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Are you still thinking, acting, and behaving from the fear? If you've done the work, you know the tools, and something still keeps pulling you back and you can't figure out why, this episode is for you. 

EPISODE SUMMARY

This week is a personal one. I'm walking you through my process in real time, the exact fear I caught myself in while sitting down to record this episode. Not my old anxiety or panic attacks, not my fear of death or being alone. This time it's my fear about the podcast itself, whether it's reaching people, whether I'm doing the marketing right, whether I even have a purpose if people don't show up.

If you've ever noticed that the thing you want most just never actually shows up no matter how hard you try, this is why. You cannot think, act, and behave from fear and expect to create the life of the version of you who already has it. They are mutually exclusive.

I walk through the exact formula I use to catch myself mid-fear, using betrayal as an example of how one fear can quietly run every relationship and every day you show up bracing for the other shoe to drop. Awareness isn't a one time fix. It's a practice.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• Why the thing you actually want most never shows up, no matter how hard you try
• Why you can't create the life you want from the version of you that's still living in fear
• How to catch yourself proving your fears right, and why we doubt our faith but never doubt our doubts
• How every fear, big or small, carries its own vibration that dictates how you show up, using betrayal as the example
• Why awareness has to become a daily practice, not a one time fix
• The Marianne Williamson line that reframes what fear is actually protecting you from
• What real change actually looks like, and why it's never a straight line

REFLECTION

• What is the fear you've been holding onto right now, and how do you think, act, and behave when you're in it?
• If you were no longer defined by this fear, who could you become?

WORK WITH SARI

If you're ready for someone to help you see what you can't see from inside the jar, this is where we start.

The Self-Love Chamber is October 3rd & 4th. Only 20 seats, capped intentionally so it stays intimate, and a few are already gone.

Sign Up for The Self-Love Chamber → ($47, only 20 spots)

Grab the Free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset →

Book Your Freedom Roadmap Session →

You made it here, and that means something.

TIMESTAMPS

 02:42 — Are you aware of your thinking, your actions, your behavior when fear takes over 

05:01 — Why Sari left hairstyling after 17 years to become a hypnotherapist 

07:26 — The ripple effect: why Sari wants this podcast to reach more women 

08:49 — Noticing what fear has actually been doing, using her own podcast anxiety as the example 

10:03 — The core idea: you can't create what you want from the version of you still in fear 

12:25 — What is the fear you've been holding onto, and how do you think, act, and behave in it 

13:00 — Fear disguised as problem solving, and why she had to witness herself 

15:02 — The betrayal example: bracing, testing people, waiting for the other shoe to drop 

17:03 — The Marianne Williamson quote, and why the fear is that we're powerful beyond measure 

19:11 — Bringing it back down to earth: body image and tugging at your clothes 

20:47 — Change is not easy, it's a constant pivot, 100% up and down 

22:51 — Why the Self-Love Chamber is capped at 20 women, and what happens in the hot seats 

24:47 — What is the cost of not showing up, and who could you become

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This week I'm talking about fear, and how it doesn't just show up as panic or a racing heart. Sometimes it shows up quieter than that. Fear is the blinders. It is the belief that good things are luck, not something you're allowed to expect. It is the side door you keep looking for, out of your own life.

I use the image of a horse wearing blinders. These blinders, can only see what's directly in front of it, worst case scenario included, while a full 365 degree view of its life goes on completely unseen around it. That's what fear does. It installs itself early, sometimes in childhood, and it becomes the operating system running everything, scanning for what could go wrong, what needs to be controlled, what needs to be braced for. And most of us don't even know it's there, because it's the only life we've ever known.

I share the exact moment mine started to lift. A regular Saturday morning, coming out of meditation, walking into the kitchen, and truly seeing my daughter's face for what felt like the first time in years. And what that moment taught me about presence, awe, and the difference between a life run by fear and a life you actually get to feel.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• Why fear narrows your view to one outcome, usually the worst one, and how much of your actual life that blinds you to
• How fear gets installed early, often in childhood, and becomes an "operating system" instead of a passing feeling
• Why so many high-functioning women don't even realize how small their world has gotten
• The difference between saying an affirmation and actually feeling it, and why one works and the other doesn't
• Why real change usually starts in desperation, not inspiration
• What actually happened the morning the blinders started coming off for Sari
• A different way to think about awe, presence, and what some people call God

REFLECTION

• If you're honest with yourself, what percentage of your life do you feel like you're actually seeing right now?
• What has fear cost you in terms of presence with the people you love most?

WORK WITH SARI

The Self-Love Chamber is happening October 3rd & 4th. An intimate room, capped at just 20 women, where we get hot seated into what's actually driving our change.

What is fear costing you?

Sign Up for The Self-Love Chamber → ($47, only 20 spots)

If the timing isn't right for the Chamber, start here tonight instead.

Grab the Free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset →

Book Your Freedom Roadmap Session →

You made it here, and that means something.

TIMESTAMPS

00:01 —  the question underneath the whole episode: are you looking for the side door out of your own life? 

00:57 — Do you think good things happening to you are just luck? Introducing the 365 degree panoramic view and the blinders metaphor

 03:06 — What blinders actually block: not just the sides, but above, below, and behind you. Fear narrows you to one outcome, usually the worst one 

04:05 — Sari's own story of waking up every day with dread, certain nothing would go right, always looking for a distraction 

05:22 — The haunted mansion side door metaphor, and fear becoming the actual operating system running her life 

06:10 — The Trojan horse metaphor: once fear gets in, it only scans for what can go wrong 

07:04 — How this operating system gets installed early, often in childhood, and starts to feel like "just how life is" 

07:44 — Why so many high-functioning women don't realize how small their world has become, and the Four Agreements idea of being domesticated in fear 

09:27 — High-functioning doesn't mean it's good. It means the nervous system found a way to survive 

09:50 — Fear spreads like a virus, quietly running scans on everything without you noticing 

10:17 — The question that changed everything: "is this all there is?" And why affirmations without real emotion behind them don't actually work 

12:10 — Real change usually starts in desperation for something different, not inspiration 

12:59 — The story: coming out of meditation on a Saturday morning and truly seeing her daughter's face for the first time in years 

14:12 — What the blinders had actually been costing her: presence with the people she loves most. Introducing the book Endless Light and reframing God as an experience 

16:40 — To be in awe is to experience that connection. Choosing between a reality of fear and a reality of presence 

18:31 — It's not about never feeling fear again, it's about choosing what you want more of. What's driving Sari's own change: her daughters 

20:09 — What's driving you, if it's not your kids? An invitation to the Self-Love Chamber, October 3rd & 4th 

22:50 — Reflection: can you remember a moment of real awe, and what was happening in it? 

23:03 — Reflection: what has fear cost you in terms of presence with the people you love most? 

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Your anxiety, Your Panic Attacks, Your Fear....It started with one moment nobody helped you understand, and it is not too late to go back and give it a new ending.

EPISODE SUMMARY

This week I'm telling you about the night my 10 year old daughter had her first panic attack, and what I watched happen over the next four nights taught me more about how anxiety actually forms than almost anything else has.

One new, unfamiliar sensation in her body. That's all it took. Her brain didn't know what it was, so it flagged it as danger. And by night three, the fear wasn't even about the original thing anymore, it was about the fear of the fear. That's how fast one experience becomes a prediction, and a prediction becomes an identity.

If you've ever wondered why you still overthink, still brace, still control, even after doing "the work," this episode walks you through the exact mechanism, and the exact thing that actually rewires it. Not more analyzing. Evidence. And I'll show you how to go back and give your own nervous system that evidence now, as an adult, even if nobody did it for you then.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• Why one unfamiliar sensation in the body gets flagged as danger, and how fast that turns into a full blown panic response
• The exact 4-7-8 breathing technique I used to bring my daughter's nervous system out of fight or flight, step by step
• Why the second and third time you feel a fear is actually scarier than the first, even though nothing new is actually happening
• How one experience becomes a prediction, and how a prediction becomes your identity, in as little as three days
• Why "evidence" is what actually rewires the brain, not more analyzing, more worrying, or more willpower
• What it actually looks like to reparent yourself, starting with the very first scary moment you can remember
• Why you can start giving your nervous system new evidence today, even if nobody did it for you back then

REFLECTION

• What was the first scary moment that became a lifetime pattern for you?
• If you could sit with that version of you right now, what would you want her to know?

WORK WITH SARI

If you're ready to stop collecting insights and actually feel the shift land in your body, this is your next step.

Join The Self Love Chamber October 3rd & 4th A Live Hot Seat Event, Where Real Change Manifests!

Grab the Free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset →

Book Your Freedom Roadmap Session →

You made it here, and that means something.

TIMESTAMPS

00:01 — Welcome back, and the story Sari wants to share about her 10 year old daughter 

00:23 — The question underneath the whole episode: the first time fear took over your body, and who was there to help you through it 

02:31 — Setting the scene: her daughter's first panic attack, waking up in the night convinced she needed to throw up 

04:45 — How Sari and her husband stayed calm and told her, "your body is intelligent" 

07:06 — Teaching her daughter the 4-7-8 breath, step by step, including the straw trick to slow the exhale 

09:12 — Night four: the fear returns each night until real, lived evidence finally lands 

11:14 — Breaking it down: her body did something new, and her brain called it dangerous 

12:52 — What her daughter actually learned that night: I'm safe, my body knows what to do, someone is here 

13:27 — How one experience becomes a prediction, and a prediction becomes an identity, in three nights 

15:16 — Sari's own childhood story: the fear of choking, the glass of milk, and why she couldn't swallow pills for years 

17:12 — Living inside a story that started with one moment nobody helped you understand 

19:22 — We can't protect our kids from everything, but we can equip them with tools 

20:14 — It's not too late to reparent yourself: going back to your own first scary moment and giving it a new story 

20:46 — What reparenting actually looks like, and the invitation to book a Freedom Roadmap Session 

23:16 — Reflection: what would change if you stopped predicting danger based on old experiences 

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If something small goes wrong and you're already contracted, and stressed out, this episode is for you. Your brain isn't broken. It's just been trained to believe every doubt without question, and never question your hope.

EPISODE SUMMARY This episode starts with Sari's microphone breaking, a week's worth of pre-recorded episodes ruined, and nothing ready to release. The old version of her would have spiraled straight into worst-case scenario thinking. Instead she caught it. That's the whole episode: why our brains jump from "something went wrong" to full disaster mode, even over small things, and why we question our hope, our faith, our dreams constantly, but almost never question our doubt. We just believe it. Sari breaks down two real examples, her own mic crisis and her husband losing his job last summer, to show how the same circumstance can be met with trust or with fear, and why unaddressed fear just keeps looping. She also gets honest about how addicted we've become to the drama of disaster, using a celebration of life she recently attended as proof. If you've caught yourself catastrophizing before you even have the facts, or you're realizing how rarely you question the doubt itself, this one's going to shift something.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why your brain jumps to worst-case scenario the moment something goes wrong, big or small
• Why we constantly question our hope and our dreams, but almost never question our doubt
• The real difference between the same hard circumstance met with trust versus met with fear
• Why unresolved fear just keeps looping until you deal with it at the root
• How addicted we've become to the drama of disaster, and why that's not a personal failure
• Why control is actually a sign you're trusting yourself instead of something bigger than you
• How to start questioning a doubt the same way you'd question a dream

REFLECTION Think of the last time something went wrong. Did you go straight to worst-case scenario? What did that sound like in your head? And what's one doubt you're carrying right now that you've never actually challenged?

WORK WITH SARI

If you're already bracing for the worst before you even have the facts, start here tonight.

Grab the Free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset →

Book Your Freedom Roadmap Session →

TIMESTAMPS 

00:02 — Sari's microphone breaks and a week of pre-recorded episodes turn out unusable, and what almost happened next 

02:07 — The pattern underneath it: we question our hope and our faith constantly, but we never question our doubt 

02:55 — What if the story you're telling yourself about how bad this is going to be isn't even true 

05:07 — The real timeline, recording this three days before it airs, and choosing not to panic about it

 05:46 — Reframing the new microphone as an overdue upgrade instead of a disaster

 06:35 — What the brain actually does the moment something goes wrong: it jumps straight to worst-case scenario

 08:08 — Why we're almost addicted to the drama of disaster, and two real examples: the podcast crisis and her husband losing his job 

10:24 — Same circumstance, two different lenses: trust versus fear, and why unaddressed fear keeps looping 

11:46 — The real question: do you actually want to feel worried, or do you want to feel trust and peace 

13:30 — The celebration of life story: choosing to talk about the drama instead of the beauty of it 

17:03 — Why our conversations and relationships get built around complaint, and how that's conditioning, not truth 

18:55 — Her friend Nikki Dean's line: we doubt our faith, but we never doubt our doubts 

19:58 — Your doubts are not facts, they're stories, and fear creates illusions to try to protect you 

21:12 — What thirteen years of panic attacks taught her: the worst case scenario she feared never actually happened 

22:55 — Announcing the Self-Love Chamber, a live hot-seat event October 3rd and 4th 

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If you feel like you've built a good life, but you can't remember the last time something actually excited you, this episode is for you. And if someone asked you right now what you want for your own birthday and you genuinely couldn't answer, that's exactly who this is for too. You're not broken. You've just been trading away little pieces of yourself for so long you stopped noticing.

EPISODE SUMMARY 

This episode starts with one line Sari couldn't shake: "I do what I do because I like doing it." A quote from Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic that stopped her mid-thought and made her ask, of every single thing in her life, do I actually like this, or am I just doing what I'm supposed to do? For high-functioning women, moms, wives, business owners, that question can feel foreign. Somewhere between the roles and the responsibilities, excitement quietly got replaced with obligation, one "should" at a time. This isn't about something being clinically wrong with you. Sari unpacks why that matters for anxiety specifically: anxiety thrives in a life with no room for joy, for desire, for play. She shares her own moment of realizing she wasn't excited about anything, the story of turning down a day she genuinely wanted (and needing someone to basically convince her she deserved it), and why not knowing what lights you up isn't a dead end. It's feedback. If you've done the healing work, feel calmer than you used to, and still feel like something's missing, this one's going to name it.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why "I do what I do because I like doing it" feels foreign to most high-achieving women
• How overthinking and control can quietly replace your own excitement with obligation
• Why anxiety is fertile in a life with no room for joy, desire, or play
• The difference between being productive and actually being excited
• How you lose yourself one "should" at a time, not all at once
• Why not knowing what you like anymore is information, not a failure
• What a hypnotherapy discovery journey uncovers when you don't know what you want

REFLECTION 

How much of your day is built around what you're supposed to do versus what you actually want to do? If someone asked you right now, not as a mom, not as a wife, not as the one who holds it all together, but just as you, what do you actually want, could you answer?

WORK WITH SARI 

If you've done the work, know the tools, and something is still pulling you back into a life that isn't fully yours, this is exactly where we start.

Grab the Free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset →

Book Your Freedom Roadmap Session →

You made it here, and that means something.

TIMESTAMPS 

01:48 — Sari's own confession: recently saying out loud, "I'm not excited about anything," and what a life of ease was hiding 

03:33 — The gut-check: evaluating everything in her life against "am I doing this because I like doing it" 

04:07 — Why she does this podcast, and the difference between liking journaling and liking what journaling gives her

 05:16 — The agreement she and her husband made about not becoming slaves to their kids' activities, and the gymnastics years that broke it 

07:42 — Reframing parenting: loving your kids and still getting to love your own life, and what that models for them 

08:36 — The radically honest question: how much of your day is actually chosen versus obligated 

09:22 — How we lose ourselves one "should" at a time, not in one dramatic moment 

10:49 — Who actually decided what you're "supposed to" do, and where that script came from 

11:37 — The wake surfing story: turning down a day she wanted, out of guilt she didn't examine 

13:31 — Anxiety as fertile ground in a life with no room for joy, desire, or play 

15:06 — Why not being able to answer "what excites you" is feedback, not a dead end 

17:06 — Permission doesn't require it to be big, profitable, or impressive, plus what a discovery journey is and how hypnosis helps you find what you actually want

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If you've been to every doctor, gotten every test, and still no one has connected the dots between what you're eating and the panic attacks you're having, this episode is for you. You're not broken, your blood sugar might be driving the bus.

EPISODE SUMMARY 

Sari gets real about the daily pattern that was quietly feeding her panic attacks for years: no breakfast, a punishing workout on empty, hours without eating, then whatever was easiest to grab. After being diagnosed with PCOS and learning she was insulin resistant, she started connecting symptoms she'd always chalked up to anxiety. The lightheaded, dizzy, shaky, heart racing, and so much more. Something no doctor had ever mentioned before: blood sugar.

This episode breaks down how blood sugar symptoms and anxiety symptoms can look nearly identical, why that overlap kept her stuck in a cycle no doctor was catching, and the one shift that reduced her panic attacks by roughly 30%, without medication.

If you've done the doctors, the tests, the medications, and you're still wondering why nothing's changing, this might be the missing piece nobody handed you.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why blood sugar symptoms and anxiety or panic attack symptoms can look almost identical
• How skipping meals and running on caffeine can quietly trigger panic attacks that feel like they come out of nowhere
• Why insulin resistance and PCOS make blood sugar regulation even harder, and how that connects to anxiety
• The one food habit that helped reduce Sari's panic attacks by about 30%, without medication
• Why doctors so often medicate the symptom instead of asking what you're eating
• How self-research and self-advocacy became the real turning point, not another prescription
• What it means to take your power back from anxiety, one small, doable choice at a time

REFLECTION 

What did you eat today? When was your last meal, and how long did you go without eating in between?

Have you ever noticed your anxiety or panic attacks get worse when you haven't eaten?

If changing what you eat could reduce your panic attacks by even 20 or 30 percent, would you be willing to try it?

Work With Sari

If anxiety feels like it comes out of nowhere and you're exhausted from bracing for the next crash, grab the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset. Something that actually helps tonight.

And if you're the woman who's already done the research, tried the things, and is ready to put the full picture together, not just the food, everything, book a free Freedom Roadmap Session. Let's map it out together.

TIMESTAMPS 

00:00: Running out the door on coffee, no breakfast, and wondering why your body falls apart by 2 or 3pm 

00:53: The reveal: one change reduced her panic attacks by roughly 30%, no medication involved  

02:43: Diagnosed with PCOS, and what insulin resistance actually means for her body 

04:02: Thinking it was "just anxiety," and the cycle no doctor ever connected for her 

04:55: Why doctors don't ask about diet, and finding a functional doctor who finally did 

05:24: Blood sugar symptoms versus anxiety and panic attack symptoms, and how identical they look 

06:38: The real trigger behind her panic attacks: blood sugar dropping, not random danger 

07:31: The blood sugar rollercoaster: spikes, crashes, and why every crash felt like a panic attack 

08:58: Feeling like "a fucking lunatic," and why the metformin her doctor prescribed made it worse 

09:49: Finding the book that connected the dots when no doctor would 

11:40: Wanting control back, and why food became the tangible thing she could actually touch 

13:34: The non-negotiable rule: protein with every meal and snack 

14:58: Cutting the sugary coffee, fueling before and after workouts, and the 30% drop in panic attacks 

16:24: Comparing that 30% to how effective most FDA-approved drug studies actually are  

19:00: Anxiety as a subconscious operating system, the same way eating patterns are 

20:16: Why blood sugar was just the first thing she took back, and where it led her next 

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 If you walk into a room feeling fine and walk out anxious, heavy, or off with no idea why, this episode is for you. What you've been calling your anxiety might actually be empath anxiety, and it might not even be yours.

EPISODE SUMMARY For most of her life, Sari thought her anxiety was entirely her own. Turns out a huge piece of it wasn't. This episode is about empath anxiety: being highly sensitive and absorbing the moods, grief, and stress of the people around you so completely that you lose track of where they end and you begin.

Sari walks through her own realization, including a raw, recent moment sitting with grief that wasn't hers to carry, and breaks down why this isn't weakness or drama, it's how some nervous systems are actually wired. She gives you the exact question to ask when a feeling shows up out of nowhere, plus real tools  to let go of what was never yours.

If you've spent years managing anxiety that never quite made sense given your actual life, this might be the missing piece.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why some anxiety, sadness, or anger isn't actually yours, and how to start telling the difference
• The one question to ask the moment a feeling arrives out of nowhere
• Why being highly sensitive or empathic is a nervous system wiring, not a personality flaw
• Simple tools to release energy that isn't yours: grounding, water, and a spoken release
• Why the people closest to you (partners, kids, roommates) can quietly become your biggest source of absorbed anxiety
• How to hold space for someone without absorbing their pain

REFLECTION Think back to your childhood. Were you always the one who felt everything deeply?

What if some of what you've been calling your anxiety wasn't yours at all? What would that give you?

If anxiety shows up out of nowhere and you don't know why, grab the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset. It's the exact tool Sari points to in this episode for releasing what isn't yours, something that actually helps tonight.

And if this episode made something click, that "wait, is that why" feeling, book a free Freedom Roadmap Session. Let's figure out what's actually yours to carry, and what you're finally ready to put down.

TIMESTAMPS 

02:27: Realizing absorbed energy isn't yours, and the moment with her daughter's mood at home 

04:52: Sitting with her best friend after losing her mom, and almost spiraling into everyone else's grief 

06:50: Learning to discern: is this mine? The awareness step, without turning it into a label 

08:48: Feelings don't come with a name tag. How absorbed anxiety gets mistaken for your own story 

10:39: The key question: how to know if a feeling is actually yours 

11:58: Why this has been happening since childhood, and why no one taught you the tools 

13:39: What it felt like to finally realize so much of it was never hers, and the tools to release it 

16:08: Grounding, hugging a tree, and letting the earth take what isn't yours 

18:34: The "gold suit" visualization, and why this sensitivity is also a gift 

20:30: Why so much client work is really about untangling carried energy from your own story 

22:34: Journaling questions to sit with

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You're craving more. More freedom. More passion. More life than the one you're currently living. But your mind and body keep gripping onto what's known, even when known means small and anxious. The only way to the more you're craving is through letting go of what you already know.

EPISODE SUMMARY 

Sari gets honest about what it took to go from 15 panic attacks a day to trusting something bigger than herself. She breaks down why control and surrender can't coexist: they're two separate operating systems, and you can only run one at a time. She talks about the moment she realized her anxiety wasn't a mood or a bad day, it was an identity she'd built for decades. And she gets into why meditation alone doesn't fix it if you walk out and pick control right back up.

This week we're talking about surrender, and not the version where you say the word and hope it fixes something. The real version, the one that requires the anxious, controlling personality you've been running for years to actually die so a new one can take its place.

If you've done the reading, tried the apps, and still feel like nothing's actually landing in your body, this one's going to hit different.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why control and surrender can't exist in you at the same time
• What it actually means when people talk about "ego death," and why it's not as scary as it sounds, or actually dying.
• Why your anxiety and control isn't a mood, it's an operating system you installed years ago
• The difference between surrendering and just taking a vacation from your anxiety
• Why daily practice matters more than one big breakthrough
• How to know what you're really trying to control right now
• Why the days you don't want to do the work are the most important ones

REFLECTION 

Who is the personality you're waking up as every day, and does she actually believe what she's carrying is hers to carry?

What are you trying to control right now that you could actually let unfold?

WORK WITH ME

 If you're ready to stop collecting insights about your anxiety and actually feel it shift, book your free Freedom Roadmap session at thegrowthgoddess.net. It's just a conversation. Let's look at what you're carrying and what it would feel like to put it down.

And if you want somewhere to start tonight, grab the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset at thegrowthgoddess.net/reset.

TIMESTAMPS 

02:34: The anxious, controlling personality can't coexist with the free, trusting version of you 

03:13: Surrender as the leap off the cliff; two operating systems, only one can run at a time 

05:15: Ego death explained; panic attacks as stored energy; pruning the identity that validates the old self 

07:02: Who are you waking up as? The 15-panic-attacks-a-day question, choosing who you want to be instead 

09:13: What surrender really means; the mom-life control example with her daughters 

11:18: The elephant-sized weight of carrying everything alone for 23 years 

11:45: The body caving inward under the weight, and how crumbling led her to meditation 

13:48: Finding a loving, universal consciousness in meditation; true surrender vs. taking a "vacation" from anxiety 

15:53: The moment the personality actually dies; why daily journaling and returning to it matters 

17:38: Why the days you don't want to show up are the most important; custom hypnosis recordings explained 

18:41: Uninstalling one operating system to install another; the old ego bucking back before it dies 

20:25: Why this work is life-changing over time;  

22:13: Journaling question: who is the personality you're waking up as? 22:36: Journaling question: who do you want to wake up as? 

22:49: Journaling questions: what's your operating system running on, what have you been carrying alone? 

 You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.

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Do you ever wonder why nothing seems to be working out for you, or why it feels like everything's working out for everyone but you? This episode is for you. It's not bad luck, and by the end you'll see the pattern you didn't even know you were building, or have had deep in your subconscious your whole life.

EPISODE SUMMARY

This week I'm telling on myself. After moving to Austin and building new community from scratch, I kept asking myself why the same things kept happening to me, why it felt like everyone else, even my own family, was thriving while I wasn't. Turns out I was doing something I thought I'd already healed: building an entire identity around being EXCLUDED. Not just feeling left out one time, but scanning for proof of it everywhere, calling friends I knew would take my side, and slowly turning a single emotion into a full blown personality. In this episode I break down the difference between feeling an emotion and identifying with it, why the victim role feels so hard to release even when it's costing you everything, and the exact journaling process I used to unwire it, the same one I walk clients through one on one. If overthinking, control, and the same painful situations keep finding you, this episode will show you the subconscious pattern actually running the show, and how nervous system regulation starts with just noticing it.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why certain painful situations keep repeating themselves, and how you might be unknowingly reinforcing the pattern
• The real difference between feeling an emotion and building an entire identity around it
• Why the victim identity can feel so hard to release, and exactly what it's protecting you from
• How to spot a "bandwagon friend," and why venting can quietly turn into gossip
• Why an already healed pattern can come back "in costume" to test whether you really learned the lesson
• A full journaling practice to find the subconscious belief actually running the show
• How just 120 seconds can move stress chemicals like cortisol out of your body

REFLECTION

• What is the story you keep telling about yourself, or about your life, right now?
• Who are you presenting to the world when this identity is running?
• What would you have to feel, and who would you have to become, to get what you actually want?

If you've done the work but something keeps pulling you back into an old identity and you can't figure out why, book a free Freedom Roadmap Session. It's just a conversation, no pressure, just clarity on what's keeping you stuck. Link in the show notes.

And if you need something tonight, the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset can move the stress chemicals of that victim spiral out of your body in about 120 seconds. Link in the show notes.

You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.

TIMESTAMPS

02:17 — The identity shift that started with her move to Austin, and feeling like everyone else was thriving but her 

03:00 — The 40th birthday retreat story in Mexico, and spiraling into "poor me" 

04:41 — The difference between feeling an emotion and building an identity around it 

06:29 — Why this isn't a character flaw, it's the mind in survival mode 

08:04 — The real payoff of staying the victim: not having to be responsible for changing anything 

09:17 — Bandwagon friends, venting versus gossip, and misery loving company 

10:27 — How an old wound can come back "in costume" without you recognizing it 

12:07 — Recognition as the first step, and why victim energy tanks your power 

13:02 — The journaling practice begins: naming the story and the core emotion underneath it 

14:43 — What you actually want to feel instead, and who you have to become to get there 

15:44 — Noticing the thought loop and the inner voice running it 15:57 — Locating the feeling in the body

17:14 — Who you're presenting to the world when this identity is running 

19:33 — Closing encouragement to come back to the journaling questions with radical honesty 

21:05 — Reminder about the free 5-minute Nervous System Reset and closing out

Send us Fan Mail

This week I'm sitting down with Dr. Melissa Weiss for a raw, unfiltered conversation about grief, trauma, and what it actually takes to become the creator of your life instead of the victim of it. 

Melissa lost her husband Derek to COVID complications while she was nine months pregnant, and she takes us straight into it: the hospital, the missed phone call, the moment she found out he wasn't coming home. We talk about the difference between people who let tragedy become their identity and people who let it become their catalyst, why the victim role can feel comfortable even before the tragedy hits, and how nervous system regulation, radical self honesty, and plain old stillness rebuilt her from the inside out. 

If you've ever wondered why your healing doesn't look like everyone else's, or caught an old pattern like people pleasing or self judgment sneaking back in after you thought you'd already done the work, this conversation will meet you exactly there.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why the victim role can feel comfortable, even familiar, long before tragedy ever shows up, and how to catch yourself in it
• The grief box and grief button metaphor Sari shares, and why grief never fully disappears, it just gets quieter
• How dissociation and "throwing yourself into tasks" is actually the body's intelligent protection mechanism, not a personal failure
• Why radical ownership, not blame, is the real starting point of healing
• How your nervous system has to be calibrated before it can actually call in the next relationship, opportunity, or level of life
• Why stillness and quiet, not constant doing, is where you learn the most about what you actually need
• How grief and old trauma resurface together, and why healing one often means finally facing the other

REFLECTION

• Have you ever noticed the victim role feeling strangely comfortable, even before anything tragic happened?
• What is the "grief button" in your own life, the thing that still gets hit sometimes even years later?
• What would you need to feel calibrated enough in your own nervous system before you could actually call in what you say you want?

Work With Sari

If you've done the healing work but something keeps pulling you back into old patterns and you can't quite figure out why, that's exactly what a 1:1 session is for. Book a Freedom Roadmap call and let's see what you can't see from inside the jar. 

And if you're the woman who has read every book and listened to every episode and is still waiting to feel the shift in your body, start with the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset. 

Something that actually helps tonight. 

Connect with Dr. Melissa Weiss

You're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.

TIMESTAMPS

00:56 — Setting up the topic: the grief Melissa has walked through since losing her husband 

04:11 — How Melissa met her husband Derek, and what made her know he was the one 

16:10 — Dissociating, then throwing herself into logistics instead of feeling the loss 19:28 — How the body protects a pregnant mother and a grieving wife at the same time 

21:51 — Admitting she sometimes hates her husband for dying, and why all the feelings need room 

22:52 — Sari's grief box and grief button metaphor 

26:02 — What actually separates someone who grows from tragedy from someone who stays the victim 

27:45 — Passive suicidal thoughts, and choosing to keep going anyway 

29:21 — Radical ownership over blame, and stepping out of the victim role 

32:33 — The lesson from Melissa's energy healer on receiving feedback without becoming a victim 

34:24 — How the depth of past trauma reveals the height you're capable of reaching 

35:36 — Facing childhood sexual trauma while grieving and parenting solo 

45:00 — Grief, death, and the idea that we only experience 1 percent of reality 54:02 — How grief recalibrates what you will and won't tolerate in relationships 57:18 — Dating again as a widow, and choosing joy before choosing a partner 1:00:59 — Why your nervous system has to be calibrated before you can call in what you want 

1:03:11 — Melissa's closing message: don't be afraid of stillness 

1:05:52 — Melissa's move to Florida and the new Reclaim for Women program with Dr. Jen Auchter