UNDERSTANDING THE DANCE OF NARCISSISM AND CODEPENDENCY
People with codependency sometimes form relationships with people who have NPD. Typically the two partners develop complementary roles to fill each other’s needs. The codependent person has found a partner they can pour their self into, and the narcissistic person has found someone who puts their needs first.
Narcissism and codependency aren’t always opposites. The desire to feel needed is not that different from the desire to feel important.However, this dynamic can quickly become unhealthy. The codependent person may try to live vicariously through their larger-than-life partner. When their partner doesn’t show enough gratitude for their service, the codependent person may feel resentment. Meanwhile, the narcissistic person often exploits their partner’s people-pleasing tendencies for their own narcissistic supply. As their ego grows, their demands may increase, until the codependent person eventually burns out.
Even if they develop an abusive relationship, neither partner may try to leave. Both people may stay in an unhealthy situation for fear of being alone. Without help, this dynamic can grow increasingly toxic.
CAN CODEPENDENCY AND NARCISSISM OVERLAP?
Narcissism and codependency aren’t always opposites. The desire to feel needed is not that different from the desire to feel important. While many studies find lower rates of narcissism among people with codependency, some have actually found higher rates of narcissism among those with codependent traits.
A person who is codependent in one situation might be narcissistic in another. For instance, a person might become codependent in their marriage, serving their spouse’s every need. Yet that same person may feel an unending need for respect and praise from their children. causing them to manifest narcissistic tendencies.
In some cases, an abusive person may try to gaslight a codependent partner into believing they are narcissistic. The abuser may sabotage any show of self-confidence by calling their partner “egotistical.” Typical acts of self-care, such as taking days off or spending time with friends, may be labeled “selfish.” The codependent person may believe these accusations and try to fix the relationship by ignoring their own needs. A person isolated from loved ones—who might offer a more objective view—is likely to falsely believe they are a narcissist.
The fact that all people display narcissistic or codependent traits on occasion can make it even more difficult for a person to decide if they’re narcissistic, codependent, or both.
Now that's where the need to find one's self is important, knowing who you are matters because it's only when you have no idea of who you are, that you let others Tell you about You, and how you a meant to be.
