Episode 23: Caring for a Parent You Don't Have a Good Relationship With

Caring for a parent who hurt you is one of caregiving's least-discussed realities. In this deeply personal episode of From Overwhelmed to Relieved: The Senior Caregiving Podcast, Shannon Calles shares her own story of caring for her mother through a lifetime of a strained, painful relationship — and walks through how to provide competent, dignified care for a parent with a complicated history, without needing reconciliation first. Learn why boundaries make caregiving sustainable, how to separate "caregiving" from "healing," and hear a client story of building a structure that protected both a mother's care and a daughter's peace.

In this episode:

• Shannon's own story of caring for her mother despite a lifetime of a strained, painful relationship
• Why caregiving and reconciliation are two separate projects — and you're only required to do one
• The hidden emotional labor of managing logistics for a parent who wasn't a safe presence for you
• A client story: how "Maureen" built a care structure that protected her mother's wellbeing and her own boundaries
• Three concrete steps to start separating duty from healing this week
• This week's mantra and challenge

Powerful quote from this episode: "You can care for her without carrying her."

Resources mentioned:

• Strong Daughters Club: facebook.com/share/StrongDaughters
• Book a Discovery Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

Long-Distance Caregiving: How to Coordinate Mom's Care (and a Move) From Another State

You can't just pop in to check on her. Every update comes secondhand — a phone call from a nurse two states away, a fall you weren't there for, a decision you have to make about someone you can't even see. If you're managing a parent's care from another state, this episode is for you.

Shannon breaks down why long-distance caregiving carries such a specific, lonely weight — and why your job was never to be everywhere at once. You'll learn why a local senior care advocate can be your "boots on the ground" for touring communities you can't visit yourself, exactly what a good advocate does during a tour, and the full checklist of what to look for (and what red flags mean you walk away) — whether you're touring in person or reviewing someone else's notes and video. Plus, a real family's story of relocating a 92-year-old stroke survivor across the country after discovering a prior power of attorney had financially exploited her.

If you've ever felt guilty for not living closer to your parent, this episode will help you build a plan instead of carrying the guilt alone.

In this episode:

• Why distance doesn't measure your love — or your capability as a caregiver
• The real risk of evaluating a community off a website and a phone call
• What a trained advocate actually does on a tour (and the questions they ask that families don't know to ask)
• The full "what to look for" checklist: staffing ratios, care plans, resident engagement, safety protocols, and more
• A family's story of long-distance relocation after financial exploitation by a prior POA
• This week's challenge and mantra for long-distance caregivers

What You'll Learn:

• Why long-distance caregiving carries a uniquely heavy, isolating weight — and why it's not your fault
• Why touring a community off a website and a phone call is a gamble you don't have to take
• What a trained senior care advocate actually does during a tour (and why "boots on the ground" matters when you can't be there yourself)
• The full checklist of what to look for on any tour: staffing ratios, the smell test, resident engagement, care plan process, safety protocols, and more
• The red flags that mean it's time to walk away
• A real family's story of relocating a 92-year-old stroke survivor across the country after discovering financial exploitation by a prior power of attorney

Want to hop on a call to discuss your situation and what your options are?

In a call together, I will help you understand where things are at with your parent, what options you have available to you now and in the future, resources available, and how I can help you.

📞 Book a Call with me: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

Let's Connect Online! 📧 Email me: [email protected] 📱 DM/Connect on IG: @clark_county_senior_resources

🌐 clarkcountyseniorresources.com

Featured Pull Quote

"Your sibling is not your enemy. The disease is. The grief is. Underneath almost every battle are two terrified people who both love their mom — and have never once said, 'I'm scared too.'"

Episode Summary

Shannon welcomes guest Teresa for an unflinching conversation about sibling conflict in caregiving. With her mom in memory care and her brother holding POA, Teresa shares what the battles looked like, what they cost her, and what finally helped her move toward peace — whether the relationship is fully repaired.

What You'll Learn

• Why caregiving so often fractures sibling relationships

• How POA changes family power dynamics

• How to separate Mom's care from old rivalries

• Boundary-setting without estrangement

• The first concrete step toward repair

Resources & Links

• Strong Daughters Club: facebook.com/share/g/1DnDv72Hfx

• Book a Discovery Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• Email: [email protected]

• Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

• Text Shannon: 564-227-8847

Most families dealing with a senior placement crisis carry a belief that stops them from even exploring one of their biggest financial resources: 'We won't qualify for Medicaid.' In this episode, Shannon Calles dismantles the four most common Medicaid myths and walks families through what Washington State Apple Health Long-Term Care actually covers, who actually qualifies, and what to do right now — whether placement is days away or still on the horizon.

FEATURED QUOTE

The assumption that you don't qualify could be costing your family tens of thousands of dollars — and a whole lot of unnecessary stress. Get accurate information before you write Medicaid off.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• The 4 most common Medicaid myths — and the truth behind each one

• How Washington State's income rules are more flexible than most people realize

• Why home ownership doesn't automatically disqualify your parent

• Community spouse protections explained in plain language

• Whether memory care is covered by Medicaid (and how to find communities that accept it)

• What a private pay bridge is and how families use it

• The 5 action steps to take immediately — whatever stage you're at

KEY RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Washington State Apple Health Long-Term Care (Medicaid) Information Link

• DSHS / Home and Community Services Information Link

• Washington Law Help COPES information link

• Book a free Discovery Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• Strong Daughters Club (free Facebook community): facebook.com/share/strongdaughtersclub

• Free Caregiver's Relief Guide: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Write down your parent's actual financial picture — monthly income, savings, assets, home ownership, and spouse status. You're not applying for anything. You're just getting honest with yourself so you can make decisions from clarity instead of fear. Then share this episode and tag @clark_county_senior_resources on Instagram.

THIS WEEK'S MANTRA

I make decisions from information, not assumption. Clarity is an act of love.

CONNECT WITH SHANNON

• Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

• Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

• Email: [email protected]

• Phone: 564-227-8847

• Book a Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

"Power of Attorney is not a title. It is a role. And like any role, it comes with responsibilities, boundaries, and a need for support." — Shannon Calles, Episode 19

Episode Overview

Most families treat Power of Attorney like a checkbox — sign it, file it, breathe easier. But the gap between what POA actually means and what most people think it means can cause serious harm when a care crisis hits. Using a composite client story, Shannon breaks down the five most common POA misconceptions — and gives you a clear framework for understanding your role and your limits before the next crisis arrives.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why POA doesn't give you unlimited authority while your parent is still legally competent

• The difference between Financial POA and Healthcare POA — and why one without the other leaves a dangerous gap

• When your POA authority expires (yes, it can expire)

• How to protect yourself legally and emotionally when family conflict arises

• The documentation habits that protect both you and your parent

• What the role of POA actually requires — and what it doesn't

The 5 Most Common POA Misconceptions

1. POA means you're in charge. (Not necessarily — not while your parent is still legally competent.)

2. One document covers everything. (Financial POA and Healthcare POA are separate documents.)

3. POA is permanent. (It expires at death and may not be honored if it's outdated.)

4. POA protects you from family conflict. (It gives you legal authority — not family harmony.)

5. You can handle this alone. (You cannot — and you shouldn't have to.)

This Week's Challenge: The POA Document Audit

• Find and locate the POA document

• Read it — note the type, date signed, and when your authority activates

• Identify the gap — do you have both financial and healthcare POA? Is it current and on file?

• Take one single next action to close the gap

• Share your takeaway on Instagram and tag @clark_county_senior_resources

This Week's Mantra

"I don't have to have all the answers. I just have to know my role, ask for help, and keep showing up for her."

Resources Mentioned

• National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys: naela.org

• AARP Power of Attorney Guide: aarp.org

• Area Agency on Aging (Clark County): 360-735-5720

• Strong Daughters Club (Free Facebook Community): The Strong Daughters Club

• Book a Call with Shannon: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

Join the Strong Daughters Club

If today's episode brought up questions — about POA, about what comes next, about how to even start these conversations — you don't have to sit with them alone. The Strong Daughters Club is our free Facebook community built specifically for adult daughters navigating senior care.

Join here: The Strong Daughters Club

Connect with Shannon Calles

Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

Email: [email protected]

Phone/Text: 564-227-8847

Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

Book a Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

Episode 18 | How to Have the Hard Conversation About Your Parent's Care Plan (Before Crisis Forces It)

Are you avoiding "the talk" with your aging parent about their care plan — and secretly hoping it never has to happen? You're not alone. But the longer we wait, the more that decision gets made for us. In an ER. By strangers. In crisis.

In this episode, Shannon Calles — senior care consultant, certified dementia practitioner, and someone who has walked this caregiving road personally — breaks down the three hardest conversations in caregiving and gives you the tools to finally start having them.

In this episode you'll learn:

✔ How to start "the talk" with your parent before a crisis forces it — including exact conversation starters you can use this week

✔ How to navigate the sibling dynamic when not everyone is showing up equally

✔ What to do when your parent refuses help — and what that resistance is really telling you

✔ Why having this conversation early is one of the most loving things you can do

Want to talk through your specific situation and what your options are?

In a call together, I'll help you understand where things stand with your parent, what care options are available now and in the future, and exactly how I can support you.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Strong Daughters Club (Free Facebook Community): facebook.com/share/g/1DnDv72Hfx

• Book a Call with Shannon: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• The Caregiver's Relief Guide (Free Download): clarkcountyseniorresources.com

CONNECT WITH SHANNON:

• Email: [email protected]

• Phone/Text: 564-227-8847

• Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

• Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

7 Types of Care You Actually Deserve — Not Just the Ones You Give Away

EPISODE QUOTE:

"You are not just a caregiver. You are a whole person. And your care matters." — Shannon Calles

When did you last do something that was just for you? If the answer takes more than two seconds, this episode is for you.

Shannon Calles, Certified Dementia Practitioner and senior care consultant, breaks down 7 essential types of self-care that caregiving daughters deserve—but rarely allow themselves. Through the story of composite client Denise (a relatable stand-in for so many caregiving daughters), Shannon reframes self-care from a luxury to a caregiving strategy.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why caregiver depletion is a direct threat to your parent's care quality

• The 7 types of care caregiving daughters neglect most

• How to start reclaiming your well-being without overhauling your life

• A weekly challenge and mantra to get you started this week

THE 7 TYPES OF SELF-CARE COVERED:

• Physical Care — Rest, movement, and showing up for your own body

• Emotional Care — Permission to feel, space to grieve, support to process

• Mental Care — Protecting cognitive bandwidth and releasing what isn't yours

• Social Care — Staying connected when isolation creeps in

• Spiritual Care — Reconnecting to meaning, stillness, and what matters most

• Creative Care — Reclaiming what makes you feel alive

• Identity Care — Remembering who you are beyond your caregiver role

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Strong Daughters Circle — In-Person Event: May 19, 5–7 PM | Founders Mercantile Coffee, Vancouver, WA

• Strong Daughters Club (Free Facebook Community): facebook.com/share/g/1DnDv72Hfx

• Book a Call with Shannon: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• The Caregiver's Relief Guide (Free Download): clarkcountyseniorresources.com

CONNECT WITH SHANNON:

• Email: [email protected]

• Phone/Text: 564-227-8847

• Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

• Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

WEEKLY CHALLENGE:

• Choose ONE of the 7 types of care from this episode

• Take one small action in that area this week

• Tell someone you're doing it (accountability!)

• Post on Instagram and tag @clark_county_senior_resources with the caption: "I deserve care too."

THIS WEEK'S MANTRA:

"I am not just a caregiver. I am a whole person, and my care matters."

Episode 16 Summary

Nothing in caregiving fully prepares you for the final days with your parent. Not the years of experience. Not the training. Not even the love you carry.

In this deeply personal episode, Shannon speaks truth with tenderness about the sacred collision of exhaustion and honor that lives in end-of-life caregiving. She talks about caregiver autopilot — the survival mode that keeps us functioning but sometimes steals the very moments we're trying to be present for. She addresses the FOMO of watching the world keep moving while you keep vigil. And she offers four truths to help you navigate the final days with grace.

This episode is permission. To slow down. To be here. To let this season be exactly what it is.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

• Why autopilot is both a survival gift and a presence thief for caregivers

• The difference between anticipatory grief and the grief of witnessing

• How to release FOMO when the world keeps moving and you can't

• Four honest truths that will carry you through the final days

• Why hearing is the last sense to go — and what that means for you

• How to give yourself permission to be exactly where you are

This Week's Challenge

• Give yourself permission to slow down. Write it down: "I have permission to be here."

• Find one moment today to just be present. Sit beside them. Hold their hand. Breathe.

• Share this episode on Instagram and tag @clark_county_senior_resources. Let another daughter know she's not alone.

This Week's Mantra

"I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This is my sacred season, and I am enough for it."

Resources & Links

• Join the Strong Daughters Club (free Facebook community): The Strong Daughters Club

• Book a call with Shannon: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• Email Shannon: [email protected]

• Follow on Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

• Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

Episode 15: That's Memory Care — The Light in the Heavy and Why Planning Now Changes Everything

Nobody told you it would look like this. The behaviors that stop you in your tracks. The moments your kids want to disappear into the floor. And yes — the moments that are just a little bit funny, even when you feel guilty for laughing.

In Episode 15, Shannon shares stories from her years inside Memory Care communities — including Bob, the Salt Lake City resident who walked the halls naked every day with the confidence of a man who had somewhere to be — explains the brain science behind dementia behaviors, and talks about why the families who navigate this journey with the most grace are the ones who had a plan before the crisis hit.

She also shares, for the first time on this podcast, why she left corporate senior care after 15 years and started Clark County Senior Resources — and what that means for your family.

Episode Quote:

"Pre-planning is not giving up on him. Pre-planning is loving him well before the emergency takes the choice away from you."

What We Cover:

• Why Memory Care staff never flinch — and what that calm teaches us

• The 4 real causes of undressing behavior: physical discomfort, sequencing loss, disorientation, sundowning

• Why the funny moments are allowed — and why they matter

• How to talk to your kids after a difficult Memory Care visit

• Why Shannon left corporate senior care and started Clark County Senior Resources

• Why pre-planning for care is the most loving thing you can do right now

• Your Brain on Mom podcast — recommended resource for siblings in real time

• The Strong Daughters Club: your free community for the middle of the journey

Resources Mentioned:

• Your Brain on Mom Podcast — search on your favorite podcast platform

• Strong Daughters Club (Facebook): Click Here to Join

• Book a Free Discovery Call: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

• Clark County Senior Resources: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

This Week's Challenge:

1. Find the laugh this week — and let yourself have it.

2. Start the conversation about care planning — or book a free call with Shannon.

3. Share this episode and tag @clark_county_senior_resources.

Connect with Shannon:

Website: clarkcountyseniorresources.com

Instagram: @clark_county_senior_resources

Email: [email protected] | Phone/Text: 564-227-8847

Book a Free Call: @clark_county_senior_resources

You're managing everything — the appointments, the medications, the decisions, the grief — and the loneliest part isn't the workload. It's doing all of it without a single person in your life who truly gets what this season feels like.

In this episode, Shannon Calles opens up about why she built The Strong Daughters Club in January 2026, what it's grown into (250+ members and counting!), and why community might be the missing piece you didn't know to look for.

She shares the story of Renee — a daughter navigating placement for her mom without anyone in her corner who understood — and walks through the three rallying cries that drive everything The Strong Daughters Club stands for:

✨ Strong doesn't mean solo.

✨ We find light in the heavy.

✨ Choose yourself AND love your parent — living in the AND.

You'll also hear about the weekly rhythms inside the online community, the monthly Strong Daughters Circles launching this spring, and the first in-person gathering happening May 19th in Vancouver, WA.

This episode is for the daughter who's been white-knuckling it alone. It's time to exhale.

🎧 Listen now and then come find your people.

🎯 YOUR WEEKLY CHALLENGE:

Step 1 — Name your isolation. Grab a piece of paper and answer honestly: Who in my life truly gets what I'm going through? If that list is empty, that's your sign.

Step 2 — Take one action toward community. If you're not in the Strong Daughters Club yet, join today — it's free: The Strong Daughters Club. Already a member? Invite one person this week. You know exactly who needs this.

Step 3 — Share this episode publicly. Tag @clark_county_senior_resources on Instagram and let's normalize the reality of caregiving — the hard, the messy, and the beautiful.

💛 THIS WEEK'S MANTRA:

"Strong doesn't mean solo. I was never meant to carry this alone — and starting today, I won't."

JOIN THE STRONG DAUGHTERS CLUB (Free Facebook Community): Strong Daughters Club

FIRST IN-PERSON EVENT — May 19th, 5–7 PM: Founders Merchantile Coffee | Vancouver, WA

BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL: calendly.com/shannon-clarkcountysr/30min

CONNECT WITH SHANNON: 📧 [email protected] 📱 564-227-8847 📷 @clark_county_senior_resources