NEW YORK, NY—A new study published Monday by researchers at the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change revealed that global warming is caused by a giant, invisible ham sandwich.

“Our data indicate that the reason the earth’s temperature has risen over the past century is because of a massive, 4-mile-wide ham sandwich that hovers in the stratosphere above the North Pole,” said lead author Dr. Paul Nesbitt, adding that while scientists have long suspected a link between ham sandwiches and climate change, this is the first time they have been able to definitively prove it.

“We think it’s likely that this ham sandwich was created by some kind of freak accident involving a blimp and a deli. But we also suspect it may be sustaining itself on some kind of invisible heat source. Whatever the case, it’s clear that this ham sandwich is responsible for generating vast quantities of carbon dioxide and methane into our atmosphere.”

The study also found that scientists were unable to determine how to get rid of the giant ham sandwich without creating an even larger invisible turkey sandwich that would cause even more damage to the environment.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/15/global-warming-revealed-to-be-caused-by-giant-invisible-ham-sandwich/