1234 Treasure Principle (Luke 12:34). Heart follows actions
Ben Franklin’s insight. It wasn’t me being nice to him that made him stop hating me. It was him doing me a kindness.
Dostoevsky’s insight. “He’s never done me any wrong. I did him a bad turn, and I’ve hated him ever since.”
Catharsis is a lie. In the 70’s psychologists thought expressing the rage would diminish it. The studies reveal the opposite. Grievances expressed deepened into resentments when mulled over.
Mean Interviewer Experiment. He insulted their mom. The control sample wasn’t given an opportunity to complain to his manager and harm his career. The test sample was. The blood pressure, the resentment, and the view of the interviewer all shifted for the worst with those who acted on their offense. The offense of those who didn’t air their grievances diminished.
“Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” Prov 29:11
The mind justifies what the heart has chosen. (How can you believe when you seek the praise of each other instead of the praise of God? John 5:44)
Our fragile view of self must be protected. Our identities are core to our emotional well-being...and we hate the inner stress and tension — dissonance...
Cognitive Dissonance. Two notes that played together sound horrible and we cannot abide it. That’s the thing with cognitive dissonance. Two beliefs that contradict. “I am an honest person — I just told a lie.” or “I am a loving man — I did not care that I hurt so and so.”
Little Steps
How resentment grows by little steps...
How pain held onto rewrites our story…until our view of the past bears no resemblance to reality...
How self-justification grows the more committed we are to maintaining our self-image…
Self-Justified or Justified w God? Luke 18 - two men at prayer…
Some cures?
A more humble (realistic) view of self - I have strengths and weaknesses. I have blind spots.
A better grasp of grace and Christ’s righteousness
Doing Jesus’ Sayings (Jesus, Genius)
Love your enemies
Do good to those who hurt you
Give to those who need or try to take advantage
Turn your other cheek to a slap
Repay insults with kindness
Pray kind things over those who wish you evil
You have enemies. “Love your enemies” sounds dramatic. But everyone has enemies they need to love and forgive. Even if it’s your friends and family.
Who hurt me? That’s who I need to forgive.
Everybody serves somebody. If we don’t forgive, then the person who hurt us becomes a kind of lord or master who shapes and forms us.
“Forgiveness is hard.” No. Bitterness and resentment and hatred are hard. Forgiveness makes life so much easier.
Stop drinking poison. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.
