Fruit Pursuit Podcast

The #1 Joy Sapper – and How To Stop It:  Perhaps you long for joy but it still seems to elude you.  If you listened to my last podcast, A Secret to Easy Joy, and you’re taking action, then you’re already on a great start to making space for joy to flow in.

Today, though, I want to address something we do all the time that prevents us from accessing that joy as it comes in.  In fact, it could be there right now, but you’ve got the door bolted shut so it can’t get in.

What are the defining characteristics of survival mode?

-Thinking about myself.

– Focusing on what I lack.

The dryer is weird, the van is about to go, the gutters are clogged, no matter how hard I work on this house, it still has so far to go.

The kids are failing 7 classes, sick, so I can’t even get them to school…I can’t even help with the work that needs to be done.

– Tallying the expectations that haven’t happened yet.

– Trying to logic my way out of this feeling by analyzing what isn’t working.

– Believing that there are no other options available to you other than the one bottle you cast out to sea.

When you are in survival mode we forget:

Additionally, if you live in this mode for very long, it can become a habit and as a result it can feel scary, unsafe, or unusual when we step out of this mode and into service and joy.

But there is joy and life when we lift our eyes up and out.

Whom can I serve today?

(Story of cranky family, choice to make dinner for another family.)

Whom can I love?

(WHo else out there feels like an outsider?)

How can I help?

(By going to bed? By taking care of me? By washing dishes? By being the example to others in my family of consistency?)

Where do I see God at work and how can I contribute?

Who has been served by me in the past?

WHere is evidence that love is present?

(I long to feel valuable, he sends me someone who needs help.)

Where has God answered before?

(Story of prayer for financial assistance? Answer of speaking topic- vision)

Where is evidence of his love?

Where is he showing up in my life?

It really only takes one action to get the ball rolling!  And don’t spend too long figuring out which one you’ll do.  Then do another, and another.  Pretty soon, you’ll be rolling in that satisfying joy you long for!

What one action will you take today?

Did you enjoy this episode of “The #1 Joy Sapper”?  Listen to more episodes here!

The post The #1 Joy Sapper – and How To Stop It appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

Do you ever long to experience joy but feel like it takes too much work to make it happen?

In today’s episode, I reveal one of the keys to clearing the space for joy to come in!

Just like cleaning out a cabinet before we organize things inside it, it is necessary to clear out the junk in our head before we can allow something else in.

What junk is that?

Great question!  It’s your own thoughts and never ending loop of what you should be doing that you haven’t already.

In short, when we don’t keep our promises and commitment to ourselves, to God and to others, we allow a sort of distracting white noise to take over inside.  In fact, it can become so loud that it completely blocks our joy receptors!

Here are a couple of areas where you can clean that up and make way for joy:

1. Keep your promises to yourself.

Self care- what areas have you decided need attention that you are continuing to ignore?

Convictions- where in your life do you hear a nudge to change every single time you open that game, flip that phone, watch that show?

Often we think there is wisdom in putting these things off- we’re busy with something else, there are good reasons to keep the thing, I might wish I did it differently later…

But if the nudge to take action is there, you’re clogging up your ability to absorb joy while you beat yourself up about what you aren’t doing.

2. Keep your commitments to others.

Just do it- when you make a commitment and follow through, it frees your mind to consider other things and people around you.  Joy becomes easier because you are distracted trying to avoid or procrastinate the thing.

Re-negotiate- some days, we simply have to be honest and realize we bit off more than we can chew.  In those moments the best thing is to figure out how to renegotiate the commitment.  When we go ahead and get that potentially uncomfortable conversation handled, it frees us up to enjoy the relationships, the events, and the beauty around us because we aren’t spending all that time and energy on resentment, frustration, or procrastination!

Three verses I appreciate about this topic are:

Romans 14:5

Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.

This reminds me that when I am fully convinced, that is the time I am most likely to take action.  If I’m not fully convinced it’s either time to put it down, or do what’s necessary to get to a place where I’m clear about what I’m choosing.  That brings joy.

Proverbs 15:23

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply and how good is a timely word.

I’m encouraged to have difficult conversations because of this verse.  There is a sweet relief that happens when we finally acknowledge elephants in the room.  Once we’ve admitted it’s there, we can focus on other things, which almost always include joy!

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each of you should give what you have decided in you to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

One of my favorite verses here, but in this context it’s a reminder that every promise and commitment is a choice that we made. No one forced them on us, we give them.  They are a gift. And as we remember that our commitments are gifts we give to others, we can be inspired to continue giving and fulfilling those promises with joy and gladness!

Now, what one next step will you take towards joy today?

The post A Secret To Easy Joy appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

Last week, we discussed how love is about listening.  This week, we’re covering the opposite side of the spectrum: speaking up.

Today we’ll get really clear about three different areas where speaking up is crucial.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but these three are some of the most important times, in my book, to open our mouths!

1. Love means speaking up when it’s the gospel that did the work, or is the remedy.

Romans 1:16: For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew and also to the Greek.

The gospel has power. It is the remedy!

When we know that the joy of the Lord is our strength, but we don’t proclaim that remedy to others, it’s like knowing someone is ill and having the medicine for them, but walking away.

Additionally, when we are focused on giving God glory, it helps us stay zoned into the heart issue and not whatever outward actions rub us the wrong way or are different from how we’d do things.

2. Love means speaking up when others have requested accountability from us.

Galatians 6:1: Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

There is a default accountability agreement that we become a part of when we are part of the church of Christ. Speaking up to hold others accountable is part of our job.  Gentleness, kindness and humility is required, but accountability is a necessary component to growing as believers.

Additionally, sometimes people ask us to hold them accountable.  While their response is not always guaranteed to be pleasant when we do it. If we agree to speak up when we see something that needs improvement, but don’t, it isn’t love.

3. Love means speaking up against false teaching.

Ephesians 5:11: Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

When we keep silent, we allow, by default, others to speak lies to those we love.  When people are desperate for answers, they are equally susceptible to any concepts that sound good and hopeful.

Two examples of false teaching in the coaching world include:

The importance of FORGIVING YOURSELF

Nowhere in the Bible will you find any scripture indicating that forgiving yourself is something you need to do.  Scripture talks about forgiving others, asking forgiveness of God, asking forgiveness of others. We don’t owe ourselves a debt. That’s a position that belongs to God and forgiving ourselves is a slick way to leave the real solution- true repentance and acknowledgement of our need for a Savior – out of the equation. It’s the world’s way of taking God’s idea and attempting to solve a problem without Him. Sure sounds good though.

I am enough.

This one is also a false teaching that is sweeping the world by storm and it is love to share with others the lack of hope and truth in this statement.

What is true?

What is true?

And are we enough for anything else? Is who we are sufficient to any task? No! The Bible says that in our weakness, he is made strong.  That he enables us to will and to do what he calls us too.  That indicates that we very much are NOT enough, but HE is!

God is enough.  Regardless of where we start, how weak or strong we are, God is enough to get us through, help us fulfill his purpose.

Again, this is a slick deflection the world uses to gently slide us towards elevating ourselves and eliminating our need for God.

But the truth is, HE is enough.  Because he works in us and through us, we become enough.

So, where have you experienced false teaching and choose to sit on it?  Love those around you well.  Speak up! Expose the lies. There is life in the TRUTH!

What one action will you take today in order to love God, love others, and enjoy it?

The post Love is Speaking Up appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

Today we are going to discuss some situations where listening might seem like the last thing you’d want to do, and yet, it’s a great opportunity to show love to others.

However, we’ve discussed listening skills before.  If you want some practical tips, check out Episode 10: Kindness & Listening Skills

When I think of the type of listening I’m talking about today, I’m reminded of God listening to the children of Israel while they were still slaves in Egypt.

Exodus 2:24-25 says, “And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.  God saw the people of Israel – and God knew.”

He heard, remembered, saw, and knew.

That’s love in listening.

John 15: 12-13 instructs us, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

How often do we have the chance to simply lay down our life for others, literally?

In this country? Not very often.

This is love.  We can listen and I’m about to show you several areas where this applies, and some practical ways you can look at the situation so it becomes easier.

INAY

These are my favorite four letters when it comes to times I am called to listen and keep my mouth shut!

“It’s Not About You.”

This is my slogan. SOmetimes I put it on a piece of paper when I’m coaching online. Sometimes I write it on my hand so I see it in conversation.  Other times, I’ve set it as a reminder to pop up on my phone.  WHen I present to an audience and I’m nervous about how it’s all going to come out, if I’ll be heard, if I’ll use the word “really” far too much- I tape it to my notes so I am reminded that my entire purpose is not about me.  It’s about others.  It is love.

Here’s some other situations where this reminder comes in handy:

It’s not about you. THey have ideas and how they did it. It feels good to help, and they also have an opportunity to validate their own decisions in their parenting styles. None of that is about you, how you parent, whether your choices are best, etc.  It’s about them. Lovingly listen.

– When your relatives or friends make insensitive comments:

All of these can obviously feel insensitive, but none of them are about you.  Often they are more about the other person trying to either figure out what to say, how to come to terms with a difficult situation, figure out how to make up for the obvious elephant in the room, or they are putting themselves in your position and have no idea how they would handle it or feel and are taking a stab. All of that is about THEM. It’s Not About You.

When we realize the comments aren’t really about us, it’s easier to listen, and let them fall off like they are no big deal.

Another area we can apply this is with our spouse and kids.

Let’s take the spouse first.

We simultaneously want our husbands to be authentic, vulnerable, and honest while also being our protector, steady support, and tolerant of our wishy washy emotions sometimes.

For some, it’s the other way around- the wife is the steady and the husband is the wishy washy one.  But in most relationships, there’s a combination of the two somewhere and to some degree it goes both ways.

When a spouse comes to us with genuine concerns, do we immediately assume they are blaming us, take it personally, get mad and defensive?

Or do you hold space for them to share their feelings, remember that their experience is not about you and listen with love?

It’s not always easy.  Especially if what their concerned about is also a perfect match for something we feel like we fail at regularly.  However, it’s still a good opportunity to show love and listen without becoming defensive.  Because their sharing is about them.  It’s Not About You.

SImilarly, with children.  WHen our children come to us with complaints, it can be easy to feel underappreciated, attacked, personally offended, etc.  But we have the opportunity to hear them and their difficulties from the stand point of being a safe place for them to say how they really feel.  Isn’t that what God does with us?  He listens- however it comes out, doesn’t take offense at us, and then does exactly what needs doing. He loves us by listening.

One practical way you can do this with your family, is to have a specific time where all of you get together and then take turns going around the room giving opportunity to each person to share what’s working and not working lately in their life. Write the things down, so you can remember and discuss them later.

You can take it one step further and pass out index cards for them to write anything down that feels too embarrassing to share.  Then at the end, collect them and address those privately.

This is not a time to explain why you do what you do, why their request isn’t possible, or how ridiculous they are being.  This is an opportunity to show love by listening.

When we have done this as a family, I am always blown away by some of the little things that feel so big to my children that they are carrying around. It will soften your hearts towards them.  You will hear them, and be able to feel their pain.

You may think you are already a family that communicates well. I think we are. It was still worth trying.

In conclusion,

Let them tell their story,  ask questions, comment about what is interesting, consider why certain things make them feel certain ways.  Ask them why, how, if they could… Love them by listening.

What one action will you take today to show love to others?

The post Love is Listening appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of gal.

I’m like a steep roller coaster!

I gave my heart to Christ when I was 5 or 6- I remember them explaining how Jesus died for my sins and that I could ask for forgiveness, and ask him to be the Lord of my life and thank him for saving me and that I would be saved.

I remember being so clear that I was saved and that I needed to obey Jesus and follow his will for my life.

Unfortunately, I felt very unsuccessful doing that.

I knew God loved me, but I acted like love was earned. Combine that with my extreme personality and if I couldn’t get it right 100% of the time, then why bother trying to get it right any of the time?

So, I would resort to selfishness, stubbornness, and frustration.

I believe that our love for God is reflected in how we love others. If that’s the case for you, what deal have you made about how that looks?

Here’s some of the deals I made:

How’s that show up in your relationships? Huh?  That one doesn’t turn out so well.

Second, I really thought unconditional love meant that there was a basic love level and if I got on their good side by doing what they liked, then they’d like me more if I acted more like them.

But that really wasn’t love at all. It was a craving for attention.

When love is steady regardless of how I showed up if feels unconditional.

While it may seem odd at first if grand gestures are a way you show love when someone is making you happy, but you act mad when they disappoint you, then it isn’t steady.

Does this ever show up in your relationships with others?  In either your attempts to love other people- and your emotions get in the way, or in your reception of love from others.  Have you ever considered that an over the top response and attention to someone’s gift could actually be reinforcing a false pattern of belief about the love of God?

In order to truly love God, you must love others.

In order to truly love others, you must love God.

What does truly loving God look like?

Love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things.

It believes all things.

It hopes all things.

It endures all things.

Love never fails.

What one next step will you take today to love someone unconditionally?

The post Love: The Unconditional Kind appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

We’ve all been there: the family gathering that everyone expects you to be at, but most don’t love and everyone spends feeling awkward. How do we handle them?

To say we’ll never go again seems harsh and unloving.  To insist on our own way seems selfish.

And there’s the food we don’t like, the people that are awkward or ask uncomfortable questions, or the family drama that we wish we weren’t a part of but somehow can’t seem to ever avoid.

What’s a mom to do?

Today, I’ll talk about a couple ways we have saved our sanity over the years that you can apply to any situation you have going on this holiday season

AND

How we can show love to others by doing one simple thing before going to any event.

How to show love to others:

Choose a way of being before you go. Have a physical reminder with you to help you remember during the event.

This helps by: Keeping Kindness in the forefront of your mind.

Reminds you of who you want to be.

Allows you to be an example to others.

What events have you got coming up where you can show love like you mean it?

The post Love: Extended Family & Expectations appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

How do we actually break free from a cycle of discouragement?

Be aware that when one thing isn’t working, we tend to gather all the things together that aren’t working like a little collection.

Why are we so quick to gather those things together?

Be aware that discouragement is more than just a feeling.

Discouragement can be a habit.

A pattern of worry, control, or analyzing.

Remember: The past is not evidence of all that is possible for the future.

Thoughts like, “Not enough time before…x,y,z.”

Or, “Too much time has passed…I should be further along by now.”

Remember: If your big investment hasn’t paid off yet, the story isn’t over.

Discouragement comes from focusing on the negative what ifs.

Questions such as:

What if it doesn’t work out?

What if I don’t get there in time?

What if I run out of money?

What if they don’t figure it out?

Remember: It is possible to choose to focus on positive what-ifs instead.

Be aware of shame shutting you down! Shame pops in and causes us to shut down from sharing.  It causes us to believe or at least pay attention to lies. It prohibits us from reaching out.

So, what are you focused on?

Feel free to journal about all the things you are anxious about, worried about, scared of, fearful about, frustrated with. AND THEN…

Slow down

Focus

Breathe

Look for the positive what ifs.

We find joy in life by looking for the joy in life today!

Give no attention to the possibilities of failure. You can find excitement and possibility if you look for it. What do you look for most?

4 Ways to Overcome Discouragement:

Choose to make a list of things that work.

A list of what-if’s that are exciting and possibilities.

(The more often we choose what is supportive, the easier it will get to choose it.)

Philippians 4:19

God’s abundance is always available and doesn’t disappear with a change in my circumstance.

2. Turn the lies around to truth.

3. Take the opportunity to focus on God’s goodness completely!

Movement- changes my physical body

critical to boosting dopamine! Take a walk, jumping jacks, dancing,

Laughter- don’t take yourself so seriously!

Also increases feel happy chemicals

Music changes my emotions

Do you have a playlist of music that elevates your spirit?

Gratitude Changes my mind

Celebrate your little wins. Remember the progress you are making.

4. Be aware of resistance.

What are you getting from staying discouraged?

What benefit are you receiving?

Recognize the rewards of discouragement, and ask yourself if this is the reward you want.

Choose to give no place to doubt and fear.

No place to what if it doesn’t work, the times I’ve blown it.

The past is not evidence for what is possible in the future.

God always works things together for my good.

Stay focused on him.

He is faithful. We can be faithful. We can testify to his faithfulness at work in us!

What one next step will you take in faithfulness today?

The post Faithfulness vs. Discouragement appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

Today we’ll discuss great reasons to volunteer and perhaps some red flags to be aware of.

Let’s go into our potential commitments with both eyes open.

When we choose to volunteer it’s important to maintain

Integrity

Humility

Generosity

Consistency

Luke 6:38 (ESV)

We are always free to do whatever we want to do.  Just be clear this is in alignment with who you truly want to be and what you truly want to do in your life.

Good reasons to volunteer: Or, proceed with caution

1. You are needed AND it aligns with your purpose or calling

As believers, we are called to serve others, to share the gospel and the love of Jesus.

The question is “Where can you get involved, not IF you get involved.

One of the best ways to get to know people deeply and quickly is to work on a project together.  This creates a natural point of mutual interest.

Have you ever been in the situation where it was way more fun to give a gift than it was to get one?

Generosity helps us focus on the incredible abundance all around us.

BUT FIRST, Consider a couple things you need to know before you begin:

What do you hope to gain?

Praise? Power? Experience? The other person to change? Pride? Confidence?

How long are we committing for?

Indefinite time commitments don’t really serve anyone well.

Reasons NOT to volunteer: Or, Proceed with caution.

SAFETY:

In order to cut corners financially, proper care and safety is not a priority to the organization

This can include child care, construction, old/ outdated methods and products that are dangerous.

BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T, THEN IT WILL FAIL

 Maybe it’s supposed to fail.

Because you stopped for two seconds and you are watching others squirm, and you feel guilty, so you go right back.

You keeping it limping along might be the biggest hindrance to the next beautiful, more effective thing coming

HOW ARE VOLUNTEERS TREATED?

Few repeat volunteers?

Volunteers well cared for?

Micromanagement?

Survival mode- do they overwhelm their help?

What one way can you uplevel your consistency in your service to others today?

The post Faithfulness: To Volunteer or Not to Volunteer appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

How can we encourage those around us?

Is there a way to increase their consistency without fussing or nagging them to do things?

In today’s episode we’ll discuss ways to do all three.

We’ll talk about husbands, children, and friends/ coworkers.

We’ve discussed finding and feeling the Faithfulness of God. Last episode we discussed seeing our own growth in faithfulness and consistency.  Today we are tackling the subject of seeing faithfulness in others around us.

When I was a teen my mom was so frustrated with me.

We encourage those around us by taking time to tell them what we see that they are doing well.

People crave it.

I don’t care what your love language is, it feels good to hear that you are doing something right. (Well, unless you haven’t heard it for a long time and you’ve been busy telling yourself negative things.  Then, it feels uncomfortable first.)

But what if I can’t find anything good to say?

Look at their weakness and ask, what is the strength on the other side?

“She takes forever to do that work.” (Thorough, detailed, calm, persevering)

He is always arguing. (Thoughtful, bold, integrity)

He always breaks my stuff. (Creative, experimental, innovative, focused)

Won’t shut up. (Friendly, conversationalist, cheerful, speaks loud enough to be heard)

Too rowdy. (High energy, vibrant, physical stamina)

A slob. (Flexible, overlooks faults in others, willing to let other things go, forgiving)

Expects me to do all the work while they lie around and rest? (Aware of the rest they need, take care of themselves well, content to let things be as they are)

How can we maximize the possibility that they will grow and change without nagging?

The Secret tools:

Who can you bless today with your positivity and encouragement?

The post Faithfulness of Others appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.