Getting to Good Enough

What's the opposite of judgment? It's compassion. That profound realization is what sparked this episode. This week, Janine and Shannon discuss the need to compassionate about our own perfectionism (and imperfections). And we discuss the importance of having compassion for others.

Discussion topics include:

• Janine’s efforts to let go of perfectionism prior to her first Zoom presentation

• A revelation: The opposite of judgment is compassion

• How part of the problem with perfectionism is how hard we can be on ourselves

• Looking at what you’re dealing with through a lens of compassion (rather than apathy) 

• Bringing in compassion whenever perfectionism comes up (for you or others) to open up your options 

• How easy it is to be on hard on yourself (even when you’re always kind to others)

• The cultural idea that we must be hard on ourselves to keep from repeating a mistake

• How self compassion can help you seek new paths

• The techniques Shannon uses to help her clients be less hard on themselves

• That now is a great time to start practicing compassion for yourself

• How we can’t underestimate the energy it takes to deal with the ambient anxiety of living with uncertainty

• The effect of pandemic-related anxiety on Shannon’s heart rate variability

• Extending compassion to those around us

Janine’s excitement about a little treat she bought herself: Black Post-it® Notes!

See the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for links.

Negotiations can be difficult when one person is a perfectionist and the other isn't. In this episode, Shannon and Janine address a question from a listener who is trying to work with an imperfectionist neighbor to replace a fence between their yards.

Discussion topics include:

• The gifts that our pets give us

• The challenges of maximizers working with satisficers

• How Shannon and her neighbor dealt with a similar situation through clear communication and knowing what was important to them

• The value of thinking through what really matters and writing them down

• Another fence situation Shannon had with a different neighbor that also hinged on clear communication

• Recognizing when entering negotiations with people of differing sensibilities that you can’t expect to get 100% of what you want

• Knowing the top two or three things that are most important to you and communicating them up front

• Shannon’s advice to write down your top concerns, but not hide behind the written word

• Would you rather be right or happy?

• Communicating from a place of kindness

• Finding out what’s important to the other person so everyone’s needs are met

Making decisions can be particularly challenging for people who have perfectionistic tendencies. And with so much uncertainty right now, decision making is even harder. This week, Janine and Shannon discuss striving for good enough, rather than perfect, when making decisions.

Discussion topics include:

• Satisficers vs maximizers

• How the maximizer likes to weigh all possible options in order to make the best possible decision

• How the satisficer, by contrast, makes faster decisions with less research and struggle

• The fact that, paradoxically, satisfiers tend to have more satisfaction with their decisions

• How perfectionism can play into being a maximizer

• How this played out in Janine’s recent rug purchase

• Shannon’s strategy for making decisions easier (key ingredient: she figures out why the decision is important to her)

• How this played out in Shannon and Janine’s recent purchase of a podcasting microphone

• Viewing decisions as “for now” rather than forever

• How the current uncertainty because of COVID-19 makes decision-making even harder

• Shannon’s strategy of healthily postponing decisions during times of uncertainty

• How postponing decisions can actually create a little comforting certainty

• Janine’s approach to easy decisions

• The two-out-of-three rule for making good enough decisions

• Avoiding regret by recognizing you made the best decision you could at the time (and learning from it)

• How Shannon makes choosing from a menu at a restaurant easier

• Janine’s tried-and-true strategy for ordering at a restaurant

Visit the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for links!

During this time of isolation, our friends are more important than ever. In this episode, Shannon and Janine discuss making and keeping friends, without letting perfectionism get in your way.

Discussion topics include:

• How a silver lining of the COVID pandemic is that we’re spending more time (virtually) with friends

• A Zoom prank Janine and her college buddies played

• We’re living in the future—even better than on the Jetsons in some respects

• How social media can help maintain friendships, but can also present some challenges

• Not letting perfectionism get in the way of contacting someone

• Trusting that there’s no wrong way to reach out to someone

• How perfectionism eroded Shannon’s enjoyment of Words with Friends

• Remembering that if you’re afraid of being rejected by someone, they may be feeling the same way

• Not taking it personally if someone doesn’t respond as you expect

• How the more frequently you talk with friends, the easier the conversations are

• Making new friends and creating meaningful relationships as we age

• How starting a new friendship is like dating

• Keeping in mind that it’s (often) not about you

• Letting friends know you’re thinking about them (it can be as easy as sending a random Bitmoji)

• The appeal of putting pen to paper and sending a letter these days

• Remembering to let cultivating friendships be easy and fun!

This week Janine and Shannon are lifting a glass to this podcast's 100th episode. We spend this episode celebrating and sharing the lovely feedback and greetings we received from listeners in honor of our 100th episode.

Discussion topics include:

• How we promised one another we’d do the podcast until it stopped being fun—and it’s still fun!

• How the podcast has exceeded our expectations

• We never thought we’d make it to 100 episodes

• We never dreamed we’d be listened to in so many countries (and by so many people)

• We encourage anyone who’s thinking of doing a podcast to go for it!

• The celebratory messages we received from listeners

• How we all deal with perfectionism, even if we don't call it that

• To-do list bingo and the great way caller Amy uses it!

• How happy we are that listener Hazel chooses to listen to us when she’s stressed out

• “Done is better than perfect” and “let it be easy,” the two mantras that have helped listener Christy so much

• Our assurances that you don’t have to listen to all 100 episodes of the podcast (but we’re thrilled if you do!)

• Our delight at listener Rob’s insightful message - he’s our #1 fan in Walla Walla!

• Our gratitude to our listeners and especially to the folks who called in this week

Visit the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for links to past episodes mentioned in this episode.

Getting caught up in perfectionism can be short-sighted. This week, Shannon and Janine discuss the value of tolerating the discomfort of imperfection in order to stick with something and get better at it or enjoy it more.

Discussion topics include:

• How things are both easier and harder these days with the stay-at-home life

• That Shannon’s trip to Portugal has by necessity been postponed

• How Shannon is going about rescheduling that trip

• The hidden benefits of her having to postpone the trip

• Shannon’s graphic pandemic journal

• The value of keeping a journal for yourself and those who follow

• The massive change in Shannon’s ability to get past perfectionism in starting a hobby

• The value of the public accountability Shannon had with her cartooning class

• Getting back to why something is important to you

• How the long game applies to this time of the coronavirus

• Figuring out how you want to spend time after this crisis is over

• Being gentle with yourself during this time

• Our upcoming 100th episode (we want to hear from you!)

In this episode, recorded in early March before the COVID-19 crisis started keeping us at home, Janine and Shannon discuss one of their least favorite words, "should."

Discussion topics include:

• Janine’s delight that her RootsTech talk is behind her and her admiration at how well organized RootsTech is

• How “shoulds” can weigh you down

• That should is one of Janine’s least favorite words, and one that she tries not to use with her clients

• How should can sneak into one’s self talk

• The judgmental, mean nature of the word should

• Thinking about words you can substitute for should

• The irony that people think that Shannon and Janine tell their clients what to do

• Recognizing resistance when you bristle at the word should

• Getting in touch with why something is important to you to get past resistance

• Allowing yourself to move forward with that information

• Newsflash: There are no bonus points for making something more difficult than it needs to be

• Letting go of preconceived ideas about the right way to do something

• Figuring out how you can get things done with as much ease as possible

• Editing the shoulds out of our to-do lists

• Choosing to do things rather than feeling you should do them

• Putting yourself back in a place of choice

Navigating the waters of life during the coronavirus pandemic is challenging to say the least. This week, Shannon and Janine discuss the conflicting emotions they're feelings, along with some strategies for reducing stress and coping with the new challenges brought on by this crisis.

Discussion topics include:

• The difficulty of answering the question, "How are you doing?" these days

• Conflicting emotions about feeling good during these trying times, even though feeling bad is not useful

• Balancing the need for information with the need not to stress out

• How Shannon is limiting her screen time

• Determining whether social media is beneficial to you or not (now's a good time to curate your feed!)

• Getting back to Yoga with Adriene

• Tiny Habits and the Tiny Habits for Coronavirus Challenges Zoom workshops

• The flood of resources now available for the benefit of people who can't go out

• Not letting perfectionism get in the way of enjoying the many resources available

• Paying attention to the media (TV, movies, books) you're consuming to make sure they aren't stressing you

• How everything feels both really important and also irrelevant at the same time

• Our perspective on the many emails we're receiving from companies

• Being aware of and appreciating the small moments brought about by the quarantine

Visit the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for loads of links!

Most of us are staying home to stay healthy and stop the spread of the novel coronavirus. In this episode--recorded just three days prior to posting--Janine and Shannon discuss some of the challenges we're facing working from home in these strange times, despite the fact we've been working from home for years. Most of the changes are going on inside our heads!

Discussion topics include:

• How quickly everything is changing these days as the novel coronavirus spreads

• Adjusting to the changes made by the need to stay home

• How even though Shannon’s work life hasn’t really changed, everything feels different

• Cutting yourself (and those around you) infinite slack

• Janine’s discomfort at time pressure being eliminated from her day (since she’s no longer seeing clients)

• Janine’s first weekend in 25 years where she didn’t have to feel guilty about not working

• Holding yourself to a standard of accomplishing things at home without getting caught up in perfectionism

• To-Do List Bingo: Our secret weapon for creating some structure without creating too much structure

• Our different approaches to bingo this time around

• The value of staying busy and having fun tasks lists

• Trying to avoid negativity

• That it’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions every day

Check out the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for links!

After talking last week about using what you have, Shannon and Janine turn this week to letting go of stuff as an alternative to using it up.  We even innovate a new monthly activity during the episode!

Discussion topics include:

• Some terminology for letting stuff go (for example, “release it” and “pass it along”)

• The value of figuring out language that makes it easy for you to let stuff go

• How indecision can lead to clutter

• Avoiding perfectionism when donating items

• Trusting that your donated item will find a good home

• Letting go of stuff while others can still use them

• The up and down cycle of clearing a space and then filling it up again

• Some strategies for keeping a clear clothes closet

• Introducing Closet Curation Sunday (on the last Sunday of the month)

• The three things Janine hears from clients about why they don’t want to let stuff go (and her responses)

• The importance of knowing why it’s important to you to let something go

• The question Shannon’s asking herself in dealing with her email inbox: “Is keeping this worth having to deal with it in the future?”

Visit the show notes at www.gettingtogoodenough.com for links!