Episode 2291 - The Goin' Deep Show goes FULL HALLMARK ON CRACK as Kid A.G. (now 50+ days booze-free and 20 lbs lighter) sips coffee like a civilized human while El Pres taunts him with two growlers of forbidden Tri-City nectar — one of them ORANGE CREAMSICLE, you sadistic bastard.

What follows is the most wholesome-degenerate episode in GDS history:

- Kid discovers inner dialogue, outer niceness, and the horror of waking up remembering everything

- Surprise Black Keys tickets, bookstore foreplay, and $53 lobster-roll

- They celebrate anniversaries like sentimental bros, roast Jehovah's Witnesses, and agree real friends forgive your drunken verbal diarrhea

- MTV VMA nostalgia → "Who the fuck are these new bands?" → Creed vs Nickelback blood feud

- Food-truck lobsters, Nom Nom Ninja hibachi worship, and the dream of $15 all-day metal shows with wristbands + food-truck orgy

- Live music bingo: Goose jam-band solitude, front-row Louis CK, secret surprise date nights, and Wolfgang Van Halen refusing to be Eddie 2.0

- Deep life shit: aunt passing, recording parents' stories, van-life escape fantasies, and "I've got maybe 35 good summers left, bro"

- Politics dodge-ball → South Park worship → Austin Powers "ONE BILLION DOLLARS" censorship rant

- Pornhub now needs FOUR CLICKS like airport security, but Becky Bandini still delivers a 20-second Super Soaker that'll make you question physics

- Grand finale: "Smack 'em, yak 'em, give her the veiny hammer time!"

Key Quotes:

- "Two thousand two hundred episodes were drunk rage. Now I'm enlightened… pass the coffee, fuckface."

- "I haven't craved alcohol once… until I have to visit the brewery. Then I'm bringing a thermos and a dream."

- "She squirted so fast I checked if Tesla hooked up a garden hose."

- "Coonins Irish Hub, there laddie — we're coming for lunch and forgiveness."