. This week we are going to explore the first step of their Path to Joy, learning why we might be looking for happiness in the wrong place.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast

Resources:

Cheese Doodle happiness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC8gJ0_9o4M

Speaker: Jeff Jarvis

Have you ever known someone who was "spiritually fragile"? By that I mean someone who held a narrow/opinionated view of the way the world should be. Someone who was quick to label people and behaviors and lifestyles in very black and white ways? Without even blinking they could assign a "good" or "bad" or "sinful" or "wrong" label. Often just shaking their head in disgust.

I know this term well, because it's how I spent a good chunk of my early years...spiritually fragile. It's quite common in Stage 2 spirituality. You work hard to avoid that which is bad or evil - that can corrupt you. The effects of this fragility though, can be very isolating from the real world. People around you end up having to edit carefully everything they share with you about their lives. Trying so hard to keep unacceptable parts hidden for fear of offense or judgement. Have you ever experienced someone like this? Being on the other side now, I realize how unloved you can feel by someone like this, knowing that if he/she knew my truth they would likely either unfriend me or feel the need to fix me. They definitely couldn't accept me as I am.

Have you ever known someone who was the opposite of spiritually fragile? Someone who you felt you could trust with anything? Who was very slow to judge and label? Who never seemed to get rattled by people’s mistakes and shortcomings...always responding with grace and understanding?

This scratches at another key distinctive of Stage 4 spirituality. Join us Sunday as we close up our Adulting (Spiritually) series with a message focusing on one of the most beautiful qualities of Stage 4 - a deeper and wider love.

To donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit www.friendschurch.ca/podcast