Gen X-Files: a Rewatch Podcast

A supposedly dead killer from Mulder’s past is back, younger than ever and equipped with one deeply suspicious salamander hand. This week, longtime fans and couple Dash and Melz join Dash’s mom Angel, a first-time watcher, for Young at Heart. An old failure comes roaring back into Mulder’s life as the agents uncover secret human experiments, a government deal with a murderer, and some beautifully half-baked Season 1 science.

Along the way, we reminisce about Mawmaw “walking her man,” a children’s football game becomes a bowl of child soup, Scully gets volunteered as bait, and the world’s horniest handwriting analyst develops a very professional interest in Fox Mulder. Mark Snow briefly wanders into a Pee-wee Herman death cult, while Barnett somehow evolves into a California surfer dude with murder on the brain.

We also uncover Neutrogena’s disastrous Young at Hands product tie-in, discover why Q apparently spent the Brosnan era handling MI6 technology with ten fucking bratwurst, and William B. Davis makes a surprise appearance that somehow goes completely unnoticed by all three of us.

If you're reading this, you're a friend.

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Feel free to email us at [email protected].

A dead bank robber, awkward relationship dynamics, and one very inconvenient case of waking up in the wrong body. This week on our rewatch of The X-Files, Dash & Melz (long-time fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher and Dash’s mom) take on Season 1, Episode 15: Lazarus.

Mulder thinks something impossible has happened to Jack Willis. Scully would really rather it hadn’t. Somewhere between body swapping, old relationships, and a stopped watch, we land on one of our favorite reads of their whole dynamic: Mulder says “I want to believe.” Scully says “I’m scared to believe.”

We also launch a full investigation into whether Willis and Dupre have identical penises, turn Agent Brisket into a recurring problem, meet John Audio, discover the legally distinct soda “Shasa,” and watch Scully unload enough wrestling finishers on Lula to headline WrestleMania. Angel gets protective of Scully, the eternal big-tittied Sasquatch returns, and a tangent on John Landis' The Stupids becomes its own mini episode.

Oh, and Producer Carl makes his first appearance. That seems important.

So join us for ghost-jacking, ricochet math, naked-man shooting etiquette, doomed romance, and far more penis continuity than anyone involved in The X-Files could have anticipated.

If you’re reading this, you’re a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected].

A deadly hookup, a community frozen in time, and enough pheromones to fog up an FBI field office. This week on our rewatch of The X-Files, Dash & Melz (long-time fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher and Dash’s mom) take on Season 1, Episode 14: Gender Bender!

Mulder and Scully follow a string of bizarre deaths to the Kindred, an isolated community we quickly rename the Absolute Amish. We untangle mysterious transformations, some extremely 1994 ideas about gender and sexuality, and try to make a crop circle out of a crap circle.

Along the way, Goo Mulder returns, Scully begs to go back to the 20th century, Mulder hears someone coming and it isn’t him, and Nicholas Lea does the stanky leg. Angel discovers her catchphrase, “Back in the day!”, Melz gets trapped in a Nicholas Cage, we realize that The X-Files beat Pokémon to the infamous Porygon strobe effect, and somehow summon Dash’s sister live on air.

So grab your tiny glitter cowboy hat and join us for one of the strangest stops in The X-Files Season 1.

If you’re reading this, you’re a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected].

On this Side File, Dash, Melz, Mawmaw, and Steve sit down for a nice wholesome game of Mad Libs, which quickly becomes less about parts of speech and more about discovering exactly how much damage one family can do to the English language. Before the madness properly begins, Mawmaw introduces us to a would-be time traveler who was allegedly robbed by Domino’s, an old neighbor named Sue who lived life at one speed, turbo, and the shocking revelation that Mawmaw herself may have been embedded deep within the shadow government.

Along the way, Big Bird gets a cousin named Medium, Dad goes duck hunting with a rake, somebody starts lifting weights with their eyebrows, and a glory hole somehow turns into both an art studio and a centaur problem. We switch from penis to asshole, establish the existence of cum fields, explain pegging to Mawmaw, and learn one very important lesson: keep these rules in the back of your asshole.

If you're reading this, you're a friend.

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected]

Grab your Walmart parking lot pillow, keep an eye on the television, and join us for our first Side File as Dash sits down with his dad, Steve, and his grandmother, Mawmaw.

Across 33 minutes of family history, questionable logic, and absolutely no respect for the natural flow of conversation, we talk about getting older without ever really feeling older, why ninth graders once seemed like fully grown adults, and how one day you’re seventeen and the next you’re Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman.

Along the way, we mourn the 24-hour Walmart, discover that Mawmaw may be a nocturnal vigilante, learn that Steve is apparently fermenting, question the acid-trip nightmare of the Willy Wonka boat tunnel, and establish once and for all that if Johnny Depp isn’t in your thing, it’s not a movie. It’s a play.

If you're reading this, you're a friend.

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Feel free to drop us a line at [email protected]

Grab your file-drawer Cheetos, beware of extremely moist psychics, and join us as we break down The X-Files Season 1 Episode 13: Beyond the Sea!

This week on our rewatch of The X-Files, Dash & Melz (longtime fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher and Dash’s mom) meet Scully’s dad, played by Don S. Davis, better known as Major Garland Briggs from Twin Peaks. He is alive for all of 90 seconds. What follows is a grief-soaked reversal where Mulder is the skeptic, Scully wrestles with belief, and Gillian Anderson and Brad Dourif enter an act-off where they're both winning.

We talk about Scully burying herself in work, Mulder not being untouchable, and Luther Lee Boggs, a man that will kiss ya or kill ya, depending on the day.

Along the way, we get more evidence that Mulder is a proto-gooner, tell funeral impostors to stay away from Scully and get a job, decide that being exe-CUTE-ed means getting licked to death by adorable kittens, and imagine Scully asking an ice cream server for a flavor that can commute a death sentence.

We also discuss Julie Strain sword fellatio, Cher going to Harry Potter for cosmetic surgery, and the great nipple drought of 2008.

If you’re reading this, you’re a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Grab your lightly toasted Mulder-scented candle, watch out for strange British men, and join us as we break down The X-Files Season 1 Episode 12: Fire!

This week on our rewatch of The X-Files, Dash & Melz (longtime fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher and Dash's mom) meet Phoebe Green, Mulder's old flame, and unfortunately for Scully, it's a whole thing. This episode gives us tuxedo Mulder, shirtless Mulder, jealous Scully, Victorian linebacker lips, and the canonical revelation that Mulder and Phoebe apparently boned on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's grave.

We're also dealing with Cebob, a firebug who stalks the Marsden family, smokes three cigarettes at once for the children, and generally behaves like a man who should not be allowed near anything remotely flammable. Meanwhile, Doctor Flame shows up as the FBI's horniest arson expert, a deeply strange man that we are pretty sure wants to have sexual relations with fire.

Along the way, we ask who undressed Mulder, wonder why these parents keep forgetting about their children, invent Mind Movers, discover Angel's understanding of Rule 34, debate how many times you can free Willy before realizing Willy is the problem, and somehow end up discussing public domain Mickey Mouse porn.

If you're reading this, you're a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected].

Grab your nearest Diet Coke, check it for digitalis, and strap into a straitjacket with us as we break down Season 1 Episode 11: Eve!

This time on our rewatch of The X-Files, Dash & Melz (longtime fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher and Dash's mom) take on a classic bicoastal killer kid clone case! Mulder unfortunately meets two murderous, hyper-intelligent little weirdos who know exactly how to play him like a fiddle, clocking his "UFO guy" energy instantly.

Along the way, Melz does bimbo research, we find out that Dash may have been an alien this whole time and Angel reveals herself as a clone sympathizer. From a surprise Deep Throat bush appearance to Goo Mulder licking for his lady, this one's a banger!

If you're reading this, you're a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected].

This week in our rewatch of The X-Files, sneak with us through the tall grass as we uncover the truth behind season 1, episode 10: Fallen Angel!

Join Dash & Melz (long-time fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher, Dash's mom) as we find out just how much bigger the game is than Mulder realizes. We’re talking orchestrated cover stories, bureaucratic thumbs on the scale, UFO nerd micro-celebrity, and the truth getting snatched away the second Mulder gets close to it.

Also: Max Fenig nerdmogs the world's biggest dork, an exhausted Scully has to rescue Mulder once again from the consequences of being Mulder, Mom celebrates her first birthday thanks to airtight podcast math, Melz considers whether aliens could be made of lemons, and we introduce Producer Carl.

If you're reading this, you're a friend.

In this episode, we mention our friends Diana and Terry. If you’d like to donate to Angels of Assisi in their honor, you can do so here: angelsofassisi.networkforgood.com/projects/245843-general-donation

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected]

This week on our rewatch of The X-Files, grab your best ancient Roman wine and moonwalk your way though season 1, episode 9: Space with us!

Join Dash & Melz (long-time fans and couple) and Angel (first-time watcher, Dash's mom) as we look back fondly on our first 2000 years of podcasting! It's not all fun and games this week, though, as Mulder meets his biggest hero only to find that he's a flawed human (alien?) just like anyone else.

Mom spills so many secrets this week: everything from the truth about Santa Claus, to Dash's real dad, and the amazing story behind how Mulder and Scully "blammed the clam". Along the way we also uncover more about Mulder's anti-animal astronaut activism, discover Michael Jackson's space explorer era, and dig through Mulder's alien porn collection.

If you're reading this, you're a friend!

Questions, suggestions, hypnoregressions? Drop us a line at [email protected]!