Going Deep: A Gay Guide to Reality

Today’s guest is Chris Kuwahara-Smith. 

I wanted to interview Chris because he creates heart-centered community through his organization, California Gay Adventures (CGA). 

During CGA-hosted camping trip in Zion National Park, it became clear to me that Chris is doing something important - something that is both classic and radically different. 

California Gay Adventures delivers iconic American outdoorsmen culture (that’s the classic part)  and he does it specifically for gay men and LGBTQ people. This former boy scout from Idaho finds that idea to be pretty radical. 

Chris has leveraged his love for outdoor activities, to create a space where all kinds of gay men find a sense of belonging. 

His own hero’s journey through college sports and the Mormon faith has left him with some important life lessons that enable him to be the man he is today. He’s a true leader, creating community by being authentic and holding fast to his own values. 

We talked about: 

• Coming out in the Mormon Church [6:02]
• Tolerating Others [15:28]
• Differences between the gay and straight outdoor experience [19:25]
• A hero’s journey [38:59]
• Investing in your community and family [43:58]

Mentioned in this episode: 

• California Gay Adventures Official website
• California Gay Adventures on Instagram
• Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 

Find more about Chris on:

• Facebook

 
Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
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• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today's is a very special Father's Day episode of “Hey Gerle!” with Mike's father, Bill!

The “Hey Gerle!” episodes are designed to be an “ask anything” Q&A between me and you, the listener. I will normally be doing these with the help of my GerleMen Podcast family, Garrett & Lesley.

On this special Father’s Day edition of “Hey Gerle,” my dad and I will both be asking each other questions and answering each other’s questions. My Dad answers questions about what it was like to be a Mormon father with a gay son, and I answer some questions about what it was like to be a gay man with a Mormon father. 

My father and I have been through a lot. It is an intensely emotional interview. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did recording it.

This interview humbles me with gratitude for my father, a man I vilified as a teenager & young adult, who has become one of my greatest sources of strength and inspiration. I could not be more proud to call myself “Gerle”.

We talked about:

• Mike's Coming Out [5:43]
• Being a Mormon with a Gay Son [13:31]
• Regrets [19:20]
• Transition to Acceptance [27:55]
• Learning From Each Other [34:39]
• Advice For Other Fathers [45:41]
• A Strengthened Bond [50:36]

Mentioned in this episode

• Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 
• Boy Scouts of America 
• Brené Brown’s book “Braving The Wilderness”

 

Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today I talk with Aaron Ferante-Alan.

Aaron is a very close friend of mine who I deeply respect for his intellect and his bravery, but most importantly, his vulnerable honestly. He’s a man I consider family and I’m thrilled to have him on the podcast speaking about his professional specialty, sex/relationships, and how all that relates to our mental health.

We talked about:

• Sexual Addiction vs. Compulsion [4:40]
• Gay Mirroring and Overcoming Shame [15:00]
• Open Relationships and Sexual Balance [25:23]
• Gay Gifts [37:46]
• Investing in Yourself and in Others [45:33]

Mentioned in this episode

• Aaron's bio on Foundry Clinical Group
• Aaron on Facebook

Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

I was excited to talk to Jai Rodriguez because I’d seen him on Queer Eye, then I realized I’d seen him perform in one of my favorite musicals ever, “Zanna, Don’t!”

So I was a bit star struck.

I don’t like admitting that, but I was.

Then the real magic happened when we spoke, one gay man to another.

Jai is approachable and tells us how it really is for queer people in Hollywood, how COVID-19 is affecting his sex life, growing up evangelical, and being a mentor. 

This high energy interview that moves very fast, so buckle your seat belts boys! This man is gonna tell you what’s really going on. A queer performer teaching us real-life lessons on racial injustice, finding sex that’s a good fit, navigating COVID-19, religion and how gay mentors might do it better.

We talked about:

• Queer Eye and racial disparity (2:45)
• Trans people in entertainment (15:51)
• COVID boyfriends (25:38)
• Growing up evangelical (31:26)
• Being a mentor (38:42)

Mentioned in this episode

• Queer Eye for the Straight Guy 
• Zanna, Don't! 
• Rent
• NBC's Harry's Law

More about Jai Rodriguez on:

• Facebook
• Instagram
• Youtube
• IMDb

Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

This is my response to the murder of George Floyd at the hands of a police officer. 

I’m 55 years old. I was born in 1965. 

Before I was 5 years old, Martin Luther King would be murdered, Drag Queens and trans women would fight off the police in front of Stonewall, and the United States would launch a rocket that would land men safely on the moon.

In 1992 I listened to the same cacophony of helicopters that are in the air in Los Angeles and many other cities today, as people took to the streets after the brutal beating of Rodney King was caught on videotape. That incident was so frightening to me that I bought a plane ticket and flew to be with my mom in Tucson, AZ. 

Last year I participated in a protest in West Hollywood, CA, against a white man who had killed two black men, Gemmel Moore and Timothy Dean, in his apartment, on two separate occasions, but that white man was not be held accountable until a 3rd man he was trying to kill got away from him and called the police. 

Today, on May 30, 2020, another rocket was launched from the United States, this time docking with the International Space Station, and there are riots, once again, in the streets because another black man, George Floyd, was murdered, this time by a white police officer. 

From 1965 to 2020 and we are still wondering what to do. Well, I have some thoughts, and that’s what this short bonus episode is about. 

This time, I’m not leaving.

Mentioned in this episode

• Hollaback: Bystander Intervention Training
• ActBlue: Take Back the Senate
• Dan White's Case

 Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today’s episode is the 2nd installment of my “Being a Man” series.

This is an intimate 1on1 between me and you, the listener. 

I will present ideas on “living” on “being” (as in Being A Man) that I find useful in my own life. Being A Man episodes are: part older brother insight, part theoretical sandbox, and part Gay Elder pontificating.

These are ideas I’ve cobbled together from just paying attention during my life, from doing my own personal work with therapists, from writing my memoir, from belonging to different kinds of fraternal groups, from meditation and yoga, and from doing men’s work in the ManKind Project.

These are not “BE a man” episodes, they are BEING a Man episode. 

I’m not telling you what to do to prove you’re a man. I’m sharing insight on “being”, the inward reflections of a conscious man who knows what he wants and how to get it. 

Use the parts that work for you and leave the rest. 

Your authenticity is the only tool required, and a heart-centered connection with yourself, with other gay men, and with your own chosen communities is the goal. 

“Being A Man” episodes are wrapped up in a cool three-letter acronym. “BAM” So you can find the Being A Man episodes easily in the feed by looking for the BAM heading. 

Enjoy the show.


We talked about: 

• Do you think of the Gay Men’s Comunity as YOUR community? [2:18]
• Sacred Pause [5:03]
• Mission, Vision, Proposition, Declaration [10:58]
• Oppression to Celebration [13:07]

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

• The Sacred Pause concept, as explained by Tara Brach in her book Radical Acceptance.
• “Living in My Zone of Genius” outlined in the book “The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership” by Jim Dethmer.
• Mike's memoir, called “Drama Club”.

Get connected! 

• Subscribe to my newsletter on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected]. 
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today’s guest is Dr. Don Kilhefner.

I wanted to interview Dr. Don Kilhefner because his name and accomplishments show up nearly every time I do work on elevating Gay Male Existence. He’s a living icon of gay activism.

In his 80’s, he is still a dynamic force in the gay community. As you will hear in this episode, it’s a community he considers family.

Dr. Kilhefner has a remarkable amount of energy, vision, experience, and wisdom he generously offers to his family on a daily basis .Another guest, who has done and keeps doing amazing things for the gay men’s community. Let’s heed his advice to know ourselves better, so that we may serve our community better. 

Because of the COVID-19 threat, this episode was done over Zoom, so you will notice some sound quality issues. I ask that you focus on the content and forgive the sound quality as we all learn how to adjust. 

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed having the dialog.

We talked about: 

• Who is Don Kilhefner? [04:37]
• Boy Energy vs. Man Energy vs. Elder Energy [12:19]
• Spirituality and Queer Contributions [21:50]
• Heterosupremecy and Privilege [27:38]
• Masculine Archetypes and Gender in Culture [35:32]
• Investing in Your Dignity, Family, and Queer Gifts [46:50]
• Advice for Starting a Revolution [49:29]

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

• On Human Nature by E.O. Wilson
• The King Within by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette
• “Gay Adults Where Are You” on White Crane
• Radical Faeries
• The Hero's Journey
• Los Angeles LGBT Center
• Van Ness Recovery Center
• Proposition 8
• Alpine County Project

Find more about Dr. Don Kilhefner at: 

• Dr. Kilhefner's Facebook page
• Instagram profile
• Twitter account
• Or directly by Email

Get connected! 

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today I talk with Yuval David.

Yuval is an accomplished actor, filmmaker, content creator, and activist. But the biggest reason I wanted to have a conversation with him is because of his attitude.

His motivation for doing all of these things comes from a place of love. If you have already listened to the first Being a Man, or BAM episode, you’ll remember that I’m big on understanding our core motivations, our feelings, our foundational beliefs about ourselves.

Because when we do that, we get what we want.

What Yuval wants is a better life for the planet and his communities. Yuval’s core motivation is love, and he is committed to a life of the ‘loving adventurer.'

I hope you’ll find some useful information and inspiration as well. Enjoy the episode.


We talked about:

• Love: a strategic choice [3:58]
• Identity [6:32]
• Gay elder [8:54]
• Self-care [13:35]
• Youthfulness: a personality trait [23:02]
• Love Yourself [29:24]
• Assimilation [32:15]
• Unnecessary Arguments [35:07]
• Tolerating others [37:21]
• Drag Queen Leaders [40:45]
• A Diverse Crew [44:40]
• Not assimilation, appropriation [46:25]
• Loving Adventurer [52:35]
• LGBTQ Special Gifts [56:34]
• Advice [1:02:04]

Find more about Yuval David on:

• Yuval’s Official Website
• Yuval David’s acting career on IMDb
• Yuval David on Instagram
• Yuval’s YouTube channel
• Yuval David on Facebook
• Yuval’s Twitter account
• Vimeo
• Flickr
• Tumblr
• Myspace

Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

This is the first in a series of Q&A episodes. Feel free to submit your questions via Facebook, Twitter or using the voice memo feature on your smartphone and emailing it to [email protected].
Enjoy the show!

We talked about:

• Why did you start this podcast? [06:59]
• Is there anything that’s off the table in these Q&A? [10:45]
• What’s the impact of physical distancing due to COVID-19 on the LGBT community? [11:47]
• How are you managing the tight living quarters? [18:44]
• Why are gay men still on Scruff and Grindr if we aren't allowed? [29:15]
• How can we navigate the risks and the rewards as we break this isolation? [33:45]
• Why are gay men obsessed with sex? [39:56]
• Opinions on the differences between men and women regarding the crave for sex [43:36]
• It always seems like the more stereotypical a gay man is, the smaller the dog he owns. Explain. [52:38]

 
Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe

Today I talk with Dr. Frankie Bashan, renowned relationship coach and dating expert.

Dr. Frankie Bashan (or, just Dr. Frankie) is the founder of Little Gay Book, the most successful exclusively lesbian (and bisexual women) matchmaking agency in the United States.

I wanted to interview Dr. Frankie Bashan because of her authenticity, her dignity, and her courage to serve her community. She leads by example. If I am reincarnated as a lesbian, I hope to be exactly like Dr. Frankie Bashan.

Dr. Frankie launched “Little Gay Book” and quickly became the premiere lesbian matchmaking service in the San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, San Diego, Hawaii, Denver (and growing).

She is now expanding the cities she serves AND her client base. In addition to her traditional, Lesbian and bi-women client base, she is now helping everyone, regardless of sexual identity or orientation, find heart-centered-connection.

She is an optimist who believes that everyone deserves to love and be loved.

We talked about:

• Using Crossfit to feel centered [02:54]
• How and where it all started for Dr. Frankie [05:00]
• Finding and following your intuition [13:16]
• Queer Hero’s Journey [19:31]
• What gay men and lesbians have in common (if anything) [24:39]
• Investing in yourself & your family [32:00]
• GerleMen resident lesbian: Lesley’s questions [40:30]
• Advice on navigating relationship with your ex [51:45]

More about Dr. Frankie:

• Dr. Frankie's official website 
• Dr. Frankie's Instagram
• Dr. Frankie on Facebook or Little Gay Book on Facebook
• Dr. Frankie's YouTube

Get connected!

• Subscribe to my newsletter and blog on our website.
• Email me directly at [email protected].
• Or join the conversation on Facebook.
• And, for your viewing pleasure, find us on YouTube.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe