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From Crying Babies to Angry Adults: Why We Judge Instead of Help
In this powerful solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker challenges the way society responds to behaviour across ages. Why do we offer compassion to crying babies but demand self-control from teens, adults, and elders in distress?
Drawing on attachment theory, trauma, neurodiversity, and polyvagal theory, Andy explores how the instincts we have for infants could (and should) shape how we support older children and adults. This is a free, thought-provoking resource for parents, teachers, and carers looking to better understand behaviour, promote emotional safety, and respond with empathy instead of judgement.
🎁 Sponsored by Carers Card UK
This episode is proudly sponsored by Order your card today
📚 Resources Mentioned
Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
More resources at: www.andybaker.xyz
🔑 Key Takeaways
Behaviour is communication, not manipulation.
Whether it’s a baby crying or an adult shouting, it’s a signal – not a moral failing.
Use regulation before reasoning.
Emotional states need soothing before language or logic can be effective.
Ask better questions.
Shift from “Why are they doing this?” to “What need might they be trying to express?”
⏱️ Chapter Breakdown
00:00 - The crying baby analogy that changes everything
00:48 - Sponsor: Carers Card UK
01:56 - Why this approach matters in behaviour training and care
02:19 - Babies = compassion. Adults = control?
03:05 - Reframing tantrums, shutdowns, and aggression
04:25 - Attachment theory, trauma, and the brain
05:58 - Real-world examples: school, care homes, and beyond
07:02 - Expectations vs. actual ability
08:07 - Knowing better isn’t the same as being able to do better
08:47 - Rethinking “attention seeking” and “manipulation”
09:27 - What if they were two years old? Try that lens
10:03 - Calm first, logic later
10:49 - Create space for emotion; model empathy
11:24 - A reflection challenge: how do your expectations shape your reactions?
12:04 - Closing thoughts: honouring the humanity behind behaviour
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
Whether you're raising children, teaching pupils, or supporting vulnerable adults, this episode invites you to rethink your response to distress. If you’ve ever wondered why someone’s reaction feels "too much", this will shift your lens from judgement to compassionate curiosity.
You’ll leave with a simple but powerful framework to approach behaviour not as something to “fix”, but as something to understand – because what we call difficult behaviour is often a difficult experience in disguise.
Stay Connected
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining
📲 LinkedIn: Able Training
📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast
🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk
✅ This is a free resource
Designed to support all those who care – paid or unpaid, in schools, homes or workplaces.
📣 Call to Action
Enjoyed this episode? Please consider:
✔️ Subscribing to the podcast
🔁 Sharing it with someone who supports others
💬 Leaving a comment or review on Podbean
Let’s rewrite the rulebook together – one episode at a time.
View all episodes
By Able Training Support LtdIn this powerful solo episode of the Able to Care podcast, Andy Baker challenges the way society responds to behaviour across ages. Why do we offer compassion to crying babies but demand self-control from teens, adults, and elders in distress?
Drawing on attachment theory, trauma, neurodiversity, and polyvagal theory, Andy explores how the instincts we have for infants could (and should) shape how we support older children and adults. This is a free, thought-provoking resource for parents, teachers, and carers looking to better understand behaviour, promote emotional safety, and respond with empathy instead of judgement.
🎁 Sponsored by Carers Card UK
This episode is proudly sponsored by Order your card today
📚 Resources Mentioned
Andy Baker’s Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
More resources at: www.andybaker.xyz
🔑 Key Takeaways
Behaviour is communication, not manipulation.
Whether it’s a baby crying or an adult shouting, it’s a signal – not a moral failing.
Use regulation before reasoning.
Emotional states need soothing before language or logic can be effective.
Ask better questions.
Shift from “Why are they doing this?” to “What need might they be trying to express?”
⏱️ Chapter Breakdown
00:00 - The crying baby analogy that changes everything
00:48 - Sponsor: Carers Card UK
01:56 - Why this approach matters in behaviour training and care
02:19 - Babies = compassion. Adults = control?
03:05 - Reframing tantrums, shutdowns, and aggression
04:25 - Attachment theory, trauma, and the brain
05:58 - Real-world examples: school, care homes, and beyond
07:02 - Expectations vs. actual ability
08:07 - Knowing better isn’t the same as being able to do better
08:47 - Rethinking “attention seeking” and “manipulation”
09:27 - What if they were two years old? Try that lens
10:03 - Calm first, logic later
10:49 - Create space for emotion; model empathy
11:24 - A reflection challenge: how do your expectations shape your reactions?
12:04 - Closing thoughts: honouring the humanity behind behaviour
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?
Whether you're raising children, teaching pupils, or supporting vulnerable adults, this episode invites you to rethink your response to distress. If you’ve ever wondered why someone’s reaction feels "too much", this will shift your lens from judgement to compassionate curiosity.
You’ll leave with a simple but powerful framework to approach behaviour not as something to “fix”, but as something to understand – because what we call difficult behaviour is often a difficult experience in disguise.
Stay Connected
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining
📲 LinkedIn: Able Training
📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast
🌐 Website: AbleHub.uk
✅ This is a free resource
Designed to support all those who care – paid or unpaid, in schools, homes or workplaces.
📣 Call to Action
Enjoyed this episode? Please consider:
✔️ Subscribing to the podcast
🔁 Sharing it with someone who supports others
💬 Leaving a comment or review on Podbean
Let’s rewrite the rulebook together – one episode at a time.