One of the things that came up in our discussion, and something I think that single-handedly keeps us from going after what we really want is people-pleasing.
We don’t want anyone to feel small or left behind when we go after big goals.
When we operate from the people-pleaser identity, we are not being authentic, vulnerable or trustworthy. Because we've created a mask that keeps us safe from others seeing who we really are.
We have the need to belong, and when we grow and open to doing something big, we are figuratively disrupting homeostasis… disrupting the equilibrium in our social group.
And the educator in me when I think about setting big goals, people-pleasing, and the fact that as humans we have the innate desire to BELONG, I think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. This has the potential to put us in a bit of a bind.
So sometimes when we go after something BIG, like committing to starting a Podcast, writing a book, starting your own business, enrolling in an EdD / PhD program, deciding to live the #vanlife, climb a mountain, write a screenplay, put yourself out there as an actor…. Or it could even be committing to a personal development transformation.
There are RISKS involved with claiming what you want!
What if I know what I want, but I don’t know if the risk is worth it?
That’s a legitimate question.
So it’s beneficial to take a look at the answers to that question. What are the risks?
A big risk, is What would other people think?
What other people expect of you – and your ability to meet those expectations – can determine your self-worth.
Some people will not like the version of you that chases dreams.
Some of your loved ones may be intimidated, threatened, left behind...
They may not like your "muchness"... the term Dr. Tara (our Director of Mentorship) coined that term and we use it often in our community. We are smart, we are complex, we are heart-centered, we are high-achievers, emotional, and we tend to get in our own way.
So people may not like our “muchness”
And what I see, is that people pleasers may struggle with truly opening up to your desires… because it comes with a risk.
The risk that others may not approve of your playing bigger… your aspirations, your dreams.
And so people pleasers may choose to ignore the nudge.
But when you play small, everyone loses. NO ONE WINS.
You lose in never truly feeling like you are aligned to receive exactly what you want,
The world loses the impact,
The Lives changed,
The People you will inspire.
The people who would see you as an example of what's possible for THEM!
In reality, there are actually very few people who will 100% fully support you in your pursuit of those big goals and dreams that you have.
So… that brings up the question, what do you do when others don’t support your goals and dreams?
I’d like to point out the reasons WHY others may not support your dream.s
- They are trying to protect you
- They are triggered by you
And when we disrupt the need to BELONG, sometimes it means outgrowing people… finding another support system where you connect with others who have BIG DREAMS they want to accomplish.
Rising tides lift all ships. Find your community.
The solution to when others don't support you, is find your village.
Find your support system. Join our Private Facebook Group… Get Out of Your Damn Way Pod Squad where we are chasing big dreams and supporting each other while we do it.
