Raising a daughter is no small feat, especially when juggling responsibilities like military service or a demanding career. In the latest episode of Dad and Daughter Connection, guest Ralph Ave shared profound insights into his relationship with his 17-year-old daughter. With years of unique experiences, challenges, and triumphs behind him, Ralph provides a glimpse into what it takes to build and sustain a lasting bond with his daughter while also preparing her for independence. Below, we break down some of the key takeaways from his story and offer actionable advice for dads looking to strengthen their relationships with their own daughters.

The Joy of Starting the Journey

Parenthood often begins with a transformative moment––a spark that ignites the bond between a father and child. For Ralph, that moment came soon after his daughter was born. One day, after feeling particularly down, Ralph recalled coming home to his infant daughter’s pure joy upon seeing him. This moment underscored the importance of showing up and staying present in her life. From that day on, Ralph recognized the power of his role as her father and committed to being there for her no matter the obstacles.

This transformative experience serves as a reminder for all fathers: being present in your child’s life is not just about physical proximity but also emotional investment and connection.

Balancing Responsibilities and Building Connection

As a military officer, Ralph had the demanding task of balancing a career that required frequent absences with his responsibilities as a dad. His strategy? Open communication, teaching independence, and making use of the tools available to stay connected.

Whether Facetiming from Korea or gifting meaningful souvenirs from his travels, Ralph demonstrated that staying connected doesn’t always require physical presence. He also taught his daughter valuable lessons about responsibility, making her more independent by involving her in chores and reminding her to contribute to the family. Even small gestures, like checking in with her school progress electronically, showed her that he cared.

For dads in similar situations, Ralph's approach to balancing work and connection shows how intentional efforts can bridge gaps created by demanding jobs or travel.

Letting Your Child Lead the Way

Some of the most profound lessons Ralph shared came from the way he supported his daughter’s love for basketball. Early on, Ralph insisted she had to demonstrate her passion. Her commitment to early morning practices, summer training, and unwavering dedication showed Ralph that her dreams were genuine. He wholeheartedly supported her vision by coaching her school and travel basketball teams, reinforcing her skill development, and helping her grow as a team player.

This principle of allowing your child to take the lead in pursuing their passions can be instrumental for other dads aiming to raise confident, independent daughters. By supporting––and not imposing your own dreams upon them––you build authenticity and trust in the relationship.

Mistakes are Part of the Journey

Fatherhood isn't perfect, and one of the most important aspects of being a dad is recognizing and learning from mistakes. For Ralph, one mistake stood out––expecting too much from his daughter when she was younger. As a dad to the oldest sibling in his family, his expectations sometimes felt too heavy. He realized that while it’s important to instill responsibility, it's equally essential to let children enjoy their childhood.

This was a valuable reminder to all dads: see your daughters for who they are in the moment, not who you think they should be. Childhood is fleeting, and sometimes, kids just need to be kids.

Make Sure They Feel Valued and Heard

One of the cornerstones of Ralph's relationship with his daughter is making her feel loved, valued, and heard. Saying phrases like "I love you" and offering words of encouragement––especially during tough times, like basketball losses––are small but powerful ways Ralph reassures his daughter of his unwavering support.

For every dad, small daily efforts to express love and encouragement can go a long way in fostering emotional security in their daughters.

Encouraging Independence While Being There to Catch Them

As Ralph’s daughter prepares to graduate high school and play basketball at a college in California, he continues to encourage her independence. He teaches her to solve problems on her own, do her own research, and make smart decisions. Ralph believes that facing failures is an important part of growing up––but he ensures she knows he will always be there to guide and support her as she learns.

Dads looking to help their daughters grow into strong, self-sufficient individuals can take inspiration from Ralph’s philosophy: guide your child, but allow them to stumble, teaching resilience and resourcefulness in the process.

The Power of Tradition and Shared Moments

For Ralph and his daughter, shared activities like basketball training and the cherished father-daughter dance on military bases were rituals that strengthened their bond. These moments of togetherness served as pillars for their relationship, giving them opportunities for connection and mutual growth.

If you don’t have a tradition or routine with your daughter yet, now is the perfect time to start. Whether it’s a shared hobby, a weekly activity, or a meaningful holiday tradition, these rituals lay a foundation for long-lasting memories.

Final Advice for Dads

When asked for his best advice to other fathers, Ralph’s words were simple yet profound: “Let them dream.” Supporting their individuality and passions, while being present and intentional, builds the trust and love that form the core of a strong father-daughter bond.

As Ralph’s journey shows us, raising strong, independent daughters isn’t about being a perfect dad––it’s about being a present and connected one. Take small, intentional steps every day to show your daughter that she matters––and watch your bond flourish in return.

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection. I'm really excited to have you back again this week. I'm Doctor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:58]: Christopher Lewis, and I am really excited to have you here this week as we talk more about this important connection that we're building with our daughters. I have said it before, I'll say it again. One of the most powerful things that we can do as dads of daughters is have a strong bond, have a strong connection with our daughters. It's going to help us personally, but it's also going to help them in being able to be strong, independent women as they grow up in their lives. And that's why this show exists. Every week, I want to be able to offer you some things to think about, some, some opportunity to be able to think deeper about the bonds that you're trying to create with your daughters. And I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that will give you an opportunity to be able to consider things in a different way. And we'll do that through these conversations.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:52]: And today I've got another great guest. Ralph Ave is with us and Ralph is a father of three. He has one daughter. And we're going to be talking about that relationship that he has with his own daughter. And I'm really excited to be able to have him here and to share some of his own journey with us. Ralph, thanks so much for being here today.

Ralph Ave [00:02:11]: Thanks for having me, doc.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: I'm really excited to have you here today and to really delve a little bit deeper into this relationship that you have with your daughter. I know your daughter's 17 and I've got a 17 year old as well. So, you know, you're, you're in the thick of it as she's getting ready to graduate and kind of that grown and flown moment as she's getting ready to move beyond home into the next phase of her life. And I guess as you think about the relationship that you've built with your daughter thus far, Talk to me about maybe one thing that has been most meaningful for you when you think of those moments that you've shared together and what made it so special?

Ralph Ave [00:02:49]: So I can remember back when she just came out, like a little baby. I was just feeling in the dumps, just having a rough day, rough week, actually. And I went somewhere just to kinda cool off, think about things, and then, you know, I came home a little late. And then when I saw my daughter, she just had full of joy when she saw me. So I'm like, man, I gotta be there for this girl. So, yeah, that was kind of the start of it. And this, we had an attachment from then, you know, from then on, I realized like, you know what? I gotta be there for this girl. I mean, that's one of the most pivotal moments I can remember.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:21]: So as you so talk to me about I mean, you're a busy guy. So you are doing a civil service job, you were in the military, and this is all happening as your kids are growing up. How do you balance guiding your daughter, while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person?

Ralph Ave [00:03:42]: I just had to let her know that, hey, I had to let her realize what I was doing because I was wearing the uniform. Let her realize, you know, people who wear the uniform have to do a lot of sacrifice. And then I had to teach her how to be independent, you know, do chores, help mom out. You know, you're the oldest sibling, so you gotta take up your brothers. Yeah. It's just that bond. And then when I was away, I would call her up, FaceTime, and, just say, how how are you doing? How's school? Just to be present electronically, if not physically. Because sometimes I've been in Korea, many different countries, Chile, Canada.

Ralph Ave [00:04:17]: So I try to teach her, when you grow up, everything you do, make everybody around you better. Make sure your character is good. Make sure you earn your respect. It's not given to you. You have to earn it. And then you gotta work hard. You gotta keep your grades up. You gotta work hard.

Ralph Ave [00:04:32]: I mean, I I bribe their grades. You know, every a is $20. Every b is $10. So I've never had issues with their grades since.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:42]: Being that you had to be away and you weren't always there as they were probably young and as they were going through some of those formative years. Talk to me about some of the intentional ways of which you worked to be able to strengthen your bond with your daughter when you were away. And as you transition back home, and maybe even especially during challenging times.

Ralph Ave [00:05:05]: So we we would, of course, communicate, but then, you know, it gets expensive. We have to buy gifts every time we come back just to make sure, hey. I don't forget about you Or give her, like, a little souvenir. Or, like, if I was out and about, I would show her where I was just to kinda see what I was doing. And so, I mean, a lot of stuff, I could couldn't really show because of, you know, military stuff. But like I said, when I was out and about, just making sure making sure where her head was at. At that age, she didn't realize what I had to do. She just thought that it was normal for that not to be there sometimes.

Ralph Ave [00:05:38]: And then when she got older, she started feeling it. So that's when I told her sometimes as parents, you know, we made these choices before you all were born, and I can't just come out of it. This is a commitment I made. And I did this because this country gives so much to my family. That's why I'm doing this. And so she she was getting to the point where, like, starting to understand her, maybe 11, 12 years old, and she was just starting to get used to it. But I told her, I'll never leave. I'll always be there for you.

Ralph Ave [00:06:10]: Whatever you need, just phone call away. Just I'll keep in touch. Don't think that I'll just disappear. And for some weird reason, we have this bond. Yeah. I'll discipline her when she needs it, but most of the time, she's she's been pretty good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: Now I know that as a dad, we don't always make the right decisions. We don't always do things right. We make mistakes. What's a mistake that you've made as a father? And what would what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection?

Ralph Ave [00:06:38]: Treating her like she was already older. That was my biggest mistake. I I had to realize she's still young. She's she's still a kid. She's still growing into things. And I think I maybe expected too much at one point out of her and realized, like, wait a minute. She's still a child. Like, know, even though she's the oldest sibling, she's still a child.

Ralph Ave [00:06:57]: She she still needs her childhood, and I didn't want her to grow up fast. I want her to kinda, hey. Enjoy your childhood and whatever your dreams may be. I will do whatever I can to get you there. But, yeah, I think my biggest mistake was just just not realizing she wasn't ready for some responsibilities I was expecting her to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:14]: What do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Ralph Ave [00:07:19]: I never fail to say I love her. I I try to say that all the time. When she feels down, like, she hates losing. Basketball game, she's just passionate about it. And when she loses, she's like, I don't wanna talk. I just I'll give her a hug. Say, hey. No matter what, I'm proud of you.

Ralph Ave [00:07:34]: And that's it. I just make sure that no matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, I will always love her, and I will make sure she hears that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:41]: I mentioned at the beginning that your daughter is getting ready to graduate. You told me before we started that she's already committed and she's gonna be playing basketball for a university, a college in California, which is amazing. But talk to me about how do you support your daughter in pursuing her passions and her dreams?

Ralph Ave [00:08:01]: My style is they gotta show it to me. They can't just say it. So she made the fifth grade team as a fourth grader, and every kid says stuff. Right? So I'm like, oh, cool. You know, just do your best. I'll I'll support you. I started watching her play, there's something here. So after her season was, she came up to me and said, dad, I need help with my distance shooting.

Ralph Ave [00:08:23]: Right at that point, I said, okay, this girl wants it. So what I did was we go to the base gym, we do drills, we shoot around, I'll make her put up shots because our family doesn't have a lot of hype. So we have to focus on the gaps between the layups and the, three point line. So I make her focus on mid range shots. And then on top of that, I found a local travel team here that we thought would help her out just to see what kind of talent is out there because we always say when you join a travel ball team, that'll either make or break if you really want it or not. Because we come from a small town, and it gets ugly. You could see scores like 50 to ten, sixty to five. But even after that, she I said, do you still want this? She said, yes, dad.

Ralph Ave [00:09:04]: So and there was times I was her school coach, and there was times I was her travel ball coach. And then I felt very privileged because I know there's a lot of parents that coach, and the kids don't listen because that's their parents. They're hard headed about it. But I have been very blessed with her. She's listened to everything outside, and she's led the team to like I said, I always told her, if we do this, you gotta make everybody around you better. It's not just gonna be about you. You have to learn how to make everybody around you better. That way the team gets better.

Ralph Ave [00:09:32]: So, yeah, like I said, I've been very blessed. And this last travel ball season, I was her, travel ball coach, and we we went to Hawaii, we went to there, and we had a Las Vegas tournament where we won the tournament championship. And that was a great way to end her travel ball career.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:46]: What's one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Ralph Ave [00:09:49]: Actually, being there. When she's sad, even when she don't wanna talk, I'll I'll give her a hug and, like, you're okay. You're okay. If she needs something, I'll get it for her, but not to the point where she's being catered to. So there's times I'll be like, you gotta go get it. You gotta go earn it. Just it's hard to balance because it's just like your little girl or your little princess, and it's it's almost like anything she says goes. So sometimes I have a tough time with that, but there's times where I'm like, you have to go do your own research.

Ralph Ave [00:10:19]: I can't give you all the answers. You have to go figure it out yourself. And then just let her know that I'm doing this because I want you to grow up, mature. I want you to start maturing yourself, and you need to not take things at face value. If you think something feels off, go research it. You know, go research for yourself. We have so much devices now that we can do research on. You know, our iPhones, our computers, just such easy access.

Ralph Ave [00:10:41]: And so I kinda make her realize, like, you know, just you gotta start maturing. You gotta start making decisions on your own. And then make smart ones. Don't. And I told her, even if you fall, I'll be there. But you gotta fall. You gotta learn how to fall and get back up on your own. I will be right by your side.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:57]: Well, it definitely sounds like you have created some amazing memories, but also some amazing traditions along the way that show her that. Talking about traditions or routines that you've had or you've set up for you and your daughter, what is a tradition or routine that you've created together that has strengthened your bond?

Ralph Ave [00:11:16]: Used to always do the father daughter dance here on the base. That was a great event, especially I get to wear my uniform when we get to do that because it's a military father daughter dance. A lot of our relationships built on basketball, but just having talks. You know, we just have these one on one talks where I'm trying to find where she's at in her head. And then I just tell her and I'll tell her how I feel too sometimes just just to make her feel like more of an adult now because, you know, she's grown. She's gonna be an adult, so she kinda have to see, like, what we go through as adults. But traditions are mainly like basketball. We would go work, shoot around, or I would help her with her her game.

Ralph Ave [00:11:59]: We I've been doing that for years with her. So, I mean, we don't necessarily have a tradition, but we have a thing where we we will hang out, just us two. But other than that, just to get closer, before she leaves, I wanna make sure she's in the right space, just being strong mentally.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:13]: We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection six, where we where I ask you six more questions to get to know you a little bit more and get to know more about you and your connection with your daughter. Are you ready?

Ralph Ave [00:12:27]: I hope so.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:29]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Ralph Ave [00:12:32]: Blessed.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:33]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received?

Ralph Ave [00:12:37]: Let them dream.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:38]: What's one activity you and your daughter love doing together?

Ralph Ave [00:12:42]: Basketball.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson, what would it be?

Ralph Ave [00:12:47]: Don't quit. No matter what, don't quit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:49]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Ralph Ave [00:12:53]: Patience. And I learned to be a lot more patient than I used to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:58]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Ralph Ave [00:13:06]: I would say let them dream, let them be, Find what they wanna do. Not what the dad wants to do, but they wanna do. And just be supportive in whatever things they decide to do. And if it changes, that's fine. Let's, you know, just continue to support them because it's that's where they're gonna get their foundation from.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:24]: Well, Ralph, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your own journey with your daughter. I wish you the best as she finishes up her high school career and moves into the next phase of her life as she heads off to college. I know it's going to be a big transition for you, but also for her. It sounds like you've got a strong relationship that's going to last and there's going to be even more amazing experiences in both of your futures. Thank you so much for being here and I wish you all the best.

Ralph Ave [00:13:52]: Best. Thank you, doctor.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:53]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:17]: Be the best dad you can be.