Getting Work To Work

Recently, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about perfectionism. I asked, "What triggers perfectionism for you?" They shared some thoughts, generally around being a beginner, but when they asked the same question to me, I took it another direction. I responded, "When I've done things for a long time and feel like I need to prove myself." It's amazing how experience can be both positive and negative. Without it, I would lack the confidence needed to do my job, but too much? Perfectionism. Fear of judgment. Constant comparison. It's amazing how certain questions can unlock a state of reflection, but how can we actually do something with them? That's what this episode is all about: Curious Questions for Change.

What's the first thought that enters your mind when you hear the word networking? Mine is some form of a sigh, usually ugh. But what if networking isn't what we've made it out to be? What if it's something you can do at your own pace, in your own way? Today's guest is Monique Kelley, a professor, consultant, and author of Redefining Networking: How to Lead with Your Unique Value. In our conversation, we dive into all things networking including her three-step strategic approach: 1) Identify your value, 2) Find an audience, and 3) Communicate your value. She also shares how to overcome generational stereotypes with research and curiosity, why the best networkers are foodies, how anyone can be a connector, the importance of listening, how to make the time each week for connecting with people, and leading with win-win opportunities. We also redefine networking through several role-playing scenarios. If you hate networking, then this episode's for you.

What does it mean when a book that is not self-help actually helps more than most books in the category? No shade to those authors, I'm sure their books are helping people, but they probably didn't embark on a 10-year research project in search of the answer to the question, "What to make of a life?" When I picked up What to Make of a Life: Cliffs, Fog, Fire and the Self-Knowledge Imperative by Jim Collins at my local library, I saw the title in capital letters, flipped through the pages, and thought I'd give it a shot. What surprised me the most was that I couldn't put it down. It not only helped me to make sense of where I'm at in my life, but it also gave me tools to think about the future. In this episode of Getting Work To Work, I'm going to dive into the seven most impactful quotes from Collins's book, share a few stories from my life, and encourage you to search for your own answer to the question, "What to make of a life?"

"The sign of good research is that you end up in places you never expected. If after years of research all you do is reconfirm your own preconceptions, then what is the point of doing research? The whole point is to discover, to be surprised, to come to see the world and how it works differently than you did before" (p. 11).

"It's not about finding what you can do better than others, but about finding what you can do exceptionally well relative to other ways you could expend yourself" (p. 59).

"…one of the conclusions of this entire effort is that no one can tell you what to do with your life or how specifically to lead your life. And if they do, they're almost certainly wrong" (p. 23).

"If your life is knocked sideways or torn asunder by a cliff, and especially if that cliff comes with mourning a loss and/or feeling the deep pain of grief, you can find yourself lost in thick, murky fog for a very long time" (p. 152).

"Fog is when you go through a phase of immense uncertainty and lack of clarity about the best path forward, perhaps even having no clear idea where you want to go…. In the thickest fog, you can feel truly lost" (p. 157).

"Fog is normal, natural, common, and highly prevalent…. Even the most successful, capable, energetic, ambitious, and otherwise clearheaded and self-directed people can find themselves in a major fog funk" (p. 168).

"Extend Out/Circle Back: This is a continuous dynamic process of extending yourself—growing, learning, experimenting, expanding capabilities, discovering new encodings—while simultaneously drawing upon encodings discovered and capabilities developed earlier in life" (pp. 118-119).

How do you grapple with resistance when writing about personal stories from your past? As today's guest learned, "When you get to the pain, slow down." Darls Centola is a psychotherapist, educator, and author of Finding Truth with Michael: A Memoir of Friendship, Faith, and First Love." In our conversation, Darls shares stories from her book including what it was like growing up as a Jehovah's Witness in 1970s Los Angeles, being friends with Michael Jackson, and how her sister got them enrolled in a prestigious private school where they met the Jacksons. She also talks about her curiosity with neurobiology, the many paths she took to discover her calling, seeing people as they are, how doubt was the beginning of how to think, learning to listen to herself, and healing her relationship with her mother. Darls also provides practical advice on writing, discovering her adult voice, and how she worked on her craft in workshops and with coaches.

Have you ever wondered what a crime novelist can teach you about your own creativity? It turns out, a lot—and not just about weird crimes and sketchy people. Today's guest is Tod Goldberg, the bestselling author of sixteen books, including the Gangsterland quartet and his latest, Only Way Out. Tod is also a professor of creative writing and the founder and director of the Low Residency MFA in Creative Writing & Writing for the Performing Arts at the University of California, Riverside. We start our conversation with Tod stating why intellectual curiosity is essential for writers to connect with people. We then talk about what it was like to grow up in a family of writers, the movies we watched as kids that we probably shouldn't have seen, a snapshot into his writing and professional life, the importance of doing your job and letting your brain breathe, why true crime is popular in chaotic times, why he created a writing graduate program and how it's different than other MFAs, and his love for the democratization of art.

Be honest: How bored are you right now? In all this push to get seen, to be consistent and on-brand, you've managed to become more machine than human. Your processes all have systems that talk to each other, dashboards measure what matters instantaneously letting you know whether you're succeeding or failing, and social media keeps you jacked in and distracted to what's really going on within you. Boredom is often portrayed as something to be avoided, but what if it's actually what you need? What if instead of clicking, swiping, scrolling, and tapping, you did absolutely nothing? What could you learn from a period of disconnection and introspection? The answers to these questions are anything but simple, but they are instructive and personal, specific to your circumstances and dreams. And perhaps, just the very thing to guide you into a more favorable future.

I believe art finds us when we need it most. When I picked up the first issue of Art Bar Magazine and read the welcome letter from the editor, I felt like they were speaking directly to me and welcoming me home. I sent an email inviting the founders of the magazine, Sawa & Ira Ingram to the show, and they graciously accepted. In our conversation, we talk about how their roots in filmmaking, photography, and skateboarding, led them to create a magazine that celebrates new artists, successful creators, and an inclusive art world where everyone belongs. We also discuss Sawa's documentary, Passing Through, Ira's work in skateboarding and the Professional Skateboarding League, building trust and relationships, mortality and the importance of living life, what creativity looks like as a couple, the differences between analog and digital, and the symbiotic relationship of art and skateboarding. If you have an idea to create something, then this episode is the permission slip you need to go and make it.

When was the last time you listened to your inner broadcast? You know the one. It's your unique internal monologue full of beauty, curiosity, hope, imagination, wonder, and intrigue. It's always broadcasting and we have the opportunity to tune in or drown it out with the noise of the world. I'll be honest, it's been hard to hear my inner broadcast lately. Focus is reserved for a handful of daily scattered moments of productivity. But the rest of the time? My mind wanders in the desert of this season of life. As I've talked about before, there are a lot of changes right now, but what I'm realizing is that no matter what happens, I need to listen to what's going on within. If I don't, I'm going to get steamrolled by the discordant soundtrack of the world, which just gets louder by the hour.

For almost 50 years, today's guest didn't talk about what happened to her on September 6, 1970 when the plane she was on was hijacked. But in her new book, Hostage: A Memoir of Terrorism, Trauma, and Resilience, Mimi Nichter recounts her story of what happened before, during, and after her hostage experience. In our conversation, we talk about her work as a cultural anthropologist and the ways observation and listening inform our ability to understand others. She also touches on how she found her voice in the writing process, choosing to write from memory instead of interviewing others, how images and stories helped memories to emerge, reconciling our past and present selves, the value of compassion, and why we need to talk about what happens to us. When we share our stories with one another, either in memoir or conversation, we connect not only to moments in time, but bear witness to the experiences that shape history itself.

What do you do when you get stuck? Maybe you're like me and you let doubt and despair slow you down or even stop you. Today's guest has a different answer: keep it moving. Bishop Kevin Foreman, "The People's Bishop," is a man of many pursuits—pastor, church planter, bishop, success coach, speaker, author, philanthropist, and entrepreneur—and in this conversation he shares how curiosity, faith, and divine conviction help him to keep his life and work moving. We talk about his insatiable thirst for knowledge, the art of letting go, building the essential skill of reframing, liberating versus limiting beliefs, how faith and data work together when making decisions, why prioritization matters more than balance, and his constant drive to bring the best out of people.