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Gone again
“There is such a deep loneliness in my heart that I can not express it.- I find it harder and harder to speak. How long will our Lord stay away?”
Saint Teresa of Calcutta wrote these words to Archbishop of Calcutta on January 21, 1955 and on March 27, 1956 she said-
“Please pray for me, that it may please God to lift the darkness from my soul for only a few days. For sometimes the agony of desolation is so great and at the same time the longing for the absent one so deep.”
Her prayer was somehow answered and she shared on November 16, 1958-
“Our lord thought it better for me to be in the tunnel- so He has gone again- leaving me alone.- I am grateful to Him for the month of love He gave me.”
The book ‘Come be my light’ refers to this experience of Mother Teresa as an ‘oasis in the desert’ and for this the Sufi says –
https://forbeingalive.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/sehra.mp3
Hence, she wrote a paper a few months later addressing Jesus. I can’t help relating its content (with all due respect) to what Braj rasiks too have felt –
[ Matter of confession
In the darkness…
Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of Your Love – and now has become as the most hated one -the one You have thrown away as unwanted- unloved. I call, I cling, I want and there is no one to answer – no one on whom I can cling- no, No one. – Alone. The darkness is so dark and I am alone. – Unwanted, forsaken. – The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. – Where is my faith? – even deep down, there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. – My God – how painful is this unknown pain. It pains without ceasing. – ….
कब से पुकारता है दिल कोई भी तो सुनता नहीं,
मेरा तो इस जहां में तेरे सिवा कोई नहीं।
माना की मैं फ़कीर हूं माना की मैं हकीर हूं,
पर मुझको न ऐसे छोड़िए जैसे मेरा कोई नहीं।
I have no faith. – I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd my heart – and make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me – I am afraid to uncover them- because of the blasphemy. – If there be God, please forgive me.- Trust that all will end in Heaven with Jesus.- …..
रुसवा न हो तेरा दर चुप चाप मैं रहा हूं
आंसू नहीं बहाए मैंने यह डरते डरते..
I am told God loves me – and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. – Before the work started- there was so much union- love – faith- trust- prayer- sacrifice.- Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the call of the Sacred Heart? The work is no a doubt- because I am convinced that it is His not mine.-
रहा झूमता खुशी से तूंने जब था अपना माना,
फिर इक पलक झपकते तूंने तक दिया बेगाना;
क्या खता है मेरी प्यारे क्यों ऐसा हो रहा है…
The whole time smiling. – Sisters and people pass such remarks. – They think my trust & love are filling my very being & that the intimacy with God and union to His will must be absorbing my heart. – Could they but know – and how my cheerfulness is the cloak by which I cover the emptiness and misery.
लोग कहें यह तेरी चाकर जबकि मैं तो दर्शन को ललचात,
न ठुकराओ मेरे बांके प्रियतम मैं तो तेरी हो इतरात।
In spite of all- this darkness & emptiness is not as painful as the longing for God.- The contradiction I fear will unbalance me. – What are You doing my God to one so small? …….]
So, for the love of the Supreme Soul (Parmatma), it has been coherently concluded by various religions –
“God seems to hide Himself for a while. That may be painful and if it lasts long it becomes a martyrdom. The little flower passed through like the great Saint Teresa of Avila did and we may say most if not all the saints.” – (Words of Archbishop Prier quoted in Ch. 8, Come be my light)
मर गए दिल की लगी वाले यां दिवाने हुए,
तेरे प्यारों का बिन तेरे गुज़ारा न हुआ।
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By VRINDAVAN“There is such a deep loneliness in my heart that I can not express it.- I find it harder and harder to speak. How long will our Lord stay away?”
Saint Teresa of Calcutta wrote these words to Archbishop of Calcutta on January 21, 1955 and on March 27, 1956 she said-
“Please pray for me, that it may please God to lift the darkness from my soul for only a few days. For sometimes the agony of desolation is so great and at the same time the longing for the absent one so deep.”
Her prayer was somehow answered and she shared on November 16, 1958-
“Our lord thought it better for me to be in the tunnel- so He has gone again- leaving me alone.- I am grateful to Him for the month of love He gave me.”
The book ‘Come be my light’ refers to this experience of Mother Teresa as an ‘oasis in the desert’ and for this the Sufi says –
https://forbeingalive.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/sehra.mp3
Hence, she wrote a paper a few months later addressing Jesus. I can’t help relating its content (with all due respect) to what Braj rasiks too have felt –
[ Matter of confession
In the darkness…
Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of Your Love – and now has become as the most hated one -the one You have thrown away as unwanted- unloved. I call, I cling, I want and there is no one to answer – no one on whom I can cling- no, No one. – Alone. The darkness is so dark and I am alone. – Unwanted, forsaken. – The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. – Where is my faith? – even deep down, there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. – My God – how painful is this unknown pain. It pains without ceasing. – ….
कब से पुकारता है दिल कोई भी तो सुनता नहीं,
मेरा तो इस जहां में तेरे सिवा कोई नहीं।
माना की मैं फ़कीर हूं माना की मैं हकीर हूं,
पर मुझको न ऐसे छोड़िए जैसे मेरा कोई नहीं।
I have no faith. – I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd my heart – and make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me – I am afraid to uncover them- because of the blasphemy. – If there be God, please forgive me.- Trust that all will end in Heaven with Jesus.- …..
रुसवा न हो तेरा दर चुप चाप मैं रहा हूं
आंसू नहीं बहाए मैंने यह डरते डरते..
I am told God loves me – and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. – Before the work started- there was so much union- love – faith- trust- prayer- sacrifice.- Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the call of the Sacred Heart? The work is no a doubt- because I am convinced that it is His not mine.-
रहा झूमता खुशी से तूंने जब था अपना माना,
फिर इक पलक झपकते तूंने तक दिया बेगाना;
क्या खता है मेरी प्यारे क्यों ऐसा हो रहा है…
The whole time smiling. – Sisters and people pass such remarks. – They think my trust & love are filling my very being & that the intimacy with God and union to His will must be absorbing my heart. – Could they but know – and how my cheerfulness is the cloak by which I cover the emptiness and misery.
लोग कहें यह तेरी चाकर जबकि मैं तो दर्शन को ललचात,
न ठुकराओ मेरे बांके प्रियतम मैं तो तेरी हो इतरात।
In spite of all- this darkness & emptiness is not as painful as the longing for God.- The contradiction I fear will unbalance me. – What are You doing my God to one so small? …….]
So, for the love of the Supreme Soul (Parmatma), it has been coherently concluded by various religions –
“God seems to hide Himself for a while. That may be painful and if it lasts long it becomes a martyrdom. The little flower passed through like the great Saint Teresa of Avila did and we may say most if not all the saints.” – (Words of Archbishop Prier quoted in Ch. 8, Come be my light)
मर गए दिल की लगी वाले यां दिवाने हुए,
तेरे प्यारों का बिन तेरे गुज़ारा न हुआ।