What hath we mere mortals done to deserve Salt Lake City and Potomac airing at the same time? Thank you, Mormon Jesus. On this week’s episode, Marshall hath been blessed with a brand new microphone. He immediately uses his new gift to spread blasphemous tea re: Emily’s former favourite Salt Lake housewife, Whitney. Despite the ex-communicated maybe-swinger’s unfortunate political leanings (sigh), we remain firmly anti-Lisa. After all, evil is evil. Over on Potomacers Take Portugal, our beloved ladies toboggan into traffic, play pranks on the new girl, and plot to assassinate one of their own in a court of law. To quote the Bible, “I haaave the most beautiful tan clitoris.”

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