Welcome back to your favorite daily comedy show, where the financial advice is questionable, the celebrity gossip is unhinged, and the emotional family mediation somehow happens between Metallica announcements and Eddie Murphy deep cuts.

Today’s chaos kicks off with a simple hypothetical: take $10 million right now… but you lose the last 10 years of your life. Easy money? Or are you giving up prime bingo years, fabric store friendships, and threatening-your-kids-with-the-will energy? Lern says “cut the check.” The rest of us spiral.

We roll through “Back in the Day,” celebrating everything from the 15th Amendment to Bruce Springsteen’s first Grammy win, while somehow detouring into Stranger Things soundtrack confusion and Tina Turner impressions that should probably stay off Broadway.

Then it’s full-blown Crap On Celebrities:

• Metallica officially heads to the Sphere in Vegas.
• The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame fan vote is already getting spicy.
• The Breaking Bad house in Albuquerque sells for HOW MUCH?!
• Christina Applegate shares an emotional health update.
• Bill Gates says “my bad” in the most billionaire way possible.
• Amanda Seyfried reveals she wore a prosthetic… yes… that… in a new film.
• AMC is gatekeeping the good movie seats like it’s VIP bottle service.

Oh—and we deep dive into actors who tried music careers. Bradley Cooper. Ryan Gosling. Jennifer Lawrence. And of course, the undisputed king of Spotify Wrapped heartbreak, Patrick Swayze. “She’s Like the Wind” makes its monthly appearance and honestly? We’re not mad about it.

We wrap things up with a real-life family dilemma involving jealousy, step-parenting, prison dads, and co-signing car loans. It’s heartfelt. It’s messy. It’s exactly what happens when a daily comedy show accidentally stumbles into group therapy.

If you came for weird news, hilarious fails, entertainment gossip, and sarcastic St. Louis humor… congratulations. You found your people.

This episode of The Rizzuto Show is your reminder that life is fragile, Metallica tickets will bankrupt you, and sometimes the biggest argument of the morning is about whether anyone truly needed to see an 18th-century prosthetic B-hole.

Welcome to the daily comedy show that makes your commute significantly weirder.

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