First, we need to ease the pressure.

This exercise will help to do that.

Put your phone on do not disturb and physically out of sight.

Open to a blank page of a notebook and grab something to write with.

Now write for two pages.

Write whatever comes to the page.

If you’re all stoppered up, start with writing how you feel physically; describe the sensations in your body.

If you’re still stoppered up, describe the last day.

Keep writing until you reach the end of two pages.

No one will read this. You don’t even have to re-read this (I recommend that you don’t until at least a few days later). This is about unloading your thoughts and easing the pressure.

If you can’t write, just sit there until the next thought comes.

Remember, it’s just thoughts. They can’t hurt you.

Once you’re done, observe. Do you feel any different?

The world hasn’t changed much. Reality hasn’t changed much.

All that is different is that you have allowed yourself to express yourself in a safe place.

My hope is that you feel a little less frantic.

Hold onto this feeling. Now that we feel better, it’s time to face the actual situation.

(This exercise was inspired by Julia Cameron’s morning pages from The Artist’s Way)

Beep.

A nurse in the 70s watches yet another die.

Beep.

The meaning of the world is music.

Beep.

“Everything is ok, Rosie.”

Beep.

Everything wasn’t ok. Though I barely remember it, I know that I was on a hospital stretcher, heavily sedated (I had begged for it) and was soon to be admitted to a mental health ward on an involuntary treatment order because I was experiencing a psychotic episode. I would be in hospital for 6 weeks.

I had the best recovery that anyone could hope for. Many people never come back from that place. But, even so, recovery was one of the hardest things.

What they don’t tell you about mental health wards (they tell you surprisingly little) is that people are released when they are no longer a danger to themselves or others, not because they’re well.

It took weeks for the episode to abate. I see why people may never come back. Psychosis is not dissimilar to what (I’ve heard) a good acid trip is like. The difference, I suppose is that you enter into psychosis with no tether back to reality. The way back is almost accidental. The reason it would be so easy to not come back is partly because it’s such a beautiful experience and partly because it means coming to terms with the reality: your life has been turned upside down and you have to basically start from scratch.

Well, I came back. And I did start from scratch.

It’s been just over 5 years since then.

A lot can happen in 5 years.

Doing more clearly isn’t working.

But it seems to be the only strategy we have, doesn’t it?

How is it that we know logically that the pile is getting larger but we keep thinking “if only I were more efficient”?

I  was something like a hurricane at certain points in my life. I was  constantly rushing from place to place. Mornings were like crash  landings. I would work late into the night.

And, to no one’s surprise, doing more didn’t make it any easier.

But I had no other strategy.

I  felt like no one understood what it was like to be as busy as I was. No  one understood the pressure I was under. No one knew what it was like  to be barely scraping through from one day to the next.

There’s no way I would believe it at the time, but now that I’m on the other side of it, here’s what I realised:

Busy is mostly a feeling and whatever isn’t a feeling is a choice.

The  feeling: Rushed, hurried, constant todo lists running through your  head, frantic, worried, pushing, gotta sleep more, so much to do

The choice: At the end of the day, you chose what to put on your plate. And you can choose to take it off your plate.

There are no quick fixes for a true change. I’m sure if there were, I would have found them.

But I did manage to figure it out. I took the long way.

Welcome to Full of Greats!

After finding my way from being completely overwhelmed to pretty much on top of things, I've found that life has a lot more to offer than just busyness. I'm Rosie and I'm on a my quest to fill my life with great things. I'm trying to build a life where I could say I have great health, relationships, inputs,  expression, work, surroundings, and finances. If I can say those things are great, I have a lot to be grateful for.