Welcome to another episode of The Rizzuto Show, where getting stitches removed somehow leads to naked shopping, bathroom trauma, fart acceptance, a landfill cat rescue and a serious debate over whether anybody under 25 knows what cash is anymore.
This funny show starts with Rizz preparing to finally get his stitches removed and worrying about the scar underneath. Naturally, this becomes a conversation about aging, falling down stairs, mysterious back injuries, hearing loss, stretching just to remain operational and the depressing discovery that modern medicine may be helping us live longer without necessarily making those extra years more comfortable. Welcome to the Geriatric Morning Show. Please bend at the knees when exiting. Then Rizz offers the crew a choice between a nice story and somebody getting naked at Home Goods. Guess which one wins.
A Florida shopper reportedly walks into Home Goods, apologizes to a woman, drops his pants and eventually ends up wandering around the store naked. This somehow inspires Lern to consider whether shopping at Home Goods completely nude might actually be enjoyable under the correct circumstances. Soon the crew is discussing nudist resorts, naked grocery shopping and towel etiquette because we apparently abandoned the original story somewhere around decorative throw pillows.
That also gives Rafe the opportunity to share his own recent encounter with unexpected nudity: walking into a restaurant bathroom and finding a grown man at the urinal with his pants and underwear completely around his ankles. Full moon. Broad daylight.
Rafe’s brain immediately activates what Lern describes as the human security system designed to detect either exposed butts or approaching lions. It’s science. Probably.
The episode then moves into an alleged MMA fighter-versus-chimpanzee story that has the crew firmly rooting for the animal and questioning every decision that led humanity to this particular moment. Thankfully, we eventually get an animal story everybody can celebrate: Mike, an eight-year-old cat accidentally thrown away inside an old couch.
After the couch reaches a massive landfill, workers miraculously spot Mike stranded above a trash pit. A crew uses heavy equipment to help rescue him before animal control eventually gets him identified and reunited with his owner. Mike survives. Humanity gets one point back. Then comes one of modern society’s smallest yet most powerful social anxieties: the restaurant payment screen. “It’s going to ask you a quick question.” WE KNOW WHAT THE QUESTION IS.
The gang debates tipping pressure, servers standing beside you while you choose a percentage and the awkward eye contact that turns paying for lunch into a hostage negotiation. A viral server offers a surprisingly simple solution: hand over the device and talk to somebody else while the customer finishes paying. Meanwhile, Gen Alpha has apparently solved another social crisis entirely: being embarrassed about farting.
A dance teacher says younger students just let them rip without carrying the shame previous generations dragged around for decades. Moon is thrilled. Lern shares some personal wind-instrument history. Suddenly the Rizzuto Show is analyzing bass versus treble fart tones because NPR wasn't available.
The generational divide continues when Rizz watches a young Panera cashier struggle with actual paper money. That launches a debate over whether cash is still king, whether digital money is safer, what happens if the power grid goes down and whether anyone really wants to shave pieces off a gold bar to pay for bananas at Schnucks.
From there, the crew remembers the inconveniences younger generations escaped: waiting beside the family phone for an important call, giant telephone cords, payphones, snow-day announcements, shared phone lines and parents losing their minds when somebody dared call during dinner. But this episode also takes a meaningful turn.
Rizz reflects on September 11 and what it means that an event still so vivid for people who experienced it is now history taught to younger generations who weren't alive when it happened. He shares memories of being in Manhattan that morning, the confusion surrounding the attacks and the way people came together afterward.
The crew also discusses Wells Crowther, remembered as the Man in the Red Bandana, who repeatedly helped people escape the South Tower before losing his own life. Rizz connects the story to conversations with his daughter and the importance of remembering not only what happened, but the people who ran toward danger to help others. Well, this one gets uncomfortable immediately.
The Rizzuto Show discusses the fallout surrounding former Wheel of Fortune announcer Jim Thornton and the chat room he was reportedly spotted visiting on a flight. The organization behind that online community responds to the controversy, and suddenly the crew finds itself having a much more complicated conversation than anybody probably expected this early in the morning.
The discussion centers on a difficult question: if someone recognizes that they’re having dangerous or disturbing thoughts and genuinely wants professional help before ever harming another person, where should that help come from — and where is the line between providing treatment and creating an environment that could normalize or encourage those thoughts?
It’s exactly the kind of conversation where this comedy podcast somehow wanders from psychology and morality to robot technology and eventually a hypothetical island solution nobody should ever allow this crew to administer. Thankfully, Crap on Celebrities eventually arrives to rescue everyone from that conversation. Sort of.
The Foo Fighters have quietly released a six-track live EP featuring performances from intimate club shows, with proceeds supporting local charities fighting food insecurity. So that's genuinely nice. Then the Spice Girls decide to emotionally clothesline their fans. After teasing a major announcement and getting reunion-starved fans dreaming about a possible Sphere residency, the big reveal turns out to be…a 14-disc singles collection. FOURTEEN DISCS.
Somewhere, somebody had already started explaining to their spouse why spending irresponsible amounts of money to hear “Wannabe” in Las Vegas was actually a sound financial decision. Instead, congratulations: here are B-sides.
Michael Jackson memorabilia also enters the conversation when one of his crystal-covered gloves from the Victory Tour heads to auction. The crew is shocked by the projected price and immediately starts calculating its future value like they’re suddenly Sotheby’s with fart jokes.
Snoop Dogg is announced as host of the 2026 MTV Video Music Awards, Nirvana is set for the Video Vanguard Award, and the gang wonders who exactly the VMAs are for anymore. Once upon a time, you planned your entire night around MTV. Now we're explaining to the children that MTV technically still exists.
St. Louis gets dragged into Crap on Celebrities too, with Sexyy Red facing a lawsuit over allegations that she posted a woman’s home address and encouraged followers to attack her. Her attorney disputes the allegations, but it gives the show another opportunity to demonstrate why “celebrity news” is sometimes just a nicer phrase for “what the hell is happening?”
And then we get Rick Springfield. During an appearance on Joe Rogan, Springfield discussed spending time entertaining American troops in Vietnam in 1968 and described being caught in an attack. According to his story, soldiers had him fire a mortar toward an area where enemy forces were believed to be moving. The next day, he says, a soldier told him, “you got one.” That revelation leads to a very serious discussion about the emotional weight Springfield says he still carries from the experience. It also leads Rafe to have…questions. A lot of questions.
The crew debates the details of the story, how a teenage musician visiting troops ends up operating a mortar, what training would have been necessary, how anyone could have confirmed the result afterward and whether decades can alter the way people remember extraordinary experiences.
Celebrity chaos continues with Nobody Wants This, the return of Practical Magic, Sandra Bullock, some rough Rotten Tomatoes scores, Liam Neeson continuing his lifelong commitment to finding people, and an Oasis documentary apparently becoming the safest movie choice of the weekend.
The crew also discusses a documentary examining Alec Baldwin during the legal fallout surrounding the Rust shooting before Lern tries to brighten a show filled with unusually serious subjects by bringing in Dolly Parton and a posthumously released recording of “Bound to Ride.” That immediately creates another important Rizzuto Show question: exactly where are you supposed to listen to bluegrass? Driving sadly through the countryside? Silver Dollar City? Somewhere near Branson while buying a pop gun? We may never know.
Then it’s celebrity birthdays, Brian De Palma appreciation, a reminder that Carlito’s Way deserves your attention and, because we apparently weren't already operating at maximum weirdness, the traditional porno birthday.
Nothing exposes how differently your coworkers’ brains function quite like asking them to name a country in Europe and putting concert tickets on the line. The Rizzuto Show brings us another round of “Just the Two of Us,” the deceptively simple contest where callers pick two members of the show, Rafe asks five questions, and those two people attempt to match at least three answers. Easy, right? Absolutely not.
Before the competition begins, Rizz takes a trip through “Back in the Day,” remembering everything from The Carol Burnett Show and Little House on the Prairie to Warrant’s “Cherry Pie,” Johnny Unitas, John Ritter and one of the Internet’s earliest great gifts: Nick Nolte’s spectacularly disheveled mugshot. Then it's time to give away concert tickets, and suddenly this becomes the most stressful game show in St. Louis. The prize pile is loaded with Candlebox, Violent Femmes, Toadies, Babymetal and the final precious pairs of Rush tickets. Unfortunately for the listeners, their ability to attend these concerts depends entirely on whether members of the Rizz Show can agree on incredibly complicated concepts like “an ocean.”
Devon and Moon kick things off for caller Adam, who wants Rush tickets. They immediately connect on France, miss each other on states beginning with M, recover with the Arch as a St. Louis tourist attraction and seal the deal with the Pacific Ocean. Adam is going to Rush. For once, this show has successfully accomplished something.
Then Rizz and Moon attempt to win Babymetal tickets for Paul. They agree on baseball but immediately demonstrate why this game is dangerous when “name an Olympic sport” produces hockey and curling. Dumbbell saves them on gym equipment, but sledding versus skiing and NFL versus MLB finish the job. Sorry, Paul. The Babymetal dream has died at the hands of winter recreation.
Rizz and Moon get another chance when Brad wants Violent Femmes tickets, and this time food brings everybody together. Peanut butter and jelly. Sausage pizza. Vanilla ice cream. McDonald’s. Beautiful.
Unfortunately, the phrase “healthy breakfast cereal” gives us Grape-Nuts, a cereal the show describes with all the enthusiasm normally reserved for eating landscaping material. Somehow that leads to confessions about demolishing boxes of Lucky Charms and Corn Pops, including the dangerous cycle of adding cereal because you have leftover milk, then adding milk because you have leftover cereal, until the box is empty and you're sitting alone with your shame. This is the nutritional guidance you expect from The Rizzuto Show.
Then comes the final pair of Rush tickets.Kyle chooses Lern and Devon, setting up an alleged generational showdown between a 41-year-old and a 30-year-old. Things immediately become catastrophic. “Name a superhero.” Superman. Wonder Woman. Oh no... “Name a Disney animated movie.” The Little Mermaid. Bambi. OH NO. At this point, Kyle is watching his Rush tickets disappear in real time while Patient Zero starts sniffing around the wreckage. But then something happens. Monopoly. Netflix. Instagram. Three straight matches. THE COMEBACK IS COMPLETE. Kyle is going to Rush, Lern and Devon have successfully bridged the generational divide, and feminism survives another morning.
Justin chooses Rizz and Devon for the final game, with Candlebox tickets waiting at the finish line. They match immediately on guitar. Then rock. Things are looking suspiciously competent. Naturally, it cannot last.
Asked to name a famous rock band from the 1980s, Devon goes with Mötley Crüe while Rizz lands elsewhere, launching an argument over what exactly qualifies as an “’80s band” and whether Rush counts just because Moving Pictures came out in 1981. Then comes the holiday-song disaster. Devon chooses Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Rizz chooses “Jingle Bells.” Suddenly we're debating whether the most obvious Christmas song is determined by history, kindergarten classrooms or how aggressively Mariah Carey emerges from hibernation every November. It all comes down to one final question: Name something you find on a desk. The obvious possibilities are endless. Computer. Stapler. Tape dispenser. Mouse. Rizz and Devon? Pen... and LAMP. “There will be no Candlebox today.” Brutal.
Along the way, the crew also defends Candlebox’s honor, remembers their early Pointfest days, argues about cereal, discusses the Raygun breakdancing documentary, makes questionable winter-activity suggestions and repeatedly proves that knowing someone for years does not mean you have any clue what word is about to come out of their mouth. That’s the beauty of “Just the Two of Us.” The questions aren't difficult. The people answering them are.
This episode is daily comedy at its most beautifully unnecessary: great concert tickets, easy questions, terrible instincts, miraculous comebacks, wounded callers and an astonishing amount of emotional investment in whether two adults can independently write down “McDonald’s.”
Come for the Rush tickets. Stay for the chaos.
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Cape Coral man accused of stripping naked in HomeGoods store, saying he 'had to do it'
Cat discarded with couch rescued, reunited with family
9/11 Marking the 25th Anniversary
Remembering the 'Man in the Red Bandana'
Rick Springfield Says He Killed a Man in Vietnam While Performing for Troops as a Teen: ‘It’s Hard for Me to Face’
Art Collector bids $4,000 on broken vacuum cleaner only to discover it was trash
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