Getting Married Multiculturally

It is my birthday week, so today I want to share some thoughts and experiences from my small multicultural world. I don’t really like talking about me, but I hope that putting myself out of my comfort zone will help others who are struggling through culture shock and self acceptance.

I live in a culture that’s very competitive and fast paced. We also like to give labels to people, and put them in boxes, instead of accepting that everybody is different in their own way.

There are so many things that society expects us to do, and when to do it:

When to get married,... buy a house,... have kids,... get a promotion,... travel...etc.

So when my birthday is here it makes me reflect on my years, and I get nervous because of where I am in in my life at this moment. In this year. At this age.

But I’m trying to be more aware of my feelings, and to be ok with the order and pace that things are happening for me. Everything has a reason!

There were so many things that I didn’t think through when I was younger, and when I was getting into a relationship with somebody from a different culture. Or when I decided to move to a foreign country.

Did you ever feel like you are not where you should be or want to be in your life?

Many of us in a multicultural relationship have to start their life over. Moving to their partner’s country or finding a new home together.

I did it 4 times in my life!

First at age 10, moving from Serbia to Hungary, then to Italy, when I was 25. Soon after I followed my husband to the US, and our latest move was to Arizona.

I shouldn’t compare myself to other couples and families who never had to make drastic changes.

But I kinda had these excuses all the time: ‘it didn’t happen because I had babies’, or ‘it didn't happen because I had to move to a place where I don't know anybody’, or ‘it didn’t happen because my marriage was in a really bad place’...blah, blah. We need to be ok with ourselves and the consequences of our decisions. We need to be ok with the way things are happening in our life and except that. Look for the benefits, instead of the negative things that are holding you back.

I’m sure that lot of people are jealous of us and admire our bravery that we were able to move somewhere, learn a new language, or that we want to live our whole life with somebody who has a different language and culture from us. That we want to live in a foreign country that’s completely strange for us.

Instead of feeling bad that there are certain things we couldn’t achieve in our life, we should be proud of our choices. Embrace and enjoy it!

I wish I wouldn’t have got married so fast, because we would have had more time to explore and to get to know each other, and slowly evolve and mature our relationship into a marriage.

I wish I wouldn’t have had kids so soon, because my husband and I could have had more time to spend together.

I wish I would have started my business earlier, but I didn’t believe in myself enough.

But that’s what makes me ME, and everything in my life happened for a reason!

Getting married so soon forced us to grow up and mature our relationship faster, so we can get through those bumps faster. And gave me a security that I will live with this person forever.

I feel lucky that I had kids so soon, because now I have time to work on my passion. I feel lucky that I was able to stay home with both of my girls and raise them the way I wanted, share my culture and spend time with them.

If I would have started my career before kids, I would have never been able to give them that time. That’s why I think that everything has a reason!

My husband and I had a lot of challenging conversations about spending tons of money on traveling to Europe to visit my family every year! Which held us back from buying a house or put our finances towards something else.

And I feel very very lucky that we were able to do that, because I know that there are lots of families who can’t afford to see each other for years! I’m very thankful for my husband’s willingness to sacrifice that for me. It was definitely a really big help when I was struggling with loneliness and culture shock. I’m thankful for my parents not getting upset with me, because they can’t see their grandkids growing up, or because I left everything behind to live in another country.

First we need to learn to be happy about the choices that we made! To accept our journey and all the unplanned events. We have to see the meaning and find the reason why everything is happening. Other people will have different journeys and that’s ok!

There will be days when you’re going to feel like it’s too much!. Why didn’t I just stay in my country, so life wouldn't be so complicated? Why did I have to make this so hard for my family? But believe me, it’s all worth it, and it is going to get better!

Sometimes we intentionally choose this lifestyle, sometimes we fall into it, or sometimes we are just born into it. I was born and raised in Yugoslavia, a country with many different nationalities, religions, and somewhat similar languages. I grew up in surrounded by diversity,, but I never thought that this would become part of my life forever.

I wouldn’t say that I was always proud of it! In Yugoslavia as a Hungarian family we were in the minority, and I remember my parents telling me to keep my culture quiet. Then living in Hungary I felt like a minority again, because I came from another country. In Italy I was always that foreign girl who will never be accepted. Then I moved to America and I had a lot of self consciousness from not being American. I wouldn’t even speak Hungarian with my baby in public, because I didn’t wanted people looking and judging me.

Now I wish I wouldn’t have given up on this so quickly, and that I would have been just proud of my culture and language!

Those of us who came from a different culture, language and nationality, we tend to have this self consciousness or shame inside. We try to hide who we are.

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Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast?

Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published.

What do you think about the Podcast?

I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community!

***

SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/13

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Not every culture or country has the tradition where couples have professional photos taken as a celebration and announcement of their engagement. But if you do, in this podcast episode I’ve collected a couple of things that you should know and think about before booking your pre-wedding session.

Your engagement photos don’t have to be boring portraits at the local park, try to recreate a memory or meaningful moment that’s important to YOU.

The benefits of an engagement photoshoot:

1, Great way to get to know your wedding photographer

Their working and dressing style. The energy of your photographer will reflect on how you feel and how your pictures will turn out.

2, Photographer can learn your personality

Not just individually, but your relationship as a coupe. Also they can take notes if you have any language barriers or cultural struggles.

Plus: Most of the time the session would be part of your wedding package, so you get a pretty good deal!

3, Great reason and experience to have some professional pictures taken

Have your hair and makeup done, if that’s important to you!

4, It’s a fun way to relieve some of your memories with your partner

How and where you two met, had your first kiss, proposed. Had a significant moment together. Special place you like to visit often.

Just moved to a new place? It’s a good time to go and explore. And make sure to ask your photographer for suggestions.

After you get married, your love is going to change. It will get deeper and more meaningful as you two grow together. That's why I believe in documenting that feeling at beginning of your relationship will have a lot of value in your future (and for your kids).

5, You’ll get different types of pictures than from the wedding

Relaxed, more casual, with different season and locations, and variety of outfits.

6, Now you have a ton of photos to use

For save the date, invitation, announcement, Facebook and Instagram posts, reception display, slideshow, wedding website...etc.

You can also send some photos to your family, who may never had a chance to meet your fiancee, because they live in another country. Let them see how much you two love each other! :)

What do you need to know before you book the engagement photo shoot?

1, Decide on time, season and how long you’d want the session to be

2, Find a meaningful location

I’m not a big fan of crowded popular places in town or nearby parks, because you don’t have any memories from that place. It doesn’t have a meaning to you. Find something that speaks to you as a person individually, or as couples together. Be creative!

If you were in a long distance relationship, maybe having an at home, cozy session on the couch would be a great idea, since you two most likely had so many movie nights and skype chatting dates together. Or how about airport engagement session? I’m sure it will bring lots of memories!

3, What is the story of your photoshoot? What kind of activities or ‘poses’ do you like?

You can bring some items or props that have been been significant in your relationship.

4, Shotlists, mood boards are not favored by photographers but if it helps to communicate your vision, I think it can be great to have.

5, Do you have a specific cultural tradition, ceremony or ritual?

Are there any restrictions and expectations? Like some cultures don’t allow kissing in front of the camera.

Do you want to wear a traditional outfit, use a particular location?

How about booking a photoshoot for your engagement party?

6, Get yourself ready mentally and emotionally

Try to think of ways you can warm up into the session. Connect with you partner so the two of you can get into the zone. Get coffee, take a walk, cuddle. Don’t come to the shoot fighting!

Tip: Plan a date for the same day, so you can continue the fun!

7, Try to meet or FaceTime with the photographer

Beside getting to know her or him, and feeling more comfortable, you can also ask some important questions. It’s way easier that emailing back and forth to each other.

8, Get everything ready!

Plan on wardrobe and other look details that compliments each other. Book a hair and makeup artist.

10, What are you going to do with all of those photos?

Albums, wall prints, online posts, printing goods, gifts for parents and grandparents (Hint: they like more traditional posed pictures.) Make sure that your photoshoot theme matches with the wedding, if you’re planning to use those images on your wedding day.

Bonus idea: Hire a professional photographer for the proposal and continue the celebration with an engagement session.

In case you get overwhelmed, or don’t feel like taking any notes, I’ve created a checklist for you to get your engagement session to do’s ready. Plus I added another list of events you can document throughout your engagement that will help you tell the story of you getting married.

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Do you want to listen more of the Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast?

Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published.

What do you think about the Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast?

I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community!

***

SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/twelve/

FREEBIE: Downloadable Pre Engagement Session Checklist: http://bit.ly/EngagementSeasonChecklist

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

In this episode I share some ideas and tips on how can we be socially conscious, and seek out support when planning a multicultural and/or destination wedding in a foreign country.

I would also like to encourage you to give back, and help other multicultural couples make their wedding day dreams come true!

Here are some of the websites and resources I’ve mentioned in the episode:

Bridechilla Buy & Sell : https://www.facebook.com/groups/bridechillabuyandsell/

Brides Against Breast Cancer: https://www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org/

Brides Across America: https://www.bridesacrossamerica.com/

Full Bloom: https://www.thefullbloom.org/

Redemption Market: https://redemptionmarket.com/

Volunteer Match: https://www.volunteermatch.org/

Botanical Paperworks: https://www.botanicalpaperworks.com/

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming Soon!

This special episode is a recording of the interview that my husband and I had with Petronella Lugemwa, from the ‘I Am Multicultural Podcast’.

We are going to talk all about our heritage, how we met, how we function as a multicultural family, how we struggled through our separation, and what are some of the challenges living in a multicultural marriage.

As Adam and I celebrated this big milestone in our life, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for me to play the conversation.

It is going to be a little bit longer episode, but you'll hear a lot of great tips and advice from somebody who has been married for 10 years!

I am Multicultural Podcast interview with Petronella Lugemwa: https://bypetronella.com/communicate-better-multicultural-relationship-edit-vasadi-adam/

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming soon!

The US and other big countries are becoming more and more divers. So we should be open to other cultures, traditions, and that people celebrate different holidays.

And what about those multicultural families who blend their holiday traditions together?

In this podcast episode I’m sharing my thoughts about why we should be more interested in other cultures, instead of generalizing and trying to put every holiday under one umbrella.

Make sure you listen to the end, because I’m also talking about how we celebrate our Hungarian-American Christmas.

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming soon!

The truth is that we live in the world where everybody is using their phone. Everybody wants to take a picture, to document everything, to share it with everybody. To show where they are, what are they wearing, what are they doing, what are they eating... So when it comes to weddings, people feel like it’s a pretty big deal, so they want to share that with everybody, take pictures and document it.

Are you afraid that guest will ruin your wedding if you allow them to use their phones?

There are so many different opinions about unplugged weddings. I’m sure you heard lots of horror stories and advices from other couples warning you to have a phone free ceremony.

But is this really worth the fight and argument with your family, or are we overthinking this and panicking for no reason? In this episode I’m sharing my thoughts and opinion about unplugged weddings.

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming Soon!

For us, multicultural couples and families, traveling is such an important part of our life.

We travel to see our long distance relationship partner, our family, our home, our spouse’s country, and sometime we travel because we decide to move somewhere else.

In this episode I’m sharing some of my traveling experiences and tips, to help you manage this beautiful and exciting, but sometimes unpredictable life we have chosen.

Hiring a photographer at your destination: http://www.travographer.com/

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming Soon!

Most couples get engaged during the holiday season, and with Thanksgiving weekend we’ve officially started the holiday festivities here in America!

So in today's podcast I'm talking all about proposal traditions in different cultures.

Some of the topics I’ll be covering:

1, How would you want to get engaged? Privately or publicly?

2, Who should pop the question? The man or the woman?

3, Proposal ideas

4, Different cultural traditions

5, Proposal in a long distance relationship

I’m also offering my wedding photography services in Europe during the month of June, 2019. So if you are getting married, or know somebody who is, I would love to document your wedding day! You can contact me at [email protected]

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming soon!

Wedding planning is hard, but when you have to mix multiple cultures together, it can get pretty complicated! Especially if you and your fiancee have extremely different cultural backgrounds.

So which one should you incorporate into the wedding?

There will be traditions that you want to keep and some of them that you'd rather exclude!

Some things are easy to mix up: like food, music, decoration, or even outfits. Other elements of the wedding are a bit more challenging. Especially your main event, the ceremony and vows. ⠀

Some of the questions I’ll be covering in this podcast episode:

What would people think about my fiancee’s different cultural traditions?

Where should I even start with the multicultural wedding planning?

What about traditions that we would like to exclude?

Should we have two ceremonies?

GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming soon!

My multicultural journey hasn’t been a smooth road! I struggled through culture shock, language barrier, postpartum depression, and loneliness. Beyond trying to fit into this country and culture, getting confident with my English; I had some challenges finding balance in motherhood, married life, and running my business.

In this episode I’m sharing my story about why I love meeting and working with multicultural couples, and my goal to build a community of couples who value their mixed traditions. As well as wanting to stay connected with like minded people, even after the wedding.

We all need help, support, advice, or just fun tips in our life!

Come and join us: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

Phoenix Voyage article: http://voyagephoenix.com/interview/life-work-edit-denning/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

GMM SHOWNOTES: Coming soon!