What if our relationship with God isn’t meant to feel like ticking boxes, but like belonging to someone who already loves us?
Jude explains that living by rules as a way to earn acceptance traps us in a cycle of pressure and comparison, where everything depends on how well we perform. Instead, we are set free because Jesus has already done what we cannot, and we now belong to him rather than to a system of rules. This changes our motivation: we still act and make effort, but not to earn love—rather, because we already have it. The invitation is to step off the treadmill of proving ourselves and rediscover a relationship marked by freedom, trust, and genuine love.
Jude uses this story to illustrated her message:
A young woman joins a Christian dating app and writes a profile describing herself and what she values in a relationship: good communication, praying together, and clear boundaries around intimacy before marriage. A man sees her profile, likes her, and decides to pursue her—but instead of simply getting to know her, he turns her three values into detailed rules, like calling her every evening at 7pm and sending a set number of messages each day. Sometimes he gets it right, sometimes he fails, but he measures everything by how well he keeps these rules.
They eventually get married, and things take a strange turn. When they set up their new home, he decorates the walls not with wedding photos but with her original “rules” and a large checklist to track his performance. Even when they’re sitting in the same room, he calls her at 7pm because “that’s the rule,” and when they go to bed, he insists on separate rooms to keep the boundary she’d set for dating. On good days, he feels proud of how well he’s doing; on bad days, he spirals, convinced she’ll leave him.
She, however, is left puzzled and disappointed. What she had offered were healthy guidelines for a dating relationship, not a system to control a marriage. His focus on ticking boxes has replaced the relationship itself, and in trying so hard to follow the rules, he has actually lost sight of her.
Sermon Notes:
- Slides: https://www.goldhill.org/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Romans-7v1-6.pdf