This week we're asking the REAL questions: would you be a hot vampire or would you somehow fuck it up? Spoiler alert....Chloe would absolutely fuck it up. We give her 24 hypothetical hours with fangs and she spends them complaining about her teeth alignment and booking an orthodontist appointment for when she's human again. Priorities, babe.

We're talking POWERS: flying (sick), eating people we hate (therapeutic), and whether we'd use our immortal abilities for good or evil. The answer? Depends on the vibe. Monday through Wednesday we're basically Batman. Thursday onward? Chaos incarnate.

Erika Kirk makes yet another appearance because we're obsessed and we will NOT be taking questions at this time. THEN we spiral into teen sexy vampire shows, vampire porn (yes, really), and why being undead would either be the best thing that ever happened to us or an absolute nightmare depending on our blood sugar levels.

Immortality! Moral ambiguity! Dental drama! It's all here.