This is the tension I'm living in. In limbo between the incremental to the exponential.

Four years ago, I answered the call of becoming a professional coach. I've stepped into it, played full out and held nothing back. I've invested more time and money into improving my craft and building this business than anything else I've ever pursued. It's required everything. Throughout the journey, I've experienced an inner awakening I've been yearning for all my life. I didn’t know how asleep I was to begin with.

And yet, I find myself frustrated with my incremental results. Or at least, what I consider are incremental.

Here they are:

* I was fired from a job while my firstborn was only 3 months old. I realized that I didn't deserve that termination after the fact. Still, I am more pissed at myself for playing small. For just accepting it and not standing up for myself. I wasn't being my true self throughout the process. I was people pleasing. I thought I was being the bigger person. Accepting this and moving on has been transformational.

* I am, more than ever, comfortable in my beautiful brown skin. I no longer see it as a liability.

* I've had speaking opportunities and led workshops at universities, startup accelerators and nonprofits.

* Through therapy, coaching and the support of my loving wife, I experienced healing from a childhood trauma.

* I am coaching clients who I feel intimidated by.

* After being fired from the job, I felt low and doubted my ability to provide for my wife and two kids. And yet, we were able to purchase our first home last year right before the pandemic. It was divine timing.

The incremental results list goes on. In reality, these were only things I was dreaming about years ago. And yet, I still find myself in this tension between the incremental and the exponential. I keep feeling agitation towards my progress.

Why?

Well, one reason is I don't celebrate my wins enough. I bypass them. I don't acknowledge the work I've put in. I don't set aside enough time to let the deep joy tether to my soul. I'm onto the next thing. My mind is constantly on this made up finish line. Running towards it and white knuckling my way through. And I make up that this finish line will bring me greater love and freedom.

And as I write that, I immediately recognize how false that narrative is.

Here's the truth:

Tension is part of the game. Kierkegaard calls this the "dizziness of freedom". It's “the dizziness effect of looking into the boundlessness of one's own possibilities.” Boundlessness - what a word. When I reflect on that, I feel an expansion in my body; I feel free and light. And on that path will be a dizziness effect. It is literal transformation.

And also, who gives a s**t where I am on the exponential curve? Probably no one, BUT ME!

Sam Altman said the problem with playing the exponential game is at times it will feel like you're making incremental gains.

And I'm realizing that we sustain this game by celebrating our wins and accepting the dizziness effect. We welcome all of what comes in to come in - make room for all it. Frustration, sadness, wonder, excitement, joy, love, connection and freedom. It all belongs.

We can create freedom TODAY.

We can be playful TODAY.

And we do the work with joy and with gratitude TODAY.

And if we need break, we take a damn break.

The outcomes are the outcomes. They will come however they want and they are ultimately out of our hands.

This is the process. This is the rhythm and the flow. This is what it looks like to pursue our dreams.

Let’s revel in it.

What results are you making up to be incremental? What if it didn’t matter whether your results are incremental or exponential?

Would you play the game differently?

Fiercely loving you,

Jomar

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