This episode takes a look backwards in 2024 (the rearview mirror) and what’s ahead (through the windshield) for 2025.

Margaret and David aren’t fans of making resolutions. But they are all about being intentional about who you want to BE in the coming year.

Tune in to hear them discuss their personal journeys of acceptance and leadership in 2024.

Margaret reflects on accepting her complicated relationship with her late father, who passed away last October. Despite their sometimes difficult history, she is proud that she embraced acceptance towards the end. She was able to let go of judgment and expectations — and that transformed their relationship dynamic. This allowed them to find peace together before his passing.

David acknowledges Margaret’s intentionality in this process.

They consider the topic of acceptance through a leadership lens. All of us have difficult relationships. But when we keep expecting someone else to change or do something different, we are the ones who are constantly upset and disappointment.

Sometimes our work is not to expect a different outcome. Because if we are able to accept people as they are, rather than trying to change them, we can often discover surprising gifts.

David shared his experience of receiving his black belt in jujitsu last month. His journey took 9-years and around 9,000 sparring rounds.

He highlighted the importance of perseverance and grit.

“You never really know what you’re getting into until you get into it,” David reflects. He shares that the journey was filled with a lot of blood (literal blood), sweat and tears. It was frequently not fun.

Our hosts wonder: what are the leadership lessons he learned from sticking with something that isn’t always enjoyable? They explore the value of knowing when to persevere versus when to change course — and what might lead to break-downs or break-throughs.

David encourages listeners to reflect on their past year and identify and acknowledge themselves for something they are most proud of.

Margaret and David discussed their respective words for the upcoming year (2025). They choose words to help them aspire to how they want to BE in the coming year.

Margaret recounts doing a process with one of her teachers, Rachael Jayne Groover, and received the word “spaciousness.” David opted for the word “patience.”

They explored the meanings and implications of these words. Margaret saw “spaciousness” as a call to cultivate qualities that open up space, such as curiosity and self-management.

David, on the other hand, saw “patience” as a way to navigate the uncertainty of the upcoming year. David is aware that there is a gap now that he met his black belt goal, and that gap will require his patience. He draws inspiration from his father’s peaceful and patient nature.

They concluded the conversation by encouraging others to reflect on their own words for the year and share them in the comments of their upcoming LinkedIn post.

The post Ep 151: 2024 Rearview Mirror and 2025 Windshield appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

In this episode, David and Margaret discuss the power of bringing your heart to work.

“Empathy Techniques” vs. Genuine Empathy

Our hosts heard the term “empathy techniques” recently while listening to a refresh of the Positive Intelligence programs — and felt compelled to double click on this concept.

How is an empathy technique different from genuine empathy? And why would a leader or a fundraiser chose to deploy one instead of the other?

The idea of empathy as a technique sounds alarmingly manipulative. David offered a possible example: Bill Clinton’s “I feel your pain” statement. Margaret offered another example of an empathy technique: the practice of asking questions from a pre-determined list, hoping to appear curious (rather than simply being curious).

Genuine empathy, on the other hand, is the genuine feeling of another person’s pain.

Genuine Empathy Isn’t Always Simple

Allowing ourselves to feel another’s emotions — which might include anger, joy, grief, and sadness — is a very human and humane act. It’s not always easy.

Some of us have more capacity with empathy when it comes to certain emotions. For example, for some, being around other people’s anger or grief feels very hard. Their tendency would be to step over it. They might be scared to step into someone else’s grief because they don’t know how to step back out.

For others, they resist  being empathic with other people’s joy. Brené Brown has notably talked about her terror around joy.

David expressed his appreciation for Margaret’s recent empathic listening about a difficult time in his life, involving the suicide of his sister and his father’s struggle with guilt.

Margaret differentiated between true empathy and faking it. True empathy might involve feeling and holding space for others’ emotions. Faking empathy might stem from being uncomfortable. An example might involve: someone shares about the death of a parent … and the listener offers words of condolence and then quickly changes the subject.

Wired for Connection

David and Margaret discussed the capacity of human beings to feel and connect with others’ emotions. It is biologically wired into us.

Still some people learn to put up emotional filters as a survival mechanism. One path to putting away some of these filters and access more real empathy starts as an internal journey to embrace one’s inner mess.

To access more genuine empathy and compassion, there are many tools, including:

All these tools require courage.

Empathy and Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

Finally, David and Margaret discussed the importance of empathy and genuine listening in leadership roles.

This concept has applications for fundraising. It is also important in team meetings.

David suggested the practice of “clearing” to create space for team members to share personal struggles. He found this practice led to increased productivity and a more supportive team environment.

They encourage listeners to consider: bringing one’s heart to work (along with your brain!) can be beneficial.

The post Ep 150: Bringing Your Heart to Work appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

David and Margaret share their strategies for dealing with uncertainty and making decisions.

How DO leaders make decisions, particularly when the stakes are high?

The conversation originated from David’s process when he and his wife had to decide whether or not to evacuate as Hurricane Milton approached. As a resident of the West Coast of Florida, it was headed right towards him.

David recounted his experiences with hurricanes Irma and Ian, as he tried to extrapolate information for making a decision about the most recent hurricane, Milton. He weighed the importance of heeding warnings to evacuate and the potential consequences of not doing so.

Still he didn’t know what to do … until he did.

David’s process highlights some important elements of the decision-making process:

David shared how he ultimately made a decision about how to handle the hurricane.

Sometimes, people make decisions before they know everything they need to know. Other times, people put off making decisions.

And sometimes, NOT making a decision lives in the land of Avoider, which is a saboteur. And sometimes, not deciding actually becomes a decision.

Where, they challenge listeners, is your sweet spot in between deciding too soon — and avoiding making a decision?

They also discussed the role of intuition in decision-making. How might using our guts and hearts be useful in making decisions?

Margaret shared her experience of transitioning from a cerebral to a more intuitive approach when she was looking for a new place to live post-divorce. She responds to David’s question, “How did you KNOW?”

Many of us are taught to use pro-con lists and use only our brains to weigh out consequences and run scenarios to decide. This was true for both Margaret and David, who come from a history of making rational and analytical decisions.

And cerebral decision making has value, but David and Margaret have both learned to incorporate more intuition into making choices.

Most of us can benefit from listening to one’s gut and heart in addition to relying only on lists and pros and cons.

David also hunted for a house recently. He recounts how emotions made it a difficult process.

He and his wife struggled to find a new place because they were still emotionally attached to their house. Their process involved a lot of going back and forth between their brains and their hearts.

They encourage listeners to look at the perspective of how things often work out in unexpected ways. What might the perspective of “We’ll see” have to offer you?

And if you’d like to help your team learn how to use intuition to be better leaders, please check out our trainings.

The post Ep 149: Dealing with Uncertainty and Making Decisions appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

Taking on challenges: what goes into whether you say yes or no?

David and Margaret discussed their experiences with taking on challenges. They talk about how to evaluate their feasibility and impact.

David shared his experiences with taking on a personal life challenge: to get his black belt in jujitsu. To stay on track, he’s added cold plunging to his recovery regimen– which is an additional challenge.

Margaret discussed her challenge of posting on LinkedIn daily for 30 days. She has been at her desk at 7 a.m. at every day with her challenge group.

They both agreed that leaders tend to default to saying yes to challenges.

But is that always the best answer? It’s essential to consider the consequences.

David and Margaret agreed that leaders often take on challenges, and those challenges can vary greatly. David cites examples of significant leadership challenges taken on by leaders such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King. On a smaller scale, nonprofit leaders face challenges that might include leading a nonprofit to delivering aid in a crisis to fundraising.

David emphasized the importance of leaders being comfortable with challenges.

In executive coaching, conversations about challenge are common — and can be effective. Sometimes saying yes to a challenge is what helps a client go beyond what they think is possible.

David shared a recent occasion when he challenged a client who wanted to reach out to someone. David’s challenge: pick up the phone instead of sending a note. It may seem like a big challenge or a little one, but it was an important growth space for the client to consider.

They also discussed the importance of considering the potential outcomes of a challenge before committing to it.

David may have an opportunity to serve on a non-profit board. Because his default is often yes, he is considering what to do. He hasn’t yet committed.

They also touched on the different personality traits associated with the DISC model. David noted that his high D energy often leads him to challenge himself and others. Margaret, a high I, tends to focus on big ideas and completion can be her challenge. They discussed the challenges faced by individuals with different DISC traits, such as the need for action for an S and the need for more data for an C.

What might a coach see that inspires them to challenge a client? It’s not just for the sake of stepping out of a comfort zone. The discomfort of a coaching challenge is in service of leadership growth.

Some examples of when David and Margaret (as coaches) might challenge a client:

A challenging task is essential for progress — even if it is uncomfortable or even if it doesn’t go well.

When challenging oneself, it’s crucial to not be 100% attached to the results of the challenge.

David recounted his experience of gradually increasing his time during cold plunges. He initially started with 3 minutes and is now up to 4 minutes. He believes that while the cold water is uncomfortable, it will ultimately lead to personal growth and help him with his black belt.

Margaret agreed, sharing her experience of persevering through a challenge of using LinkedIn every day.

They encourage listeners to identify: where are you playing small? Where might you be willing to take some risk?

Please contact David, Margaret or Michelle if you’d like some support around challenging yourself.

The post EP 148: Taking on Challenges appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

Here’s a sometimes shocking concept: when someone makes a request of you, you can say “yes,” “no,” or make a “counteroffer.”

That is the power of choice. And people are sometimes quite surprised by this concept.

David and Margaret dive into the importance of making and accepting requests in personal and professional relationships.  They explore the dynamics of making requests within an organizational context.

Their discussion touches on the balance between saying yes and no to requests in personal and professional relationships. They let listeners know about the power of the counteroffer, which introduces potential for negotiation and compromise through the ‘innovate power‘.

What about when you don’t feel you can say “no” to a request at work?

True requests have embedded in them the power of choice.  That is to say, the person receiving the request can say yes to it, no to it, or make a counteroffer.   For a request to really be a request, the person receiving it must have the ability to accept, decline, or counter with alternative suggestions.

If no isn’t a possible answer, well, that’s actually a demand and not a request.

David and Margaret emphasize the need for leaders, including board members, to frame their requests as choices to maintain a healthy power dynamic.

They encourage listeners to experiment with this and offer others these choices when making a request. This approach can improve trust and relationships.

Not only is no a fair answer to a request, but you can choose whether or not to provide a reason for your no.

David and Margaret agreed that a person declining a request does not necessarily need to provide a reason, but doing so can be beneficial. Not offering a reason can be a potential trigger for both the requester and the decliner.

Furthermore, they touched on the impact of declining a request without a reason, especially when it involves other people in the organization.

Board members making demands on executive directors can be complex.

That’s why it’s important to maintain a healthy power dynamic, transparency, and integrity in these interactions. Executive directors and staff struggle with saying no to requests from their boards.

Margaret suggested the usefulness of the counteroffer with boards. It can open up a conversation for brainstorming alternative ways to meet demands, which could increase trust and improve relationships.

They encourage listeners to experiment with this approach in their own relationships. Specifically, leaders should both model and encourage their reports to frame their requests as choices and that they should remind those receiving a request about these choices.

This can create a more positive work environment.

But if your team or organizational culture is a “yes only” situation, the Fundraising Leadership Team can help leadership teams and boards build more trust, integrity and accountability through their Trust, Candor, and Conflict training program.

Please contact David or Margaret if you have questions.

The post Ep 146: The Power of Choice: Yes, No, or Counteroffer appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

Michelle, Margaret, and David discussed their experiences dealing with exhaustion and depletion. It’s hard for them — and many others to balance personal responsibilities with professional leadership roles.

And sometimes it feels even more challenging as one ages.

David shared his recent experiences with moving, which felt exhausting and overwhelming. And both Michelle and Margaret talked about health challenges and the drain and fatigue that comes from travel.

They emphasize the importance of self-care, open communication, and visualization in managing stress and maintaining mental well-being. They also emphasized:

They highlight the importance of self-love and self-care — and not pretending that everything is fine when it isn’t.

Margaret shares some practices she uses to help decrease her sensitivity and get back to a space of resilience. She also talks about the practice of savoring.

Michelle has been drinking tons of hot tea.

David’s go to for recovery: taking naps.

The team shared the importance of getting adequate sleep for overall health and well-being. David emphasized the need for a minimum of eight hours of sleep each night, citing scientific evidence from the book Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker.

He also suggested that athletes might require up to 10 or 12 hours per night due to the increased demands on their bodies from regular exercise.

The group agreed on the importance of being aware of one’s body’s needs and — even when a nap or full night of sleep isn’t possible — utilizing other strategies.

David, Margaret, and Michelle discussed the challenges many people are facing. They commonly include illness, aging parents, difficult parenting, stress about generalized things and work stress.

They acknowledged the impact these issues can have on a person’s energy and well-being. The trio emphasized the importance of self-compassion, recognizing that everyone goes through difficult periods, and that it’s okay to take a break or ask for help when feeling overwhelmed.

They also discussed the danger of the “super achiever” mindset, which can lead to self-destructive behaviors and a feeling of unworthiness. That mindset, quite common among leaders, prevents us from giving ourselves a break.

The group discussed the importance of self-love and self-care, because if we don’t offer ourselves some ease, things can get very dark. (They spread the word about the 9-8-8 hotline, an important resource for anyone considering suicide who needs to speak to someone in the moment.)

They emphasized that one’s worth is not determined by achievements. They encourage the audience to practice self-compassion, such as taking breaks or asking for help, when feeling depleted or overwhelmed.

They also shared their experiences with the positive intelligence coaching program, which has helped all three of them manage their hyper-achiever tendencies and cultivate a more balanced mindset. The trio concluded the session by encouraging their audience to prioritize their well-being, even if it meant taking a nap.

The post Ep 145: Dealing with Exhaustion and Depletion appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

Ever wondered what unleashing your inner second grader could teach you about leadership? And fundraising?

It turns out quite a bit!

When we become adults, we want to look good and avoid looking bad. We become complex. We move away from who we were as children.

But children offer raw and unfiltered perspectives. They offer authenticity.

And those traits can profoundly shape our approach to leadership. In this episode, Margaret and David explore the invaluable lessons we can learn from unleashing what’s still unfiltered and raw about us . .

Much like the uninhibited nature of second graders, authenticity is crucial for building trust and compelling others in professional settings.

David and Margaret urge listeners to listen to their own inner urges more often.

You can tap into your natural, child-like enthusiasm to enhance your leadership and fundraising efforts.

The post Ep 144: Unleashing Your Inner Second Grader appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

In this season of graduations, Margaret and Michelle double-click on the importance of intentional completion.

They look at when a completion is intentional, as it is with a graduation. Such intentional completions offer ritual and celebration. They also have a positive impact on family members.

And when we look beyond graduation, our culture kind of drops the ball on intentional completions.

Intentional Completion vs. Decay

One gift of completion is that it invites intention.

When we acknowledge and observe completion, there is an invitation to say goodbye to what is finished and look at what's next. Michelle shares the ways she and her husband are looking at their next chapter and asking, What do we want?

When we ghost or ignore the end of something rather than its completion, it can decay. This can happen when we stay too long in relationships, jobs, phases of life, or places.

How Do We Know We've Stayed Too Long?

Graduations and school offer predictable and reliable completion. However, when we move on in life, it can be less clear when an activity is finished.

It's not always obvious, but if we tune in, we might know more.

Feeling deep resistance or avoidance to work or spending time with people might be one sign.

Michelle shares that clients might be avoiding completion when they start asking, What have I even accomplished here? Questions like that suggest that the client no longer feels purpose in their work, which is another sign that it might be time to complete.

On Arcs

Margaret and Michelle explain the concept of an arc, which is the shape of a thing from beginning to end.

One example: most of us notice when a speaker goes past their arc. It starts to get boring or have diminishing returns. Similarly, we know when a movie sequel was ill-advised. We feel they should have left the story alone.

Those are examples of how we know an arc is done.

The challenge is to pay the same attention to our own lives.

The In-Between

Michelle and Margaret note that ending an arc can be complicated. Also, sometimes, starting a new arc is not simple. It can include some serious learning.

As an example, Margaret shares that her grown son has stopped home for a while, and there is a new arc for her as a parent of an adult. Her learning is to relate with this new adult, rather than her habit of parenting the 14-year-old version of him.

When we finish an arc and start a new one, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. Margaret and Michelle challenge listeners to think about how to create from the overwhelm and chaos of transition.

Do you need some help getting through a transition? Does the idea of decay resonate with you? Please reach out for support.

The post Ep 143: Completion or Decay appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

In this episode, Margaret and David delve into handling rejection and embracing new perspectives.

No one likes getting a no. Not during a fundraising ask. Not during a potential sale. And not from a request to a family member.

Sometimes, after getting a run of no’s, we feel like we should be due for a yes. But that’s not how probabilities work. So, when the yes doesn’t happen, we can feel really disappointed and defeated.

Margaret shares a recent struggle with business development and how she got a bit demoralized when it felt like she was “collecting no’s.”

So, how is one supposed to feel better?

We often can’t control other people’s responses. We often are at the mercy of situations.

But what we can control is how we choose to experience the circumstance. This is what we mean by choosing a perspective.

A perspective is a way of seeing things. Sometimes, we get stuck in a perspective, but a different outlook would serve us much better.

Exploring alternative perspectives is a valuable tool in coaching.

David and Margaret talk about how leadership coaching differs from sports coaching.

When we coach clients, sometimes we let clients sit in their current perspective before guiding them towards a new one. That’s in contrast to unskillful sports coaching techniques, where a coach tells the team how to feel.

They stressed the importance of empowering clients to choose their perspectives as a source of control.

David offers Margaret some coaching on perspectives.

Margaret shared that sometimes when she collects a lot of no’s in a row, she starts standing in the perspective of Eeyore, the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh.

David coached her in reframing her thinking pattern from feeling defeated to focusing on hope and possibility. Margaret found solace in returning to yoga as a positive influence on her outlook. After months of being prevented from practicing by injuries, it felt to her like a turn-around moment.

Trust, belief, and hope emerged as central themes of Margaret’s new outlook, symbolized by waves on the ocean. She expressed her commitment to continuing and enhancing her business endeavors.

She likened trust to surfing, knowing waves will come and go — just like the yeses and the no’s. But holding onto the perspective of being atop an optimistic wave underlined the essence of shifting perspectives in coaching interactions.

Need some help finding a new perspective? We can help. Please reach out to one of us.

The post Ep 142: Handling Rejection and Embracing New Perspectives appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .

It was an unexpected twist. A seemingly benign LinkedIn training sent Margaret and David into a spiral to silence the inner critic.

Here’s what happened.

Margaret and David attended what promised to be a mundane topic: a training on how to write better posts on LinkedIn.

David left the training beating himself about all he was doing wrong.

His inner critic, nicknamed “The Sledgehammer,” was having its way with him.

When that Inner Critic is railing, there is suffering.

So, how does one even begin to silence the Inner Critic? By which we mean that relentless voice within that can

In this episode, David, Michelle, and Margaret share their quest to discover the secret to shushing this voice in our minds.

Margaret had a different experience with the training from David’s.

She started by getting locked out of the paid training. She was angry at the host, the trainer, and, by extension, the content of the training.

Acutely aware of falling ‘below the line’ emotionally, Margaret judged others.

Queue: Margaret’s Inner (and Outer) Critic.

Michelle didn’t make it to the training, as she had a conflict.

She talks about “the Blob,” a voice in her mind that made her afraid of missing out on something.

Her critic started telling her she should have made the time to attend live. That’s called judging a circumstance.

The Inner Critic can lurk in unexpected places. (A LinkedIn training? Come on!)

But when it rears its head, it can have a field day. It has us judge — and find wanting — ourselves, others and circumstances.

Margaret led the trio through a self-compassion practice, which offers a way to reframe the narrative. When we use self-compassion to step out of the shadow of criticism, we can find the light of acceptance.

This simple yet profound exercise counters the inner monologue of harsh self-judgment.

Empathy, self-compassion and quieting that Inner Critic are components of the Fundraising Leadership Positive Intelligence Coaching. This intensive 7-week program can help foster empathy within your life and organization.

Ready to transform your leadership with the practice of self-compassion?

Contact David, Michelle, or Margaret to learn how the Positive Intelligence Coaching Program helps you quiet that nasty, pestering voice that tears you down.

Your team, your organization, and your future self will thank you.

The post Ep 141: Discover the Secret to Silence the Inner Critic appeared first on Fundraising Leadership .