Geraldo's Edge Game Cumcast

What do you ACTUALLY do?

All filipinos and italians are officially pardoned. thank you

Did a lil crying and reflecting on the last couple months before reuniting with familia. Failure and mushrooms as usual. Cathartic? Who can really say

This is my personal experience with LaWayra Ayahuasca retreat in Colombia. This is by no means a comprehensive review or analysis; it is just a free-flowing recollection of thoughts and emotions I experienced before, during, and after the retreat. This was recorded only two weeks after my last ceremony on May 19th 2024, so it's not nearly as insightful or organized as it could be. I mostly wanted to document my current state of mind; I wanted to try to visually and auditorily capture this kind of deeper emotional buzz/connection that I cannot confidently express through words alone.

This is not an incentivized or paid review; I am not affiliated with LaWayra in any way aside from being a recent patient/client. I just wanted to share my experience to help me contextualize and integrate, and hopefully to help others understand Ayahuasca and its incredible healing potential.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss LaWayra, my experiences, or ayahuasca in general, please feel free to reach out.

[email protected]

Instagram @goodluck_gabe_2024

You can also reach out to LaWayra directly. LaWayra's founder, Sam Believ, also hosts his own podcast called Ayahuasca Podcast.

https://ayahuascaincolombia.com/

https://ayahuascapodcast.com/

[email protected]

[email protected]

Instagram @lawayra_ayahuasca

+573508449074

Short Review:

I have suffered from deep emotional trauma and depression since childhood. I was living a miserable life well into adulthood, and I had pushed away many of my friends and loved ones as a result of my inability to cope. I was initially skeptical of ayahuasca's use as medicine, but I had reached a point of desperation where no combination of talk therapy, pharmaceutical treatment, or other alternative intervention seemed to have any lasting effect on my fundamental outlooks on life, love, spirituality, and family.

I came to LaWayra in need of great help, and I received it plus so much more. The staff are extremely professional, kind, caring, patient, and attentive to all of your needs. The environment is beautiful, peaceful, safe, and natural. The food is delicious and nourishing. I was able to share many incredible moments with people from all over the world.

I had never been able to fully trust myself or others as a result of my trauma, but by the end of my week-long retreat at LaWayra, I had achieved a deep sense of trust in myself, my peers, and my community. I was able to finally let go of the bitterness, anger, and resentment that had burdened me for so long. I have never cried so hard or laughed so much. I have never felt so free.

If you are looking for deep healing that is relatively affordable, please strongly consider coming to Lawayra. You will not regret it. Thank you so much to everyone at LaWayra; I am eternally grateful.

00:00:00 Intro

psychedelic ska band called ayahuaSKA

I'm sorry to contact you out of the blue like this, but I want to apologize for the way I’ve treated you and for how I responded to you the last few times you reached out to me. I was very rude and careless with my words for no good reason, and I apologize for blowing you off. I've been caught up in my little internet persona, and I let it negatively affect the way I view and treat people. I promise it was nothing personal. I've been projecting a lot of bitterness and resentment that had nothing to do with you, and I've been hyper critical and judgmental of everyone around me.

I realize that you don't need this apology, but I needed to apologize. I appreciate that you would reach out to me often, and I recognize the time and effort you've always put into our relationship, regardless of whether it was real or parasocial. I understand that most of you were just trying to show your support or appreciation, either through earnest expression, or by reciprocating my negativity in a show of solidarity.

With that said

The point I tried to prove is one that I hope you already know or at least subconsciously accept, which is that negativity and negative emotions are addictive.

Over the last four years as a creator and streamer, I’ve engaged with some of the most sad, lonely, and bitter people I’ve ever encountered, many of whom seemed to fetishize other people’s misery, as well as their own, whether they were aware of it or not. I was rewarded for matching that energy, with money, attention, and, to some degree, validation. I discovered how refreshing it was to revel in outward expressions of anger, as opposed to the plain, self-directed depression I had grown accustomed to. Many of these troubled people want to bring you down to their level, to make themselves feel better about not being on yours. And of course, I did the same to you. I belittled you, I bullied you, I mocked you, and I baited you, in hopes of breaking you down and forcing you to reflect and change, so that I wouldn’t have to.

I believed that what I was doing was righteous. There was some lesson about ignoring bullies that I felt responsible for teaching people, especially in this digital context where people would repeatedly return to the bully, consent to being bullied, and then get mad at the bully. I tried to make an example out of myself by documenting and sharing my illness, letting you watch the effects of this addictive cycle. I too would repeatedly return to the sources of my anger and frustration, which also happened to be my outlets of anger and frustration. I continued to argue with my fans, with strangers, with trolls, with customers, with followers, with myself, on socials, on camsites, on my podcast, in my videos, on my phone, on my computer, alone, in my room, screaming and crying and giggling. I didn’t care who was in or not in on the joke, I was in my own little world.

I became precisely the kind of person I attempted to mock. I became the worst version of myself. I thought that if you watched my slow decline into true degeneracy, depravity, and misery, you would eventually understand that my content was not good for you to consume or engage with, and you would stop, and hopefully then I would stop making it. I wanted to dump the responsibility for my wellbeing on you, the viewer. In reality, all I did was attract a more depraved viewer, or inspire current viewers to lower their own standards just a little more.

You watched misery porn. You listened to a misery podcast. And that’s okay. I exploited myself, and I tried to exploit you. I can’t justify my actions, but I can’t honestly fault yours either. We all watch a train wreck from time to time.

Fortunately, I feel that I’ve gained some degree of insight from this process, and I hope you have too. Unfortunately, it was not worth the pain and suffering, in my opinion. I let myself reach this point because I was convinced I wanted to kill myself. I was committed to death, so I did everything I could to push myself to the edge, harboring negative emotions, isolating, pushing people away, drugs, etc. As simplistic as it is, one day I decided that I did not want to continue living this way anymore, and so I felt extremely ready to die, as death was the only alternative I had ever considered. And it was only then that I realized I didn’t want to die at all, and I was forced to acknowledge that I still have unlimited potential to live a completely different life. I’ve just been too romantic and stubborn; I was obsessed with tragedy and too comfortable in my misery.

I’ve struggled to forgive people because I’ve hated myself so deeply. So I’m going to stop punishing myself.

I’m taking a step back from the content creation and social media that have kept me distracted for so long, so I hope to have more time and energy for people I care about and want in my life. I’ve spent the last month reconnecting with and/or apologizing to people I’ve alienated and wronged over the years. This includes friends and family, and yes it includes all of my parents. This hasn’t automatically fixed my interpersonal issues, but it has helped me remember that I haven’t always been such a miserable fuck, and that I don’t actually want to be or have to be a miserable fuck. It’s not a happy ending, but it’s better than the endings I’ve had in mind.

Moving forward, I might make a silly video once in a while once I get my ego in check and find a little more balance in my life. I do enjoy podcasting or whatever this is, but if I do return to it I would aim to have a more positive or meaningful message, despite how boring that currently sounds to me. But for now, I think I’ve said enough. I may lean more into music, as I’ve always said I wanted to do and never did. Whatever I end up doing, I intend to do it more earnestly. Irony is exhausting.

All content will remain on goodluckgabe.life, to remind me how ugly I can get, in case I forget. A lot of old stuff is scheduled to be slowly reuploaded to youtube as gabeSMR, assuming the channel doesn’t get deleted. All my socials will remain active, but will be used very sparingly if it all, ideally. As always, you are welcome to email me at [email protected]. I promise I will respond, and I will be relatively respectful this time.

Thanks for reading this, and I hope all is good your way.

do you need me to pick up any brisket while I'm in the bathroom

i wanna make love in this bucee's bathroom

yeha buce's very good yes wooo!!!