We start by drooling over Hat Trick's tits like they're the fucking Mona Lisa of mammary glands, then dive straight into the art of juggling a "bag of dicks" like you're the fucking Houdini of horniness. Running out of porn? 

Preaching about jerking off at work like it's the new fucking yoga. "Color-coded in red," because why the fuck not make your wank schedule look like a fucking bloodbath? Hat Trick's lip waxing? That's not grooming; that's a fucking admission of her secret mustache, turning a beauty routine into a fucking comedy skit.

Then you're all over the place with your sexual escapades, where you're whipping out your dick like it's a fucking magic trick. Whiskey dick? That's not just a nuisance; it's a fucking saga of your cock's endurance. You're debating squirting vs. pissing like you're in a fucking lab, dissecting the science of cum with the passion of a mad scientist.

Reality TV shit? Watching some Spanish dude go fucking ballistic over his cheating girlfriend is like watching a goddamn telenovela, but with more nudity and less plot. The glow-in-the-dark dildo deep throat? That's not just sex; that's a fucking light show in someone's mouth, turning blowjobs into a fucking circus act.

Age and attraction? You're out here like you're the fucking messiah of young pussy, declaring your love for 20-somethings while calling out gold diggers like you're on a holy war against cock-suckers for cash.