What’s up everybody? Welcome to generation why. Now I don’t normally vote because voting is for old people everyone knows that. I’m way too busy, maybe if you could text your vote in like American idol we could work something out but physically voting is like dialing all ten digits of a phone number, honestly who has the time?
Well it turns out there might actually be a reason to make it to the polls next November because there is a man, a maniacal, extremely homophobic man, with a law degree and the balls, to put forward a state proposition to legalize the execution of gay people. Matt McLaughlin, an attorney in Huntington Beach, California, filed paperwork to bring his proposal, which would sanction the killing of gay and lesbian residents on the basis of their sexuality. The initiative would also make it a crime to support gay rights, punishable by a $1m fine, up to 10 years in prison and expulsion from the state. It would also be illegal to distribute “sodomitic propaganda.” It doesn’t really go into examples of what that is, but I would imagine he’s mostly talking about Modern Family. These days it can actually be quite challenging to differentiate sodomite propaganda from network sitcoms. I hope he never finds out there is a black atheist hosting a show on fox about the creation of our universe.
He is calling the bill the sodomite suppression act and it is awaiting further review by the office of the state attorney general, Kamala Harris, who technically does not have the authority to block it. That may seem absurd but here is how it works. Once a sponsor has paid the required fee of $200, the attorney general is directed, under California law, to prepare a title and 100-word summary of the initiative before sending it to the secretary of state’s office for the signature-gathering period. The proposal would then need to collect at least 356,000 valid signatures within 180 days to qualify for the ballot. That might seem like a lot, but this man is from Orange county California. That’s the whitest, douchiest, county we have out here. He could probably get that many in a weekend just standing in front of the Irvine spectrum. There are 30 million people in California and like every other state in the union, half of them are assholes and the vast majority of those assholes live in the OC. If you’ve ever seen the show the OC its actually fairly accurate portrayal of how over privileged white people who live by the beach actually behave. The only difference is the show was centered around a Jewish family. I’m not saying there are no Jews in Orange county, its just frowned upon.
Ms. Harris is doing all she can to stop the initiative, but there really isn’t much she can do. The only option available to her is to simply ask the state Superior Court in Sacramento to relieve her of having to write the title and summary for the Sodomite Suppression Act. “If the court does not grant this relief,” she said, “my office will be forced to issue a title and summary for a proposal that seeks to legalize discrimination and vigilantism.”
In my opinion they are burying the lead here. The headline should be “for $200 you can force the state government to legitimize any half baked lunacy you can come up with”. I’m going to make a proposition that says all cats in California must be named after one of the Friends from Friends. Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Monica, or Phoebe. That’s it. No exceptions. The penalty is a $1million fine and expulsion from the state. Its only $200 to force the attorney general’s office to write up a 100-word summary and then pass you on to the signature gathering period. You are basically paying for the right to stand in front of ralphs and ask everyone that comes out if they are sick of this state ignoring the demand for standardized cat names. That would be the best $200 I ever spent. Even better than the time I paid a homeless guy $200 to dive into my dumpster and retrieve my iPhone that I didn’t have insurance on. So make sure to vote in 2016 because you don’t want to get kicked out of California for giving your friend will and grace season one for their birthday.
