January 19, 2023

Getting Lost and Finding It

https://3speak.tv/watch?v=nickydee/kihjbawb
## The door

I've kinda fallen in love with you already

you know

I mean

I know you're there and I'm here

and she's there and I'm not

and I don't even know you anyway

so this probably isn't any kind of love

worth making official with ceremony

or acknowledgement by society

or cementing in property

Proper-ly

but it's the kind of love worth writing about

I think

as I walk along the empty street

towards home

because it doesn't come with any of those conditions

and so it's going to never end

even though it can’t be true

for them

so it’ll also probably never really begin

or get started up

but I kinda love you already

anyway

because you're me

I know

and it’s okay

you're only me

I'm talking to

until I get to know you -

if I do.

See?

but I'm not allowed to

it might be considered a sin

or something

or just plain old bad

if a person wasn't that way

inclined

I ask you

how can any kind of love be bad?

but I also know

I don't need to ask you this

I walk past the house that’s not a home as I think

too lost in thought

and writing this

all in my head

to see

even though it's usually

when I see most clearly

sometimes you need to stop seeing

so your vision can clear

I walk so far past the gate

that I'm surprised when I see the door

It brings me to a sudden stop

and these thoughts stop as suddenly

have I been here before?

I squint

hoping what I’m seeing is true and right

without my store bought lenses on

it is her

Perhaps I do have some icons left

to remember

after all

I stand there staring for a moment

while I take her in

then I begin to move instinctively again

as my curiosity overcomes

my shame

of the possibility of being impolite

it isn't only her

stuck in the middle

it's her everywhere and all over

I wonder who lives in this house

and I know I’m going to meet them

one day

the door is closed tight

and the house feels

abandoned

perhaps it's a part-time place I think

as I walk on still confused

unaware I'm lost again

but as I look back

I see a window

left open

that reveals she is Home

I know she is a woman

I know she's an artist

I know she's weary of people

I know she prefers her solitude

because she's feels differently

But I also know that's what makes her an artist

and I know she's happy

now

alone in that house

that is her Home

content

to keep the front door locked

up tight enough

for it to say clearly

that it's not worth knocking

anymore

she's left this message on her door

to let people know

who

and what

she is before

they do

she's accepted

she doesn't see things quite the same way

or feel them like that anyway

I hope they hear her

through the busy noise of the pretending

Frieda must have been some kind of something, huh?

Being so much

of who she was

at a time like that in the world

I would knock on her door as well

were I courageous enough

to meet her

where she chose

to Live

...more

View all episodes

By Nicky Dee

January 19, 2023

Getting Lost and Finding It

https://3speak.tv/watch?v=nickydee/kihjbawb
## The door

I've kinda fallen in love with you already

you know

I mean

I know you're there and I'm here

and she's there and I'm not

and I don't even know you anyway

so this probably isn't any kind of love

worth making official with ceremony

or acknowledgement by society

or cementing in property

Proper-ly

but it's the kind of love worth writing about

I think

as I walk along the empty street

towards home

because it doesn't come with any of those conditions

and so it's going to never end

even though it can’t be true

for them

so it’ll also probably never really begin

or get started up

but I kinda love you already

anyway

because you're me

I know

and it’s okay

you're only me

I'm talking to

until I get to know you -

if I do.

See?

but I'm not allowed to

it might be considered a sin

or something

or just plain old bad

if a person wasn't that way

inclined

I ask you

how can any kind of love be bad?

but I also know

I don't need to ask you this

I walk past the house that’s not a home as I think

too lost in thought

and writing this

all in my head

to see

even though it's usually

when I see most clearly

sometimes you need to stop seeing

so your vision can clear

I walk so far past the gate

that I'm surprised when I see the door

It brings me to a sudden stop

and these thoughts stop as suddenly

have I been here before?

I squint

hoping what I’m seeing is true and right

without my store bought lenses on

it is her

Perhaps I do have some icons left

to remember

after all

I stand there staring for a moment

while I take her in

then I begin to move instinctively again

as my curiosity overcomes

my shame

of the possibility of being impolite

it isn't only her

stuck in the middle

it's her everywhere and all over

I wonder who lives in this house

and I know I’m going to meet them

one day

the door is closed tight

and the house feels

abandoned

perhaps it's a part-time place I think

as I walk on still confused

unaware I'm lost again

but as I look back

I see a window

left open

that reveals she is Home

I know she is a woman

I know she's an artist

I know she's weary of people

I know she prefers her solitude

because she's feels differently

But I also know that's what makes her an artist

and I know she's happy

now

alone in that house

that is her Home

content

to keep the front door locked

up tight enough

for it to say clearly

that it's not worth knocking

anymore

she's left this message on her door

to let people know

who

and what

she is before

they do

she's accepted

she doesn't see things quite the same way

or feel them like that anyway

I hope they hear her

through the busy noise of the pretending

Frieda must have been some kind of something, huh?

Being so much

of who she was

at a time like that in the world

I would knock on her door as well

were I courageous enough

to meet her

where she chose

to Live

...more

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Getting Lost and Finding It

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