Hi there,

It baffles me why we call content or activities that are inappropriate for children “mature.”

In today’s episode, Evie wants to know what to do when her friends do more “mature” things than she does. This is often a tricky topic for kids! Different families have different rules. There can be a “keeping up with the Joneses” pressure to allow your child to do or have certain things so they don’t feel left out.

If your rules are on the stricter side, it’s important to explain to your child the reasons behind them. It’s also important to help your child navigate differences with peers.

Let me know what you think about this episode!

Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!

Warm wishes,

Dr. Eileen

P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.

P.P.S. Be sure to check out this month’s featured workshop on kids’ self-esteem, plus my new Premium Membership!

You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 123 - How to Keep Friends (Eva, Age 6)

Ep. 109 - What does it mean to be yourself? (Charlotte, Age 11)

Ep. 89 - How to deal with an angry person (Noah, Age 7)

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1. Send in your child’s question!!!

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Send in YOUR kid’s question to be featured on the podcast!

Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:

1. their FIRST NAME (or another first name),

2. their AGE, and

3. a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)

Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

Send in YOUR kid's question

Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your child

For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.

• Have you ever done something that made another kid not like you? What happened? How did you handle that?

• Why do you think kids sometimes want to be friends with kids who don’t like them?

• How could trying to be friends with people who don’t like you end up hurting you?

• We can’t be friends with everyone, but we do need to try to be kind to everyone. What do you think that means you should do (or not do) when you don’t like someone?

• Have you ever met a kid who just didn’t appeal to you? What led to that dislike? Looking back, do you think you were fair, or are there ways you would have liked to handle things differently?

Transcript

Is there a food that you just don’t like? For me, it’s beets. I like most vegetables, and I know some people love to eat beets, but there’s something about the texture of beets that just doesn’t appeal to me.

If someone served me beets, I would NOT make a fuss or say, “Ewww! Beets are disgusting!” That would be rude, and people have different tastes. Beets might be their favorite food. I’d either say nothing or maybe take a small taste. It’s possible that someday, someone will prepare beets for me in a way that I find delicious, but probably not. So, I’m going to focus on the foods I do enjoy.

Friendship can be like foods. Sometimes, you just don’t appeal to another kid, or maybe they just don’t appeal to you. And sometimes, being together feels delicious! Take a listen.

(Music & Intro)

Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.

Let’s hear today’s question:

Hi, I’m John. I’m 8. I was just wondering, what if I want to be friends with people, but they don’t like me?

Hi, John. Thanks for sending in your question.

Friendship is a relationship between two or more people who like and care about each other. That doesn’t mean they always get along perfectly. Every friendship has occasional rough spots, but when there’s caring on both sides, it’s possible to work things out and move past rough spots.

If it’s true that these kids don’t like you, then, at least for now, you can’t be friends with them because the liking has to go both ways.

But I have some questions for you that might help you figure out what to do moving forward.

My first question is, why do you think they don’t like you? Sometimes people don’t like us because we’ve said or done something that makes them feel hurt, angry, or uncomfortable. If that’s the case, you might be able to apologize and tell them you’ll try to do better. Maybe, with time, they could start to like you more.

On the other hand, sometimes people don’t like us because of something we can’t change. That could be our race, religion, family background, our appearance, or a personal characteristic like ADHD or autism. That’s not kind. Someone with those kinds of biases doesn’t seem like a good choice for a friend!

My second question for you is: Why do you want to be friends with these kids? Sometimes kids only want to be friends with the most popular or socially powerful kids. But if there’s no real connection, that’s not going to work.

Usually, friendships grow because we have a lot in common with someone, we like to do the same things, we’ve had fun together, and we’ve shown each other through small acts of kindness that we like each other.

So, that brings us to my third question for you: What other friendship options do you have? You could continue to focus on these kids who don’t like you. Maybe you’d eventually be able to convince them to like you, but probably not if they’ve already made up their minds about you. Also, you’d have to put in a lot of one-sided effort while getting rejected, which seems like it would be very hard on you.

I think it would be much easier and smarter to try to find people who like you just as you are and work on building a mutual friendship with them.

This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.

Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.

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The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.